The DYNAMITE! Files

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #72, 16.09.05

IT’S URN-LY A GAME
As the devoted partner of a peddle-pusher, there’s nothing Mrs Dynamite likes more than to snuggle up on the sofa with DYNAMITE! and watch hours upon hours of gripping live coverage from a grand tour. It’s what Saturday afternoons were made for! This week, however, we were banished to the corner of our famous soundproof bunker while the first lady of the newsletter proved she’s a proper South African by going goggle-eyed over googlies and thundering balls. That’s right, Ashes-mad reader – much to this organ’s dismay, a certain sporting event contested by gentlemen in impractically white outfits for the dubious glory of winning a laughably small urn has invaded our proudly independent cycling republic. Frankly, the only runs we know about are the kind you get from a poorly-disinfected bidon – but we like to think that fast-spinning a few cricket-related puns shows your favourite Dyna-matic update has moved from the boundary of disinterest to the crease of acceptance. And you can’t say fairer than bat! We’ll be Ponting out what went on at Chertsey’s Surrey League showdown in just a Dyna-moment – but there’s no time to Langer round as we bring you an exhaustive update of what’s happening with Dynamo’s regular rides and news of our new kit order. So come with us and prepare to be Warne out…

RICH DITCHED
Those who spend a fair proportion of their working day lurking around the forum area of the Dynamo website will have been delighted to learn that a new ride is making its debut this weekend – but as one outing emerges, another has had to be ditched for a week. It is with a heavy heart, Dynamates, that we are forced to announce there will be no Parkride tomorrow as Richmond Park is closed for the London Duathlon. The cheeky sods didn’t even ask our permission! To cheer yourself up, scroll down to “This Week’s Rides” to find out how every Dyna-masochist plans to keep race fit this winter. Sunday mornings will never be the same again!

IT KITS THE BILL
You can put an even bigger smile on your face by taking a gander at the top-quality sporting vestment that will soon be emblazoned with the famous blue, black and orange livery of the capital’s snazziest cycle squad. There has been a flurry of exciting Dyna-meetings during the past few days to work out the finer details of the new Dynamo kit and its web-based ordering system – so to tide yourself over until the Dyna-management make an official announcement, see http://www.cyclingnews.com/tech.php?id=tech/2005/reviews/sportful_tour_bib to find out more about the garment that will soon be lovingly encasing your intimate areas. It doesn’t get any comfier than that! Before the new kit arrives, there will also be a limited number of warming Dynamo gilets available at a special price just as winter sets in. So don’t say Dynamo doesn’t look after you!

SMILES AHEAD
Talking of grins, which we were some time ago, comeback lad DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS had a mile-wide beam on Saturday after taking 6th place at the Surrey League handicap in Chertsey. Many readers will recall how the Teddington titan’s winter training went off course following a spill on Ranmore, so he’s “dead chuffed” to have his race fitness back. David adds: “I was working towards a September peak following my late start to the season and it’s rewarding to have achieved the goals I set myself while lying in hozzy.” Good work, fella! The happy chap, along with ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY and the rest of the 3rds, caught the 4th cat group then managed to stay away from the 1sts and 2nds for the remaining 17 laps of the MoD circuit. Amazingly, the Dynamo sprint train that helped propel David over the line ahead of the elites was manned by plucky 4th cats SAM WOODHOUSE, WILL HAYTER and CHARLES ‘POTS’ PEACH. Even more impressively, Rob finished 3rd – and membership co-ordinator RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT emerged from his growing pile of Dynamo application forms to make sure we pass on his congratulations to the ponytailed sensation. Consider it done, pal!

TIC AND TIRED
After a performance like that, it would have been greedy to dazzle the peloton with another Dyna-mighty show of force in the main race, so GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS, STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and Rusty wisely settled for a mid-table ranking in the 40-mile team championships after fifth member PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN pulled out due to illness. Guy P got into the breakaway, leaving the other three to suffer in the bunch – and exhausted Stuart reveals: “There were some painful breaks and a few choice words with the lazy so-and-sos who did nothing to help out.” They never listen, buddy! Powdrill, Andrews and Rusty came 6th, 11th and 13th respectively which earned Dynamo 30 points – the total of its three highest placings – taking the chaps to 3rd in the team rankings. Who says maths isn’t fun? Browbeaten by Chairman ‘Mo during the 40-mile ordeal, poor old Stuart now displays a nervous tic whenever he comes across the name of the lads in light blue who won. He better not look at our Dyna-matic results section below! And spare a thought for Cyclefit sensation WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE, who did his best impersonation of a starfish as he lay sprawled on Newport’s rain-swept cobbles on Saturday night thanks to a slip-up at the Nocturne. The least we can do is put him out of his misery by revealing the name of the Dyna-mystery man who helped him out at last week’s Westminster crit. It was, in fact, none other than SEAN ‘HANDY’ HANNEBERRY on the Specialized S-Works. Thanks for getting in touch, chum!

TRIAL REALLY HARD
Finally, after weeks of delay, we are pleased to bring you the full, unexpurgated details of PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN’s impressive successes in the clandestine world of the time trial. Not content with being this season’s fastest rider in the Hounslow Wheelers’ 10-miler in Chertsey, Dynamo’s race secretary ventured to Maresfield on August 21st for his first “25” in 14 years. He came 5th on the East Sussex course with a time of 57:22 – and the quids-in king said of his princely £20 winnings: “It’s almost a third of what I made the previous year in the Surrey League, so there’s gold in them flat dual carriageways!” You heard it here first! With his pockets bulging, Paul returned the following week to post a new personal best of 56:57 and beat that time by 13 seconds just seven days later at another 25-miler in Souldern Village near Oxford. Third-placed Paul missed out on the No.2 spot by one second – and he reveals: “If I’d actually taken the right junctions off a few of the roundabouts I’d have done better.” The Kingston killer is keen to get more Dynamates joining him for a few time trials, as the club is relatively unknown in national tri-bar circles. We can’t have that, Dyanamates!

OVAL AND OUT
The shin pads are off and we’re back in the pavilion for a delicious cream tea. Many thanks for knocking us for six with all your fantastic contributions – and please remember that we are a questionable umpire who would be nothing without you, our deadly fast bowler. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘L.B.W.’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the stumps are taken down, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Cancelled due to Richmond Park being closed for the London Duathlon.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a middle wicket.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 – SURREY LEAGUE TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS, MoD CHERTSEY, E/1/2/3/4, 40MILES: 1 Simon Saunders (SP Systems/Wightlink) 1:33:00; 2 Gary Kristensen (agiskoviner.com); 3 Russell Page (SP Systems/Wightlink) +0.15; 4 Robert Cranstone ( VC Meudon); 5 Robert Fallon (Fit-For); 6 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Darrell Pembroke (agiskoviner.com); 8 Adrian Goatley (agiskoviner.com); 9 Mike Anderson (agiskoviner.com) +1:15; 10 Mark Pettitt (agiskoviner.com); 11 GUY ANDREWS (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Mickael Metayer (Fit-For); 13 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO); 14 Pete Connelly (VC Meudon); 15 Ben Riches (Farnborough and Camberley); 16 Stephen Ferris (VC Meudon); 17 Nigel Dickinson (Farnborough and Camberley); 18 Andy Davies (Fit-For); 19 D Coughlin (SP Systems/Wightlink); 20 Neil Linford-Relph (VC Meudon); 21 STUART SPIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 22 Simon Hazeldine (Addiscombe); 23 Nicholas Dawes (Farnborough and Camberley); 24 John Surmer (Fit-For); 25 Sylvain Garde (Addiscombe); 26 David Larcombe (VC Meudon); 27 Adrian Rowf (SP Systems/Wightlink); 28 Simon Clark (Addiscombe) +1 lap.
TEAM CLASSIFICATION: 1 agiskoviner.com (17pts); 2 SP Systems/Wightlink (23pts); 3 LONDON DYNAMO 30pts; 4 VC Meudon (34pts); 5 Fit-For (35pts); 6 Farnborough and Camberley (55pts); 7 Addiscombe (75pts).

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 – SURREY LEAGUE HANDICAP, MoD CHERTSEY, E/1/2/3/4/J, 40 MILES: 1 Cyan Collier (Oxford City) 2 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Mike Brampton (TM Racing); 4 Daren Williams (Abergavenny); 5 Andrew Norfolk (agiskoviner.com); 6 DAVID NORRIS (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Dick Crane (Crawley Wheelers); 8 Graeme Robertson (Fit-For); 9 Richard Gilham (unatt); 10 Andrew McKie (South Western); 11 BEN PLOWMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Benno Schlackter (Hastings and St Leonards); 13 Daron Gardner (Basingstoke); 14 Brad Lamb (Victoria); 15 Martin Speyers (Addiscombe); 16 Paul McDonagh (Kingston Wheelers); 17 James Hopkins (Redhill); 18 Richard Webb (Farnborough and Camberley); 19 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 20 SAM WOODHOUSE (LONDON DYNAMO); 21 Anthony Flick (Tri London); 22 WILL HAYTER (LONDON DYNAMO); 23 Oly Aldridge (VC Meudon); 24 Brent Skinner (Hounslow and District); 25 CHARLES PEACH (LONDON DYNAMO); 26 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville); 27 Lindsey Ruocco (VC Meudon); 28 Dean Wilson (Kingsnorth International); 29 Rob Enslin (Viner Bikes Agisko); 30 Lewis Atkins (Glendene); 31 Matt Rugman (Kingsnorth International); 32 Christopher Parlett (Tunbridge Wells); 33 Alan Brooks (Crawley); 34 Kevin Blann (Velocity The Exercise Deck); 35 Richard Pearman (Velocity The Exercise Deck); 36 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk); 37 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles); 38 Maria David (Addiscombe); 39 Jayne Wadswory (De Laune).

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 – BC WEST THAMES/THAMES VELO CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, E/1/2/3, 60KM: 1 Martin Smith (Team Milton Keynes/Corley Cycles) 01:21:00; 2 V. Halpern (A W Cycles); 3 D. Davies (agiskoviner.com); 4 C. Denman (Beyond Mountain Bikes); 5 M. Wilmot (Team Quest); 6 M. Northover (Giro); 7 D. Gabalini (Angliasport/Condor); 8 PAUL ATKINSON (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 N. Spurling (Finsbury Park); 10 J. Bray (London Phoenix).

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 11 – SURREY LEAGUE HANDICAP WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS, HENFOLD HILL, 50 MILES: 1 Paul Pickup (Liphook Cycles) 2:14:00; 2 Robert Fallon (Fit-For) +2:38; 3 Nigel Carpenter (Pacific Racing) +2:40; 4 Matt Rugman (Kingsnorth International); +2:52; 5 Lewis Atkins (Glendene) +5:02; 6 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles); 7 Stephen Cave (34th Nomads); 8 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Neil Linford-Relph (VC Meudon); 10 Mickael Metayer (Fit-For); 11 Jason Edwards (Tunbridge Wells); 12 Niall Brice (Pacific Racing); 13 Tom Copeland (Fit-For); 14 Richard Collins (Twickenham); 15 Marek Siwicki (Addiscombe); 16 Mark Bremner (VC Meudon); 17= James McManus (Gemini); 17= David Kennett (Fit-For); 17= Kevin Davey (Pacific Racing); 20 CHRIS SHAW (LONDON DYNAMO); 21 Andy Parle (Lewes Wanderers); 22 Toni Bond (TM Racing); 23 Graham Wood (Crawley); 24 WILL HAYTER (LONDON DYNAMO); 25 Simon Francis (Fit-For) + 8:06; 26 Dick Crane (Crawley Wheelers) +1 lap; 27 Jeremy Uphill (Pearson Cycles); 28 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 29 James Hopkins (Redhill); 30 Richard Webb (Farnborough and Camberley).

THE LAST WORD
“Early in his cycling career, Paolo Bettini picked up the nickname El Grillo, ‘The Cricket’, because he could not stay in a group and instead jumped ahead to attack the course.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #73, 23.09.05

TREE-MENDOUS EFFORT
As a proud South African, Mrs Dynamite was tickled pink last week when one of her countrymen secured England’s Ashes victory – but the first lady of the newsletter bunker got an even bigger surprise when another native of the rainbow nation got on his mountain bike and put in an arduous performance to rival Kevin Pietersen’s 158-run marathon. Ag, ja boed, as they say in RSA! Johannesburg giant STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES was smacking into trees during a night-time race that lasted a Dyna-massive 12 hours and the lad from impala land was feeling a little boerwors for wear afterwards. So come with us as we springbok into action and reveal how he proved himself to be the boss of the bosveld. Here comes the first jacaranda hidden in the darkness…

BUPA TROOPER
Hardy healthcare worker STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES managed to turn up at the office slightly worse for wear on Monday – and he indicated that the fatigue-inducing Marin Dusk Til Dawn ride may have taken its toll when he called his boss at Bupa “sir”. Stuart reveals: “She took it quite well.” Thank goodness for that! The jaunty Johannesburgian and Shawn Blakey, his partner on the epic Transalp Challenge, ventured to Thetford on the Norfolk-Suffolk border to see how many laps of the 10-mile off-road course they could clock up in a mere 12 hours – and the two-up teamsters were delighted to come 5th out of 55 in the pairs category by sunrise on Sunday. Excellent stuff! The MTB-mad lads raced around the dark, freezing cold circuit 17 times and Stuart, who didn’t use any lights, thought he spotted a “ghost mouse” in his sleep-induced delirium. Get him to bed immediately, nurse! Meanwhile, Cyclefit sensation WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE had a slightly easier time on Sunday at a town that’s almost his namesake. The Warwick Town Centre E/1/2 crit saw the bespectacled boy wonder stay away with Stephen Cummings of Landboukredit-Colnaga to take 2nd place. He’s flying since he had his ponytail surgically removed!

KEN WATCH!
He’s back! After weeks of failing to appear on the Dynamo radar, Dyna-mystery man KEN BUIST reappeared on Saturday afternoon – and it was none other than Mrs Dynamite who spotted the slippery Kiwi. Good work, luv! We were driving through Fulham when the first lady of the newsletter pointed out a cyclist in a Dynamo jersey on North End Road – and DYNAMITE! almost crashed our J-reg Corolla into Waitrose’s front window when we realised it was none other the south-east cycling scene’s Greta Garbo. Sadly, Ken had already exited the roundabout and disappeared up the Broadway by the time we excitedly yelled out his name. We’ll wind down the window quicker next time, pal!

GAME OVER
The sun has set over the game reserve and all that’s left to do is thank you for all your contributions before we’re trampled to death by a clumsy elephant. We’ll be back in just seven days to wander among the Dynamo pride – until then, please remember that we are a shy rhino and we would be nothing without you, our herd of stampeding buffalo. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BEAST’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as a leopard feasts on a warthog, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a zebra.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 – BC WEST THAMES/POLYTECHNIC CC CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, E/1/2/3, 60KM: 1 Colin Roshier (Team Quest); 1:22:15; 2 J Ormiston (Team Quest) +0:09; 3 M Jervis (Python RT) +0.23; 4 S Heade (SBR) +0.50 5 M Wilmot (Team Quest); 6 D Gabellini (Angliasport); 7 V Halpern (AW Cycles); 8 L Atkins (Glendene); 9 T Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 10 M Kelly (City of Edinburgh); 11 J Leach (Didcot Phoenix); 12 R Rowlett (Misson Racing); 13 C Denman (Beyond Mountain Bikes); 14 N Spurling (Finsbury Park); 15 Dave Gayler (Kenton); 16 G Stewart (Team Quest); 17 N Bruce (Pacific Racing); 18 G Wyatt (Velo City); 19 M Docker (PCA Ciclos Uno); 20 R Marais (Glendene); 21 M Hulbert (VC Meudon); 22 A Granger (Willesden); 23 P Mace (High Wycombe); 24 P Smith (Team Milton Keynes); 25 G Wyatt (Velo City); 26 W Butterworth (Twickenham CC) 27 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 28 S Alexander (Python); 29 I Lowe (Thames Velo); 30 S Kirkham (unatt); 31 R Enslin (Viner Bikes/Agisko); 32 K Williams (AW Cycles); 33 J Leitch (Festival); 34 D Wright (London Fire Brigade); 35 S Wharton (Team Sport and Publicity); 36 Unidentified 37 M Osborn (Team Quest); 38 R Painter (Norwood Paragon).

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 – BC WEST THAMES/POLYTECHNIC CC CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, 4/W/J, 40KM: 1 Paul Delhunty (Siesel Racing) 1.08.41; 2 B Lowe (Twickenham); 3 J Lowes (Twickenham); 4 J Kirkaldy (Godalming); 5 E Allen (Twickenham); 6 B Skinner (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 7 M Misson (Crabwood); 8 B Taylor (unatt); 9 J Ponting (VC Godalming); 10 M Farmer (High Wycombe); 11 SAM WOODHOUSE (LONDON DYNAMO) +1:05; 12 A Broadbent (Thames Velo); 13 A Lack (Kingston Wheelers); 14 T Brass (Thames Velo); 15 P Cornwall (unatt); 16 I Taylor (Twickenham); 17 G White (PCA); 18 G Varsanyi (Bath); 19 S Clarke (Addiscombe); 20 J Morgan-Smith (Addiscombe); 21 M O’Reilly (Ful-On-Tri).

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 17 – SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 – MARIN DUSK ‘TIL DAWN, THETFORD FOREST, 12 HOURS, PAIRS MEN: 1 Jeremy Olsen and Simon Turner (Freeborn/Ellsworth Torq) 18 laps in 12:32:49; 2 Jack Peterson and Lloyd Bettles (Numplumz.com) 18 laps in 12:35:53; 3 Philip Peacock and James Carpenter (We Eat Cakes) 17 laps in 12:09:12; 4 Phil Bowley and Owen Pattinson (Owen Cycles) 17 laps in 12:13:28; 5 Shawn Blakey and STUART SPIES (Mad Engine/Ride Beyond) 17 laps in 12:25:34; 6 Marcus Brueton and Chris Moores (Norwood Paragon A) 17 laps in 12:27:30; 7 Andrew Edwards and Mark Neil (Epicrides.co.uk) 17 laps in 12:31:32; 8 Marcos Schier and Anthony Windle (Team Torq Bar) 17 laps in 12:40:09; 9 Phil Miles and Duncan Askew (Apple Strudel) 16 laps in 12:01:56; 10 Ken Taylor, David Lumley and Phil Reynolds (Beamish Oddsox) 16 laps in 12:05:49; 55 S Murgatroyd and J Wilson (That’s The Badger’s) 5 laps in 05:37:45.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 – THE TRAVELWISE WARWICK TOWN CENTRE RACES, E/1/2. 50KM: 1 Stephen Cummings (Landbouwkredit-Colnago); 2 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Dean Downing (Recycling.co.uk); 4 James Taylor (www.sportscoaching.com); 5 Ross Muir (Agisko Viner Bikes); 6 Adrian Timmis (Pinarello); 7 Mark Kelly (City of Edinburgh); 8 Ian Holt (Agisko Viner Bikes); 9 Dave Collins (Scott UK); 10 Ben Swift (JE James); 11 Jamie Newell (Evans Cycles); 12 Tom Southam (Barloworld) 13 George Richardson (Ritchey CycleOps); 14 Rob Hayles (Recycling.co.uk); 15 Nic Tilling (Angliasport); 16 Adam Blythe (Pinarello); 17 Matthew Higgins (Giro); 18 Daniel Booth (unatt); 19 Will Bjergfelt (Saracen); 20 21 Tom Smith (Viner Bikes Agisko); 22 Geoff Beetham (ShokWave); 23 Chris Newton (Recycling.co.uk); 24 Paul Manning (Recycling.co.uk).

THE LAST WORD
“The whole of Cape Town comes to a standstill. Friends, family, colleagues and even complete strangers line the 109km route to show their support for the 35,000 cyclists who pass them by.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #74, 30.10.05

CHA-CHA-CHANGES
Anyone with just a passing interest in the capital’s hardest-working cycle squad will already know that Dynamo doesn’t power down until the very last race of the season, so it is with a slight sense of shame that DYNAMITE! admits it will be changing the usual format next week while we duck out of the action for one issue. That’s right, miffed Dynamates – the 75th edition of your favourite Dyna-matic update will be greatly reduced because we’re jetting off to Italy on Tuesday for a well-earned break. It’s going to be a boot-iful holiday! The highlights of the Florentine jaunt will include seeing Michelangelo’s David in the Galleria della Accademia and gazing in awe at the elegant dome of the Santa Maria del Fiore – but our most eagerly-anticipated cultural experience will be watching Mario Cipollini’s ongoing transformation from Lion King to dancing queen on the Italian version of Strictly Come Dancing. Now that’s the kind of thing that makes you really appreciate having a TV in your hotel room! It’s clear from this link – http://www.raidue.rai.it/Static/immagine/148/ballando1709_cipollini.jpg – that the fun-loving former World champion is in a twirl of his own since he made the change from the chain-gang to the cha-cha, although fellow contestant Diego Maradona seems to be taking things lying down: http://www.community.rai.it/cop_index.php?f=103. It makes a change from lying to the ref about a handball, you porky little twerp! To celebrate cheeky Cipo swapping his zebra stripes for satin pants, we’ll be attempting to type out details of two ‘Mos getting placed at Cutmill plus another sighting of our favourite Dyna-mystery man while Mrs Dynamite does a raunchy rumba with us in our famous soundproof bunker. It’s going to be a salsa-tional night, so come with us as we don a ruffled shirt and bolero jacket for a waltz-and-all expose of the Dynamo week. Here come the usual cheap frills…

FINAL CUT
Whoops! The ever-methodical ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY proved even the most level-headed rider can have a Dyna-moment of madness when he launched an all-out attack for the line at Cutmill on Sunday. The pony-tailed tactician thought he was destined for the No.1 spot in the 3rd cat race as he shot up the climb – then he heard the bell indicating there was still one lap to go in the 50-mile war of attrition. Bad luck, pal! Rob described the misjudgement as “the most stupid thing I have ever done in a race” but he still managed to take 8th after the group absorbed two riders who had gone with eventual winner Lewis Atkins in a late three-man break. Not to be outdone by Rob’s misfortune, powerful ANDREW STRONGE was ruled out of contention when his chain flipped out. It happens to the best of us, buddy!

KNEES FRAME
Merckx-riding racer CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL came two places behind Rob – but his week of basking in the glory of nabbing a top 10 spot was cut short when footage of his inadequacies emerged on the Cyclefit website the very next day. The laboratory-style film, shot by fitting gurus PHIL ‘NO NONSENSE’ CAVELL and JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL at their WC2 HQ, focuses on the West Ken warrior’s left knee to show how his pedalling motion is completely out of whack. The camera never lies, Dynamates! Check out http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/motion_analysis.htm to see for yourself and find out more about Dynamic Motion Analysis. No self-respecting competitive cyclist will want to be without it in the off-season!

SAY HELLO, WAVE DUBAI
Popular Parkrider DAVID COURTNEY-HATCHER dropped DYNAMITE! a line to say he’s “sheikh-ing all over” after relocating to Dubai. He’s going to find it tricky making it to the roundabout near Ham gate on Saturday mornings! David reveals he’ll be in the famous blue, black and orange livery when he begins training with the Dubai Roadsters, but in the meantime he’s “waiting for the temperature to drop below 40 degrees”. It’s a hard life! Meanwhile, South Africa-bound Dynamate JOHN O’CONNELL is preparing to become another ex-pat ‘Mo – and he was amazed to find this article suggesting he can now get away with taking EPO, thanks to a kidney imbalance which causes a small leakage of protein in his urine: http://sport.guardian.co.uk/athletics/story/0,10082,1573843, 00.html. Some guys have all the luck!

KEN WATCH!
He’s back again! For the second week in a row, elusive Kiwi KEN BUIST has been spotted out on his bike, fuelling rumours that he’s building up to a hectic winter training schedule. Weybridge wonder MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON reports: “I saw Ken at 5.30pm on Wednesday last week, riding along the Lower Richmond Road, on the drops.” Well spotted, sir!

JOHN IBBOTSON
Fit-For coach and former professional cyclist John Ibbotson died at his home on Tuesday. He was 27. John, who was a familiar face to many who go riding in the Surrey Hills, had been cycling in France with Dynamo club president Guy Andrews and Guy Powdrill just last week, which makes the news of his death particularly shocking. Guy A has written a short tribute, which you can read here: http://www.roadcyclinguk.com/news/article/mps/UAN/853/v/1/sp/.

IT’S ALL TANGO-VER
The panel of snooty judges have delivered their disappointed verdicts, but before we leave the dance floor and head for the dressing room to scrub off our fake Tango tans, there’s just time for us to thank everyone for their contributions this week. Please remember that we are a glamorous Natasha Kaplinsky, but we would be nothing without you, our warm-hearted Bruce Forsythe. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘CUMMERBUND’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline is the afternoon of October 12th – a week on Wednesday – for the edition out on Friday 14th. And now, as the band strikes up for the next pair of contestants, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and sequins.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 – SURREY LEAGUE/VC MEUDON, CUTMILL, 3/J/W, 50 MILES: 1 Lewis Atkins (Glendene); 2 Rob Gough (Chippenham and District); 3 Mark Poole (Kingston Wheelers); 4 Mark Haylett (Specialized UK); 5 P Delahunty (unatt); 6 S Martin (Kingston Wheelers); 7 Daron Gardner (Basingstoke); 8 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Tom Copeland (Fit-For); 10 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 Chester Hill (TM Racing); 12 Niall Brice (Pacific Racing); 13 Trevor Keenan (Festival); 14 M Robinson (John’s Bikes); 15 Andrew McKie (South Western); 16 Alan Clarke (South Western); 17 A Wills (VC Deal); 18 Keith Boniface (34th Nomads); 19 Bryan Long (unatt); 20 Richard Webb (Farnborough and Camberley); 21 ANDREW STRONGE (LONDON DYNAMO); 22 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 23 Paul Gosling (Brighton Excelsior); 24 I Lowe (Thames Velo) 25 J Cross (Maidenhead and District).

THE LAST WORD
“Perhaps Strictly Come Dancing winner Jill Halfpenny will cycle to her new job as one of the two female leads in Chicago in London’s West End?”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #75, 07.10.05

ARRIVEDERCHI!
Your favourite Dyna-matic update has jetted off to Florence this week. In the meantime, please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘PENNE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline is Wednesday afternoon for the edition out next Friday. And now, as we sip yet another espresso, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and one Cornetto.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #76, 14.10.05

SNAP DECISION
It’s very rare for the country’s finest Dyna-matic news update to venture beyond the Surrey hills – and after the indignity heaped upon us at Florence airport on Monday evening, this publication is seriously considering taking a holiday in Dorking next year. Mrs Dynamite looked set to board our return flight alone when Italian officials steadfastly refused to believe the portly chap in the passport photo was the same slender figure standing on the other side of the glass. That’s what cycling does to you, amico! Our attempt to diffuse the tension with a chortle was met with stern faces and suspicious questions (“Why are you laughing? Why doesn’t this look anything like you?”) which seemed to indicate this issue would eventually be written inside a Tuscan police cell. It was only when DYNAMITE! literally raised its eyebrows to mimic the facial expression in the snap that we were able to join the first lady of the newsletter, who was laughing her head off on the other side of black line. The last time she giggled that much was when she saw the famous photo of PHIL ‘NO NONSENSE’ CAVELL shrivelled up at the top of a mountain! Having been saved by a whisker, or rather a pair of eyebrows, it’s now the turn of this humble ‘Mo-related missive to provide you with a passport to all the news from the club’s trip to Newport velodrome – but first, let’s jet back to Italy for an exclusive look at how Mario Cipollini is coping with the switch from Lion King to Lord of the Dance. Here comes the hot stepper…

LEADER OF THE GANG
As we revealed in issue #74, the most eagerly-anticipated part of our Florentine jaunt was the chance to witness Cipollini strutting his stuff from the privacy of our three-star hotel room – and the recently-retired sprinter didn’t disappoint during his appearance on Ballando Con Le Stelle 2, the Italian version of Strictly Come Dancing. Dressed in a black satin shirt, black pinstripe waistcoat, black trilby and red tie, Cipo looked like a proper pantomime gangster as he tangoed with sultry brunette Marina Aleksejeva. One of the judges, who could have been Italy’s answer to Jerry Hall, described their smouldering routine as “multo, multo sexy” and there was a moment of drama when a technical glitch with the scoreboard wiped 10 points off their total. What an insult! For a split second, the passionate former World champ looked ready to chuck his metaphorical water bottle at the nearest camera – but a speedy correction revealed they had scored of 48 out of 50, which was more than enough to beat the other seven couples. Way to go, Mario! With handball cheat and viewers’ favourite Diego Maradona quitting the series-long competition due to “grandissimo stress”, it now looks possible that Cipo is on target for his biggest win since Zolder in 2002 – and you can take a look at some sensational exclusive screenshots of last Friday’s show once this edition of the newsletter appears on the Dynamo site. Those dazzling white choppers have to be seen to be believed!

WHAT A SHOWER
Readers who click on the newsletter link at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk will also get to see race secretary PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN having a scrub during last weekend’s successful club outing in Newport – but thankfully his modesty is protected by a shower curtain. That’s a relief! Paul hopes the shot – taken by RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, who placed 10th in last week’s London Cyclo-Cross League race – will enable newcomers to recognise him before they ask the Dynamo race secretary how long he has been a ‘Mo. The answer is: since day one! Paul, Rusty and social events co-ordinator NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK took a dozen Dynamates on a rain-soaked 90-mile ride in the valleys which was followed by a busy night in the pub to prepare for their session at the velodrome the next day. How those boozers managed to stay upright on their fixeds is a mystery! The coach for the session reckoned the group was one of the best he has taken – and track debutant SAM WOODHOUSE had a baptism of fire during his introduction to the world of two-up time trialling the previous week. The intrepid 4th cat managed to do the occasional spell at the front when he partnered Paul at the Epsom CC 25 and the duo finished in 1hr 2mins – a respectable time for a TT novice. Sam reveals: “It’s the closest experience I’ll get to being paced behind a derny.” There’s no stopping the Kingston killer once his engine gets going!

LEW GRIT
And talking of massive motors, twin-piston powerhouse GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL revved up his ego after out-sprinting Heathrow-based wonderkid Lewis Atkins at the E/1/2/3 race in Ewhurst on Sunday. The 14th-placed Dynamate cooed: “Ooooh, it was good!” Guy had been in a short-lived four-man group with Bryan Taylor – but TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT got a luckier break the previous week when he stayed away with eight others to clinch 6th at the JP Sussex Border E/1/2/3 event. Excellent work! Meanwhile, in Walliswood, pony-tailed hero ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY jumped a little too early and ended up 4th in the category 3 race, taking him tantalisingly close to a 2nd cat licence. Rob reveals: “I’ll be carrying on in the Ottershaw series in pursuit of that elusive last point.” Good luck, buddy!

STAMPED OUT
The rubber stamp has come down, your papers are all in order and you are now free to board the plane. There’s just time to thank everyone for their contributions – but please remember we are a Mohammed Al Fayed and we would be nothing without you, our elusive British passport. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘VISA’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we pass through the boarding gate, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and duty free fags.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 2 – LONDON CYCLO-CROSS LEAGUE, 3RD ROUND, LANCING, SENIORS/JUNIORS/VETS/WOMEN: 1 Steven Price (agiskoviner.com) 51:12; 2 Mark Russell (Team Torqbar) 51:43; 3 Steve Hambling (VC Deal) 52:26; 4 Damian Coleman (VC Deal) 52:40; 5 Sean Williams (Vectis Offshore) 53:15; 6 Ben Lockwood (GS Invicta) 53:53; 7 Graham Rogerson (Army CU) 54:10; 8 Allister Tulett (Edwardes Elite) 54:29; 9 Craig Stevens (RCA Ciclos Uno) 56:22; 10 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO) 51:19; 11 Gary Bryant (Old Portlians) 51:42; 12 Carl McDonagh (Brixton Cycles) 51:56; 13 Jon Sharpe (USE/Boreas) 52:29; 14 Kurt Warner (Team Darenth) 52:44; 15 George Higgs (Brighton Excelsior) 52:52; 16 Fraser Malloch (unatt) 52:59; 17 Chris Hughes (VC Deal) 53:41; 18 Paul Warner (Team Darenth) 53:44; 19 Adam Broyad (Cumbon Bikes) 53:51; 20 Andy Seltzer (East Grinstead) 53:55; 54 Steve Mills (PCA Ciclos Uno) 35:28.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 2 – JP SUSSEX BORDER RR, ROWLANDS CASTLE PARISH HALL, HANTS, E/1/2/3, 120KM: 1 Garry Dodd (Sigma Sport); 2 Rob Hurd (Bioagrico); 3 Martin Smith (Milton Keynes); 4 Ben Luckwell (Maestro); 5 Dave Coulson (JE James); 6 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Matt Melville (Evans Cycles); 8 Simon Brooks (VC St Raphael); 9 Dave Sinclair (i-team.co.uk); 10 Simon Lawn (Sigma Sport); 11 Gareth Hewitt (JE James); 12 Keith Jarett (i-team.co.uk); 13 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells); 14 Mark Scoular (unatt); 15 Will Bundy (VC Deal); 16 Jon Wager (iBike); 17 Ray Robinson (Velocity); 18 John Glaysher (www.agisoviner.com); 19 Toby Neave (Liphook Cycles); 20 Giles Bowell (Twickenham).

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 9 – SURREY LEAGUE/OCKLEY VH, WALLISWOOD, 3/J/W, 52 MILES: 1 Andy Davies (Fit-For) 2:01:55; 2 Dave Gayler (Kenton); 3 Paul Delahunty (unatt); 4 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Andrew Norfolk (agiskoviner.com); 6 Andrew Wills (VC Deal); 7 James Graham (Festival); 8 Brian Randall (Sutton); 9= Andrew McKie (South Western); 9= ANDREW STRONGE (LONDON DYNAMO); 9= Niall Brice (Pacific Racing); 12 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 13 Tom McCall (unatt); 14 Lindsey Ruocco (VC Meudon); 15 Richard Barrowclough (Sport and Publicity); 16 Jon Masters (Redhill); 17 Tom Copeland (Fit-For); 18 Mark Snowden (unatt) @ 1 lap; 19 John Leitch (Festival); 20 Eugene Bardwell (Southdown Velo).

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 9 – SURREY LEAGUE/SIGMA SPORT, EWHURST, E/1/2/3, 61 MILES: 1 Rob Hurd (Bioagrico) 2:22:08; 2 Gary Dodd (Sigma Sport); 3 Dave Coulson (JE James); 4 Chaz Hollosi (Gemini) +0:06; 5 Matthew Melville (Evans Cycles); 6 James Holland-Leader (agiskoviner.com); 7 Gareth Hewitt (JE James); 8 Rob Enslin (Viner Bikes Agisko); 9 Stephen Gowar (Pacific Racing); 10 Nigel Carpenter (Pacific Racing) +0:23; 11 Yves Milliere (Kingston Wheelers); 12 Simon Lawn (Sigma Sport); 13 Nigel Ling (Gemini); 14 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 15 Lewis Atkins (Glendene); 16 Martin Smith (Milton Keynes); 17 Adrian Goatley (agiskoviner.com); 18 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells); 19 Bryan Taylor (VC de Londres); 20 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles); 43 Bill Butterworth (Twickenham) +12:00.

THE LAST WORD
“Cipollini rode with a picture of Pamela Anderson on his handlebars.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #77, 21.10.05

BONKED OUT
During a rare Dyna-matic drinking session some time ago at the Duke of York pub in Theobalds Road, Dynamo’s quiet man TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT commented on how much he enjoyed reading our weekly update on the capital’s busiest cycle squad before wondering when the newsletter team would be left with absolutely nothing to write about. How fanciful the idea seemed in July 2004! With WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE coming 2nd at the frenetic 50-mile Cycle Show crit on Sunday, not to mention RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT securing his best cross result yet with a hard-fought 5th place in East Grinstead, it would be inaccurate to claim this week’s cupboard is completely bare. But these impressive results aside, it’s fair to say the former Solna Avenue resident’s long-standing prediction of information depletion has finally come true. We’ve bonked, buddies! We’re down to the metaphorical 27 sprocket and there are no more carbs in the tank. The legs have gone. The bidons are drained. The bottle cages are empty. The mouthpiece of Dynamo is dried up and foaming. The gloopy gels are now just crumpled wrappers discarded on a Surrey roadside, and after much mastication, the chewy energy bars have been reduced to nothing more than a sickly aftertaste. It’s a bittersweet sensation, Dynamates! But perhaps it’s more accurate to say that in the race for headlines, the starting gun of fact has not been fired this week. Or maybe it could be argued that the pedals of reportage are frantically spinning up Current Affairs hill, but the chain of events is sadly missing. In any case, it’s becoming clear that the shifters of this edition are moving but the information derailleur is stuck fast and in desperate need of a lubricating dollop of gossip. Then again, it could be more accurate to compare this periodical to a hub with the reader being the rim and both parts wheely needing the absent spokes of Dynamo-related data to unite them. What we’re trying to say is that the seatpost of truth is clamped on, but the saddle of communication has fallen off. The ergonomic carbon bars look flash, yet the tape hasn’t been wrapped on. The HRM is strapped to the bike, but the sensor is on the blink. So to keep the heartbeat of Dynamo going strong, please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘ELECTROMAGNETIC’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we reach the end of this long-winded motif, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and some news.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 16 – CYCLE 2005 CRITERIUM, EXCEL LONDON, E/1/2/3, 51KM: 1 Karl Freeman (VC Pontievy); 2 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Martin Smith (Team Milton Keynes); 4 James Taylor (sportscoaching.com); 5 Vince Halpern (Twickenham); 6 Ian Holt (Vinerbikes/Agisko Sports Nutrition); 7 Jason Edwards (Ewhurst Control Wildside/TWRC); 8 Simon Cope (Pacific Racing); 9 David Coulson (JE James); 10 Gerry Bowditch (Ritchey/Cycleops); 11 Christian Tune (Vinerbikes/Agisko Sports Nutrition) 12 Adam Norris (Crest/Ilford); 13 SEAN HANNEBERRY (LONDON DYNAMO); 14 David Sinclair (i-team.co.uk); 15 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles); 16 Rudie Marais (Archer); 17 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 18 Henry Furniss (Ride Beyond/Bike and Run); 19 Matt Seaton (VC Londres).

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 16 – LONDON CYCLO CROSS LEAGUE, ROUND 5, DEERS LEAP PARK, EAST GRINSTEAD, SENIORS/JUNIORS/VETS/WOMEN: 1 Steve Hambling (VC Deal) 1:00:24; 2 Ben Lockwood (GS Invicta) 1:00:44; 3 Brian Curtis (Corridori) 1:02:04; 4 Craig Steven (PCA/Ciclos Uno) 1:02:40; 5 Steve Dennis (East Grinstead) 1:02:55; 6 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO) 1:04:44; 7 Phil Watkins (Addiscombe) 1:03:52; 8 Matt Holmes (Arctic/Shorter Rochford) 1:04:44; 9 Jon Sharpe (USE/Alien) 1:04:54; 10 Ben Spurrier (Evans) 1:05:03; 47 Tony M (VCDeal).

THE LAST WORD
“It is common for those that ‘bonk’ to be crying, unable to even lift an arm, and an hour later, after a meal, be leading a pace line at 20 miles per hour.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #78, 28.10.05

HULA WHOOP
As Dynamo’s unofficial hula girl, there’s nothing this welcoming publication likes more than honouring impressive results with a colourful garland of praise – and we’ve threaded together an extra-large necklace of flowery prose for DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL to celebrate his achievements in Honolulu. The tiki chappie certainly proved to be the big kahuna when he represented Great Britain at Hawaii’s international triathlon, but this week’s edition isn’t content to simply surf along on the wave of his success, so we’ll also be admitting to the club’s underwhelming performance at Ottershaw. There’ll be no grass skirting the issue, Dynamates! Until that moment comes, let’s shake the palm tree of news and see what Hawaii-related facts it brings down. Here comes the first dislodged pineapple…

CORAL GRIEF
It’s been three weeks since he returned – and international jet-setter DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL has finally contacted DYNAMITE! about the prestigious experience of taking part in this year’s Triathlon Age Group World Championships. The high-achieving triathlete, who was one of 280 competitors representing the UK, began his day of pain with an aggressive swim through a mile of big waves, spotting plenty of coral along the way. Dominic reveals: “Lots of swimmers were quite literally fighting for space.” Hope you gave as good as you got, pal! The plucky Trek rider was pleased with a 60-minute bike split on the wind-swept, undulating 25-mile course – but his legs felt heavier in the heat during the 10.5km run which he was “relatively happy” to complete in 37 minutes. The Sunday ride regular notched up an overall time of 2hrs 4mins, taking him to 28th in his age group and 108th overall amid a field of 2,000. That’s a great result – but the ambitious lad wants to do even better! He explains: “I’ve been lulled into a false sense of security competing in just the UK and Europe. The quality of athletes from America and Australia was really impressive.” He won’t be happy until he’s conquered the world!

SHAW-LY NOT!
You’re not going to believe this, Dynamates, but the barmy blue, black and orange army failed to nail a single placing at the opening race of the E/1/2/3 Ottershaw series on Sunday. Let’s hope things pick up during the next two! Unlucky ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, who needs just one point to get his 2nd cat licence, punctured not long after twin-piston powerhouse GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL was reeled back from an early two-man break. Curses! The fast-paced 102km contest ended in a mass gallop with club president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS and MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT coming 23rd and 24th respectively, making them the highest-placed ‘Mos among the 65-strong field. Thank goodness, then, for tenacious tiddler RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, who managed to keep the club’s high standards going by bagging the No.8 spot in the latest round of the London Cyclo Cross league. We can always rely on you, chum!

KEN WATCH!
There’s no stopping him! Slippery Kiwi KEN BUIST has once again surfaced on the DYNAMITE! radar, scotching rumours that he has hung up his Ksyriums for good. We knew it was too good to be true! Eagle-eyed shopper MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT spotted the mysterious ‘Mo in Townmead Road, Fulham, while driving to Sainsbury’s on Saturday with his girlfriend. Ken shot through the traffic calming scheme wearing full Dynamo kit – and Martin predicts: “He’ll be flying by Christmas.” Everyone is looking forward to it, pal!

TRI TO GET OUT MORE
Hard-working techie DAVID ‘WEBMASTER’ SPENCER has recently been as hard to spot as Ken – but the keen triathlete has finally emerged from his computer suite in Dynamo Towers to get back into the swim of things at Putney Leisure Centre pool. Water relief! The SwimForTri sessions he’s been attending on Sunday nights include three lanes of technique drill hell with the promise of improved times next season – and David adds: “It would be nice to see some other Dynamos there.” The price is £40 for eight hour-long sessions and the start times are 7.30 and 8.30pm, alternating each week. There’s no harm giving it a tri!

HAWAII FIVE-GO
The hula girls have stopped swaying to the ukulele’s melody, which means it’s time for us once again to thank everyone for their contributions. Remember that we are a determined Steve McGarrett but we would be nothing without you, our trusty Danny Williams. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BOOK ‘EM, DANNO’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we leave this sun-kissed isle, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a surfboard.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 23 – SURREY LEAGUE, OTTERSHAW, E/1/2/3, 102KM: 1 Dave Coulson (JE James) 2hr 21min; 2 John Veness (Evans); 3 Lewis Atkins (Glendene/Biketrax) @40 secs; 4 Vince Halpern (AW Cycles); 5 Neil Lindford-Relph (VC Meudon); 6 Jason Edwards (Ewhurst Control); 7 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk); 8 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles); 9 Martin Smith (Team Milton Keynes); 10 James Holland-Leader (agiskoviner.com); 11 Chris Tune (agiskoviner.com); 12 Steve Hume (Twickenham); 13 John Wager (i-team.co.uk); 14 Bill Butterworth (Twickenham); 15 Craig Peter (VC Meudon); 16 Dave Griffiths (Twickenham); 17 Bob Fallon (Fit-For.com); 18 Adrian Goatley (agiskoviner.com); 19 Rob Enslin (Viner Agisko); 20 Mike Inder (Thames Velo); 21 Steve Dring (Stilton); 22 Mick McManus (Twickenham); 23 GUY ANDREWS (LONDON DYNAMO); 24 MARTIN GARRETT (LONDON DYNAMO); 25 Mickael Metayer (Fit-For.com); 26 Martin Hulbert (VC Meudon); 27 Andy Norfolk (agiskoviner.com); 28 Nat Spurling (Finsbury Park); 29 Gary Kristensen (agiskoviner.com); 30 Steve Legg (Twickenham); 31 Phil Holloway (Southend Wheelers); 32 Justin Lomas (Norwood Paragon); 33 Gary Fry (Team Quest).

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 23 – LONDON CYCLO CROSS LEAGUE, ROUND 6, PENSHURST, KENT, SENIORS/JUNIORS/VETS/WOMEN: 1 Stuart McGhee (Evans) 0.55.21; 2 Steve Hambling (VC Deal) 0.56.40; 3 Steven Price (agiskoviner.com) 0.57.01; 4 Mick Bell (London Fire Brigade) 0.57.10; 5 Brian Curtis (Corridori) 57.24; 6 Allister Tullett (Edwardes Senior) 0.57.48; 7 Nathan Miller (Anglia Sport) 0.58.29; 8 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO) 1.00.29; 9 Rob Whenman (Corridori Senior) 1.01.07; 10 Ben Spurrier (Evans) 1.01.30; 59 Chris Jarvis (Team Daranth).

THE LAST WORD
“Here in Hawaii, it’s not uncommon for someone at a party or get-together to break out their ‘uke’ and start jammin’ to the delight of everyone!”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #79, 04.10.05

RUM DEAL
Voyaging across the Dynam-ocean of fact towards the distant shore of news is never plain sailing, and even though it has barely left port, this humble vessel’s passage is about to have the wind taken out of its sails by an invasion of pirates brandishing details of the forthcoming AGM. That’s right, m’hearties – for one week only, rum-quaffing social secretary NICK ‘PARROT’ PEACOCK will shortly be taking over from DYNAMITE! as captain of this ship as he reveals at length what the executive committee has in store for you, Dynamo’s faithful members, at this year’s annual club pow-wow. We’ve got to hand it to him – it’s gonna have you hooked! The blonde buccaneer is jabbing our booty with his cutlass, so it’s probably a good idea to get the second round of Ottershaw out of the way before we reach the end of the plank. Here we go… Seven riders managed to hold off the pack on Sunday, and lanky hero MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT made up for GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS’ doomed early breaks by sprinting for the lucky 13th spot, giving the club its first placing in the three-race E/1/2/3 series. Excellent stuff! Martin singled out DAVID ‘STRINGY’ STREULE for praise, describing him as “an asset” on the tough Staplefields course even though he turned up only 15 minutes before the start. The clocks had just gone back that morning! Talking of delays, the humorous pictures of Mario Cipollini strutting his stuff on the Italian version of Strictly Come Dancing and shots of PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN in the shower have finally surfaced on the Dynamo website, so you can have a chuckle at them by pasting this link into your browser: http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/content_pages/2005_archive/ld_newsletter_76.html. Finally, there’s just time to mention that Cyclefit is offering 10 per cent off Carnac shoes this month plus a free pair of Sidas custom foot beds worth £62 to every Dynamo member. With that plug out of the way, we’ll just sign off by reminding you to keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘PEG LEG’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the Jolly Roger is hoisted on our rigging, it’s time to hand over to Cap’n Peacock. Take it away, pal!

POSTS WITH THE MOST
“Thanks, buddy. Now that Dynamo has become so big – in terms of numbers and results – we think it’s time that you all got to know what the ‘organisation’ of the club is and how you can (well, must) get involved. So here’s the list of posts that are filled and those that require candidates – all for discussion and resolution at the Annual General Meeting on Saturday 19 November, 9am, at the café by Roehampton Gate before the Parkride:

“EL PRESIDENTE – Bellowing taskmaster GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS has filled this post since the club started. He’s going to take a back seat next year so we need a new benevolent dictator. Job requirements? Grey hair or (at least) gravitas, encyclopaedic knowledge of cycling, a new test bike every week and the ability to shout a lot. Don’t be shy – put your name forward for this wholly unpaid sinecure. Be reassured that, like most senior management roles, you don’t really have to do anything.

“TREASURER – This post is currently held by RORY ‘GLORY, GLORY’ PARK. We seem to have some money at the moment, so he must be doing OK.

“MEMBERSHIP SECRETARY – Hardworking RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT has been doing this on his own since we started with about 25 members. Now we have more than 200 the job has got out of hand. So we want TWO membership secretaries to share the job with Rusty. Job requirements? A friendly face, no shouting and enough organisational skills to make sure you don’t lose the membership cheques. We need a Batman for Rusty’s Robin – supply your own cape.

“RACE SECRETARY – Dark knight PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN has been doing this by himself since we started but he wants to take a step back this year. As the job has grown over time, we want TWO race secretaries to deal with British Cycling concerning race licences (about 60 or so this year) and also to sort out the paperwork for the various affiliations that the club has – BC, CTT etc. MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT has agreed to do half the job so we’re looking for a partner for him. Job requirements? You’ve got to be more organised than the slow group on a Saturday park ride but the task shouldn’t be too great. Being tall might be good then you won’t get a sore neck talking to Mart.

“WOMEN’S SECRETARY – Ok, we admit it. We’ve been crap at attracting and keeping women members. Maybe our dashing good looks and limitless charm have scared them away. Not. So we want to get this sorted by getting one of our present female members to take on the task of making the club more open to women. You only have to ride in the park to see that there are women cyclists out there who could join and, in fact, would probably get to be better riders if they did join. Job requirements? Ability to lie with the straightest of faces about how nice we really are and to give us a bollocking when required.

“SOCIAL SECRETARIES – Dynamic duo PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT and NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK will continue their invaluable (in fact, excellent) work into 2006. More great events in the offing. No prizes for guessing who wrote this, by the way.

“EVENT ORGANISERS – We are a big club. And in 2006, we will quite rightly be expected to pull our weight organising or helping to organise a whole host of events, including the Beginners’ Series, a road race (maybe even a stage race), a Beastway mountain bike race, a Crystal Palace race and so on. We also want to get some organisation for the many of you who don’t race but do take part in the many sportif rides such as the Etape and Gran Fondo. It would be much better if you know who else from the club is doing these rides so you can share transport, accommodation and route ideas. So we want to have ‘section’ event organisers who will have primary responsibility for getting our members out to help at events. The sections we have in mind are: Road Race, Mountain Bike, Time Trial, Cyclo-Cross and Sportif. Nick Peacock has agreed to combine his sterling work on social events with the role of Track event organizer. Job requirements? Persistence most of all. We’re not pretending that these will be, at times, anything other than thankless jobs – getting people to keep their promises to help out will be the usual nightmare – but they are jobs that have to be done. If we as a club don’t pull our weight then we will get thrown out of events. And if members don’t pull their weight helping out then they will get thrown out of the club. So really only the truly power-mad need apply. Frustrated you can’t invade Iran? This job’s for you.

“CHRONICLER – We’ve already got the best, so unless you’ve recently won a Nobel Prize for Literature, don’t bother putting yourself forward as a replacement for the man who sends you weekly updates from Dynamo Towers. And on that note of abundant praise, it only remains for me, Nick Peacock, to remind you about…”

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an eye patch.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team and special guest NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 30 – SURREY LEAGUE, OTTERSHAW, E/1/2/3, 95KM: 1 John Veness (Evans) 2.21.05; 2 Neil Edwards (unatt); 3 Steve Dring (Stilton); 4 Paul Holdsworth (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 5 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres) +27secs 6 Colin McDermott (Festival) +35secs; 7 Craig Peters (VC Londres) +40secs; 8 Jason Edwards (Ewhurst Control); 9 Lewis Atkins (Glendene/Biketrax); 10 John Wager (i-team.co.uk); 11 James Holland-Leader (agiskoviner.com); 12 Neil Lindford-Relph (VC Muedon); 13 MARTIN GARRETT (LONDON DYNAMO/CYCLEFIT.CO.UK); 14 Stewart Jardin (21st Century Airports); 15 Rob Fallon (Fit-For.com); 16 Gary Kristensen (agiskoviner.com).

THE LAST WORD
“Talk Like a Pirate Day. As the name suggests, this is a day on which everybody would talk like a pirate. Is that a great idea, or what?”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #80, 11.11.05

CLASS ACT
If cycling is a bleak, unremitting workhouse, then not too long ago London Dynamo was the most insignificant of urchins, toiling away in Richmond Park week in, week out, while dreaming of becoming a hoity-toity gentleman. At the end of 2004, the barmy blue, black and orange-clad army of labourers took a significant step up the ladder of social Dyna-mobility when they walked away with the club of the year trophy at the Surrey League AGM – but nothing could have prepared the humble three-man contingent at this year’s meeting for the club’s welcome into the upper-crust of the south-east cycling world. That’s right, status-conscious reader – thanks to a dominating presence on results sheets throughout the year, London Dynamo has become the outright winner of the Surrey Road Race League 2005. Every one of you is lord of the manor, Dynamates! We’ll be visiting the highest point of Surrey society – the Hand In Hand pub near the summit of Box Hill – to reveal how the other half lived it up at the awards-giving party of the season. But before we do, DYNAMITE! is encouraging all ‘Mos to help ensure London Dynamo stays at the top of the tree in 2006. So without further ado, here’s social events co-secretary NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK to explain how YOU can get more involved in Britain’s best club by coming along to the London Dynamo AGM next Saturday at 9am in the café by Roehampton Gate. The floor is all yours, buddy!

SETTING THE AGENDA
“Thanks, pal. Because we’re not an old-fashioned, committee-meeting, smoke-filled-rooms type of cycling club, the AGM is your one chance of the year to raise whatever you’d like about London Dynamo and its organisation. Just let us know the ideas you’d like to contribute – preferably in advance to Nick Peacock at npeacock@maitlandchambers.com. Although we won’t really have a formal agenda, there are some points we think should be discussed. So if you’re coming along, and we hope you are, these are the topics you can expect to crop up:

“ORGANISATION. At present, we’re a bit of an oligarchical dictatorship. We have a relatively small Politburo that seeks to run the wide variety of club activities by dictat – we haven’t yet got a five-year plan, but it’s always possible. It’s about time we became more of an anarcho-syndicalist commune, where everyone – or, at least, far more people – have more of a role. Last week we described how we want to reshape the organisation of the club. For it to flourish, we need members to make an effort. So don’t be shy – put yourself forward for one of the posts listed in last week’s edition. Once again, volunteers to Nick at the above e-mail address. All positions need to be filled and this will be pretty much the most important part of the AGM.

“NEWSLETTER. We want to develop DYNAMITE! so it has much more forward-looking information about events, races, meetings, trips and so on that are in the offing. It is also possible we might have a regular slot from Cyclefit that they can fill with their latest news and, hopefully, generous offers to club members. Any ideas about this gratefully received.

“CLUB WEBSITE. We’d like as many members as possible to know each other, which is quite hard when there are more than 200 of you. The website provides the solution. Please sign up to the site and complete your profile in as much detail as possible, including (if you can bear it) a photo of yourself. That way you can avoid turning up at a race or the Etape and, on seeing someone in Dynamo kit, doing the ‘Hi, I’m Nick and I’m in your club’ thing.

“RACES IN 2006. We’ve committed to running the Beginners’ Series again in February – three races, probably all at MoD Chertsey and probably all followed by handicap races for experienced riders. The circuit is dead easy to marshal, so no excuses for not planning now to start your season next year at those races. You can marshal or help out and then do the handicap race. We have also committed to running one of the Gizmondo/Sigma Sport road races next year. This will be our first proper open road race and will take some organising, including finding a sponsor or sponsors to stump up some prize money. Any ideas welcome. Obviously we will also need an extremely cool lead car, so anyone who has an Aston Martin, Ferrari, Porsche – there must be someone in this club of overachieving professionals – should make themselves known at the AGM. And now back to DYNAMITE!”

TOP OF THE BOX
Cheers, Nick! As legions of diet-conscious Dynamates ease themselves into the off-season, they are no doubt looking forward to making up for the Dyna-mountains of grub denied to them during the past 10 months – so you can imagine how famished MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT were drooling with delight as they spied the impressive buffet at the Surrey League’s annual general meeting on Tuesday night. “Lavish” just isn’t the word! League bigwig Keith ‘I’ll Get You’ Butler proved his clout by getting Sean Yates, the legendary assistant directeur sportif of Discovery Channel, and former British Cycling performance director Peter Keen to present the awards at the Hand In Hand, Box Hill’s finest watering hole. Being in the presence of two big-hitters was bound to produce a few nerves – and Martin reveals: “There was plenty of tension as we waited to hear the result of our year’s effort in the league. Meudon, last year’s winners, provided the surprise of the night by coming a mere 4th. We hung on as it was announced that Liphook had taken the No.3 spot. Agisko, the team I thought would win it, came 2nd, leaving the only possible outcome – London Dynamo had won the league.” Fantastic stuff! Sadly, there was no trophy as the cup Dynamo received last year was given to Fit-For, which won the award for most improved club. But it was smiles all round as Martin stepped forward to accept a brown envelope containing more than £1,200 in race winnings. Let’s hope sharp-dressed Chairman ‘Mo GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS doesn’t blow it all on a couple of Rapha knee warmers!

PROLETERI-AXED
We’ve broken down all class barriers, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone for their contributions before we go. Please remember that we are a festering underclass and we would be nothing without you, our ABC1s, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BOURGEOIS’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we hand over every potato on our farm to the state, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a Stakhanovite fervour.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 6 – SURREY LEAGUE, OTTERSHAW, E/1/2/3, 101KM: 1 Tony Gibb (PCA/Rudy Project); 2.19.10; 2 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres); 3 Lewis Atkins (Glendene/Biketrax); 4 Chas Hollosi (Gemini); 5 John Veness (Evans); 6 Paul Holdsworth (Hounslow and Dist Wheelers); 7 Rob Fallon (Fit-For.com) +30 secs; 8 Dave Larcombe (VC Meudon); 9 Phil Holloway (Southend Wheelers); 10 Bill Butterworth (Twickenham); 11 Craig Peters (VC Londres) +1.45; 12 John Wager (i-team.co.uk); 13 Neil Lindford-Relph (VC Meudon); 14 Andy Davies (Fit-For.com); 15 Stewart Jardine (21st Century Airports); 16 Andy Bett (Twickenham); 17 Peter Wager (SBR); 18 Nat Spurling (Finsbury Park); 19 Steve Dring (Stilton); 20 Dave Griffiths (Twickenham); 21 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk); 22 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 23 Scott Merrilees (Twickenham); 24 Jason Edwards (Ewhurst Control); 25 James Holland-Leader (AgiskoViner.com); 26 Simon Bild (Team Sport and Publicity); 27 Martin Hulbert (VC Meudon); 28 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 29 Mick McManus (Twickenham); 30 Neil Edward (unatt).

THE LAST WORD
“By nature, Belgians are hard-working people… it is this background that gives them a love and respect for such a hard sport as this.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #81, 18.11.05

GRACE AND FAVOURS
For many years now, some of the retail emporiums that are held in the highest esteem by the nation’s shoppers have been starting their January sales a month earlier – and now it’s the turn of your favourite clothing outlet to push this unstoppable global consumer trend one step further. That’s right, bargain-hunting reader – tomorrow will see a corner of Richmond Park transformed into the Grace Brothers department store as NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, PAUL ‘RUMBOLD’ CALLINAN, RUSSELL ‘INMAN’ SHORT and the rest of the hard-selling Dyna-management make sure you certainly are being served with a limited stock of dashing Dynamo kit at unbelievable knock-down discounts. Don’t say the club doesn’t do you any favours! Britain’s most stylish cycle garments will be slashed to half of their original price – so warming winter gilets will cost a mere £30 while bib shorts and jerseys are each going for £15. Anyone would be crazy to miss this never-to-be-repeated end-of-racing-season sale! You’re more likely to see Mrs Slocombe’s mythical pussy than get change from the ringing Dynamo cash register, so please remember to bring the right Dyna-money if you want the goods. Tomorrow’s sale is, of course, all part of the club’s eagerly anticipated Annual General Meeting where Rusty will formerly announce that the dates for next year’s training camp in Mallorca are 1st-8th April – and DYNAMITE! is delighted to be doing its bit by including the agenda as our very first “pull-out” section. That handy innovation means this collectors’ edition will be worth at least 50p in ten years’ time! You can print out the running order listed below and bring it along to the AGM, which kicks off at nine in the cafe by Roehampton Gate and is followed by the Parkride. Every member will get to have their say on the future of the club and you’ll get to meet all of the ‘Mos who want to run the show next year – but they’ll only join the greatly-expanded committee if YOU decide they deserve the honour. Your votes count, Dynamates! In the meantime, we’ll be lubricating the wheels of Dynamo decision-making with a reminder of this year’s forthcoming Christmas social. So without further ado, let news of the jollities commence!

HOL-BORN AGAIN
It was a massive hit last Chrimbo – and now social secretary PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT along with his co-conspirator NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK have once again secured valuable bar space at the Cittie of York pub at 22 High Holborn for London Dynamo’s second annual festive shindig. The last yuletide boozing session was a roaring success, so send Paul a Dyna-mail to pharknett@savills.com if you plan on joining in the fun on Thursday 15th December at 6.15pm. A trip to a curry house later on looks likely, so save some room for a peshwari naan or two!

GIVING IT HIS WALL
In addition to tomorrow’s brilliant clothing sale, the AGM will also give dozens of Dynamates the chance to finally see laconic bike-fitting guru JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL in the flesh – and you can congratulate Cyclefit’s compact co-owner on his superb return to cyclo-cross racing on Sunday after a four-year gap. Jules took the No.9 spot in the vets category and admits the 8th round of the London Cyclo-Cross League at Lydden Hill motor circuit was a “very, very uncomfortable experience” – but the Covent Garden masochist adds: “We need some more bods for the team champs in January. Anyone interested?” Mad mud-lovers form an orderly queue in WC2!

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YES! IT’S DYNAMITE’S INAUGURAL PULL-OUT SECTION!
No self-respecting publication is worth its cover price until it makes a superficial attempt to add more value to the overall product by increasing its size – which is one of the reasons why DYNAMITE! is free of charge. So think of this as an experiment to discover if any of our shrewd readership is fooled into confusing quality with quantity as we bring you a supplement consisting solely of the agenda for tomorrow’s AGM. Let’s take a look at those points in full!

AGENDA, LONDON DYNAMO AGM, 19.11.05

1. Quick review of the year

2. Thanks to club officials

3. Re-elect officials
3.1. Race Secretaries
3.2. Events Secretaries
3.3. Cyclosportif Secretary/Triathlon Secretary
3.4. Time Trial Secretary
3.5. Off-Road Secretary
3.6. Kit Secretary
3.7. Ride Leaders
3.8. President
3.9. Website and E-mail Enquiries Manager

4. Newsletter

5. Club website

6. 2006 races

7. Junior support and quick discussion on youth policy

8. Ladies’ membership

9. Training camp

10. Parkride

11. Any other business
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CALIFORNIA PRAISIN’
Finally, we’re able to bring you some long-overdue news from NEIL JONES’s daring double century ride through California’s Death Valley which took place at the end of last month. The intrepid fella started 165ft below sea level and crossed into Nevada five hours later on a windy plain at an altitude of 4,000ft. Incredible stuff! Neil, who managed to avoid the coyotes and rattlesnakes when they came out to play at twilight, finished the ride in 15hrs 2mins, which put him 47th among the 84 finishers. Well done, pal! Praising the Californian experience, Neil says: “Rattling along virtually car-free roads in glorious sunshine through some spectacular scenery was fantastic. The final descent at more than 40mph under an ocean of stars was awesome and it was very uplifting having everybody at the checkpoints really chuffed that someone would consider coming all the way from London to ride their race.” Tell them we’ll return the favour if they ever stuck up Leith Hill!

CASHING UP
The rails of tailor-made news items have been emptied by you, our eager customers, which means there’s just enough time left to thank everyone for their contributions before we shut the doors and count the week’s takings. Always remember that we are a dutiful Mr Harmen but we would be nothing without you, our glamorous Miss Brahms. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘I’M FREE!’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as our non-British readership and younger members scratch their heads over this edition’s references to a 33-year-old BBC sitcom, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: Annual General meeting at the café by Roehampton Gate, followed by the Parkride. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a blue rinse.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride into Surrey, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, 13TH NOVEMBER – LONDON CYCLO CROSS LEAGUE, ROUND 8, LYDDEN HILL MOTOR RACING CIRCUIT: 1 Mick Bell (London Fire Brigade); 2 Phil Watkins (Addiscombe); 3 Chris Hughes (VC Deal/Hammonds/ACTiV); 4 Richard Wood (VC Deal/Hammonds/ACTiV) 5 Konrad Manning (Finsbury Park); 6 Pat Hayes Orbea (GB); 7 Glenn Hord (unatt); 8 Ian Cleverley (Mosquito Bikes); 9 JULIAN WALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 Paul Warner (Team Darenth); 11 Ray Coop (VC Deal/Hammonds); 12 Mark Wade (VC Deal/Hammonds); 13 Martin Apps (VC Deal/Hammonds); 14 Martin Dawkins (VC Deal/Hammonds); 15 C McCann (VC Elan); 16 Garry Ashton-Coulton (agiskoviner.com); 17 David Steele (London Phoenix); 18 Jim Whenman (Team Darenth); 19 Barry Allen (London Phoenix); 20 Trevor Butler (VC Deal/Hammonds/ACTiV); 21 Peter Sykes (VC Deal/Hammonds/ACTiV); 22 Roger Hornsby (GS Avanti); 23 Bob Griffiths (Lee Valley).

THE LAST WORD
“Ground floor, telephones, gents’ ready-made suits, shirts, socks, ties, hats, underwear and shoes, going up – baa ba-bap baa baa!”