The DYNAMITE! Files

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #50, 15.04.05

PIC OF THE BUNCH
It has often been said that a picture paints a thousand words, but whoever subscribes to this saying has clearly not waded through DYNAMITE! during its first half-century run of dense narrative-based bulletins. Regular readers will know that the south-east’s favourite Dynamatic news update prefers to use approximately 1,000 to 2,000 words per week to paint a rather fetching picture of the capital’s most chronicled cycle crew – unless, of course, it wants to identify a dubiously-dressed Parkrider by means of a photograph in the now-defunct Mo Or No? section of our website edition. And that’s not likely to happen again in a hurry! Thankfully, not all members are text maniacs like us, and we are pleased to report that a couple of training campers have captured the club’s recent Mallorcan jaunt for posterity with their hi-tech box Brownies. That’s right, Dynamates – dozens of their sun-kissed images have surfaced on the web, so smack on the factor 15 and turn up the brightness knob on your monitor as we transport you to sunnier climes via a four handy links. Here come the first rays…

GITT A LOAD OF THAT!
It’s been the most talked-about Dynamo spill ever – and now every member can see how ‘INCREDIBLE’ IAN JENKINSON forcibly gave a German tourist’s car a brand new rear ventilation system after coming unstuck down Mallorca’s mighty Puig Major. He sure knows how to make a big impact! The hardy redhead’s insurance claim photo and many other pictures which he shot on the Spanish island are currently on JONATHAN GITTOS website – simply click on http://www.gittos.com/album/index.php?gallery=./Ian_Med to have a look at what happens when 15-odd stone of northern English power collides with precision American engineering. It ain’t pretty! If the image has really made a dent in your consciousness, then you can download the pic or any others from Ian’s gallery at http://www.gittos.com/album/index.php?gallery=./IAN. Tech-head Jonathan has also posted more than 100 pictures taken by unofficial camp photographer ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY at http://www.gittos.com/album/index.php?gallery=./Dynamo_Med – or click http://www.gittos.com/album/index.php?gallery=./DYNAMO for downloadable versions. Marvel at the breathtaking scenery – and turn a merciful eye away from the grimacing faces going up the climbs!

ANOTHER VINE MESS
There have been plenty of great Dynamo results during the last few weeks – but for DYNAMITE! the season doesn’t truly begin until TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT’s name has been excruciatingly mangled on a finishing sheet. In a fit of blind optimism, we withheld the news that a certain Tom Kemmant came 4th at Hillingdon’s E/1/2/3 race last week, thinking that perhaps there was a newcomer to the cycling scene with a similar name to Dynamo’s quiet man. Alas, after speaking to the Putney-based point-grabber himself, we can confirm that Kemmant is, in fact, Hemmant – and unbelievably, he’s listed as an Agisko Viner rider. The nerve of some people! Level-headed as ever, Tom didn’t let the moniker mix-up affect him when he turned up again at the west London circuit on Tuesday riding his flash new Serotta and packing a cool grand in cash in his jersey pocket. Talk about bling, ya badass! The crit killer, who had to be satisfied with a bunch finish this time around, reveals: “I was off to buy a replacement for my banger because I had taken learner driver CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL out to practice his three point turns and he was so heavy on the clutch that the next time I used the car it had totally gone.” Tom adds that he is “just kidding”, but somehow we don’t believe him! His housemate CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN put in a low-key start to the season this week at Sunday’s 3rd cat contest at Castle Combe where he witnessed DARREN MINSHALL tough it out on the windy, pan-flat course to claim 6th place in the 4s race. The graduate of the beginners’ series spent most of the 46km distance on the front – and Chris says: “It was a great result to get a points finish in such tough conditions.” Amazingly, the hard-riding fella took 3rd at Hillingdon the previous day after leading out the sprint, giving fitness drink guru STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS a drafting to 4th place. Darren says: “Not a bad weekend for me, really.” Not bad at all, pal! GORDON KENNEWAY also dropped us a note to let us know that TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES briefly got into a doomed two-man break at Barcombe last week before dropping back at the 20-mile mark and settling for 9th in an uphill sprint. According to Gordon, who nabbed 5th in the 52-mile 3rd cat race, his lank-haired team-mate was “sucking at his gels like a baby on his mother”. If only they tasted as pleasant!

PARK STRIFE
Dynamo newcomers have been packing out the Parkride in the past few weeks with the aim of one day following in the heroic pedal strokes of Gordon, Darren and the two Toms, so PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN has asked us to remind everyone that they must be kind to beginners. The club’s race secretary says: “I took the slow group a month ago and had to evict a few speed muppet merchants. They were completely screwing it up for everyone, getting high off revving the group and hurting people below their ability.” That’s not on, chaps – and you don’t want to see Paul when he’s angry. So go in one of the faster groups next time or behave!

SNAPPED SHUT
The final page of our photo album has been turned and so we must close our window on the world of Dynamo for another week. Snappy snaps can get our pictures developed in just one hour but it will take a whole week to get another issue of DYNAMITE! out. During that time, please remember that we are a megapixel digital camera but we would be nothing without you, our focussed aperture. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘EXPOSURE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the over-developed prints begin to fade to a mouldy yellow, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a tripod.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, APRIL 3 – SURREY LEAGUE, BARCOMBE, 3/J, 52 MILES: 1 Justin Lomas (Norwood Paragon); 2 William Thomas (Viner Agisko); 3 Steve Calland (Norwood Paragon); 4 Peter Georgi (VC de Londres) 5 GORDON KEENEWAY (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Dillon Adams (Norwood Paragon); 7 Tony Stubbens (unatt); 8 Chris White (TM Racing); 9 TOM DAVIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 Robert Fallon (Fit-For); 11 Russell Shingles (unatt); 12 Matt Green (Crawley); 13 Keith Bugden (Pearson Cycles); 14 Russell Childs (Twickenham); 15 Toni Bond (TM Racing); 16 Jon Hayes (Brighton Excelsior); 17 Martin Snow (unatt); 18 Rik Taub (In Gear Quickvit).

TUESDAY, APRIL 5 – CENTRAL BC WEST THAMES/BATH ROAD CLUB CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, E/1/2/3, 40KM: 1 Brett Perez (Agiskoviner) 0.50.09; 2 Lewis Atkins (Glendene) st; 3 Joel Stewart (Agiskoviner) st; 4 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO) st; 5 Matt Talbot (Glendene); 6 Robert Taylor (Alltrax) +3secs.

SATURDAY, APRIL 9 – BEYOND MTB CRITS, HILLINGDON, 4/W, 45MINS: 1 Jamie Howes (Twickenham); 2 Paul Caton (Verulam); 3 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 STUART JEFFERIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Philip Murphy (Milton Keynes); 6 TBA.

SUNDAY, APRIL 10, SOUTH CIRCUIT LEAGUE (3/7), CASTLE COMBE RACE CIRCUIT. CHIPPENHAM, 4/J, 46KM: 1 Luke Rowe (Cardiff Ajax); 2 Richard Everington (Chippenham and District Wheelers); 3 Mark Rickaby (unatt); 4 Jeff Garner (Newbury); 5 Phil Finnemore (Cheltenham and County); 6. DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 MARK ROBINSON (Chippenham and District Wheelers); 8 IainCollins (Newbury); 9 Andrew Davis (unatt).

THE LAST WORD
“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #51, 22.04.05

NET GAIN
As the season approaches full tide, it’s becoming plain to sea that London Dynamo likes to cast its net far and wide as it fishes for yet more plaice-ings at races all over the country. This week has been no exception – so it is with great pleasure that we greet you with a warm whelk-ome to another trawl through familiar waters before reeling in further proof of why we’re the bass-t of the bunch. In a fishy tail that will warm your cockles, one of our point-gobbling sharks reveals how he left the opposition founder-ing at a time trial in a northern town that is home to millions of tiny, shelled shore-dwelling creatures – and it was a case of shoal or nothing as a Dyna-minnow gave a surprising show of form at Eastway. His performance was certainly worth whiting for! So come with us as we reveal how Dynamo’s defeated rivals were left to mullet over once again. Here comes somefin to trout about…

SWEATEST VICTORY
Sea-blue was the colour for TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT on Saturday as he won the prologue and the leader’s cobalt-coloured jersey at cockle-loving Morecambe Bay on Saturday. Water result! The 2nd and 3rd stages were held later that same day – which meant the whiffy boy wonder had to give his unwashed, sweat-soaked top to new No.1 Neil Swithenbank of MK Cycles after losing a couple of minutes during stage two. You stinker! The super-fast evening crit saw Tom get in a break that was caught with one lap to go, leaving him to settle for 7th in the sprint. On Sunday’s fourth and final stage, Dynamo’s quiet man took the No.6 spot as part of a three-man chasing group, which bagged him 6th place overall. Nice one, pal! No doubt the locals in the northern seaside town were impressed by Tom’s spanking-new Serotta, which he describes as “a pleasure” to ride. He gushed: “It fits perfectly and is comfortable yet nice and stiff for sprinting.” Our friends at Cyclefit will be pleased to hear it! Plucky 4th cat STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS, who was suffering from a cold, admits he had “a tough couple of days” during the hilly 274km all-comers race but still managed to finish each stage when 2nd cat riders were pulling out – and Tom reckons that the zebra-striped Parkride regular provided “the best result of the weekend” by finally removing the mudguards from his trusty Cougar. Tom added: “His racing career can only improve from here.” You said it, mate! Stuart’s fellow 4th catter CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL had an easier time at Eastway where months of training under long-suffering coach PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN finally bore fruit as he nailed 2nd place in a four-man sprint, narrowly missing out on the top spot by half a wheel. The fella with the abundant facial hair only had nine other contenders to deal with, perhaps because everyone else had gone to Thruxton where DARREN ‘PACKING ‘EM’ MINSHALL – officially the Hardest Working Man In Dynamo, clocking up two races per weekend – witnessed some crazy novice crashes, including one right on the finishing line. That’s quite some feat! Talking of coming off, NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK’s young daughters told him they were “impressed” that he managed to stay upright on Sunday during the 3rd cat race at glorious Goodwood, which saw their dad take 10th after his three-man break failed – and ROB ‘ALL-WEATHER’ TUBBS finished two places ahead of him. Lovely stuff! Meanwhile, hard-riding IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE visited Brenchley in Kent for the South East Road Race League’s 2/3/4 event. He went off on the second lap and nabbed 6th with a little help from RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, who blocked the front of the tough 100km race while around half of the field gradually pulled out. But tough nut JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS isn’t one to just give up – and he finished 10th by beating the rest of the chasing group. Nice work, sir! Finally, compact killer SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON made an appearance at Hillingdon on Tuesday where he won the sprint in the E/1/2/3 race after the placings were decided by a six-man break. And that marks the end of another hectic racing week!

KENNEWAY WATCH!
Every Oasis has its No Way Sis, every Coke has its Pepsi – and now Dynamo’s most successful brand has finally earned its very own tribute act. Step forward GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, a man whom CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN describes as the “spitting image” of enigmatic New Zealander KEN BUIST. We don’t know if that’s a blessing or a curse! The club’s Dyna-mystery man has been even harder to locate then ever recently, so we’re opening up the much-loved Ken Watch! feature to include sightings of Gordon. Remember, we want to know where he was and what he was doing when you saw him. No detail is too trivial or obsessive. And Ken, if you’re reading this – get in touch, pal!

HITTING THE SQUIDS
You’ve probably got a bit of a haddock after herring so many piscine puns – but DYNAMITE! can net sea wet trawl the huss is a boat, for cod’s hake. On second thoughts, perhaps our sea-based wordplay is an annoying halibut. But pike it or not, we would like you to remember that we are just a little worm and we would be nothing without you, our sharp hook. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BREAM’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we pack away our mighty rod, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a bicycle small enough for a goldfish.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
TUESDAY, APRIL 12 – CENTRAL BC WEST THAMES CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, E/1/2/3, 40KM: 1 Colin Roshier (Team Quest); 2 Joel Stuart (Agiskoviner.com); 3 Mark Bruce (unatt); 4 Tony Gibb (Team DFL); 5 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Paul Crook (Angliasport).

SATURDAY, APRIL 16 – EASTERN LEE VALLEY YOUTH CC SERIES, EASTWAY, 4s, 40KM: 1 Pete Manley (Essex Roads); 2 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Keiran Dunlea (PCA/Ciclos Uno); 4 Ian Randall (Essex Roads); 5 Connor Murphy (Victoria); +0.35; 6 Alan Sherman (unatt); 7 Paul Jacobi (Hillingdon) @1 lap.

SATURDAY, APRIL 16 – SOUTH OMEGA THRUXTON CIRCUITS, THRUXTON MOTOR CIRCUIT, ANDOVER, 4/W/J, 40KM: 1 Iain Collins (Newbury); 2 Marcus Duffin (i-team.co.uk/www.wheel2wheel4bikes.com/OnEleven); 3 Phil Finnemore (Cheltenham and County); 4 Martin Aldam (unatt); 5 Johnny Porter (Somerset); 6 James Stringer (Sotonia); 7 Lee Weston (SP Systems/Wightlink RT/MCS/The Sign Shop); 8 Duncan Hards (VC Meudon/Evolution/Cycle Kingdom/Colbournes/HFC); 9 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 Neil Parnell (Newport Phoenix); 11 Richard Bremner (North Hants); 12 Paul Stringer (Sotonia); 13 Tom Finnemore (www.cyclelogic.co.uk).

SATURDAY, APRIL 16 – SUNDAY, APRIL 17 – MORECAMBE BAY 2 DAY RR, SALT AYRE SPORTS CENTRE, 1/2/3/4/W, 240KM, FINAL OVERALL: 1 Neil Swithenbank (MK Cycles); 2 Steve Feeny (Chester); 3 Mark Turnball (Leigh Premier); 4 Robert Palmer (Bicycle Works); 5 Lewis Craven (Wheelbase); 6 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Mark Westwood (Liverpool Century); 8 Alistair Watt (C21 Multisport); 9 Simon Earnest (Commencell); 10 Stuart Reed (Wheelbase); 11 Gary Vose (Luune); 12 Phil Holwell (Rutland); 13 Alan Wood (Red Rose Olympic); 14 Simon Bridge (Leigh Premier); 15 Roy Hunt (Rock Lobster); 16 Lee Feeney (Chester); 17 Duncan Orme (Lancaster); 18 Nathan Turnball (Leigh Premier).
STAGE 1, TIME TRIAL: 1 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 Henry Furniss (Beyond MTB); 3 Stuart Reed (Wheelbase); 4 Neil Swithenbank (MK Cycles); 5 Chris Belsham (York Cycle Works); 6 Mark Westwood (Liverpool Century).
STAGE 2, 70km: 1 Neil Swithenbank (MK Cycles); 2 Stephen Feeny (Chester); 3 Lee Feeny (Chester); 4 Nathan Turnball (Leigh Premier); 5 Phil Holwell (Rutland); 6 Stuart Reed (Wheelbase); 7 Simon Earnest (Commencell); 8 Simon Bridge (Leigh Premier); 9 Gary Vose (Luune); 10. TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO).
STAGE 3, 53km: 1 Mark Westwood (Liverpool Century); 2 Simon Earnest (Commencell); 3 Chris Belsham (York Cycle Works); 4 Alistair Watt (C21 Multisport); 5 Simon Bridge (Leigh Premier); 6 Steve McEwen (Pedal Power); 7 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Russell Brass (Clayton Velo); 9 Robert Palmer (The BicycleWorks.com); 10 Paulo Brucciani (Luune RC).
STAGE 4: 1 Chris Belsham (York Cycle Works); 2 Henry Furniss (Beyond MTB); 3 Robert Palmer (Bicycle Works); 4. Mark Turnball; 5 Lewis Craven (Wheelbase); 6 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Neil Swithenbank (MK Cycles); 8 Steve Feeny (Chester); 9 Alistair Watt (C21 Multisport); 10 Mark Westwood (Liverpool Century).

SUNDAY, APRIL 17 – SURREY LEAGUE, GOODWOOD, 3/J/W, 50 MILES: 1 Steve Calland (Norwood Paragon); 1:56:02; 2 Tony Cosstick (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 3 Thorsten Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 4 Raymond Healey (Twickenham); 5 Mario Manelfi (agiskoviner.com); 6 Tony Stubbens (unatt); 7 Paul Gosling (Brighton Excelsior); 8 ROB TUBBS (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Bryan Long (unatt); 10 NICK PEACOCK (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 Neil Robertson (Fit-For); 12 Michael Wickham (Velocity The Exercise Deck); 13 Shaun Smart (Southdown Velo); 14 Toks Adesanya (Addiscombe); 15 Toni Bond (TM Racing); 16 Stephen Knight (Team Axiom); 17 Trevor Beauchamp (Liphook Cycles); 18 Garry Timlick (GS Helix-Maestro); 19 Keith Bugden (Pearson Cycles); 20 Andrew Harvey (Kingston Wheelers); 53 Mark Skinner (Brighton Mitre).

SUNDAY, APRIL 17 – SURREY LEAGUE, GOODWOOD, 4/3W/4W, 30 miles: 1 Mark Hubbard (TM Racing); 2 Matthew Hinkley (Army CU); 3 Sean Keith (TM Racing); 4 Steve Bullimore (Crawley Wheelers); 5 Dick Crane (Crawley Wheelers); 6 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 7 David Bacon (TM Racing); 8 Elliot Storey (PCA Ciclos Uno); 9 Matthew Stallion (Twickenham); 10 James Bates (agiskoviner.com); 11 C Mison (North Hants); 12 Carl Walker (Addiscombe); 13 P Benke (North Hants); 14 B Tooke (North Hants); 15 Mark Kinp (North Hants); 16 Jeff Triner (North Hants); 17 Clive Copeland (unatt); 18 David Pearson (San Fairy Ann); 19 Christopher Parker (Hastings and St Leonards); 20= John Willis (Eastbourne Rovers); 20= JUSTIN SIMS (LONDON DYNAMO); 20= Andrew Parle (Lewes Wanderers); 20= Roland Kusay (Redhill); 20= Ross Davies (unatt); 20= Bruce English (Lewes Wanderers); 20= Simon Spencer (Velocity The Exercise Deck); 20= Hannah Bussey (VC Meudon); 20= Simon Hazeldine (Addiscombe) 20= Jon Rodgers (Worthing Excelsior); 20 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 20= Richard Sanders (Redhill); 20= Mark Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 20= Chris Latimer (Angliasport); 20= Anthony Rogers Brighton (Excelsior); 20= Russell Cross (TM Racing); 20= Alan Brooks (Crawley); 20= Stephen Cotterill (Fit-For); 20= P Beecher (Brighton Mitre); 20= Eugene Bardwell (Southdown Velo); 20= R Doick (VC Etoile); 20= Simon Russell (Brighton Excelsior); 20= Joss Davies (Sussex Nomads); 43 Keith Stokes (A3CRG); 57 Tim Sales (Redhill).

SUNDAY, APRIL 17 – BRENCHLEY SERRL EVENT 3, 2/3/4, 100KMS: 1 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells); 2 Nick Dibble (Climb On Bikes); 3 James Kemp (Swansea); 4 Kevin Tye (Poshbikes); 5 Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon); 6 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Julian Clark (VC Deal); 8 Matt Rugmann (Kingsnorth); 9 Seth Kay (Poshbikes); 10 JOE STEGERS (LONDON DYNAMO).

THE LAST WORD
“He’s like the Wicked Witch. ‘Sand, oh no! I’m melting!'”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #52, 29.04.05

WHOWUNIT?
After a hard evening decoding reams of great Dynamo results spewing out of the Newsletter bunker’s overworked ticker tape machine, there’s nothing Mrs Dynamite loves more than curling up with a classic thriller – and this week she’s been engrossed in a gripping tale which contains more twists than a bowl of fusilli pasta. The peculiar yarn is made up of two Dynamatic detectives’ lengthy investigation into the bizarre Mystery Of The Missing Point. It’s one hell of a story, Dynamates! So come with us now as we bring all the suspects into the drawing room to reveal who won what at Chertsey while wearing a deerstalker and puffing a pipe. Here comes the first clue…

YOU’RE GAVIN HIM ON
Mean-racing ‘Mos hate it when a bright, shiny BCF point is snatched from their grasp – and man of principle GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN was eager to fight for 10th place at the 3rd cat event in Chertsey long after he had crossed the line. The keen-eyed Dyna-member watched video footage of the whole field sprinting for the finish and saw he had snatched the last placing in Saturday’s 40-mile race – but astonishingly, he was relegated from the No.10 spot to 28th when the official results appeared a few days later. That’s not on! Gavin wrote to Surrey League adjudicator Glyn Durrant, telling him: “I do hope this will be changed because that one point is worth it.” You bet it is, pal! His query opened up a whole can of worms with PIERS ‘PRESSURE’ STANSFIELD pointing out that he was in the top 10, not joint 28th. The sturdy sprinter added: “I was on the wheel of rider No.71 from Pearson Cycles on the finishing straight and I see he came 4th.” The Dyna-mystery deepens! Who was the shadowy ‘Mo wearing a white helmet who scraped the top 30? And where was RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON in all of this? After a flurry of e-mails and much deliberation, the truth finally emerged: Gavin was rightfully installed at 10th place with Richard 9th and Piers 6th. That’s one extra rider in the top 10 thanks to a steward’s enquiry! There was no such confusion in the 4th cat contest as the mighty JUSTIN SIM practically walked the two primes before cruising to 2nd in a bunch sprint with DAVE CASEY following one place behind. Good work, fellas! Unlucky STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS added another 7th to his collection but finished the rain-drenched race happy in the knowledge that his adversaries had swallowed more than their fare share of spray as he had kept the mudguards off his trusty Cougar on TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT’s orders. That showed ’em!

PALACE OF DELIGHT
Circuit race addict RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON had his second fix at Crystal Palace on Tuesday when he nailed 2nd in the 27km 3/4 race with yet another bunch sprint. Incredible! Not to be outdone, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT caught the three leaders in the E/1/2 contest with help from Agiskoviner’s Brett Perez, enabling him to nab 5th – and hardy IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE settled for the No.8 spot. But it’s not just about massed start racing, y’know! In order to prove that Dynamo is a broad church, Weybridge wonder MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON has decided to compete in the Hounslow and District Wheelers 10 mile time trials in Chertsey – and not only did he come first on Thursday but he also won the previous week’s contest with a time of 24.09. The Dynamo hunk said: “That isn’t quick but then it isn’t a quick course.” It was quicker than the rest of them, buddy!

GAME’S UP
Two moustachioed coppers have taken the felon away – and it comes as no surprise to discover that the Keith Butler did it. Hopefully we won’t have to deal with a misdemeanour of this magnitude again but we will be producing another criminal record of Dynamo’s achievements in just seven days. Until then, please remember that we are Professor Plum but we would be nothing without you, our incriminating lead piping in the conservatory. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘SUSPECT’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO THIS ADDRESS if you are reading this on e-mail. No whodunit, of course, would be complete without a sting in the tale, so here it comes: THE DEADLINE FOR THIS WEEK ONLY IS TUESDAY for Friday’s edition, which is due to circumstances beyond our control. And now, as the officers bundle the bad guy into the back of a meat wagon, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. 50ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a body of evidence.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, APRIL 25 – SURREY LEAGUE, CHERTSEY MoD, 3/J, 40 MILES: 1 Tony Cosstick (Hounslow and District Wheelers) 1:33:55; 2 Paul Tunnell (Addiscombe); 3 Thorsten Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 4 David Pook (Pearson Cycles); 5 G Bryant (Old Portlians); 6 PIERS STANSFIELD (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Paul Williams (Bath); 8 David McMullen (Evans Cycles); 9 RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 GAVIN RYAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 Brian Tidey (Addiscombe); 12 GORDON KENNEWAY (LONDON DYNAMO); 13 Neil Robertson (Fit-For); 14 David Findlay (Addiscombe); 15 Daniel Manelfi (agiskoviner.com); 16 David Gayler (Kenton); 17 Lee Chaplin (Twickenham); 18 Bryan Long (unatt); 19 Keith Bugden (Pearson Cycles); 20 Andrew Harvey (Kingston Wheelers); 21 Toni Bond (TM Racing); 22 Phil Sheehan (Fit-For); 23 Richard Getarie (Willesden); 24 Russell Childs (Twickenham); 25 Dean Wilson (Kingsnorth International); 26 Marek Siwicki (Addiscombe); 27 Paul Gosling (Brighton Excelsior); 28 George Higgs (Brighton Excelsior); 29 ROB TUBBS (LONDON DYNAMO); 29= STUART SPIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 29 Keith Tonge (Willesden); 32 Adrian Brown (agiskoviner.com); 33 Andrew Norfolk (Sigma Sport); 34 Peter Thorp-Hincks (TM Racing); 35 Andrew Seltzer (East Grinstead); 36 Robert Fallon (Fit-For); 37 Ian O’Hara (Sydenham Wheelers); 38 R Abela (Beyond MTB); 39 Andrew McKie (South Western); 40 Mike Brampton (TM Racing); 41 Michael Crockford (Glendene); 42 Mario Manelfi (agiskoviner.com); 43 Toby Leyton (Brighton Mitre); 44 NICK PEACOCK (LONDON DYNAMO); 45 Rod Saxby (Freerider Cycles); 46 John Alderman (VC Meudon); 47 Clive Evans (West Drayton); 48 R Meade (Evans Cycles); 49 Mark Skinner (Brighton Mitre); 50 Tim Lawn (Kingston Wheelers); 51 Nick de Sancha (Kingston Wheelers); 52 Nicholas Gilding (Willesden); 53 Nick Haskoll (Brighton Mitre); 54 Jon Masters (Redhill); 55 Tom McCall (unatt); 56 Spephen Hammer (agiskoviner.com).

SATURDAY, APRIL 25 – SURREY LEAGUE, CHERTSEY MoD, 4/3W/4W, 30 MILES: 1 Simon Warren (Norwood Paragon); 2 JUSTIN SIMS (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 DAVE CASEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Roger Watts (Lewes Wanderers); 5 Sean Keith (TM Racing); 6 Alan Moore (TM Racing); 7 STUART JEFFREYS (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 James Carlsson (Charlotteville); 8 Russell Davies (unatt); 8 David Bacon (TM Racing); 8 Stuart Potts (TM Racing); 8 Niall Brice (Pacific Racing); 8 Chris Latimer (Angila Sport); 8 Steven Hall (Essex Roads); 8 Edward Sneddon (agiskoviner.com); 8 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Marcus Borwning (VC Meudon); 8 Mark Goodall (i-team.co.uk); 19 Douglas Fox (Crawley Wheelers); 20 Giuseppe Pardo (Lewes Wanderers); 21 D Pearson (San Fairy Ann); 22 Ben Riches (Farnborough and Camberley); 23 James Bates (agiskoviner.com); 24 Thomas Westran (Kingston Wheelers); 25 David Raggett (Farnborough and Camberley); 26 Tamar Collis (Addiscombe).

TUESDAY, APRIL 26 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #1, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, 3/4/W/J, 27KM: 1 William Thompson (Pacific); 2 RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Alex Atkins (Evans); 4 Gary Bryant (Old Portlians); 5 Phil Burnett (Mosquito Bikes); 6 Josh Gregory (Brixton Cycles.

TUESDAY, APRIL 26 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #1, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, E/1/2, 30KM: 1 Brett Perez (Agiskoviner.com); 2 Simon Cope (Pacific); 3 Nick Dibble (Climb On Bikes); 4 Jamie Newall (Evans); 5 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Derek Finnegan (Navan) +45 secs; 7 Alex Rowe (Cycleweb/Synergy); 8 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Scott Bugden (Pearson Cycles); 10 Yves Millier (Kingston Wheelers) +1.05.

THE LAST WORD
“This is the UK’s premier publication for bikists. We run all sorts of features on pedals, handlebars, Savlon. Last month we blew the lid off fig Newtons.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #53, 06.05.05

POLL OR NOTHING
Cunning, overwhelming ambition and the determination to betray an ally for the sake of personal glory are the key attributes required if you want to triumph in our first-past-the-post system – but for one day every few years, the club’s Dyna-managers put these ruthless race tactics to one side so they can engage in the comparatively sedate world of national politics. That’s right, Dynamates – election fever gripped Dynamo Towers this week as PAUL ‘CANDIDATE’ CALLINAN drove off to our local polling station – and he agreed to give RUSSELL ‘HUSTINGS’ SHORT a lift. The little fella would never reach the ballot box without our helpful race secretary hoisting him by his armpits! Self-styled revolutionaries GUY ‘GUEVARA’ ANDREWS and PHIL ‘ENGELS’ CAVELL were stuck in the top-floor bar for hours, knocking back a bidon or three of Cytomax as they bemoaned the inability of the three major parties to commit a bloody revolution which would end with the abolition of the monarchy and the establishment of a benign dictatorship based in Macklin Street, London, WC2. Meanwhile, down in our famous soundproof bunker, DYNAMITE! has chosen to exercise our Dynamo-cratic right by giving it to someone who doesn’t have a voice on this important occasion – or indeed any other. We’re talking, of course, about Sash The Unofficial Newsletter Cat. Our favourite serendipity kitty will determine who gets our votes based on whether she drinks milk from her red, blue or yellow bowl. It’s going to be a nail-biter! The general election will already have reached a dull anti-climax by the time this Dyna-manifesto pops into your inbox, but we hope to wake you up again as we reveal how STUART ‘POSTAL VOTE’ JEFFREYS livened up a sedate campaign by running a different kind of race at Crowhurst – and we’ll quash rumours of TOM ‘HUNG PARLIAMENT’ HEMMANT rigging the result at Crystal Palace from the comfort of his armchair. So with a Liberal helping of goodwill from you, the kind electorate, we’ll now begin our weekly Labour of love. Here comes the same old Tory…

WHO’S THAT GUY?
The mantelpiece in Dynamo’s Solna Avenue branch groaned yet again on Sunday as LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE brought home another addition to the communal silverware collection. The hardy Dynamette was the ladies’ winner at the 213-strong Thames Turbo sprint triathlon on Sunday, completing the bike stage in 00:35:47 and posting an overall time of 01:06:35. Lovely stuff! Her fella TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT was the 4th-placed 1st cat in the Chas Messenger stage race final general classification – and as a reward for completing 274km in three days, he treated himself to an evening watching football on Tuesday. You deserved it, pal! Amazingly, the Putney Hill hero managed to come 5th at Crystal Palace while slumped at home in his armchair, prompting speculation that TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES’ surname had been mistakenly spelled “Hemnant” on the finishing sheet after he pulled the field around the south London park at a fearsome pace for the final few laps. In fact, the mystery ‘Mo nabbing the No.5 spot in the 3rd cat race was none other than GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL taking his second delivery of points in less than a week following his 10th place at Crowhurst on Sunday. Both Guy and Tom H are quite tall and they are known to wear Dynamo jerseys at races – with eerie similarities like that, it’s no wonder their identities got confused! Hemmant’s housemate CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN finished 10th at Palace and staged an impressive win at Eastway three days earlier by staying away on his own for the last three laps of the circuit. Nice one, fella! The 50km TLI race also saw chirpy South African STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES finishing 9th – and he reveals: “Chris sacrificed himself for me in the prime which I mistimed and let two punks get past me.” They must have been feeling lucky! The eager duo went to Lea Valley because Crowhurst was full, but given the fate that befell PIERS ‘PRESSURE’ STANSFIELD, they’re probably counting their blessings that they didn’t pre-enter the Surrey League race. The big sprinter landed on his face after being involved in a nasty crash with several other riders including GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY and RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON during the twitchy final lap of the 3rd cat event. Piers came off the worst – and DYNAMITE! hopes he’ll be back on his bike soon. The 4s race earlier the same day was a far less dramatic affair, with DARREN ‘PACKING ‘EM’ MINSHALL and ROBERT PRITCHARD taking 5th and 9th respectively in the bunch sprint, while virgin racer JONATHAN GITTOS, who crossed the line with a big grin on his face, says of his first race: “It was as much fun as I’ve had in years.” That’s what we like to hear! Slightly more puzzling was STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS’ behaviour. Darren reveals: “One of his spokes went halfway through the race so he was forced to retire. He then decided to run a lap of the six-mile course instead. He had trouble keeping up with the bunch on foot.” We bet he did!

TOP THAT
Land’s End, John O’Groats, Limoges, Pollencia, the Czech Republic – these are just a few of the far-flung locations that have been privileged to accept a visit from the capital’s most intrepid pedal pushers. But now one Dynamate has outdone us all by taking the Dynamo brand to the most exotic location imaginable. Step forward international loverboy DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL, who reveals that a local rag in Barbados featured a picture of him proudly wearing his Dynamo top. The high-achieving triathlete quips: “I bet Cyclefit will get loads more business because of that!” Loved-up Dom has been honeymooning in the Caribbean for the past five weeks and he gave his wife a real treat early last month by allowing her to watch him win the Barbados National Triathlon Championships. What a gent! Having got his picture in the paper for coming 1st, Dom moved on to the St Croix half Ironman on Sunday, where he came 36th overall in a field of more than 750 competitors. Dominic says: “It was the toughest course I have ever done – bike had 1,500 vertical metres of ascent and run had 350 metres. It was horrendously hot. The Parkride will never seem the same again!” Back in Blighty, Dom’s fellow triathlete MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON came second overall in the Thames Turbo sprint triathlon on Monday with a time of 0:59:18 – and that was just a day after the Weybridge wonder did 0:57:01 at a 25-mile time trial in Horsham, which landed him 13th place among 120 competitors. Martin boasts: “Doing the time trial in well under the hour was one of my aims of the season. First cat licence is my only goal now.” The way he’s going, he’ll probably get it!

BOWLED OVER
Incredibly, Sash has scuppered our electoral experiment by turning her nose up at all three bowls of semi-skimmed milk. It’s full fat or nothing for this furry little madam! It will be years before Britain next decides who will govern, but it will be only one week until we deliver our Dynamoid vision for the future. Until then, always remember that we are the returning officer, but we would be nothing without you, our electoral roll. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and sightings of the elusive KEN ‘MONSTER RAVING LOONY’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you’re reading this on e-mail. The deadline is now back to Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the polling station closes, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a blue, orange and black rosette.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, APRIL 30 – MONDAY, MAY 2 – CHAS MESSENGER STAGE RACE, HILLINGDON CYCLE CIRCUIT, E/1/2/3, 274KM, FINAL RANKINGS: 1 Kevin Dawson (Planet X) 6:33:04; 2 Duncan Urqhart (VinerBikes/Agisko) +0.00.11; 3 Phil Dixon (Team DFL); +0:00:53; 4 Tony Gibb (Plowman Craven Assc) + 0:01:22; 5 Mark Lovatt (Planet X) +0:03:28; 6 Stuart Dangerfield (Science in Sport.com) +0:04:11; 7 Ben Greenwood (Recycling.co.uk/MG-XPower/Litespeed); +0:04:31; 8 Alex Higham (Stilton) +0:04:47; 9 Zak Carr (Team Clean) +0:04:58; 10 Evan Oliphant (Recycling.co.uk/MG-XPower/Litespeed) +0:05:30; 11 Mark Wordsworth (JE James) +0:06:06; 12 Steven Higgins (JE James) +0:06:08; 13 Martin Smith (Team Milton Keynes) +0:06:11; 14 Simon Brooks (VC St Raphael) +0:06:14; 15 Andrew Martin (Deeside Olympic/Veeboard) 0:06:15; 16 Henry Furness (Ride Beyond) +0:06:21; 17 Dave Coulson (JE James) +0:06:31; 18 Matthew Higgins (unatt) +0:06:40; 19 Nick Hastler (Essex Roads) +0:06:53; 20 Rob Enslin (VinerBikes/Agisko) +0:06:57; 21 Richard Eastham (Angliasport) +0:06:58; 22 Gareth Hewitt (JE James) +0:07:00; 23 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO) +0:07:00; 24 Ross Adams (Red Kite Cycles) +0:07:01; 25 Tim Bedingfield (AW Cycles) 0:07:01; 26 Vince Halpern (AW Cycles) 0:07:10; 27 Nigel Williams (Python) +0:07:12; 28 Adrian Bird (Stilton) +0:07:20; 29 Mark Williams (Python) +0:07:24; 30 Richard Cartland (Red Kite Cycles) +0:07:30; 31 Duncan Jamieson (Leisure Lakes) +0:07:35; 32 Simon Henley (Team Milton Keynes) 0:07:41; 33 Leigh Cowell (Recycling.co.uk/MG-XPower/Litespeed) +0:07:47; 34 Paul Mace (High Wycombe) +0:07:56; 35 James Shaw (Team Synergy) +0:08:06; 36 Richard Heathcote (Team Rochelle) +0:08:07; 37 Tom Crouch (Team Synergy) +0:08:09; 38 Andrew Rigg (VinerBikes/Agisko) +0:08:11; 39 Steve Golla (High Wycombe) +0:38:44; 40 Robert Stimpson (unatt) +0:39:13; 41 38 Darren Morrisey (unatt) 0:39:14; 42 Paul Alderson (South Western) +0:43:54.

SUNDAY, MAY 1 – SURREY LEAGUE, CROWHURST, 3/J/W, 55 miles: 1 Lewis Atkins (Glendene); 2 Thorsten Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 3 Robert Fallon (Fit-For); 4 Tony Cosstick (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 5 George Lagvillo (Twickenham); 6 Lee Chaplin (Twickenham); 7 Russell Scott (VC Meudon); 8 Stuart Grimes (Team Axiom); 9 Matthew Rugman (Kingsnorth International); 10 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 Philip Watkins (Addiscombe); 12 Phil Bendell (Kent Cycles); 13 Toni Bond (TM Racing); 14 Matt Green (Crawley); 15 Raymond Healey (Twickenham); 16 Richard Friend (Gemini); 17 Thomas Eichholtz (South Eastern); 18 Russell Childs (Twickenham); 19 Trevor Keenan (Festival); 20 Nigel Smith (Twickenham); 21 Chris White (TM Racing); 22 Dean Kinnerley (unatt); 23 Geoffrey Lulham (Evans Cycles); 24 Dylan Thompson (Twickenham); 25 Andrew McKie (South Western); 26 Daniel Bartley (Redhill); 27 TOM DAVIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 28 Thomas Smith (Twickenham); 29 Adrian Brown (agiskoviner.com); 30 David Roberts (Crawley); 31 Graham Berridge (London Phoenix); 32 Richard Broadribb (i-team.co.uk); 33 Jon Masters (Redhill); 34 Christain Yates (In Gear); 35 John Leitch (Festival); 36 Richard Collins (Twickenham); 37 John Rugman (Kingsnorth International); 38 Mario Manelfi (agiskoviner.com); 39 Phil Sheehan (Fit-For); 40 James McVey (Kingston Wheelers); 41 Leigh Fanner (unatt); 42 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 43 RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO); 44 Russell Painter (Norwood Paragon); 45 Dave Worsfold (unatt); 46 Lindsey Ruocco (VC Meudon); 47 Ian Beston (Kingston Wheelers); 48 Martin Snow (unatt); 49 Ray Puttick (Norwood Paragon); 50 Steve Elms (i-team.co.uk); 51 Richard Webb (Farnborough and Camberley); 52 Graham Taylor (Farnborough and Camberley); 53 Chris Wright (Freerider); 54 Mike Brampton (TM Racing); 55 GORDON KENNEWAY (LONDON DYNAMO).

SUNDAY, MAY 1 – SURREY LEAGUE, CROWHURST, 4/3W/4W, 45 miles: 1 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles) 2:00:00; 2 Rohan Dubash (Fit-For) +0:10; 3 Russell Shingles (unatt); 4 Mark Wright (West Kent); 5 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Matthew Plested (agiskoviner.com); 7 Sean Keith (TM Racing); 8 Niall Brice (Pacific Racing); 9 James Hopkins (Redhill); 10 ROBERT PRITCHARD (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 David Faulkner (Charlotteville); 12 Stephen Cotterill (Fit-For); 13 David Osborn (Old Portlians); 14 Richard Harwood (Sussex Nomads); 15 Stuart Potts (TM Racing); 16 J Walker (Sydenham Wheelers); 17 Joss Davies (Sussex Nomads); 18 E Sneddon (agiskoviner.com); 19 James Carlsson (Charlotteville CC); 20 Paul Hartigan (Thames Velo); 21 Benno Schlackter (Hastings and St Leonards); 22 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 23 T Sowa (West Kent); 24 Alan Brooks (Crawley); 25 John Nicholls (Thames Velo); 26 James Gowan (VC Bayeux); 27 Russell Cross (TM Racing); 28 JONATHAN GITTOS (LONDON DYNAMO); 29 Dave Palmer (Addiscombe) +1 lap; 30 Dick Crane (Crawley Wheelers); 31 Christopher Parker (Hastings and St Leonards); 32 Marc Lloyd (Old Portlians); 33 Graham Sheridan (Kingston Wheelers); 34 Claude Lhomme (Redhill); 35 Ian Henry (Hastings and St Leonards); 36 Chris Ogilvie (Old Portlians); 37 John Willis (Eastbourne Rovers); 38 Tim Sales (Redhill); 39 Dominic Whiten (Sydenham Wheelers).

SUNDAY, MAY 1 – CICLOS UNO EASTWAY SUMMER SERIES, 50KM, 3/4: 1 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 2 Max MacCalla (VCL) 3 Dean Russell (Whitewebbs); 4 Ken Phillips (Met Police); 5 David Wall (Warriors); 6 Nick Stacey (VCL); 7 Dean Wilson (Kingsnorth International); 8 Simon Bild (Team Sport and Publicity); 9 STUART SPIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 James Conway (Met Police).

TUESDAY, MAY 3 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #2, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, PALACE, 3/4/W/J, 27KM: 1 Josh Green (Brixton Cycles); 2 Mr Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon) +5secs; 3 David Jones (Dulwich Paragon) +10secs; 4 Mick Bell (London Fire Brigade); 5 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 William Thompson (Pacific); 7 Brian Randall (Sutton).

THE LAST WORD
“I’ve had my bike nicked four times. What an indictment of Blair’s policies!”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #54, 13.05.05

FIGHT NIGHT
As our growing army of loyal readers may have already guessed, day-to-day life in the Newsletter’s famous soundproof bunker is a pretty sedate affair, with Mrs Dynamite’s recent switch from PG Tips to Earl Grey providing the most dramatic moment since this organ began – or at least it did until Wednesday when we were forced to shield her eyes from the TV as felled Aussie Baden Cooke made a thoroughly unnecessary “Maxwell House” hand gesture at Paulo Bettini. We don’t care if the tiddly Italian forced you into the barriers at Frosinone during the close of the Giro d’Italia’s fourth stage – there are women and children watching, buddy! Like the usually easy-going Cookie, a member of the capital’s happiest cycle squad saw the red mist descend last week as he too raised a hand in anger – but thankfully level-headed Dyna-mediators were able to intervene before JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS gave a transit van driver a seeing-to for purposely braking sharply in front of the group on last Wednesday night’s ride. The big fella revealed on the forum: “I’m sure the Marquis of Queensbury would have been quite dissatisfied with the exchange.” Leave him, pal – he’s not worth it! As an antidote to the anger-fuelled testosterone surging though this edition, DYNAMITE! will be focussing on the fantastic achievements of two Dynamettes in two item’s time – but for now let’s pop on the loose-fitting satin shorts, lace up the gloves and get ready for the bell. Here comes the first round…

LADIES BOYS
It’s the dreaded hilly course that’s meant to separate the men from the boys – but unfortunately for hard-working CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, it was the boys who showed the men a thing or two at the Ladies Mile 3rd cat race on Sunday. The Solna Avenue sensation was disappointed to see powerful Glendene juniors Russell Hampton and Kristian Downs neglecting to do their fair share of work as he toiled away in an eight-man break – and after helping to build up a lead of around three minutes, he became more than a little annoyed when Hampton clinched 1st place by shooting off on the penultimate lap. Cheeky little beggar! With all three podium places nabbed by nippers, Chris had to fight it out for 6th and laid-back South African STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES, who was dropped from the lead group, managed to stay away from the pack to claim the No.9 spot. Well done, sir! It was left to DAVID ‘STRINGY’ STREULE to show the remaining riders a bit of Dyna-magic – and the long, lean lad rose commendably to the challenge by coming first in the difficult uphill bunch sprint, giving him 12th place in the tough 54 mile contest as TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES finished three places behind. Lovely stuff! But it wasn’t just deepest Surrey that was treated to a load of Dynamatic action – because there was a whole lot ‘Mo going on in Essex, Coniston and Hampshire at the same time. Chadders’ housemate TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT proved Sunday certainly isn’t a day of rest for the church of Dynamo when he slogged away for almost three hours and 45 minutes to claim 4th place at the latest round of the Eastern Road Race League. Hallelujah! Dynamo’s quiet man got in a four-man break after just 10km and managed to stay away – but he reveals: “It was whittled down to me and the eventual winner. Then I got a flat coming into the last two miles. By the time I had a new wheel two others had also passed me.” Bad luck, pal! Meanwhile, plucky STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS proved that it’s not just 1st cats like Tom who can tackle a century by finishing 28th among a 352-strong field at the 110 mile Fred Whitton Challenge. The fitness recovery drink guru tackled all six Lake District passes to finish with an elite-category time of 6.52.48 – a feat that ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY describes as “awesome”. You’re not wrong! Stu’s near-namesake crossed the line more than half an hour later – and the Cougar rider reveals his pony-tailed team-mate “had problems with his gearing and not eating enough”. Those are the sort of troubles you don’t need with 3,550m of climbing! And as the two Jeffs tackled the crazy Etape-style ride, DARREN ‘PACKING ‘EM’ MINSHALL ventured to Southwick, Hants, where he took 8th at the Portsdown Spring 3rd cat competition. The Hardest Working Man In Dynamo said: “One day I’ll be conventional and just race in the Surrey League.” We look forward to seeing you, chum! The racing week was polished off by RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON coming off the rain-slicked course at Crystal Palace on Tuesday before GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and Chris Chapman pulled out to avoid the same slippery fate – but determined GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN stuck it out to take 6th in the threes competition while Tom Hemmant got 3rd the E/1/2 race. That’s the spirit!

BOY! THOSE LADIES!
Eager as ever to turn the attention away from his own brilliant achievements, Dyna-modest Tom dropped us a line to let us know that LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE was 3rd lady at the Farnham RC 10-mile time trial – and her fellow Dynamette MEL WILLIAMS came 7th at the latest round of the Women’s National Team Series on Sunday. You go, girl! Her 12th-placed Surrey League team-mate REBECCA ‘OBJECTION’ STUBBS rightly describes the result as “phenomenal”, pointing out: “It was only her second-ever race on the road.” But the great results don’t end there, because Mel was 4th in the women’s competition at the ECCA Festival at Eastway and she was 1st woman at Palace last week. It’s no wonder she made a front page appearance on London Cycle Sport!

…AAAAND 10 – YOU’RE OUT!
The flashbulbs are popping, the referee has raised our left arm, and our opponent is lying face-down on the canvas. How a-bout that! It will be another week until we deliver another knockout punch, but we will be seriously on the ropes without you, our feisty sparring partners. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BRUISER’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we hold the gold-plated champion’s belt aloft to a roar of approval from the crowd, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an attitude.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, MAY 8 – EASTERN ROAD RACE LEAGUE, LEA VALLEY ROAD RACE, WOODHAM WALTER VILLAGE HALL, 1/2/3, 140KM: 1 Dan Staite (Cambridge) 3.39.36; 2 Digby Symons (Cambridge) +0.37; 3 Chris Parlett (Tonbridge/Ewhurst Contol) +1.15; 4 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO) +3.13; 5 Vince Devine (Luton) +4.18; 6 John Bartram (Interbike); 7 Michael Gardner (Glendene/Biketrax); 8 Shaun Aldous (ERV); 9 Phil Holloway (Southend Wheelers); 10 Nick Hastler (Essex Roads); 11 Johny Torres (Team Sport and Publicity) +4.57; 12 Edgar Medellin (Team Sport and Publicity +5.30; 13 Ian Randle (Essex Roads); 14 Sean Kilory (Glendene); 15 Michael Gray (Glendene); 16 Nathan Miller (Angliasport); +5.37; 17 Ron Hewes (Harlow) +5.45; 18 Mark Waller (Southend) +8.30; 19 Marco Coppola (Gemini) +9.00; 20 Adrian Ramsbottom (Glendene) +10.24.

SUNDAY, MAY 8 – SURREY LEAGUE/EAST GRINSTEAD CC, LADIES MILE, 3/J/W, 54 MILES: 1 Russell Hampton (Glendene) 2:24:50; 2 Kristian Downs (Glendene) +1.22; 3 William Thompson (Pacific Racing) +1.27; 4 Robert Fallon (Fit-For); 5 Richard Friend (Gemini); 6 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 7 Matthew Rugman (Kingsnorth International); 8 Ian O’Hara (Sydenham Wheelers); 9 STUART SPIES (LONDON DYNAMO) +4.13; 10 William Thomas (Viner Bikes Agisko) +4:35; 11 Nicholas Gilding (Willesden) +4:58; 12 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 13 Philip Watkins (Addiscombe); 14 Thomas Smith (Twickenham); 15 TOM DAVIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 16 Philip Murrell (Finsbury Park); 17 Alister Tullet (Edwardes Cycles); 18 James Beaumont (Kingston Wheelers); 19 David Roberts (Crawley); 20 Andrew Wills (VC Deal); 21 George Higgs (Brighton Excelsior); 22 Max Warburton (unatt); 23 Christian Yates (In Gear); 24 Thomas Roberts (Brighton Excelsior); 25 Gary Williams (East Grinstead); 26 Brian Tidey (Addiscombe); 27 Paul Jones (Crawley); 28 Nigel Smith (Twickenham) 29 Tony Stubbens (unatt); 30 John Rugman (Kingsnorth International); 31 George Lagvillo (Twickenham); 32 Dylan Thompson (Twickenham) +6.40; 33 Marco Brein (Archer); 34 Brad Lamb (Glendene); 35 Gafyn MacMillan (Kingston Wheelers) +1 lap; 36 Andrew Harvey (Kingston Wheelers); 37 Tarik Djeddour (Kingston Wheelers); 38 Toks Adesanya (Addiscombe); 39 Jon Masters (Redhill); 40 Luke Evans (Sydenham Wheelers); 41 Neil Simpson (London Phoenix); 42 Thorsten Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 43 Chris Wright (Freerider); 44 Paul Gosling (Brighton Excelsior); 45 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 46 Ian Beston (Kingston Wheelers).

SUNDAY, MAY 8 – PORTSDOWN SPRING RR, SOUTHWICK, HANTS, 3/4/W/J, 58KM: 1 Mark Wareham (VC St Raphael); Philip Gough (Portswood Cycles); 3 Mark Haylett (Team Specialised); 4 Meurig James (Willsden); 5 Chris Brooking (Api Metro); 6 Andy Cooke (VC St Raphael); 7 Steve Walkling (In Gear); 8 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Andy Rivet (Sotonia); 10 Graham Wyatt (GS Europe).

SUNDAY, MAY 8 – FRED WHITTON CHALLENGE, CONISTON, 110 MILES: 1 Lewis Craven (Wheelbase-Ronhill) 6.05.36; 2 Stuart Reid (Wheelbase-Ronhill) 6.09.19; 3 Andy Wrigley (Honister 92) 6.11.08; 4 Robert Glaister (Honister 92) 6.11.11; 5 Chris Young (Team Marie Curie) 6.13.43; 6 Paul Trott (Wheelbase-Ronhill) 6.15.42; 7 David Buckden (Kendal) 6.23.04; 8 Barrie Clarke (Giant Cycles) 6.23.08; 9 Karl (Kent Valley) 6.29.53; 10 Tim Malloch (Tooting) 6.31.20; 11 Steven Labram (Penrith) 6.31.21; 12 Andy Sudell (Lakes) 6.32.21; 13 Dave Nicholl (Lakes) 6.32.42; 14 Ian Palmer (Wheelbase) 6.33.14; 15 Paul Armstrong (Honister 92) 6.33.19; 16 Phillip Kelman (Deeside Thistle) 6.33.22; 17 Steve Young (Lindale) 6.34.24; 18 Tim Proctor (Rugvy Velo) 6.36.01; 19 Alan Goldsmith (Hillbillies) 6.36.52; 20 Joe Richards (Lakes) 6.39.57; 21 Danny Love (Cheshire) 6.41.15; 22 Graham Huddleston (Ormskirk) 6.42.52; 23 Jim Peters (IMP001 London) 6.45.42; 24 Ishmael Burdeau (Brighton Mitre) 6.46.16; 25 Fraser Malcolm (Southampton) 6.51.36; 26 Dieter Booth (Breeze Bikes) 6.52.05; 27 Julian Cook (6.52.10); 28 STUART JEFFREYS (LONDON DYNAMO) 6.52.48; 29 Nigel Hooker (Kent Valley) 6.55.18; 30 Martin Toward (Southampton Uni) 6.59.08. 61 ROBERT JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO) 7.24.06; 350 Kevan Hearn (Chester) 12.13.46.

SUNDAY, MAY 8 – WOMEN’S NATIONAL TEAM SERIES ROUND 3B, ELLENS GREEN, 48 MILES: 1 Helen Gutteridge (Team Luciano-Trek) 2.07.02; 2 Jenny Derham (Twickenham) 2.07.02; 3 Kersten Brooks (Impsport) 2.09.02; 4 Lisa Hollingshead (Fenland) 2.09.02; 5 Tracey Fletcher (Fat Birds Don’t Fly) 2.09.02; 6 Lindsey Clarke (Fenland) 2.09.03; 7 MEL WILLIAMS (SURREY LEAGUE A) 2.09.03; 8 Sam Van Gerbig (BC Central) 2.09.03; 9 Heather Summer (Team Luciano-Trek) 2.09.03; 10 Di Moss (Team Luciano-Trek) 2.09.03; 11 Claire Hall (CC Giro) 2.09.03; 12 REBECCA STUBBS (SURREY LEAGUE A) 2.09.03 68; 13 Antonia Burt (Twickenham) 2.09.03; 14 Jean Limpitlaw (BC Central) 2.09.04; 15 Hannah Bussey (Surrey League A) 2.09.04; 16 Kim Young (CC Giro) 2.09.04; 17 Mandy McDonnell (Twickenham) 2.09.04; 18 Sara Burling (CC Giro) 2.09.04; 19 Claire Gross (Fat Birds Don’t Fly) 2.09.06; 20 Nicky Hudson (Twickenham) 2.10.28; 41 Marcia Rienhardt (Oxford University) +1 lap.

TUESDAY, MAY 10 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #3, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, E/1/2, 30KM: 1 Brett Perez (Agiskoviner); 2 Jamie Newell (Evans); 3 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Matt Rugman (Kingsnorth International); 5 Rob Enslin (Viner/Agisko); 6 Derek Finnegan (Navan); 7 John Sadler (Addiscombe); 8 Matt Seaton (VC Londres).

TUESDAY, MAY 10 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #3, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, 3/4/W/J, 27KM: 1 Will Thomas (Viner/Agisko); 2 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 3 Mick Bell (London Fire Brigade); 4 Unknown; 5 William Thompson (Pacific); 6 GAVIN RYAN (LONDON DYNAMO).

THE LAST WORD
“I was just about to throw my hands in the air. Instead I did five somersaults down the road!”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #55, 20.05.05

FULL FORCE
Many heroic Dynamates have already learned that being a part of the cycling galaxy’s very own rebel alliance is an out-of-this world experience – and to get in the mood for the premiere of the latest episode in the Newsletter’s cosmic-sized narrative, we would advise you to head for our “story-so-far” results section right now. Once you’ve reached The Small Print, simply tip over your monitor so the screen is almost vertical, press your nose against the edge and slowly scroll through the textual monolith while belting out this familiar orchestral theme: “Da-da-da-daaaa-daa, da-da-da-DAAAA-daa, da-da-da-DAAAA-daa, DA-DA-DA-DAAAA!” That’s right, sci-fi-loving readers – we’ll soon be going far, far away to discover what happened when the Dark Side of south Wales felt The Force of Dynamo at the prestigious L’Etape De La Defonce two-day stage race. So come with us as we relate the sprawling saga of the past week. Here comes Obi-Wan heck of a journey…

EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM FINISH
Maybe he’s been inspired by Alessandro Petacchi in stage nine of this week’s Giro, or perhaps he picked up a few tips from his racy housemate TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT – but whatever he’s been up to, CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN managed to transform himself from tenacious climber to full-on speedman for the 3rd cat race at Crystal Palace on Tuesday. The King of the Spinners was 3rd over the line in the bunch sprint, giving him 7th overall – but according to the bespectacled boy wonder, the organisers snatched away his moment of glory by including lapped riders between the break and what was left of the bunch. Say it isn’t so, pal! Impartial as ever, DYNAMITE! is listing the disputed results for now, although we’ll run a corrected version next week if we receive an official communication from the crit commissars. You can’t say fairer than that! There was no such confusion for GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, who grabbed the No.4 spot as part of a break and later bragged to Tom that Dynamo was going to “dominate” the three-day at the end of the month. So we know who to blame if it all goes wrong!

EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE GROANS
The club’s quiet man also witnessed IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE live up to his Dyna-moniker by attacking every lap during the E/1/2/3 race at Palace – only for the pack to prompt his groans of dismay by steadfastly sticking together. Bad luck, buddy! Drained Ian, who was in an early break with Hemmant, still managed to get 8th place. Tom, meanwhile, sat on for most of the race to take 2nd behind Brian Taylor. Nice one! The Putney point-gobbler had ventured to East Hanningfield in Essex a couple of days earlier where he finished 2nd in the 110km 1/2/3/4 race. There’s no stopping him!

EPISODE III: REVENGE OF THE TWIT
There was an extra slice of criterium action this week – but despite GAVIN ‘NO LYIN” RYAN taking 4th and DAVID ‘STRINGY’ STREULE finishing 9th, the category 3 race at Crawley town centre was marred by a crash which denied RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON a chance to demonstrate the appropriateness of his nickname. Through no fault of his own, the unlucky lad has also been felled at Crowhurst and Palace in recent weeks – and he revealed in a text message to GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY that on this occasion he was taken down by a rider making a “suicidal overtaking move” on the highly technical course. There’s too much of that kind of thing going around, buddy! Eyewitness PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, who later saw WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE nab 7th in the E/1/2 competition, heard the guilty man complaining by the side of the circuit that his victim had been “in the way”. But what was the name of this opinionated rider who helped Richard dislocate his shoulder? Step forward voluble ex-Dynamo committee man and former Sunday ride “organiser” Andy ‘Listen Up’ Stevenson. He never ceases to amaze us!

EPISODE IV: THE NEW HOPES
In a bid to help our stunned readership recover from this bombshell, DYNAMITE! now turns its attention to two relative newcomers on the Dynamatic scene who have probably never had the opportunity of being led through the Surrey hills by the bandana-wearing pothole-spotter. Lucky old them! The ever-informative TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT tells us that Dynamette MEL WILLIAMS won a 19-mile SPOCO time trial this week while DARREN ‘PACKING ‘EM’ MINSHALL showed once again that he’s the Hardest Working Man In Dynamo by grabbing 10th at the 102km Anglo Polymers 3rd cat race on Sunday. Now come and do a Surrey League race, mate!

EPISODE V: DISASTER STRIKES BACK
And while young Darren toiled away in exotic Huntingdon, human powerhouse GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL was stuck on an emotional rollercoaster at the Milland Hill one-day stage race, which featured the eponymous and much talked-about 25 percent climb. That’s gotta hurt! The big fella was overjoyed to win the yellow jersey by 4 seconds in the opening 4.8 mile time trial – but he was distraught when his chain flipped out in the final three miles of the road race, causing him to finish 14 seconds behind the stage winner. Bad luck, chum! He consoled himself with the knowledge that he still managed to take 2nd in the final general classification of the 3rd cat race while domestiques STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES and GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY were rewarded with 4th and 11th overall respectively following their top five finishes in the second stage. That’s ample reward for chasing down umpteen attacks on Guy’s behalf!

EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE CHAD-I:
There was, of course, a bigger stage race going on this weekend – and DYNAMITE! is pleased to report that the annual L’Etape De La Defonce in Cowbridge, south Wales, was blessed with the first appearance of an official four-man Dynamo team in the two-day event. We’re making history, Dynamates – and CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN is making his second appearance in this edition of the Newsletter! The Solna Avenue sensation nabbed the No.2 spot in Saturday morning’s opening stage following a bunch sprint – and he competed in his first-ever team time trial that afternoon, minus tri bars, helping Dynamo reach 6th place in the race against the clock. Talk about a baptism of fire! The final stage on Sunday saw the field split, severing ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY from Chris, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON and Chairman ‘Mo GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS. Spurred on by cheers of support from Sam’s family, the compact mechanic and Chris rode an aggressive race, ending up with 7th and 15th respectively in the stage. Awesome stuff! Chris finished 9th in the final GC with Sam 10th, Guy 11th and Rob 46th while London Dynamo was bumped up to the No.2 spot in the team classification after time penalties were given to riders crossing the white lines. The Surrey League came 4th – and they probably might have finished lower down if they didn’t have 25th-placed Dynamate TOM ‘HANDY’ LANGLEY in their midst! Will Pring, organiser of the 160km event for 3rd and 4th cat riders, was so impressed with the Dynamo team that he told Chadders he would be glad to have the club back next year – but somehow we don’t think Guy will be returning to bark out the orders. The grouch-in-chief grumbled: “Rider safety-wise it was chaos. At one point there were riders all across the road heading straight towards the traffic. Bottles were being dropped and there were speed wobbles on 50mph descents. Surrey League supremo Keith ‘I’ll Get You’ Butler would, no doubt, have stopped this.” He’s never around when you need him, Guy!

A FURRY HAPPY ENDING
The tiny, hairy Ewoks are dancing merrily in Endor, safe in the knowledge that the galaxy is no longer living in fear of the nasty man in the big black helmet. We’ll be back in the cockpit of our X-wing next week, but until then, remember that we are an ineffective Threepio and we would be nothing without you, our clever little Artoo. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of mysterious bounty hunter KEN ‘BOBA FETT’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as a spectral vision of smiling Alec Guinness appears above the campfire, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a lightsaber.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Canter to Surrey and back.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
THURSDAY, MAY 12 – SURREY LEAGUE/34TH NOMADS, SOUTH NUTFIELD HANDICAP, 33 MILES: 1 Simon Cope (Pacific Racing) 2.27.33; 2 Gary Dodd (Sigma Sport); 3 Paul Pickup (Liphook Cycles); 4 Steve Calland (Norwood Paragon); 5 Scott Bugden (Pearson Cycles) +0.19; 6 Mickael Metayer (Fit-For) +1.09; 7 Gary Wallis (unatt); 8 Colin McDermott (Festival); 9 Michael Ladbrook (Pearson Cycles); 10 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 11 David Kennett (Fit-For); 12 GORDON KENNEWAY (LONDON DYNAMO); 13 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 14 Nigel Carpenter (Pacific Racing); 15 Stephen Cave (34th Nomads) +1:37; 16 Marek Siwicki (Addiscombe); 17 Jon Masters (Redhill); 18 Tony Kelly (Addiscombe); 19 David Pook (Pearson Cycles); 20 Niall Brice (Pacific Racing); 21 Julian Rickard (Epsom); 22 Graham Wood (Crawley); 23 Roger Watts (Lewes Wanderers); 24 Rohan Dubash (Fit-For); 25 William Pearson (Pearson Cycles); 26 Nick Jeffery (Southbrough and District); 27 Simon Hazeldine (Addiscombe) +3:18; 28 Dave Mascall (Norwood Paragon); 29 Giuseppe Pardo (Lewes Wanderers); 30 Kevin Davey (Pacific Racing) +1 lap; 31 Simon Mitchell (Kingston Phoenix); 32 Andrew Middleton (Pearson Cycles); 33 Mick Lane (Kent Cycles); 34 James Hopkins (Redhill); 35 Roly Crayford (San Fairy Ann); 36 Gary Williams (East Grinstead); 37 Marek Glowinski (VC de Londres); 38 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 39 Marcus Brueton (Norwood Paragon); 40 Adrian Goatley (agiskoviner.com); 41 Jeremy Uphill (Pearson Cycles); 42 Colin Bateman (Festival RC); 43 Tim Sales (Redhill CC); 44 Rachel Croggon (Kingston Phoenix); 45 Philip Beecher (Brighton Mitre); 46 Matt Willis (East Grinstead); 47 Paul Bishop (Team Kontour); 48 Brian Tidey (Addiscombe); 49 Andrew Seltzer (East Grinstead).

SATURDAY, MAY 14 – SUNDAY, MAY 15 – L’ETAPE DE LA DEFONCE, COWBRIDGE, 3/4, 160KM.
STAGE 1: 1 Matt Beckett (2.36.06); 2 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 3 Russell Bazley; 4 Matt Hargreaves; 5 Andreas Perrakis; 6 Rob Smart; 7 Chris Le Page; 8 Paul Bennett; 9 Andrew Hitchens; 10 Carl Banwell; 11 Rob Powell; 12 Hywel Silvester; 13 Nigel Jones; 14 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO); 15 Darren Thomas; 16 Kenny Parker; 17 Russell Painter; 18 Rob Fallon; 19 TOM LANGLEY (SURREY LEAGUE); 20 Chris Tidball; 21 Mike Carty; 22 Huw Salway; 23 Nick Watson; 24 Daniel Crawle; 25 Rob Bignell; 26 SAM HUMPHESON (LONDON DYNAMO); 27 Graham Edwards; 28 Paul Warman; 29 Mark Heath; 30 Kevin Grant; 31 Derek Smith; 32 John Rogers; 33 Grant Smith; 34 Terry Wright; 35 Kevin Eckersall; 36 Andrew Duff; 37 Shelley Childs; 38 Steven Smith; 39 GUY ANDREWS (LONDON DYNAMO); 69 James Carrington (2.55.2070).
STAGE 1A, TEAM TIME TRIAL: TEAM TIME TRIAL, STAGE 1A: 1 Stratford 0.18.59; 2 SURREY LEAGUE (TOM LANGLEY, Russell Painter, Neil Robertson) 0.19.11; 3 Hardly Athletic CC 0.19.20; 4 Guernsey VC ‘B’ 0.19.21; 5 Porth and District 0.19.32; 6 LONDON DYNAMO (ROB JEFFROY, GUY ANDREWS, CHRIS CHAPMAN, SAM HUMPHESON) 0.19.36; 7 Lifeforce 0.19.46; 8 Mid-Devon 0.19.49; 9 Surrey League (Rob Fallon) 0.19.55; 10 Team Forza 0.20.03; 28 Guernsey VC ‘B’ 0.23.34.
STAGE 2: 1 Russell Bazley 2.01.23; 2 Matt Beckett 2.01.30; 3 Russell Painter 2.01.34; 4 Andreas Perrakis 2.02.38; 5 TOM LANGLEY (SURREY LEAGUE); 6 Rob Smart; 7 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Paul Bennett; 9 Gareth Clements; 10 Paul Brehaut; 11 Matt Hargreaves; 12 Daniel Crawley; 13 Adrian Twitchett; 14 Andrew Hitchens; 15 SAM HUMPHESON (LONDON DYNAMO); 16 Terry Wright; 17 Mark Heath; 18 Andrew Duff; 19 Kenny Parker; 20 Nigel Jones; 21 Huw Salway; 22 Rob Powell; 23 Chris Le Page; 24 Hywel Silvester; 25 Steven Bennett; 26 Kevin Grant 2.02.43; 27 Peter Bagnall; 28 GUY ANDREWS (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.02.47; 29 Kevin Eckersall; 30 Nick Watson; 31 Paul Warman; 32 Darren Thomas; 33 Ian Sutcliffe; 34 Paul Gregg 2.02.51; 35 Steven Smith; 36 John Rogers; 37 Mark Stanley; 38 Neal Craig; 39 Thomas Jacquemet; 40 Richard Felton; 41 Stuart Le Tissier 2.03.01; 42 Neil Robertson 2.03.09; 43 Rob Fallon 2.05.31; 44 John Holt 2.05.48; 45 Carl Banwell; 46 Chris Tidball 2.05.55; 47 Robin Corder 2.06.14; 48 Rob Bignell 2.09.47; 49 Derek Smith 2.09.57; 50 Jason Williams; 51 Graham Edwards; 52 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.10.01; 53 Mike Carty; 54 Bryan Telford; 55 Brian Davies; 56 Mike Parker; 57 David Mundow; 2.10.07; 58 Grant Smith 2.12.08; 59 Mike Dean 2.15.17; 60 Meirion Davies 2.15.25; 61 David Gaunt 2.15.34; 62 Daniel Schaffer 2.15.41; 63 Graham Wade; 64 Martin Young 2.15.53; 65 Steve Robinson 2.16.16; 66 Shelley Childs 2.17.01; 67 Mario Pavan 2.17.18; 68 Mark Mathews 2.26.34; 69 James Carrington.
FINAL GENERAL CLASSIFICATION: 1 Matt Beckett (Lifeforce) 4.56.22; 2 Russell Bazley (Hardly Athletic) 4.56.29; 3 Russell Painter (Surrey League) 4.56.51; 4 Nigel Jones (Stratford) 4.57.43; 5 Mark Heath (Stratford); 6 Kevin Grant (Hardly Athletic) 4.57.59; 7 Nick Watson (Hardly Athletic) 4.58.13; 8 Gareth Clements (Porth and District) 4.58.16; 9 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO) 4.58.20; 10 SAM HUMPHESON (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 GUY ANDREWS (LONDON DYNAMO) 4.58.29; 12 Kenny Parker (Mid-Devon) 4.58.33; 13 Andreas Perrakis (Mid-Devon); 14 Thomas Jacquemet (Lifeforce) 4.58.43; 15 Steven Bennett (Porth and District) 4.58.46; 16 Hywel Silvester (HSPD Racing) 4.58.50; 17 Paul Warman (HSPD Racing) 4.58.59; 18 Neal Craig (Team Forza) 4.59.00; 19 Rob Powell (Ogmore Valley Wheelers) 4.59.01; 20 Steven Smith (HSPD Racing) 4.59.03; 21 Kevin Eckersall (Abergavenny) 4.59.09; 22 Ian Sutcliffe (Abergavenny); 23 Chris Le Page (Guernsey VC ‘A’) 4.59.13; 24 Huw Salway (Team Forza) 4.59.17; 25 TOM LANGLEY (SURREY LEAGUE) 4.59.25; 26 Rob Smart (Guernsey VC ‘B’) 4.59.35; 27 Stuart Le Tissier (Guernsey VC ‘A’) 4.59.36; 28 Paul Bennett (Cardiff JIF) 4.59.42; 29 Matt Hargreaves (Bath) 4.59.58; 30 Andrew Hitchens (Mid-Devon) 5.00.03; 31 Peter Bagnall (Bath) 5.00.13; 32 Terry Wright (Guernsey VC ‘B’) 5.01.05; 33 Paul Brehaut (Guernsey VC ‘B’); 34 Robin Corder (Stratford) 5.01.49; 35 Darren Thomas (Team Forza) 5.01.56; 36 Chris Tidball (Ogmore Valley Wheelers) 5.01.58; 37 Neil Robertson (Surrey League) 5.02.00; 38 Daniel Crawley (Crest Ilford) 5.02.12; 39 Andrew Duff (Swindon) 5.02.52; 40 Rob Fallon (Surrey League) 5.03.02; 41 Carl Banwell (Porth and District) 5.04.26; 42 Jason Williams Lifeforce 5.05.49; 43 Mike Parker (Mid-Devon); 5.05.56; 44 Rob Bignell (Abergavenny) 5.06.09; 45 John Holt (Porth and District); 46 ROB JEFFROY (LONDON DYNAMO) 5.06.13; 47 Paul Gregg (Swindon) 5.06.22; 48 Derek Smith (Crest Ilford) 5.06.31; 49 Graham Edwards (Abergavenny) 5.06.49; 50 Richard Felton (Ystwyth) 5.07.13; 51 David Mundow (Cardiff JIF) 5.08.41; 52 Grant Smith (Crest Ilford) 5.08.42; 53 Mark Stanley Team Forza (5.09.04); 54 Mike Carty (Stratford) 5.10.23; 55 Mike Dean (Guernsey VC ‘A’) 5.13.47; 56 Bryan Telford (Swindon) 5.16.49; 57 Shelley Childs (Ystwyth) 5.20.36; 58 Brian Davies (Ogmore Valley Wheelers) 5.28.37; 59 David Gaunt (HSPD Racing); 5.29.10; 60 Graham Wade (Bath) 5.33.10; 61 Meirion Davies (Ystwyth) 5.33.51; 62 Mario Pavan (Bath); 63 Daniel Schaffer (Hardly Athletic) 5.33.56; 64 Mark Mathews (Ogmore Valley Wheelers) 5.42.07; 65 James Carrington (Swindon) 5.58.08.
FINAL TEAM CLASSIFICATION: 1 Hardly Athletic 6.25.53; 2 LONDON DYNAMO 6.27.39; 3 HSPD Racing 6.28.22; 4 SURREY LEAGUE 6.28.32; 5 Team Forza 6.28.53; 6 Mid-Devon 6.29.13; 7 Stratford 6.30.59; 8 Lifeforce 6.33.34; 9 Porth and District 6.33.36; Guernsey VC ‘B’6.34.45.

SUNDAY, MAY 15 – SURREY LEAGUE/LIPHOOK CYCLES/A3CRG, MILLAND HILL 1-DAY STAGE RACE, 3/J/W, 45.8 MILES.
STAGE 1, TIME TRIAL, 4.8 MILES: 1 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.11.51; 2 Graham Wyatt (GS Europa) 0.11.54; 3 George Higgs (Brighton Excelsior) 0.12.15; 4 STUART SPIES (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.12.17; 5 Jon Masters (Redhill) 0.12.19; 6 Bryan Long (unatt) 0.12.21; 7 Thomas Smith (Twickenham) 0.12.22; 7 Fred Schwarz (Addiscombe) 0.12.22; 9 Philip Watkins (Addiscombe) 0.12.34; 10 Russell Scott (VC Meudon) 0.12.35; 11 Matthew Plested (agiskoviner.com) 0.12.37; 12 Tony Stubbens (unatt) 0.12.42; 13 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk) 0.12.44; 14 GORDON KENNEWAY (LONDON DYNAMO) 0.12.49; 15 Richard Collins (Twickenham) 0.12.53; 16 Nigel Smith (Twickenham) 0.12.57; 17 Thomas Eichholtz (South Eastern) 0.13.01; 18 David Roberts (Crawley) 0.13.03; 18 John Hyde (Basingstoke) 0.13.03; 20 Neil Simpson (London Phoenix) 0.13.08; 21 Nick Bonner (i-team.co.uk) 0.13.12; 22 Anthony Miller (Glendene) 0.13.13; 23 Michael Farrington (VC Meudon) 0.13.17; 24 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO) 0:13:20; 25 Marlon Moncrieffe (unatt) 0:13:32; 26 Tristan Natolie (agiskoviner.com) 0.13.37; 27 James Graham (Festival RC) 0.13.50.
STAGE 2, ROAD RACE, 41 MILES: 1 Bryan Long (unatt) 1.55.50; 2 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk) 1.55.50; 3 STUART SPIES (LONDON DYNAMO) 1.55.50; 4 GORDON KENNEWAY (LONDON DYNAMO) 1.55.50; 5 Matthew Plested (agiskoviner.com) 1.55.50; 6 Philip Watkins (Addiscombe) 1.55.50; 7 Graham Wyatt (GS Europa) 1.55.50; 8 David Roberts (Crawley) 1.55.50; 9 George Higgs (Brighton Excelsior) 1.55.50; 10 Richard Collins (Twickenham) 1.55.50; 11 Tony Stubbens (unatt) 1.55.50; 12 Thomas Eichholtz (South Eastern) 1.55.50; 13 Russell Scott (VC Meudon) 1.55.58; 14 Nick Bonner (i-team.co.uk) 1.56.04; 15 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 1.56.04; 16 Nigel Smith (Twickenham) 1.56.10; 17 John Hyde (Basingstoke) 1.56.28; 18 Michael Farrington (VC Meudon) 1.56.28; 19 Neil Simpson (London Phoenix) 1.56.42; 20 James Graham (Festival) 1.57.03; 21 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO) 1.57.53; 22 Jon Masters (Redhill) 2.05.17.
FINAL GENERAL CLASSIFICATION: 1 Graham Wyatt (GS Europa) 2.07.44; 2 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.07.55; 3 George Higgs (Brighton Excelsior) 2.08.05; 4 STUART SPIES (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.08.07; 5 Bryan Long (unatt) 2.08.11; 6 Philip Watkins (Addiscombe) 2.08.24; 7 Matthew Plested (agiskoviner.com) 2.08.27; 8 Tony Stubbens (unatt) 2.08.32; 9 Russell Scott (VC Meudon) 2.08.33; 10 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk) 2.08.34; 11 GORDON KENNEWAY (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.08.39; 12 Richard Collins (Twickenham) 2.08.43; 13 Thomas Eichholtz (South Eastern) 2.08.51; 14 David Roberts (Crawley) 2.08.53; 15 Nigel Smith (Twickenham) 2.09.07; 16 Nick Bonner (i-team.co.uk) 2.09.16; 17 John Hyde (Basingstoke) 2.09.31; 18 Michael Farrington (VC Meudon) 2.09.45; 19 Neil Simpson (London Phoenix) 2.09.50; 20 James Graham (Festival) 2.10.53; 21 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO) 2.11.13; 22 Jon Masters (Redhill) 2.17.36.

SUNDAY, MAY 15 – CRAWLEY CRITERIUMS, CRAWLEY TOWN CENTRE, E/1/2: 1 Russell Downing (Recycling.co.uk/MG Xpower/Litespeed); 2 Ian Holt (VinerBikes/Agisko Nutrition); 3rd Simon Cope (Pacific); 4 Dean Downing (Recycling.co.uk/MG Xpower/Litespeed); 5 Rob Hayles (Recycling.co.uk/MG Xpower/Litespeed); 6 Tom Smith (VinerBikes/Agisko Nutrition); 7 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Ross Muir (VinerBikes/Agisko Nutrition); 9 Grant Bayton (Angliasport); 10 Nick Dibble (Climb On Bikes); 11 Tony Gibb (unatt) 12 Ben Swift (Kinesis); 13 Jamie Newall (Evans Cycles); 14 Yanto Barker (Team DFL); 15 Simon Gaywood (Luton); 16 Paul Byrom (Johns Bikes); 17 Justin Hoy (Evans Cycles); 18 Tom Smith (Cardiff); 19 Dan Duguid (Evans Cycles); 20 Chris Macnamara (Tunbridge Wells); 21 Daniel Alexander (Ace); 22 Rob Enslin (VinerBikes/Agisko Nutrition); 23 Chris Birch (Evans Cycles); 24 Stuart Blunt (Team Edwardes). 3/J: 1 Russell Hampton (Glendene CC); 2 Jon Mozley (API Resprays/Metrow Foods); 3 Kristian Downs (Glendene); 4 GAVIN RYAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Alex Atkins (Evans Cycles); 6 Jon Sharples (In Gear RT/Quickvit); 7 Dan Manelfi (www.agiskoviner.com); 8 William Thompson (Pacific RT); 9 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 Matt Green (Crawley); 11 Gareth Dickinson (www.agiskoviner.com); 12 Chris Stocks (21st Century Airports); 13 Guy Laycock (www.agiskoviner.com); 14 Will Thomas (Viner Bikes/Agisko Nutrition); 15 Phil Bendall (Kent Cycles).

SUNDAY, MAY 15 – ANDREWS TROPHY RR, EAST HANNINGFIELD, 1/2/3/4, 110KM: 1 Mark Waller (Southend Whs) 2.56.43; 2 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO) +0.05; 3 Digby Symons (Cambridge); 4 Sean Sumner (Interbike); 5 Ed Graefe (Team Economic Energy); 6 Brett Travers (Glendene); 7 Chris Negus (Shaftesbury); 8 Glen Stanford (Interbike); 9 Philip Hetzel (Ipswich); 10 Mark Daly (Team Darenth); 11 Tony Bradford (North Road) +1.30; 12 Steven Griffiths (Interbike) +3.00; 13 Nick Hastler (Essex Roads); 14 Daniel Fentiman (Tri and Run); 15 Shaun Aldous (Interbike); 16 Darren Knight (Metropolitan Police); 17 Jamie Higgins (Ewhurst Controls); 18 Marco Coppola (Gemini BC); 19 Dean Shannon (Southend Wheelers); 20 Nathan Miller (Anglia Sport) +4.00; 21 Nathaniel Spurling (Finsbury Park).

SUNDAY, MAY 15, 2005; ANGLO POLYMERS ROAD RACE, HUNTINGDON RECREATION GROUND, 3/4/W/J, 102KM: 1 Chris Brooking (API Metrow); 2 Neil Beasley (Ashfield RC); 3 Daniel Zagni (Ipswich); 4 Mark Haylett (Team Specialized); 5 Steve Taylor (Sherwood Pines) 6 Ian Randall (Essex Roads); 7 James Kent (Verulam); 8 Simon Smart (Zodiac); 9 Eric Blanc (Cambridge); 10 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 Paul Rennie (St Ives); 12 Adam Dobbs (unatt); 13 Sean McDougall (Finsbury Park); 14 TBC; 15 Scott Marrison (VC Lincoln).

TUESDAY, MAY 17 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #4, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, E/1/2/3, 30KM: 1 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres); 2 TOM HEMMANT (LONDON DYNAMO) +2 secs; 3 Stuart Blunt (Edwards); 4 Dave Worthington (Viner/Agisko); 5 Scott Bugden (Pearson Cycles); 6 John Shower (Addiscombe); 7 Mike Ladbrook (Pearson Cycles); 8 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Alex Rowe (Cycle Synergy); 10 Matt Rugman (Kingsnorth International) +5 secs; 11 Matt Seaton VC Londres.

TUESDAY, MAY 17 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #4, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, 3/4/W/J, 27KM: 1 Alex Atkins (Evans); 2 David Jones (Dulwich Paragon); 3 Stuart Hicks (Catford); 4 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 Josh Gregory (Brixton Cycles) +40 secs; 6 Phil Jones (Dulwich Paragon); 7 Kirk Jenns (PCA/Ciclos Uno); 8 Michael Ricciardi (BEC) +1.10; 9 Danny Horton (Gemini) +1.14 10 Mick Bell (London Fire Brigade); 11 Unknown; 12 Daniel Fortunov (Reading); 13 Julian Cunnington (SERL).

THE LAST WORD
“The Imperial speeder bike is a slim, single-person repulsorlift conveyance. The lightweight bike can attain speeds in excess of 500 kilometers per hour.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #56, 27.05.05

DUBLIN UP
It’s not often that DYNAMITE! feels a pang of envy, but we were as green as the Emerald Isle itself when we discovered that hundreds of cycling fans were cheering on two Dynamates this week as they took part in Ireland’s prestigious FBD Insurance Ras stage race. It sounds like they had a Cork-ing time! Sweet-talking Irishman IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE proved he had a touch of the blarney by persuading TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT to take part in the gruelling 1100km competition just nine days before the start on Sunday – so come with us as we relate how the two Dynamates doubled as riders in the five-man Dublin Excel Ravens team. Here come all the highs and Wick-lows of the first four days…

BAD LUCK OF THE IRISH
By the very definition of his nickname, Dynamo’s quiet man TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT isn’t prone to exaggeration – so our ears pricked up when he described the FDB Ras as “absolutely crazy”. Surely an eight-day race that runs anticlockwise around the central part of Ireland can’t be as bonkers as an evening at Hillingdon? But the Putney point-gobbler explains: “The first day was insane with three major crashes. One of our team-mates damaged the tendons in his knee so badly that he has to have a cast on for three months.” Ouch! The relatively high incidence of spills is partly due to the super-fast speeds driven by high-quality riders such as Recycling star Chris Newton and former Tour of Spain points competition winner Malcolm Elliott. With a field of that calibre, Tom did a superb job finishing 36th on the opening stage from Dublin to Emyvale which saw the 200-strong peloton average 29mph. That’s not easy to do for 140km! Tom went on to take 38th at Tubbercurry the next day, taking him to 32 on the general classification – but disaster struck around 40km from stage three’s finish at the westerly town of Lisdoonvarna. Tom reveals: “Something happened in front of me so I had to pile into a stone wall and then loads of people came into me from behind. I snapped my bars and one of my shifters so I needed to get a spare bike – but all the team cars were stopped by the crash so I had to run down the road to get ours.” It doesn’t get any more unlucky than that! Having lost valuable time getting another bicycle, battered Tom eventually crossed the line in 148th place and finished 68th at Templemore the following day – but at least he could console himself with the full pro treatment from his team’s support crew, which consisted of a masseur, a manager and a driver who doubled as bike cleaner. There’s probably not much left of your Serotta to clean, pal! The Ras concludes on Sunday – and we’ll be bringing you full details of the remaining four stages next week, including an account of how Tom’s team-mate IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE managed to come off twice. Back in Blighty, Hemmant’s hectic racing schedule has managed to impress newly-married DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL, who comments: “He must be living on For Goodness Shakes!” The high-achieving triathlete dropped DYNAMITE! a line to say that he won his age group at last weekend’s the Blenheim triathlon and came 8th among the 2,200-strong field. Nice work, fella! The weekend also saw a rare smile on the face of grouchy club president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS when he came second at the Maldon and District 25 mile time trial – and STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS tried to steal DARREN ‘PACKING ‘EM’ MINSHALL’s crown as the Hardest Working Man In Dynamo by nabbing the No.6 spot at Saturday’s 4th cat race at Eastway on Saturday before taking 3rd at Dusnfold the next day. Milkshake guru Stuart witnessed JUSTIN ‘ANOTHER WIN’ SIMS come first at the aerodrome after spending most of the 30 mile race at the front. He’ll come in handy now he’s a 3rd cat! And as one Dynamate enters the thirds, another leaves. Human powerhouse GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL drove a six-man break at the 3/4/W/J race Eastway before finishing 6th, giving him the necessary points to move up to the category 2 world of pain. He won’t know what’s hit him! The lanky property broker, who proudly described his performance in Lea Valley as “magnificent”, went on to take 8th at the 80km race in Benenden the next day and polished off his impressive week by taking the No.5 spot at Crystal Palace on Tuesday, which was his first race as a second cat. Nice one, chum!

MARSHAL ASK
While waiting for his upgraded license to slowly make its way down from the BCF’s Manchester HQ, newly-promoted Guy decided that he will help out his 3rd cat buddies by riding as their domestique at this weekend’s Surrey League three-day race. What a gent! You could witness this once-in-a-lifetime occurrence and help out event organiser Martin Snow by volunteering to marshal on Sunday’s stage. A certain south coast club has pulled out of marshalling duties at the last minute, which means that a dozen people are needed to cover quiet areas around Nuthurst, Maplehurst and Copsale. Call Martin on 01737 762 605 or e-mail martin.safesounds@btopenworld.com if you can offer assistance. Let’s give him the Dyna-manpower he needs!

WE’LL BE OFF IN A LIFFEY
It’s been a long way to Tipperary, but we’re finally back home. There will be many gallons of Guinness knocked back before we take another walk along the Liffey, but it will be just seven days, to be sure, before your favourite Dynamatic update returns. Until then, always remember that we are a monosyllabic Sean Kelly and we would be nothing without you, our dynamic Sean Yates. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘DANNY BOY’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we clasp our lucky shamrock, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a potato.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Four laps of the park.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT

SATURDAY, MAY 21 – ESSEX ROADS CC CIRCUIT RACES, EASTWAY, LEA VALLEY, E/1/2/3, 50KM: 1 Bryan Taylor (VC Londres) 1.22.12; 2 Ben Price (Stilton); 3 Jason Edwards (Ewhurst Control/Wildsidecycles); 4 Craig Stevens (PCA/Ciclos Uno) 5 Ed Graefe (Team Economic Energy); 6 Matt Seaton Matt (VC Londres) 7 Phil Holloway (Southend Wheelers); 8 Andrew Griffiths (LVYCC); 9 TOM LANGLEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 Steven Griffiths (Interbike) +1 lap; 11 DAVE CASEY (LONDON DYNAMO) +2 laps.

SATURDAY, MAY 21 – ESSEX ROADS CC CIRCUIT RACES, EASTWAY, LEA VALLEY, 3/4/W/J, 50KM: 1 Joe Fletcher (Team Economic Energy) 1.21.46.4; 2 Chris Farrell (unatt) 1.21.47.0; 3 Ian Randall (Essex Roads) 1.21.47.0; 4 Carl MacDonagh (Brixton Cycles) 1.21.47.2; 5 Phil Watkins (Addiscombe) 1.21.47.3 6 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO) 1.21.48.1; 7 Kevin Barker (PCA/Ciclos Uno) 1.22.07.4; 8 GAVIN RYAN (LONDON DYNAMO) 1.22.07.5; 9 Phil Bendall (Kent Cycles); 1.22.07.9; 10 Geoff Luen (San Fairy Ann) 1.22.08.2; 11 Jay Hunter (Interbike) 1.22.08.2; 12 Roger Molinari (Team Economic Energy) 1.22.08.6; 13 Vincent Davison (Victoria) 1.22.08.8; 14 Andrew Harvey (Kingston Wheelers) 1.22.08.8; 15 John Shurmer (Addiscombe) 1.22.09.0; 16 Peter Gettings (Team Economic Energy) 1.22.09.0; 17 Peter Manley (Essex Roads) 1.22.09.1; 18 Kirk Jenns (PCA/Ciclos Uno) 1.22.09.2; 19 Chris Bracewell (Addiscombe) 1.22.09.4; 20 Ian Owen (Bicester Millennium) 1.22.09.4; 21 Jonathan Maher (Sigma) 1.22.10.0; 22 Craig Beech (Interbike) 1.22.10.4; 23 Phil Hersey (Eagle RC) 1.22.10.4; 24 Matt Evans (Finsbury Park) 1.22.11.0; 25 Mike Anderson (Agiskoviner.com) 1.22.12.1; 26 Dan Lewis (unatt) 1.22.12.9; 27 Daniel Kogan (LVYCC) 1.22.14.0.

SATURDAY, MAY 21 – EASTWAY, ESSEX ROADS CC CIRCUIT RACES, EASTWAY, LEA VALLEY, 4/W/J, 24KM: 1 Ian Heather (Shaftesbury) 38.49.4; 2 Tom Burke (Dulwich Paragon) 38.50.5; 3 Conor Murphy (Victoria) 38.51.1; 4 Mark Mitchell (unatt) 38.51.2; 5 Jame MacFeely (Essex Road) 38.51.5; 6 STUART JEFFREYS (LONDON DYNAMO) 38.51.7; 7 Kieran Dunlea (PCA/Ciclos Uno) 38.51.9; 8 Alan Hill (Gemini BC) 38.52.1; 9 Stav Socratous (unatt) 38.52.1; 10 Mark Howard (Shaftesbury) 38.52.1; 11 Steve Hall (Essex Roads) 38.52.3; 12 Steve Treanor (unatt) 38.52.3; 13 Siman Constable (Basildon) 38.52.5; 14 Paul Bird (Shaftesbury); 38.53.0; 15 Richard Mead (Luton) 38.53.5; 16 Alan Sherman (unatt) 38.54.0; 17 Ben Preston (unatt) 38.56.1; 18 Camille MacMillan (Morden) 39.01.6; 19 Ian Hunter (Finsbury Park) 40.23.3.

SUNDAY, MAY 22 – BENENDEN/CRANBROOK SERRL EVENT 6, 3/4/W/J, 80KM: 1 Malcolm Whitehead (VC Deal); 2 Ian O’Hara (Sydenham Wheelers); 3 Kirk Jenns (Cylcos Uno); 4 Brian Long (unatt); 5 Karl Strugnell (De Rosa); 6 Nick Jeffrey (Southborough and District Wheelers); 7 David Jones (Dulwich Paragon); 8 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Marek Siwichi (Addiscombe); 10 Cesar Coco (VC Deal); 11 Giles Martin (Dulwich Paragon); 12 Thursten Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 13 Andrew Wills (VC Deal); 14 Max McCalla (VC Londres); 15 Max Ramirez (Addiscombe); 16 Jonathan Jones (VC Deal); 17 Paul Martin (Easterley); 18 Alistair Tullett (Team Edwardes); 19 Martin Dawkins (VC Deal); 20 Geoff Luen (San Fairy Ann); 21 David Faulkner (Charlotteville); 22 Oliver Macpherson (Dunfermline); 23 Gavin Whendon (Medway Velo); 24 Jeff Wilson (VC Deal) 25 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 26 Matt Smith (Gemini); 27 David Williams (VC Deal); 28 Jon Colbear (VC Deal); 29 Russell Shingles (In Gear); 30 Richard Roberts (Dulwich Paragon); 31 Nick Young (Southborough and District Wheelers); 32 Alan Flight (GS Invicta); 33 David Twin (Sydenham Wheelers); 34 Mr Parle (L.W.CC); 35 James Walker (Sydenham Wheelers); 36 Phil Bendall (Kent Cycles); 37 Kevin Knox (Dulwich Paragon); 38 Martin Lloyd (VC Deal); 39 Piers North (Dulwich Paragon); 40 Luke Evans (Sydenham Wheelers); 41 Mark Mitchell (unatt); 42nd John Duckworth (VC Deal).

SUNDAY, MAY 22 – SOUTH EAST DIVISION ROAD RACE CHAMPIONSHIP, DUNSFOLD AERODROME, SUPPORTING RACE, 4/W, 30 MILES: 1 JUSTIN SIMS (LONDON DYNAMO) (1.20.45); 2 Chris Latimer (Angliasport) 3 STUART JEFFREYS (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 Niall Brice (Pacific Racing); 5 Claude Lhomme (Redhill); 6 Glenn Mathieson (unatt); 7 Keith Bugden (Pearson Cycles); 8 Brent Skinner (Hounslow and District); 9 Allan Hopkins (Redhill); 10 Mark Goodall (i-team.co.uk); 11 Tim Sales (Redhill) 12 Roy Page (Brighton Excelsior); 13 Dick Crane (Crawley Wheelers); 14 Deborah Leighton (unatt).

TUESDAY, MAY 24 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #5, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK E/1/2, 30KM: CRYSTAL PALACE, E/1/2/3: 1 Dan Rudd (Edwardes); 2 Brett Perez (agiskoviner.com); 3 Matt Seaton (VC Londres); 4 WARRICK SPENCE (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); +4secs; 6 Mike Ladbrook (Pearson Cycles) +1.20; 7 Dave Worthington (agiskoviner.com) +1 lap; 8 JOE STEGERS (LONDON DYNAMO).

TUESDAY, MAY 24 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #5, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, 3/4/W/J, 27KM: 1 Phil Jones (Dulwich Paragon); 2 Will Thomas (Agiskoviner.com); 3 Kirk Jenns (PCA/Ciclos Uno); 4 Simon Lewis (VC Londres); 5 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 6 Julian Cunnington (SERL); 7 Mr Anne Boorsma (Dulwich Paragon); 8 William Thompson (Pacific); 9 TOM DAVIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 10 Sam Fensterheim (De Laune); 11 Stuart Hicks (Catford); 12 Alistair Tullett (Edwardes); 13 CHRIS CHAPMAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 14 Sean McKibben (Dulwich Paragon).

THE LAST WORD
“Sean can not bring himself to say ‘peloton’, always referring to ‘d’bonnch’.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #57, 03.06.05

HOLE LOTTA HASSLE
In its capacity as Dynamo’s consistently buoyant journal of record, the DYNAMITE! team likes to pump pride into the heart of every member – but we were sad to hear of a certain Dynamate who was left feeling somewhat flat during the much-anticipated Surrey League three-day this week. That’s right, tyre-ed and emotional reader – an up-and-coming ‘Mo’s determined bid to win the prestigious 3rd cat stage race was scuppered by a badly-timed visit from the pesky puncture fairy. On the plus side, at least the incident briefly stopped the lofty lad having an inflated opinion of himself! There’s nothing more dispiriting than that familiar hissing sound, so come with us now as we prepare to patch things up. Here comes the sandpaper and glue…

RIM AND BEAR IT
He’s undoubtedly endowed with a massive cycling talent – but big lad GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL discovered on Saturday’s opening stage of the Surrey League three-day that a little prick can have an amazing effect. The twin-piston powerhouse turned on the turbo boost within five miles of the chequered flag and found himself in a late break with Kingston Wheelers rider James Beaumont. Incredibly, the lanky property broker’s front tyre took a puncture with two miles to go yet he still managed to ride on the rim and nab second. Now that’s what we call expert handling! Unlucky Guy, who eventually settled for 2nd in the final general classification, had another surprise at the finish in Newdigate – his dad had turned up to watch! Powdrill senior suggested that his son should fill his tyres with “some sort of substance” to prevent another puncture. We knew there had to be a better use for those gooey energy gels! The Surrey League supercomputer has yet to issue results from each of the three stages, but it seems the final GC was more or less decided on day one due in no small part to Monday’s concluding stage being re-routed away from the potentially bunch-splitting climb of Leith Hill. Damn the wet weather! Nevertheless, DARREN ‘PACKING ‘EM’ MINSHALL still got the chance to prove once again that he’s the Hardest Working Man In Dynamo by coming 1st on day 2 with a little help from the mighty ‘Mo train of NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK, STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES, TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES and wheezing boy wonder CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, who was still recovering from last week’s gruelling L’Etape De La D’Enfonce. Darren came 8th overall – and his stage win is all the more impressive considering he recovered from spending three laps off the front on his own the previous day. Have a good long rest, buddy! Praise is also due for Tom, Stuart and Chris who came 10th, 13th and 18th respectively in the final GC, taking most of them to 2nd cat, while Nick went off on his hols instead of doing the final day. We don’t blame you, pal! Meanwhile, over in Cutmill, 11th-placed MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRETT watched in amazement as DAVID ‘STRINGY’ STREULE whizzed past him in the uphill bunch sprint to take 9th – and the Chelsea chappie reveals: “He told me later that he’d been timing himself from the last corner to the line. Now that’s what I call planning the finish!” Sadly, things didn’t go as smoothly for WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE, who went to hospital following a crash in Tuesday’s E/1/2/3 race at Crystal Palace. Hopefully we’ll be able to bring you details of how he’s doing next week – but in the meantime, just make sure you get well soon, buddy! The south-east London circuit also saw GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN come 3rd in the 3/4 event with GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY finishing 8th – and over at Hillingdon on the same night, ANDREW STRONG took his first step on the points ladder by taking the No.4 spot after getting into a break which actually stuck. That just isn’t supposed to happen in a 4th cat event!

RAS BANG WALLOP
Regular readers will recall how we left you with a bit of a cliff-hanger last week – and now we can reveal how battered Dynamate TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT battled to the end of Ireland’s crash-strewn FBD Insurance Ras stage race to claim a respectable 48th place in the final general classification. Give that man an extra-large bidon of Rego! Tom’s hopes of taking a top 40 place amid the quality field were cruelly dashed during stage 3 when the 200-odd riders jostled their way down a narrow country lane, causing a crash which brought him down along with 40 other competitors – but his luck changed two days later when the race splintered over the long 1-in-5 climb of The Butts. The Solna Avenue sensation’s team-mate IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE says of the 143km stage from Templemore to Abbyleix: “Tom made it into the select 50 rider front group, eventually recording a fine 22nd place on the stage.” That’s what we like to hear! The result lifted Tom from 91 to 52 on the GC and he went on to put in a solid performance over the Dublin-Wicklow mountains in stage 7 – the toughest of the 8-day race. Following a short final-day criterium in Phoenix Park, Dublin, Dynamo’s quiet man finished 0.20.48 down on Chris Newton’s winning time of 26.32.39 while Ian ended up 112th on the GC at 1.09.54. And almost a quarter of the field abandoned! The former Dublin Excel Ravens rider, who was competing with Tom under the banner of his old Irish club, was brought down on stage 2 by a Czech pro after the rider had been sideswiped by the Recycling team car – and Ian kissed the tarmac again when someone put their pedal through his rear wheel just meters after the start of stage 4 at Emyvale. Bad luck, buddy! To add insult to injury, we mistakenly changed his nationality in the last issue. Ian says: “I lived, worked and raced in Ireland for a year and a half. I’ve no Irish blood at all – honest!” Consider us told!

TYRED OUT
With sweat pouring from our brow, we have finally managed to wrestle the pierced Michelin Pro Race back onto the rim and pumped the damn thing until it’s as firm as an order from GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS. What a bead-ing awful experience! We’ll probably get another flat in a matter of minutes – but DYNAMITE! will still be back in seven days’ time. Until then, always remember that we are a trusty spare inner tube but we would be nothing without you, our ever-present presta valve. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘EIGHT BAR’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as a tiny bit of flint sits up on the tarmac, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and plenty of air.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Four laps of the park.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
TUESDAY, MAY 24: WEST THAMES/MIDDLESEX RC CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, 4/W/J, 24 MILES: 1 Charley Emry (Twickenham CC/Evans/Nature’s Kiss); 0.57.43; 2 A. Jewell (Solent RT); 3 D. Kingsburn (agiskoviner.com); 4 ANDREW STRONG (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 S. Looby (unatt) +0.06; 6 C. Salisbury (unatt) +0.47; 7 A. McIntyre (Gregarios); 8 G. Pettit (Hillingdon); 9 B. Skinner (Hounslow And District Wheelers); 10 T. Brass (Thames Velo).

MONDAY, MAY 30 – SURREY LEAGUE/AGISGOVINER.COM, CUTMILL, 2/3/J, 62 MILES: 1 Justin Lomas (Norwood Paragon) 2.04.00; 2 Mark Scoular (unatt) +0.40; 3 Eamon Watson (Velocity The Exercise Deck); 4 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk); 5 Seth Kay (poshbikes.com); 2 Des Gayler (Kenton); 7 DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 John Glaysher (agiskoviner.com); 9 Scott Merrilees (Twickenham); 10 David Larcombe (VC Meudon); 11 MARTIN GARRETT (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville); 13 Simon Latimer (Team Lichfield); 14 Nick Boyd (unatt); 15 Craig Wilson (VC Meudon); 16 Philip Watkins (Addiscombe); 17 Terry Morgan (VC Meudon); 18 Mark Haylett (Team Specialized); 19 Adrian Ramsbottom (Glendene); 20 David Roberts (Crawley); 21 Ben Thompson (Victoria); 22 Daniel James (Team Axiom); 23 Lee Chaplin (Twickenham); 24 Christian Yates (In Gear); 25 Graham Wood (Crawley); 26 David Kennett (Fit-For); 27 Mickael Metayer (Fit-For); 28 Pete Connelly (VC Meudon); 29 Robert Cranstone (VC Meudon); 30 Gianluca Cappello (British Airways); 31 Neil Linford-Relph (VC Meudon); 32 JOSEPH STEGERS (LONDON DYNAMO); 33 Dominic Gabellini (Angliasport); 34 Phil Westby (VC Meudon); 35 Colin McDermott (Festival); 36 Gary Kristensen (agiskoviner.com); 37 Michael Inder (Thames Velo); 38 Matthew Plested (agiskoviner.com); 39 Niall Digby (Sigma Sport); 40 David Gayler (Kenton); 41 Andrew Boyd (unatt); 42 Ashley Lambert (agiskoviner.com); 43 Max Harris (agiskoviner.com); 44 John Alderman (VC Meudon); 45 Thorsten Klassen (Kingston Wheelers); 46 Kevin Butchart (Twickenham).

TUESDAY, 31 MAY – CRYSTAL PALACE CIRCUIT LEAGUE #6, 3/4/W/J, 27KM: 1 David Jones (Dulwich Paragon); 2 Daniel Fortunov (Reading); 3 GAVIN RYAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 4 William Thompson (Pacific) +0.15; 5 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles) +0.50; 6 Alex Atkins (Evans) +1.00; 7 Neil Pearson (Gemini) +1.06; 8 GORDON KENNEWAY (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Jonathan Donald (Brixton Cycles); 10 Stuart Hicks (Catford); 11 Phil Bendall (InCycles).

TUESDAY, 31 MAY – BC WEST THAMES/WESTERLEY RC CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, 4/W/J, 25 MILES: 1 Jamie Howes (Twickenham CC/Evans/Natures Kiss) 0.57.24; 2 M. Wilmott (Slipstreamers) +0.03; 3 R. Tozer (Twickenham CC/Evans/Natures Kiss) + 0.25; 4 C. Trevallini (Reading); 5 S. Hernandez (Sutton) +2.00; 6 C. Salisbury (unatt); 7 A. Sherman (unatt); 8 B. Skinner (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 9 E. Young (Hillingdon); 10 S. Kirby (Sutton); 11 HUGO CANO (LONDON DYNAMO); 12 K. Davidson (unatt); 13 B. Cousins (Kingston Wheelers); 14 M. Ward (Mission); 15 T. Brass (Thames Velo); 16 P. Cornwall (unatt); 17 M. Farmer (unatt); 18 D. Bond (Reading); 19 DAVE CASEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 20 C. Fyfe (i-team.co.uk); 21 M. Stallion (Twickenham CC/Evans/Natures Kiss); 22 Unidentified; 23 A. Broadbent (Thames Velo); 24 ANDREW STRONG (LONDON DYNAMO); 25 S. Bale (Reading); 26 G. Pettit (Hillingdon); 27 A. McIntyre (Gregarios); 28 J. Nicholls (Thames Velo).

THE LAST WORD
“Flat tires are caused by beer in winter and by cigarettes in summer. As odd as this may seem, there is a direct link.”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #58, 10.06.05

BOULD OVER
As our globally-aware readership knows, the lucky citizens of Mallorca, the Czech Republic, France and even the Bahamas have already been treated to the glorious sight of the Dynamo brand whizzing past their front doors during the past 14 months – but now we can reveal that the fame of Britain’s most cosmopolitan cycle squad has spread across the Atlantic. That’s right, hot dog-munching reader – the illustrious blue, black and orange uniform was this week recognised in the land of the stars and stripes as a fully kitted-out Dynamate rode through Boulder, Colorado with London Dynamo proudly emblazoned across his chest. Now that’s what we call a Brit invasion – even if the rider is a Yank! So come with us now as we hop across the pond to the land of the free. Here come the opening bars of Star Spangled Banner…

ROCKY RIDE
He’s probably the only person who can put a smile on the face of grouchy club president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS – so naturally DYNAMITE! was delighted to receive a note at the weekend from motivational lifestyle guru ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY. The charismatic American proved Guy was right to describe him as “an inspiration” by taking his trusty Serotta on a few rides in the Rocky Mountains while it poured with rain. And he had to go to business meetings afterwards! Even more amazingly, a passing triathlete spotted Ed’s top through his soaking wet rain jacket and said to him: “Hey! You ride for London Dynamo!” Ed says of the British athlete who was training in Tyler Hamilton’s high-elevation hometown: “He was appropriately respectful of the jersey. The legend grows.” You bet it does, pal! Slightly closer to home, CHRIS HALE fought off vicious leg cramps to finish the 170km Ventoux cyclo sportif ride at the weekend, conquering the 3800 metre ascent in 7 hours and 40 minutes. Awesome effort, sir! Meanwhile, in another strange foreign land, Dynamettes MEL WILLIAMS and REBECCA ‘OBJECTION’ STUBBS took 13th and 14th respectively at the women’s national 25 mile time trial hosted by South Wales District. Mel was 1min 45secs off the winning time of 00.55.04 while Rebecca was 5secs away from her team-mate – and the girls’ great news was passed on to us by none other than TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT. You shouldn’t be so sheepish about what you did in Wales, ladies!

PRESSURE’S BACK ON
Returning our attention to good old England, a number of Dynamates had a frustrating time in Chertsey on Saturday after Surrey League supremo Keith ‘I’ll Get You’ Butler used his official’s car to briefly neutralise the 3rd cats on their penultimate lap, preventing them smashing into the back of the 1st and 2nd cat race ahead. The safety precaution prevented ROB ‘ALL WEATHER’ TUBBS carrying out his plan of making a late break, leaving him to take joint 12th place with RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and DARREN ‘PACKING ‘EM’ MINSHALL in an almighty 64-strong gallop for the line. It wasn’t for the faint-hearted! Nevertheless, plucky PIERS ‘PRESSURE’ STANSFIELD still appeared to forget all about his spill at Crowhurst and pull out his massive sprint on the MoD circuit to claim 7th place in his first race since coming off. Nice one, son! Talking of comebacks, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT put his knee troubles behind him and eased himself into the season by taking part in the 1/2 race – but there was disappointment for 18th-placed GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL who watched 13 riders disappear as the bunch slowed to gingerly squeeze past the 3rds late in the 50-mile race, leaving them with no chance of catching the Dynamo-free break. Damn it all! The midweek crits provided the scene for a far more liberal sprinkling of Dyna-magic as DAVID ‘STRINGY’ STRUELE, GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN and STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES took 4th, 5th and 7th respectively at the 3/4 race at Crystal Palace on Tuesday while Guy P landed 10th place in the E/1/2 event. Lovely stuff! Over at Hillingdon on the same night, Russell took 15th in the E/1/2/3 race while CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD marked his season debut with a respectable 24th place in the same event. The Etape-bound International Man Of Leisure says: “It was hard just holding on.” We bet it was, buddy! And finally, DYNAMITE! was pleased to hear that WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE escaped from his spill at Palace last week more or less intact. The Cyclefit sensation smashed into a tree on the fast corner as he tried to avoid a lapped rider – but despite having difficulty breathing at hospital, Warrick had nothing broken and is now waiting for his sizable bruises to heal before he gets back on his Serotta. Get well soon, chum!

KEN WATCH!
He’s back! Back! BACK! Although where he is at the moment is obviously anyone’s guess. According to a text message that the ever-enigmatic KEN BUIST sent to race secretary PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN this week, the Dyna-mystery man is “back in town” after a trip to his native New Zealand. So have YOU seen Ken about? Perhaps you’ve spotted him discussing stem lengths at the counter of a certain Hampton Wick retailer or maybe overheard him volubly talking up his rumoured appearance in the forthcoming Surrey League five-day. Whatever he was doing and wherever he was doing it, DYNAMITE! wants to know – so Dyna-mail us at news@londondynamo.co.uk And remember – when it comes to Ken Watch, no detail is too trivial or obsessive!

YANKS FOR JOINING US
We’ve rode across the range until we’re saddle sore and now we’re ready to spend a week recuperating in our little house on the prairie. Until we saddle up again, always remember that we are the Fifth Amendment but we would be nothing without you, our admirable constitution. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘SENATOR’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we look up to see Mount Rushmore looming above us, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an apple pie.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SATURDAY, JUNE 4 – SURREY LEAGUE/BEYOND MTB, MoD CHERTSEY, 1/2, 50 MILES: 1 Paul Crook (Angliasport) 2.03.50; 2 Kristian House (Fuji Bikes); 3 Mark Petitt (agiskoviner.com); 4 Joe Bayfield (awcycles.co.uk); 5 Lee Day (Liphook Cycles); 6 Steven Richards (VC Meudon); 7 Shawn Blakey (Ride Beyond); 8 Phil Starr (Starr Guttering); 9 Adrian Lansley (pedalon.co.uk); 10 Grant Bayton (Angliasport); 11 Adrian Goatley (agiskoviner.com); 12 Christopher Parlett (Tunbridge Wells); 13 Alex Higham (Stilton); 14 Jeremy Uphill (Pearson Cycles) +1.30; 15 Nic Tilling (Angliasport); 16 Luke Smith (Marin UK); 17 Alex Peterson (awcycles.co.uk); 18= Daniel James (Team Axiom); 18= MARTIN GARRATT (LONDON DYNAMO); 18= Mark Broce (unatt); 18= Nick Hastler (Essex Roads); 18= Stephen Ferris (VC Meudon); 18= GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 18= Nigel Ling (Gemini BC); 18= Stephen Hammer (agiskoviner.com); 18= Anders Christensen (VC Meudon); 18= Matthew Rugman (Kingsnorth International); 18= Ian Goode (Kingsnorth International); 18= Robin Basford (Ride Beyond); 18= Michael Knight (VC Meudon); 18= Darrell Pembroke (agiskoviner.com); 18= David Larcombe (VC Meudon); 18= Michael Inder (Thames Velo); 18 Dan McEwan (unatt); 18 Paul Holdsworth (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 18= Jason Edwards (Tunbridge Wells); 18= DAVID STREULE (LONDON DYNAMO); 38 Stuart Heade (Swim Bike Run); 39 Chris Denman (Beyond Mountain Bikes); 40 Mark Ketterer (Team Quest); 41 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO); 42 DAVID WILLIAMS (LONDON DYNAMO); 43 Phil Bayton (MI Racing); 44 Brendan Heaslip (Kenton); 45 Mark Hutt (Hounslow and District Wheelers); 46 Des Gayler (Kenton); 47 Chris Howard (Southborough and District); 48 Dan Smith (Angliasport); 49 Roger Morgan (Stilton); 50 David Jack (Twickenham); 51 Phil Holloway (Southend Wheelers) +1 lap; 52 Bill Butterworth (Twickenham).

SATURDAY, JUNE 4 – SURREY LEAGUE/BEYOND MTB, MoD CHERTSEY, 3/J/W, 40 miles: 1 Philip Watkins (Addiscombe) 1.37.47; 2 Meurig James (Willesden); 3 Mike Anderson (agiskoviner.com) +0.07; 4 Rudie Marais (Glenedene) +3.15; 5 James Makepiece (TM Racing); 6 Bryan Long (unatt); 7 PIERS STANSFIELD (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Gary Bryant (Old Portlians); 9 Alan Moore (TM Racing); 10 Brad Lamb (Glendene); 11 Jonathan Maher (Sigma Sport); 12= Paul Tunnell (Addiscombe); 12= Simon Thompson (agiskoviner.com); 12= Andy Norfolk (agiskoviner.com); 12= Adrian Brown (agiskoviner.com); 12= Gary Smith (Angliasport); 12= Richard Abela (Beyond Mountain Bikes); 12= Jonathan Greaves (Beyond Mountain Bikes); 12= David Roberts (Crawley); 12= Matt Evans (Finsbury Park); 12= Scott Amorx (Gemini); 12= Rosie Remedios (ibike); 12= Craig Beech (Interbike); 12= Dave Gayler (Kenton); 12= John Rugman (Kingsnorth International); 12= ROB TUBBS (LONDON DYNAMO); 12= RICHARD MASON (LONDON DYNAMO); 12= DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 12= Brian Ho (Maidstone and District); 12= Jonathan Cross (Maidstone and District); 12= Daz Marris (Pearce Cycles); 12= Keith Bugden (Pearson Cycles); 12= Tony Gordon (Pearson Cycles); 12= Dave Worsfold (unatt); 12= Nick Haskins (unatt); 12= Craig Tindall (Ride Beyond); 12= Jason Edgell (Ride Beyond); 12= Jon Poynter (Ride Beyond); 12= Andrew McKie (South Western); 12= Nick Jeffery (Southborough and District); 12= Nick Young (Southborough and District); 12= Sean Keith (TM Racing); 12= Peter Thorp-Hincks (TM Racing); 12= Toni Bond (TM Racing); 12= Andrew Wills (VC Deal); 12= Lindsey Ruocco (VC Meudon); 12= John Alderman (VC Meudon); 12= Nikki Wheeler (Velocity the Exercise Deck); 12= Tim Kearley (Whitewebbs); 50 Alex Ioannides (Sigma Sport); 51 Dean Wilson (Kingsnorth International); 52 Mark O’Brien (Archer); 53 Erol Mustafa (VC De Londres); 54 Garry Timlick (GS Helix-Maestro); 55 John Shurmer (Addiscombe); 56 Phil O’Leary (Ictnield Compomotive); 57 CHRIS CAMPBELL (LONDON DYNAMO); 58 Nigel Smith (Twickenham); 59 Tom McCall (unatt); 60 Jonathan Donald (Brixton Cycles); 61 Peter Robinson (Team Milton Keynes); 62 RICHARD STANHOPE (LONDON DYNAMO); 63 Simon Warren (Norwood Paragon); 64 Mike Brampton (TM Racing).

SATURDAY, JUNE 4 – SURREY LEAGUE/BEYOND MTB, MoD CHERTSEY, 4/3W/4W, 30 MILES: 1 Toby Meadows (agiskoviner.com) 1.04.30; 2 Eric Young (Hounslow and District); 3 Donald MacGregor (Marie Curie); 4 Roger Watts (Lewes Wanderers); 5 Stuart Potts (TM Racing); 6 Russ Davies (unatt); 7 CHRISTIAN KINMONT (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Marek Glowinski (VC De Londres); 9 Rob Byrant (Shaftsbury); 10 DAVE CASEY (LONDON DYNAMO); 50 Rachel Croggon (Kingston Phoenix).

TUESDAY, JUNE 7 – CRYSTAL PALACE LEAGUE #7, CRYSTAL PALACE PARK, E/1/2, 30KM: 1 Dan Rudd (Edwardes); 2 Brett Perez (Vineragisko.com); 3 Nick Dibble (Climb On Bikes); 4 Matt Seaton (VC Londres); 5 Yves Milliers (Kingston Wheelers); 6 Jamie Newall (Evans); 7 Guy Pearson (Pearson Cycles); 8 IAIN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 9 Alex Atkins (Evans) 10 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO); 11 Paul Mill (Edwardes).
3/4/W/J: 1 Neil Pearson (Gemini); 2 Kirk Jenns (PCA/Ciclos Uno); 3 Gary Bryant (Old Portlians); 4 DAVID STRUELE (LONDON DYNAMO); 5 GAVIN RYAN (LONDON DYNAMO); 6 Chris Moores (Fred Williams Cycles); 7 STUART SPIES (LONDON DYNAMO); 8 Shannon Durrant (Pearson Cycles); 9 Julian Cunnington (SERL); 10 Craig Whire (VC Londres).

TUESDAY, JUNE 7 – BC WEST THAMES/EDGWARE RC CIRCUIT RACE, HILLINGDON, E/1/2/3, 42 MILES: 1 Tony Gibb (Ploughman Craven Associates) 1.30.21; 2 G. Dodd (Sigma Sport); 3 C. Roshier (Team Quest); 4 R. Muir (Viner Bikes/Agisko); 5 J. McClelland (agiskoviner.com) +0.06; 6 M. Wilmott (Team Quest); 7 L. Atkins (Glendene); 8 J. Torres (unatt); 9 J. Stewart (agiskoviner.com); 10 A. Peterson (AW Cycles); 11 D. Gabellini (Angliasport); 12 P. Crook (Angliasport); 13 J. Uphill (Pearson Cycles); 14 S. HANEBERRY (LONDON DYNAMO); 15 RUSSELL SHORT (LONDON DYNAMO); 16 N. Spurling (Finsbury Park); 17 David Gaylor (Kenton); 18 W. Butterworth (Twickenham); 19 Unidentified; 20 J. Foster (Willesden); 21 J. Ranford (Python); 22 Des Gaylor (Kenton); 23 G. Phillips (Team Synergy); 24 CHRIS WARD (LONDON DYNAMO); 25 N. O’Brien; (Tm Quest); 26 Leda Cox (Vitron); 27 M. Hulbert (VC Meudon); 28 K. Williams (AW Cycles); 29 Unidentified; 30 MARTIN GARRATT (LONDON DYNAMO); 31 Unidentified; 32 Unidentified; 33, S. Hammer (agiskoviner.com); 34 Mike Inder (Thames Velo); 35 P. Doel (Team Quest); 36 Unidentified; 37 K. Falvey (Willesden); 38 R. Jerome (Willesden); 39 K. Elliott (PCA/Ciclos Uno); 40 Unidentified; 41 J. Dowling (Hemel Hempstead); 42 Unidentified; 43 T. Underhill (Finsbury Park); 44 E. Medellin (Sport and Publicity); 45 Unidentified; 46 Unidentified; 47 Unidentified; 48 C. Opie (CycleLogic); 49 S. Lampier (CycleLogic); 50 M. Barker (Team Quest); 51 M. Jervis (Python); 52 D. Dentus (Willesden CC); 53 W. Thomas (Viner Bikes/Agisko); 54 D. Jacks (Twickenham).

THE LAST WORD
“What do you get when you combine the low-impact aerobic workout of cycling, the challenge of a racket sport, and the camaraderie of a team sport? Bicycle Polo!”

DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #59, 17.06.05

WHO’S BEST
It’s a well-known fact that the DYNAMITE! team likes nothing more than spending all day reading reams of brilliant Dynamo results spewing from our trusty ticker tape machine before going to bed and nodding off to the soothing drone of our favourite cassette – Sean Kelly’s 1,000 Greatest Eurosport Commentary Moments. We’re usually in the land of nod before he’s even got to the first “Oi-talian” on the Stelvio! This week, however, cycling matters have taken a back seat to the finest time-travelling saga ever to grace the early evening BBC schedules as we gear up to celebrate its nail-biting conclusion. That’s right, Dynamates – Mrs Dynamite has got her Rose Tyler Union Jack T-shirt on and we’re wearing our black leather jacket with matching jeans to get in the mood for Saturday’s final Doctor Who episode, in which the identity of the mysterious Bad Wolf will finally be revealed. Ladbrokes are taking bets on it being KEN BUIST! This edition of your favourite Dynamatic update will be travelling forward in time to Dynamo’s summer social on Thursday, June 30th, which promises to be even more incredible than the end of the World party in the year five billion – but for now, let’s twist the dials back 16 years and hurtle back in the famous blue police box to the startling conclusion of a mid-80s Surrey League race. Here comes that famous “WAH-oo, WAH-oo” roar…

THE UNKINDEST CUTMILL
The year is 1989. The race is Cutmill. The rider is a plucky 16-year-old who is about to nab a place after many laps on the gruelling course. But as he crosses the line, a mulleted figure by the side of the road shakes his head and writes “DISQUALIFIED” next to the unfortunate junior’s name on his clipboard. It appears this is a seniors-only event, which means the crestfallen teen is not eligible to appear on the finishing sheet. What a travesty! That stern race official was Surrey League bigwig Glyn Durrant and the choked-up youngster was none other than Dynamo’s very own GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY – so as you can imagine, the man of the McEwenesque build was baying for revenge as he arrived at Elstead village hall on Sunday morning for the 3rd cat race. But in an event more unfortunate than anything that has ever occurred in the Ockley Triangle, Gordon punctured on the neutralised section near the start and was immediately disqualified yet again. It’s the Curse of Cutmill! In a twist that not even Russell T. Davies could have dreamed up, the DQed Buistean lookalike was still listed as the 36th finisher – but despite the pack splitting in two less than halfway through the undulating race, there was no such bad karma for ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY. The hirsute hero bagged 6th place by getting in an early nine-man break that lasted until it passed the chequered flag at the 50-mile mark. So hair’s to you, pony-tailed one! Under the rules of the space-time continuum observed by the Doctor, the universe would explode if Gordon and his double KEN BUIST were in one place at the same time – so it was just as well that Dynamo’s shadowy figure failed to show up for the 2/3 race in the afternoon, even though his name was on the list of pre-entries. But his absence was keenly felt by fatigued 37th-placed GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, who lamented: “If only Ken had been there, I would have tried that little bit harder.” He’s never around when you need him! Elsewhere in the 74-mile slog, JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS launched an almighty attack halfway through only to go out the back shortly after, where he was joined by MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT at the bell lap – and so it was left to IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE to reclaim a bit of Dynamo glory by finishing 12th, even though he had punctured early on. You’re living up to your Dyna-moniker again, pal!

SUS-SPENCE IS OVER
He’s back! Not KEN BUIST, of course, but his countryman WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE, whose bruising from a nasty crash at Palace a couple of weeks ago had healed sufficiently for him to race again on Tuesday. The nifty New Zealander took 7th in the Hillingdon Grand Prix after getting into a successful nine-man break early on in the E/1/2 race – and his former Cyclefit colleague SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON came 3rd in the 3/4 support race. Excellent work, fellas! Over at Crystal Palace on the same evening, IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE nipped into the No.3 spot in the E/1/2 race thanks to GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, who worked over the bunch by getting them to chase down his solo Jacky Durand-style breakaway for 10 laps. Excellent teamwork, gentlemen! We would have congratulated GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN for coming 2nd in the 3/4 race if all the results apart from Kirk Jenns’ win were not “subject to review” – but Dynamettes ZOE ARTHUR and TANYA PERRETT put these titchy crits into perspective by polishing off their first half ironman triathlon at Weymouth in 5 hours and 44 minutes. Well done, ladies!

SOCIAL SERVICES
Finally, we bring news from the double-sized desk of metaphorically conjoined social secretaries PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT and NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK. The Dynamatic duo are inviting everyone along to The Guinea pub in Bruton Street W1 on Thursday, June 30th for a drink or seven. This could be the opportunity KEN BUIST has been looking for to resurface! E-mail Paul at pharknett@brownharknett.com to let him know you’re coming and shove this link into your browser for the location of the boozer: http://www.streetmap.co.uk/newmap.srf?x=528805&y=180752&z=0&sv=W1J+6NR&st=2&pc=W1J+6NR&mapp=newmap.srf&searchp=newsearch.srf. You’d be Dyna-mad to miss it!

EXTERMINATED
The preposterous plunger-armed pepper pots have been vanquished, and the Dalek-table Mrs Dynamite has set the controls of the TARDIS for the morning of Friday, June 24th. That’s when the next edition of this humble organ will appear on your puny planet, earthlings. Until then, please remember that we are a slightly batty Tom Baker and we would be nothing without you, our thoroughly modern Christopher Eccleston. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘FACE OF BOE’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as Captain Jack shakes another cocktail, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate, 9am. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
Hampton Court bridge, 9am for Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a sonic screwdriver.

WEDNESDAY
Richmond Gate, Richmond Park, 7:30pm. Five laps of the park at race pace.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
SUNDAY, JUNE 12 – CUTMILL, 2/3/J/W, 74 MILES: 1 Steve Calland (Norwood Paragon); 2 Lewis Atkins (Glendene); 3 Yves Milliere (Kingston Wheelers); 4 David Creeggan (VC Meudon); 5 Geoffrey Lulham (Evans Cycles); 6 Justin Lomas (Norwood Paragon); 7 Gavin Morton (Charlotteville); 8 Mark Sussex (Tunbridge Wells); 9 Sean Kilroy (Glendene); 10 Mark Jarvis (Python); 11 Michael Gardner (Glendene); 12 IAN PAINE (LONDON DYNAMO); 13 David Kennett (Fit-For); 14 Brendan Heaslip (Kenton); 15 Jonny Torres (Team Sport and Publicity); 16 Keith Jarrett (i-team.co.uk); 17 Luke Anderson (poshbikes.com); 18 Colin McDermott (Festival); 19 Ashley Lambert (agiskoviner.com); 20 Astephen Atfield (Bournemouth Jubilee); 21 Daniel Fortunov (Reading); 22 Phil Jones (Dulwich Paragon); 23 JUSTIN SIMS (LONDON DYNAMO); 24 Mr Anne Boorsha (Dulwich Paragon); 25 James McManus (Gemini) 26 DARREN MINSHALL (LONDON DYNAMO); 27 James Foster (Willesden); 28 Nigel Brooks (Essex Roads); 29 Keir O’Donnell (Beyond Mountain Bikes); 30 David McNamara (Fenland Clarion); 31 Edgar Medallin (Team Sport and Publicity); 32 Graham Wood (Crawley); 33 Dean Kinnerley (unatt); 34 Paul Tucker (Oxford University) 35 Simon Latimer (Team Lichfield) 36 Daniel James (Team Axiom); 37 GUY POWDRILL (LONDON DYNAMO)