The DYNAMITE! Files

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #102, 02.06.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/ppkxg +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 20C max, wind N 2mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 23C max, wind N 2mph +++
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STILL DOING THE FIZZNESS
+++ Readership has decided – we’ve not lost our sparkle +++
During the past few months, this publication has developed a reputation for uncannily accurate predictions, due in no small part to giving champ-in-the-making RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS an auspicious Dyna-moniker – but the record number of Dyna-mails praising recent editions has proved that our warning of DYNAMITE! suffering an imminent dip in quality due to reaching the grand old age of 100 issues has fallen flatter than a three-week-old bottle of pop. Your favourite Dynamatic update revealed last week that Hanwell superteacher JIM ‘CLARK’ KENT reckons this is a “great newsletter”, and now affable American ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY has passed this favourable judgement on issue #100: “It’s a classic! Save the original typewriter ribbon!” His words were echoed by CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, who wrote: “Just got round – one week late – to telling you what a great newsletter #100 was, although #101 isn’t bad either! I really enjoyed the recap of those classic issues and the mention of Andy Stephenson was hilarious. Nice one!” Meanwhile, over in the United Arab Emirates, tanned ex-pat DAVID COURTNEY ‘SHEIKHER’ HATCHER said our account of his veteran buddies’ adventure up Mont Ventoux was “brilliant”, adding that he aims to be “back with a vengeance for at least the first three Parkrides in July and probably a bit of Surrey Hills action as well”. And as a downpour in London on Friday greeted the arrival of last week’s edition, cheered-up PIERS ‘PRESSURE’ STANSFIELD said: “Another excellent issue. It had me chuckling into my coffee on this miserable morning.” Glad to oblige, pal! The Sprite-ly editorial team has clearly still got its fizz – and there will be something a Lilt-le bit special later on as we look at a trio of Dynamates having a Fanta-stic time racing with a Tour de France stage winner. So come with us as we reveal how a parched ‘Mo almost ruined his bid for sportive glory by going on a hunt for a soft drink. Let’s shake it up and yank that ring-pull…

CANNED LAUGHTER
+++ Plenty of Gallic guffaws at Kenneway’s mid-race coke craving +++
An unnamed French couple who got hitched in Provence the Sunday before last got an unexpected visitor at their wedding reception when sugar-depleted GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY stumbled in off the road to beg for a can of coke. It’s lucky he didn’t get done for carb crawling! The Buistean doppelganger had neglected to bring any food for the Trophee De L’Epervier sportive… http://tinyurl.com/nv879 …and the compact killer set such a blistering pace that a vital feed station passed by in a blur, leaving him with no option but to gatecrash the family function taking place 20km from the finish where he explained his plight thus: “I am searching for sugar.” Thankfully, his dubiously-phrased French wasn’t misinterpreted (“Sugar’s not here, monsieur, but her sister Honey’s a wonderful girl”) and Gordon was soon pouring the magical, energy-giving black elixir down his grateful throat. After much laughter, back-slapping and well-wishing from his velo-crazy hosts, the lad from Londres sped off to the line, finishing 85th among the 1,200-odd competitors in the 174km race. Call the UCI – that drink was spiked!

PEN AND STINK
+++ Stench of corruption at Gran Fondo +++
Meanwhile, over in Italy’s Adriatic coast during the same weekend, convicted dope importer Raimondas Rumsas won the Gran Fondo Nove Colli… http://tinyurl.com/pyohb …and TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT witnessed a flagrant breach of the rules which is bound to surprise many honest Dyna-members. The club’s quiet man, who was 138th in the 210km event with a time of 6hrs 45mins, spotted his 2nd cat chum CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN sneaking into the elite’s enclosure – but his successful ruse to be among the first 1,500 riders was not without consequence. Tom reveals: “Chapman found out that dishonesty doesn’t pay. You have to be scanned in as you enter the pen – but because he was in the wrong one, his time wasn’t recorded, so he doesn’t appear on the official results.” Doh! The high-cadence kid claims to have finished in 7hrs 25mins, but who’s going to believe him now? Certainly not LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE, who kept herself removed from the corruption by doing the 140km route instead. She was living it up by the pool by the time the two fellas came back!

KING OF THE CASTLE
+++ Dynamates race with Big Mag +++
Tom’s return to the domestic racing scene on Sunday was marked by the appearance of none other than Welsh-based pro Magnus Backstedt. The towering Swede played down his presence at Castle Combe by complaining of knee trouble – but MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT admits: “He didn’t have us fooled!” Martin, who joined forces with Tom and RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS at the 31-mile National B event on the Wiltshire motor circuit, added: “To be fair, Magnus let the race take its own course – which was quick enough already. He missed the break and simply powered across on his own. Unfortunately, no-one else went with him, relegating myself and Richard to the main group.” Determined Hemmant tried in vain to make it across for the entire race and eventually managed to get off the front – but the 12th place that Martin thought Tom had bagged was given to some other bloke… http://tinyurl.com/rmb4e. What a flippin’ cheek! Undeterred, the former Solna Avenue resident turned up at Hillingdon on Tuesday and managed to take 7th after the early break he was in eventually fell back, leaving him on his own for 10 long miles. He confesses: “I thought I had 1st place in the bag but was passed less than 200m from the finish. At least I had a good post-race recovery curry in Southall afterwards.” We guess that makes him Tom Bhuna!

ROAMER SIMPSON
+++ Journey to Yorkshire bags points for Streule +++
Believe it or not, there is actually some non-Hemmant news this week! The total absence of Surrey League fixtures last weekend prompted intrepid DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE to head to Yorkshire on Sunday for the 56-mile Keith Simpson Memorial Road Race. The baby-faced boy wonder’s three-man chase group formed on the 4th lap of 14 and went on to shore up the nine riders ahead of them, forming the decisive break of 12. Dave reveals: “I was suffering a bit and I was nowhere near as strong as the previous week at the South East Champs. The guy who won last year eventually got off the front on the last lap and won again. I ended up 9th…” http://tinyurl.com/sxv6d. His impressive placing in the 2/3 race bagged the feisty Fulham resident 11 points, ten quid in the bank and a bottle of bike wash fluid. He quite literally cleaned up!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ First woman to cross the finish line at the T2 Duathlon at Earls Colne, Essex, on Monday was none other than Dynamette KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF, whose 40km bike time of 1:13 was six minutes quicker than the next-fastest lady +++ Delighted MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON records a much-improved personal best of 55:13 at the Charlotteville CC 25-mile time trial in Bentley, Surrey, on Saturday… http://tinyurl.com/okqjl …while PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN rode 56:47 for 17th +++ The comeback has begun – injury-hit GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL takes 13th in the 1/2/3 race at Benenden, Kent on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/n3e42 …followed by 6th at Palace on Tuesday, with STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES three places behind him… http://tinyurl.com/mhsya +++

IT’S TANGO-VER
The last drop of sugary orange-coloured liquid has been drained from the can, which means there is just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue. Always remember that we are a medicinal-flavoured Dr Pepper and we would be nothing without you, our classic R. Whites Lemonade. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘PEPSI CHALLENGE’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we place the can on the ground to flatten it with one brutal stomp, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a carton of Um Bongo.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #103, 09.06.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/ppkxg +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 27C max, wind SE 13mph; Sun, sunny, 28C max, wind SE 8mph +++
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YELL FOR LEATHERS
+++ Dyna-management are calling for outriders +++
To their exhausted rivals, some of the barmy blue, black and orange army often appear to be shooting off on a motorbike as they effortlessly power away in a Dyna-massive gear – but this week race secretary MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT is looking for members who really do ride with something hot and throbbing between their legs as he begins putting together a landmark event for the club. That’s right, Dynamates – this season will see the first ever Dynamo-organised road race, which will require a number of outriders to keep the competitors in check with a few firm parps of their horn. It could be time for Cyclefit’s veteran biker and stern rulebook enforcer PHIL ‘NO NONSENSE’ CAVELL to dig the mothballs out of his leathers! This edition of your favourite Dynamatic update will also remind you to get involved with another major Dyna-management project, the Summer Social, and we’ll reveal the inside story of how a quartet of Dynamates secured a podium finish for their team-mate at the latest round of the National Criterium Series – but first let’s rev up the Ducati so you can get up to speed with the club’s bid to organise a South East Series event. It’s time to put on the mirrored shades…

SHAKE UP THE FIELD
+++ Car packed with milky sports beverage for Dynamo race +++
The HQ is booked, the webpage is up, and recovery drink guru STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS has agreed to bring the For Goodness Shakes! logo-emblazoned car along to shamelessly plug his wares… http://www.forgoodnessshakes.com …which means that the much-anticipated inaugural London Dynamo Summer Road Race is finally going ahead. It’s history in the making, Dynamates! Come along to race and sample Stu’s delicious product at Staplefields, near Crawley, West Sussex, on Sunday 23rd July… http://tinyurl.com/nxcsv …or volunteer to help out. Event co-ordinator MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT is looking for Dyna-marshalls, drivers for cars on the course, motorbike outriders, judges to film the finish and, of course, those all-important cake stall operatives, so Dyna-mail him at martingarratt@londondynamo.co.uk if you can offer your services. He’s going to need all the help he can get!

GET WIN THERE!
+++ Simmonds is latest to confirm attendance at booze-up +++
Panicked RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS Dyna-mailed his favourite weekly Dynamesque publication this week fearing it was too late to put his name down for the club’s eagerly-anticipated drink and pizza evening. Well worry not, pal, because accommodating event organiser PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT is still taking RSVPs. Our inbox has been filled with responses from across the Dynamo spectrum, so send a Dyna-mail to the address in the “from” field of this message with “Summer Social” in the subject heading if you fancy mingling with a vast array of your club mates at the Guinea in Bruton Place from 6:15pm on Thursday 29th June… http://tinyurl.com/gcdqj. It’s going to be the event of the season!

GP APPOINTMENT
+++ Dis-Spence-ing strong medicine to PCA at Hillingdon +++
Always keen to shine the spotlight on others, self-effacing elite TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT dropped DYNAMITE! a line about WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE’s impressive top three finish at the 50-mile E/1/2 Hillingdon GP on Saturday… http://tinyurl.com/ntgsu. Dynamo’s quiet man worked with MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT to help bring back a break before another move went with Warrick in it. The might of Malcolm Elliott’s PCA squad came to the front, stringing out the bunch as they reeled in the Cyclefit sensation’s group – but the damage had already been done. Tom reveals: “It took PCA a fair while and some of their riders started to drop wheels, despite some verbal ‘encouragement’ from one of their leaders.” Keep it clean, gentlemen! The former Solna Avenue resident adds: “I thought Warrick would have blown all of his energy but he seemed to have plenty left and made the move of the day, beating PCA’s Tony Gibb in the sprint to take 3rd. It was an awesome result, given that the two PCA riders in the break with him were Gibby and Malcolm Elliott, while the guy who came 2nd, Mariusz Wiesiak of Team Nippo, is a pro who won the Archer GP this year.” Nice one, fella!

THE BOY CHUNDER
+++ Paine’s technicolour yawn at crit +++
There was plenty of Dynamo action at Palace on Tuesday, with WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER coming 8th and DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDENER 9th in the 3/4 race before compact mechanic SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON nabbed the No.8 spot in the E/1/2 event… http://tinyurl.com/moa5y …but the Dyna-magic sprinkled over the results sheet was overshadowed by what IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE deposited up the climb. The pressure was on for the Balham wham-blammer to keep up with the ferocious pace set by Tom White of Kuota, who created a 30-second gap which lasted for half of the big boys’ race before he went on to on to win. Sadly, 1st cat fireball Ian had an off-day, as his race mate STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES testifies: “Coming down to the bottom corner, I saw Ian spit something out. Thinking it was a Powerbar gone wrong I thought nothing of it – but the little Glendene junior who was behind him looked horrified. Then, dear Lord, Ian let rip up the climb, spewing out his entire bodyweight in front of the already disturbed lad.” Woah, fella! Fellow competitor CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, who has previously witnessed Ian urinate while freewheeling, pondered to his pal TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT the following day: “Is there any limit to the bodily functions he can perform while riding a bike?” As you might have guessed, poor old Paine didn’t make an impression on the top 10, but DYNAMITE reckons he deserves some credit for carrying on after chundering, getting edged out onto the grass on the next lap, and still managing to finish. In Stu’s awestruck words: “He reached a new level of scary. The man is ridiculously strong!”

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Dyna-masseuse KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF finishes 4th in her age group at the Weymouth Middle Distance Triathlon with a time of 5:34:25… http://tinyurl.com/ewaw6 …and thanks PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN for sorting out her “hydration system issues” +++ Ladies secretary PETA McSHARRY finishes the 109-mile Gran Fondo Cymru in 8 hrs and 14mins, with LLYR WYNN-JONES clocking in ten minutes ahead +++ Aussie ‘Mo BRENDAN ‘ROBBIE’ MOYLAN completes the 105 miles of the Beaumes de Venise/La Ventoux sportive in 7:49:23 – pic in the gallery soon +++ At the MoD circuit in Chertsey, PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY’s early blast in the bunch sprint nabs him 2nd in Saturday’s 3rd cat race… http://tinyurl.com/hyg6m …with MICHAEL SNEYD two places behind – and GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL comes joint 12th in the E/1/2 event +++ STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES 3rd in Beastway masters category on Wednesday… http://tinyurl.com/k95o4 +++ Just past our deadline, WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE lands 3rd at Wednesday night’s Crawley Crits… http://tinyurl.com/z5ste …more details next week +++

HARLEY DAVIDS-GONE
We’re just about to roar off on our big chopper, which means it’s time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue. Always remember that we are a production-line Yamaha, and we would be nothing without you, our hand-built Triumph. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BORN TO BE WILD’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we head out on the highway, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a bushy moustache.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #104, 16.06.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/ppkxg +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 24C max, wind NW 6mph; Sun, sunny, 25C max, wind SW 10mph +++
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RECORD AND REWIND
+++ Zipping through history to find out if Simmonds is the best ++++
Dedication, dedication, dedication, that’s what you need – and it was those words, originally sung by a certain jovial kids’ TV presenter, that were ringing in the ears of KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF as she witnessed RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS propel himself to 1st cat at the latest round of the South East Series in Wadhurst, East Sussex… http://tinyurl.com/hu4jo. Regular readers will already know that the mighty ‘Mo began the year with a blank 4th cat licence, and this prompted his Dyna-masseuse to suggest on the forum this week that her client’s swift accumulation of points has set a record. That’s some claim, luv! And like the ever-knowledgeable Norris McWhirter, DYNAMITE! has risen to the challenge of identifying whether or not Rich really is a record breaker. Opening up the Dynamo history books, we see that last year’s high-achiever GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL also reached the giddy heights of 1st cat – but he rules himself out of contention by starting the season as a 3rd. Sorry, pal! Going further back, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT made his 4th cat debut at the second Beginners’ Series race on Saturday 28th February 2004, and following umpteen manglings of his surname on results sheets, a win at Crystal Palace on 29th June of that same year gave him a 1st cat licence. Tom’s journey from 4 to 1 took 17 weeks and two days, which, sadly, means he loses out to Richard who took 16 weeks and one day. Well done, buddy – the editorial team is doing a Roy Castle-style celebration tap dance just for you! The former useful junior, who bridged an early gap with Rob Hurd at Sunday’s 81-mile E/1/2 race, reveals: “I knew that if I could finish in the top 10 I’d get my 1st cat points, and I managed 10th by the skin of my teeth. I suffered like mad, but I’m really pleased. Just a small matter of 300 more points to get to elite!” He’s got one year, four weeks and six days to get an upgrade, because that’s the current record set by Tom. Not that we’re counting, fellas! Talking of records, a time trialling Dynamate has set a personal best near his hometown this week – some come with us to find out if the whole sporting world would applaud it, or if the McWhirters, mmm, would record it. Here comes the trumpet solo…

LEEK PERFORMANCE
+++ Callinan on form in northern TTs ++++
He’s been plagued by mystery cramps for some weeks – so you can imagine the delight of Staffordshire pitbull PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN when he shaved a massive three minutes off his personal best at the Mercia CC 25 on Sunday. Dynamo’s honourary president was 4th at the time trial in Fradley, Staffs, clocking 53:44… http://tinyurl.com/pxbaj …and his intrepid trip beyond the M25 reaped more success on Tuesday when he attended an event hosted by Matlock CC, whose 400-strong membership makes it the biggest club in England. Paul, who came 2nd at the 10-miler in Rowsley, Derbys, with a time of 22:02, reveals: “It was the first anniversary of my dad’s death, so what better way to help my mum take her mind off it than to drag her out in the rain with my brother and watch me hammer up the A6?” It must have worked wonders! Making a swift exit to avoid an argument after also controversially placing 2nd in the handicap, Paul went on to blow his £45 winnings at Den Engel, the only Belgium-themed pub in his hometown of Leek. He says: “The menu of beers is based on the lines on a velodrome, so we worked our way up and down a few times. What a way to celebrate!”

BLOOMIN’ MARVEL
+++ Spence on podium at Crawley – with curiously-placed flowers +++
Cyclefit sensation WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE impressively bagged 3rd place at the elite Crawley criterium race last Wednesday, just hours after our copy deadline had passed – but the editorial team was pleased to have waited a week after seeing the Covent Garden fastman flanked by “the two young ladies”, as a couple of girls are mysteriously described in this caption… http://tinyurl.com/qhcgq. And why has he got a bunch of flowers velcroed to his wrist? Answers to the usual address…

MUDDY BRILLIANT
+++ Three top 10 places for MTB duo ++++
Knobbly-tyred lover WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER has already proved he can do it all night – and the man who partnered STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES’ at a 24-hour mountain bike event in southern Spain three months ago has now shown he can go it alone by taking 3rd at Sunday’s Bristol Bikefest six-hour solo race. Click “6 Hr Open – Men” at http://tinyurl.com/hzfjs for the evidence. Will reveals: “It was an excellent singletrack-laden course, although the roots and rocks combined with riding a hardtail left me feeling as if someone had taken a piledriver to my lower back by about hour four.” Ouch! The off-road wonderlad got another boost in his preparation for next weekend’s Mountain Mayhem when he came 5th in the sport category at Beastway, while his 24-hour pal Stuart pulled off an impressive result in the masters… http://tinyurl.com/jkkrb. The affable South African had finished 3rd during the previous two weeks at Lea Valley’s Wednesday night meet, which made him determined to show his hand as part of a five-strong leading group. He admits: “I decided they were weak minnows and needed to be crushed, so I launched my bid for glory and rode into every tree.” Unbe-leaf-able! Realising his error, the 2nd cat sensation edged up to 3rd before walloping into a back marker, costing him two places and earning him a bit of verbal from a furious VCL rider. Stuart says: “I chased like a maniac and got onto the wheels of the leaders before passing them right on the final tricky climb. Then I chased 1st-placed Simon Turner from Freeborn but ran out of track. Thankfully, 2nd was in the bag. Yaaaaaaay!”

CORNISH PASTING
+++ Kenneway hits tarmac in west country crit ++++
Five days before bagging his marvellous MTB result, Stu found himself lost in Cornwall during the opening time trial of the Cyclelogic/Penzance Wheelers Two-Day, with poor old RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON suffering a similar fate and GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY puncturing. Curses! KEN BUIST’s doppelganger had more bad luck in the crit that followed when he hit a beacon carefully placed in the middle of the course, leaving him with minor injuries and damage to his bike – but Richard managed to show the west country a bit of Dyna-magic by out-sprinting a battalion of Certini riders for the No.3 spot. Nice one! The 3rd and final stage – a road race – saw Stu and Rich take 9th and 10th respectively in a bunch sprint after Gordon’s long, lone breakaway effort came to nought. Bad luck, pal! Richard ranked 7th in the final GC while Stu finished 13th overall and Gordon came 19th. Stu admits: “Rich did bloody well, even though it wasn’t the most successful weekend for everyone.” You’re underselling yourself, buddy!

WITTS’ BIT
+++ Small item for Marmotte hotel room availability +++
Finally, JOHN WITTS has got in contact to say he has a hotel room available for the Marmotte – and it’s 200 yards from the finish line. Send a Dyna-mail to the address in the “from” field of this message if you’re interested and we’ll pass it on…

DOMINOVER
The last domino of a vast, intricate display has been toppled in a Japanese warehouse, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue before a Guinness Book of Records representative declares this to be a new world record. Always remember we are a cackling Kris Akabusi and we would be nothing without you, our skirt-throwing Cheryl Baker, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘ON-THE-SPOT’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, before we can attempt to break the unimpressive record for most number of users logged into the Dynamo forum, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and as many musical instruments you can play in 60 seconds.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #105, 23.06.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/ppkxg +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 23C max, wind SW 7mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 21C max, wind NW 6mph +++
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JUST NET FAIR
+++ Unaccountably popular sporting event keeps marshals at home +++
When it’s not wading through the reams of brilliant Dynamo results spewing from the fabled ticker tape machine, this periodical’s editorial team spends most of the day re-watching all 15 volumes of Sean Kelly: King Of Comedy on DVD while surrounded by signed posters of 1963 Milk Race stage winner Keith Butler – but this week DYNAMITE! was reliably informed that the world outside of its famous soundproof bunker in the bowels of Dynamo Towers is engrossed in another sport altogether. Sounds fanciful? Well brace yourselves, Dynamates, because apparently the nation’s mental wellbeing currently rests on the abstract notion of 11 celebrity husbands and boyfriends shunting a leather bag of air around a German stadium. We thought this was pure fiction until we emerged blinking from our hermetic HQ and travelled to Crystal Palace, where the race organisers were left scrabbling around for marshals after Tuesday’s host club decided they were staying at home to watch the Global Soccer Cup, or whatever it’s called. Honestly – the cheek of some people! Thankfully, a number of riders agreed to do the job so the races could go ahead – which was just as well, because a certain hirsute ‘Mo ended up hairing around the tricky 1km circuit to score his best result of the year so far. So come with us to south east London and celebrate the lad with the long locks getting one in the back of the net. Here comes a mighty ‘Moxican wave…

SHORTCUT TO SUCCESS
+++ Unstoppable break mysteriously slips past pack at Palace +++
Where on earth is he? That’s what diligent domestique ANDREW ‘COALFACE’ STRONGE might well have been wondering as he soft-pedalled at the front of the pack and policed the breaks to let team-mate ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY extend his lead at Crystal Palace. Unbeknownst to Andrew, the safety-conscious race organisers allowed the five-strong break to use the “slip road” in front of the signing-in desk to pass the main group during the 23-mile 3/4 race – which meant the bunch didn’t even realise they’d been lapped! Shortly after ponytailed Rob romped across the line to claim 5th, compact mechanic SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON nabbed the No.6 spot in the E/1/2 event… http://tinyurl.com/l96fu …which was ample compensation for getting dropped from the break. The self-styled “thrilla from Herne Hill-a” whizzed off afterwards with barely a word to DYNAMITE! as he wanted to “catch the second half”. What on earth was he talking about?

YOU BLUE IT
+++ Harknett misses out on Brighton run +++
Social secretary PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT was another ‘Mo who was dropped this week – and he never even got to see the pack at the start. The early bird turned up at East Sheen at 5.15am on Sunday to meet SAM ‘SPORTIF’ WOODHOUSE for a Marmotte training run to Brighton organised by the Pearson crew – but he couldn’t find his fellow Dynamo committee member at their designated meeting place. The anxious Axiom rider tried unsuccessfully to call Sam and hung around for a while before asking someone at a nearby cashpoint for the time. Paul reveals: “He confirmed the worst. I had accidentally touched a button on the side of my alarm clock, putting it back an hour – a handy device once a year.” Whoops! As a penance, he went on the 8am Surrey Hills ride and did four laps of Richmond Park, clocking up 110 miles. Sam, meanwhile, kept up with the thumping pace of the 40-strong group and had a slap-up feed at the Regency café on Brighton seafront before heading back. Hope you brought a bacon butty back for Paul, mate!

WEALD-ING POWER
+++ Hayter’s race knowledge pays off +++
Meanwhile, over in Kent, keen tactician WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER lived up to his Dyna-moniker by saying “cheerio” to the pack at the Sevenoaks Weald 3/4 road race. The MTB maestro had been part of a successful break when he raced the course earlier this season – and he repeated the formula on Sunday by attacking up the drag on the second of nine laps with five other riders. The heat got to Will, who admits: “I felt like I was riding through treacle on legs made of lead when it came to the sprint.” But he nevertheless managed to stay away with the leading group to take 4th in the 62-mile event… http://tinyurl.com/p8cme. Nice one!

IN IT TO WINNAT
+++ Trek through famous Peak District pass for Polka Dot quartet +++
Committee member SAM ‘SPORTIF’ WOODHOUSE sent us this pic… http://tinyurl.com/18r …taken shortly after his triumphant finish of the epic 106-mile Polka Dot Challenge, which took place three weeks ago. Sam, pictured right, tackled eight major climbs, including the dreaded Winnats Pass, finishing in 6hrs 22mins. He says of the event, which starts in South Manchester: “We got lots of amazed comments that we had come up from London.” That’s the effect the glamorous blue, black and orange livery has on others!

THAT REE-LY HURT
+++ Former prez and Simmonds felled in West Sussex +++
Finally, DYNAMITE! would like to send a brief get-well-soon message to former club president Guy Andrews, who came down in the 1/2/3 Giles Ree Memorial in Warninglid, West Sussex, on Sunday. The Dynamo founder member, now riding for Rapha, was taken to hospital after another rider snagged their jersey on someone else’s bike while trying to get past on a fast descent. The crash also brought down RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS, but 18th-placed GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL… http://tinyurl.com/nez6k …reports that the point-gobbling marvel got off relatively lightly. So there’s no excuse for hopping back on your bike and getting that Elite license pronto, pal!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Last chance to confirm your attendance at the Summer Social – send a Dyna-mail to the address in the “from” field of this message if you want to come to the Guinea… http://tinyurl.com/gcdqj …at 6.15pm on Thursday, with pizzas from 8pm +++ Triathlete KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF finished 15th out of 46 in her age group at the UK Ironman 70.3 on Sunday, notching up 12th best bike time of 3hrs 44mins over hilly 90km course +++ JOHN WITTS completed the 127-mile Quebrantahuesos sportive in the Spanish Pyrenees with a time of 8hrs 15mins, finishing 3,781 overall among the 8,000-odd field. His 72-year-old pal Dave Stanton clocked 8hrs 50mins, making him 4,785 overall +++

FINAL WHISTLE
You think it’s all over, well it is now, which means there’s just time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue before we head to the communal showers. Always remember that we are that entertaining chap who does robotic dancing and looks a bit like MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, but we would be nothing without you, the talented potato-faced Merseysider who loves his grannies. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘HAND OF GOD’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the crowds shuffling out of the stadium mutter “we woz robbed”, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a season ticket.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #106, 30.06.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/ppkxg +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 29C max, wind S 6mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 30C max, wind E 6mph +++
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MAG-NIFICENT GESTURE
+++ Top-selling periodical gives Dynamo free publicity +++
Every Friday morning, this humble publication is fortunate enough to exercise a virtual monopoly on the attention of a select cycling audience – so the editorial team is understandably reluctant to publicise prominent paper-based periodicals which might replace DYNAMITE! in the end-of-the-week, light-read-and-a-latte ritual enjoyed by literally several Dynamates scattered from Soho to Dubai. Or at least we were until a certain Bath-based publishing house made us an offer we couldn’t refuse. That’s right, media-savvy reader – for just this one edition, we are officially endorsing Cycling Plus, or C+ as it’s known to its close pals such as us. A leaflet plopped onto the mat of our famous soundproof bunker in the bowels of Dynamo Towers this week trumpeting a “great offer” which had us intrigued. It appears we have qualified for a “special subscription invitation” to “test ride” three issues for a fiver and get 25 per cent off for the rest of the year. What a bargain! The “testimonials from happy readers” were persuasive, especially that of the geographically anomalous Paul Morris of Stuttgart (“One new reader gained! My wife reads it too!”) – but the Cee-Plussers proved they really know a thing or two about great advertising by including this inspiring photograph next to their enthusiastic recommendations… http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=282. Now that’s the kind of publicity the Dynamo committee just can’t buy! Compact mechanic SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON – for it is he in his trademark blinging white gloves at last year’s Excel crit – couldn’t stop chuckling behind the counter of A Certain Hampton Wick Retailer when he found out how his image is bringing the barmy blue, black and orange army to an even wider audience. And talking of spreading the word, another ‘Mo has been sprinkling a bit of Dyna-magic over the Welsh valleys with a brilliant podium finish – so come with us for a limited period only as we reveal for the bargain price of nothing at all what happened. Here comes the deal of a lifetime…

SAINT JUDGED AND THE DRAGON
+++ Surprise decision robs Jeffroy of Welsh win +++
It’s the moment every sportive rider secretly dreams will happen – not simply finishing with a decent time, but actually beating masses of other riders to the top spot. And that exquisite feeling was experienced by none other than ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, who saw off around 1500 other competitors to land the No.1 spot on the provisional results of the Dragon Ride. According to race officials on the day, the Ealing wonderman completed Sunday’s arduous 100-mile loop from Bridgend, South Wales… http://tinyurl.com/n35vb …in a winning time of 4:53:22, almost seven minutes ahead of the 2nd-placed rider. Incredible stuff! Committee man SAM ‘SPORTIF’ WOODHOUSE and the 10 other ‘Mos who also completed the Welsh expedition through the Brecon Beacons… http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=281 …gave victorious Rob hearty pats on the back when the good news came through – but sadly, the hirsute hero didn’t feel like letting his hair down in celebration when he returned to London. It appears the final results differed in one important detail, as the judges decided to award 1st place to a previously unlisted bloke called Alastair Davis who seems to have relegated Rob to 2nd by a mere 43 frigging seconds. Unlucky, pal! Dynamo’s courteous road user was left to ponder how different things might have been had he not observed two red lights going into the finish. If only he had followed JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS’ example!

SIX APPEAL
+++ Mason is highest-placed of half-dozen ‘Mos who finished stage race +++
Speaking of the Highway Code contravener, Joe might well have been praying for a red light to appear when he cramped up during the first stage of the much-anticipated Pearson’s Cycles Jaunts on Friday evening. The 13-mile individual time trial in Withyham, East Sussex, saw RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON set out his stall early by finishing 11th with a time of 34:05… http://tinyurl.com/japzy …while DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE came 13th. Not to be outdone, sprint sensation JUSTIN ‘ON A WHIM’ SIMS took 4th at Alfold on the 71-mile 2nd stage of the Surrey League five-day event as his team-mates got stuck behind a nasty crash. Rich finished 7th on day three after getting in a break with soft-tapping Graham Wood of Crawley CC, which forced him to do two laps of the 61-mile Leith Hill course with no help. What a ride! With Joe bowing out and MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON having retired after Stage 2, GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN and the five other remaining members of the Dynamo contingent were left to brave Crowhurst in the lashing rain. Drenched MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT reveals: “There was a route change at the last minute due to road works – and this is the roughest, narrowest Surrey League course. To make it even worse, the rain masked huge pot holes and man hole covers.” Water disaster! The diluvial conditions scuppered Justin’s chances of breakaway glory in the penultimate lap when his two companions slid on a corner, leaving him on his own – yet the determined lad still managed to bag 7th place after being swept up by the bunch. Nice one! The final stage at Ellens Green saw Dave and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT get in a useful break before everyone came back together for the mass gallop, which saw Justin place 3rd. But it was Richard’s strong time trial and 7th place at Leith Hill that got him 9th place on the final general classification… http://tinyurl.com/kjg5d …making him the highest-placed Dynamate in the event. Have a rest, pal – you deserve it!

EVANS AND HELL
+++ Hayter beats family member from rival team in gruelling MTB challenge +++
It took 20 hours of riding with just 45 minutes sleep to cover 120 bumpy off-road miles – but after 21 laps, exhausted MTB maestro WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER finally climbed off his bike at the Saab Salomon Mountain Mayhem Bike Festival in Ledbury, Hertfordshire. Now stats amazing! The knobbly-tyred tearaway finished 30th among the 110 solo riders at Europe’s biggest 24-hour mountain bike race… http://tinyurl.com/qsmtx …and he was especially pleased to beat an unnamed Evans rider who happens to be his cousin. Will admits the race at the weekend was the hardest he has ever done my a long chalk, but adds: “Things were occasionally livened up by STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES overtaking me while shouting incoherent encouragement.” That sounds just like the affable Saffa! Stu, who was riding the team event, nabbed 7th place at Beastway the previous Wednesday after he was momentarily stalled by his chain popping out – and he was reunited with his hardtail chum Will when he returned to Lea Valley’s dirty circuit this week to take 3rd in the masters… http://tinyurl.com/ekrrh. Crazy Hayter, meanwhile, nabbed 5th in the sport category and credits a massage from KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF for getting his muscles back in working order so soon after his mammoth ride. There’s gonna be a queue for a rub-down!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ On-the-mend RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS gears up for E/1/2 road race comeback with 25-mile time trial, posting 55:29 on H25/8 in Bentley, Hants, on Saturday – but TT titan PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN finishes 49secs quicker +++ Dynamette KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF finishes her first 25 in 1:08 at Sunday’s Century CC event in Ware, Herts +++ IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE takes 8th and GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY nabs 10th at the Crystal Palace E/1/2 race on Tuesday, while JAMIE MOULDING gets the No.10 spot in the 3/4 event… http://tinyurl.com/ryx85 +++

OFFER ENDS NOW
The money-off vouchers have run out, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue before the till closes. Always remember we are constantly slashing prices, but we would be nothing without you, our bargain-hunting consumer. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BOTTOM DOLLAR’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, before anyone asks for a refund, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a money-back guarantee.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #107, 07.07.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/ppkxg +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 23C max, wind SW 12mph; Sun, light showers, 22C max, wind SW 23ph +++
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BLOODY HELL!
+++ Huge upset caused by badly-timed news of transfusion claims +++
Unlike certain forum-dwelling ‘Mos who remain ambivalent about the issue of drugs in sport… http://tinyurl.com/qw339 …your favourite law-abiding Dynamatic update was deeply miffed by the new Tour de France scandal, mostly because the news of an alleged blood doping ring broke just as our last issue hit the streets, thereby depriving us of a topical theme. The latest editions of prominent paper-based periodicals also look noticeably out-of-date, thanks to their in-depth interviews with all the race favourites who have since been told they’re not actually taking part. But as you can see from the blue, black and orange-clad figure at the centre of the banner ad in the following link, at least one mag can console itself with the thought that it’s using one of the cleanest riders in the sport to flog its money-off subscriptions deal… http://tinyurl.com/k2jlb. …just as its stablemate Cycling Plus did last week. And anyone who doubts SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON’s commitment to staying clean only has to look at the well-scrubbed cassette on the compact mechanic’s snazzy Seven! Sadly, other Dynamates have chosen to sully the name of the cycling club considered to be the capital’s premium blend, so fill up your coffee mug and prepare to witness a roasting as we reveal what’s sup. Here comes the usual load of mocha-ing about…

YOU’VE BEAN NAUGHTY
+++ Use of performance-enhancer spotted at MoD +++
Surrey League bigwig Keith Butler raised an eyebrow at Chertsey on Saturday when he spied CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL passing DYLAN ‘GORDON-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY a pill-shaped treat which actually contains a substance restricted by the UCI. What a scoundrel! The West Ken warrior and the 3rd cat debutant were each shamelessly gobbling one of Caffe Nero’s delicious chocolate-covered coffee beans before the 65-mile race began – but the joint 10th placers discovered a rush of caffeine is no replacement for wily positioning on the MoD circuit’s long finishing straight. Hapless Campbell found himself leading out the mass gallop and cramping Kenneway was swamped, leaving feisty Aussie PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY to make a magical, McEwen-like teleportation from the middle of the bunch to the front, enabling him to steal 2nd… http://tinyurl.com/lx884. Bonza, mate! Incredibly, the sprint sensation went on to take 4th at Chilham in Kent the next day… http://tinyurl.com/gy8oo …while RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT finished two places behind him in the 62-mile 2/3/4 race and JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS took 12th. Well done fellas!

HEAD FOR THE HILLINGDON
+++ Garratt’s call for marshals +++
It’s that time of year again, Dynamates! The club is due to provide marshals for Hillingdon this Tuesday, so Dyna-mail race co-ordinator MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT at martingarratt@londondynamo.co.uk if you can help the club do its bit by offering your assistance. And here’s a map so you know where you’re heading… http://tinyurl.com/ptdv7.

WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT!
+++ Hayter snaps frame in road accident on way back from crit +++
There was a sprinkling of Dyna-magic at Crystal Palace on Tuesday with mis-spelled RICHARD ‘MAROW’ MASON taking 6th and GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN finishing 9th in the fragmented 25-mile E/1/2 race… http://tinyurl.com/fbr6e …but special mention must go to WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER whose magnificent efforts ended with a misadventure. The mountain bike maestro launched a thwarted late attack in the 3/4 race, narrowly avoided getting spat out the back, nabbed 9th, and was rewarded with a snapped frame on the way home courtesy of a motorist ignoring a no-right-turn sign in Tooting… http://tinyurl.com/h4ol7. Thankfully, Will only suffered a few bruises and grazes. So he should be back at Palace in no time!

IT’S ABOUT TIME TRIALS
+++ Delayed item from newsletter newcomer +++
Finally, our apologies to time trialler DARREN HINCKS for overlooking his Dyna-mail in our bulging inbox last week. The weekday warrior has spent the winter training with ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY – and he posted a time of 55:59 at the recent Zak Carr memorial 25, despite having to stop top put his chain back on. Happens to the best of us, pal! The DYNAMITE! debutant asks: “With regards to my Dyna-moniker, the only thing I can think of is “The Hammer”, which probably sounds pretentious but carpentry runs in my family, so perhaps it’s OK.” We’ll put it to the editorial board pronto!

GROUND OUT
Our beans have been ground until they squeaked, which means there’s just enough time to thank all of this week’s contributors who poured their boiling water into our cafetiere of piping hot news. Always remember that we aim to be a heady brew, but we would be nothing without you, our Magnus Maximus… http://tinyurl.com/gy63f. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘COLUMBIAN’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And we promise to mention something about WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE’s superb win at Guildford, which took place just after our deadline. So now, as we slop out the dregs at the bottom of the coffee pot, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an aromatic Costa Rican.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #108, 14.07.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/ppkxg +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 23C max, wind E 10mph; Sun, sunny, 25C max, wind E 10mph +++
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TREND SWEATERS
+++ Hard-riding ‘Mos enjoy 80s revival +++
In a confusing world where trends change faster than the wearer of the yellow jersey, it’s comforting to know that a decade familiar to us all is currently undergoing a popular revival across Britain. Fashions from twenty years ago have even invaded the lower ground floor of Dynamo Towers this week, with Mrs Dynamite digging the mothballs out of her ra-ra skirt while DYNAMITE! types these very words with a pair of deeley-boppers bouncing atop of its bonce – and as you would expect from the capital’s most craze-conscious club, a number of Dynamates have been keen to jump on the bandwagon by participating in an aspect of 80s’ culture that is even more synonymous with the era than the Rubik’s cube, Jim Bowen on Bullseye, or STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS’ trusty Cougar. We’re talking, of course, about the dubious joys of mountain biking, first popularised in the decade that taste forgot and enjoyed last week by four notable ‘Mos – one of whom walked off with his most satisfying result of the season so far. So adjust those oversize specs and get ready to punch in the stats on your combination digital watch calculators as we reveal the results that are tastier than a packet of sherbet dipdabs. Here comes the chatter of the telex machine…

NO MONKEYING AROUND
+++ Rival’s gaffe fails to halt unstoppable Spies on way to victory +++
While chewing the fat with RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON on the way back from Palace last week, this publication was intrigued to hear that STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES told the ginger Kiwi that he “really, really wanted” to win a race at Beastway – and less than 24 hours after DYNAMITE! heard that titbit, ever-determined Stu had achieved his goal. The Bupa trooper took his shiny new knobbly-tyred Giant to the Lea Valley circuit, where he initially found himself stuck behind a rider from Orange Monkey who rapidly faded before unclipping, causing Stu and the rest of the pack to jump off. What a hassle! Unaffected by the sudden halt, Dynamo’s affable South African went on to get a healthy gap on Addiscombe’s fearsome Frenchman Sylvain Garde and crossed the line to claim the No.1 spot in the Masters category… http://tinyurl.com/fmj7q …which is his first MTB victory in the UK. Give that man a British passport immediately, Dr Reid! Sadly, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT and DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE were ruled out of contention by punctures – but who was the mystery ‘Mo pedalling around on what Stu describes as a “rather nice Glider crossbike”? Why, it was none other than Cyclefit’s JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL making a low-key return to his MTB roots. He kept that one quiet!

HOUSE ABOUT THAT!
+++ Dizzy Paine watches Spence’s triumph at Guildford +++
As a multitude of ‘Mos already know, Cyclefit sensation WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE won the Guildford Town Centre Circuit Race in dazzling style last Wednesday, lapping the chasing group of Malcolm Elliott, Archer GP winner Mariusz Weisiak and Specialized’s Andy Jaques Mayne before out-sprinting Kristian House to the line… http://tinyurl.com/lalfm. The Covent Garden crit king celebrated winning the event for the second year running and snatching the lead in the Elite Men’s Circuit Series – but spare a thought for poor old IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE, who sent us a dazed précis of the race just hours after he had whizzed around the cobbled 600-metre circuit for around 50 laps to finish 20th. He reveals: “No matter how many people I passed, I always seemed to be last man but one. Then I heard over the commentary that Warrick was away with Kristian House. Some more laps as last-man-but-one, then lapped by Warrick for the first time. Quick glance at my bike computer – four and a half miles done!” Oh dear! Ian was lapped by Warrick again before being pulled off, giving him a ringside seat for the thrilling finish. He recalls: “Up the straight it’s Warrick on the far left, House on the far right. Warrick looks ahead. Looks like House closing – but no, Warrick’s arms are in the air! Absolutely top win in a brutal race.” Good grief – he’s turned into Phil Liggett!

TWO TWOS MAKE COR!
+++ Stunning double at Palace +++
Six days after his gruelling experience at Guildford, IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE returned to his spiritual homeland of Crystal Palace where he took 2nd in the E/1/2 race, while SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON finished 4th after swerving around a junior who came off on the downhill corner. Nice handling, pal! Ian’s 2nd place on Tuesday was nicely complemented by JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS, who broke away from the much-depleted pack in the dying moments of the 3/4 race to take the No.2 spot… http://tinyurl.com/ldggn. But a special mention must go to DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDENER for getting plastered at the weekend, not bothering to take any drink with him during the race and still managing to nab 9th place. Now that’s a hardman of the old school!

BE A WHEEL HELP
+++ Driver and marshals still needed for Dynamo-organised race +++
The entry list for the latest round of the South East Series is filling up nicely – but event co-ordinator MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT is still looking for a driver, a car, a line judge and course marshal for the Dynamo-organised race next Sunday. Dyna-mail martin.garratt@londondynamo.co.uk if you can help out on July 23rd – all offers of flash motors will be gratefully received! A prize of £200 will be awarded to the 1st placed rider, going down to £20 for 7th and £10 each for 8th through to 15th. The highest-placed 1st and 2nd cat riders will each receive a pair of Sidi Hi-Tech carbon shoes or a full cyclefit, including footbeds, courtesy of the club’s generous sponsors. That’s a worthy incentive to duke it out with the elites!

KIWI GO AGAIN
+++ Apology for yet another sloppy antipodean error +++
First KEN BUIST, then RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and now PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY – it seems DYNAMITE! has once again wrongly referred to a Dynamate as an Aussie when they are, in fact, from New Zealand. Sorry, pal! Paul also took issue with being compared to Robbie McEwen in our previous edition as the Brisbane bandit “weighs next to nothing” – but despite the differences in build, the editorial team stands by the comparison as the Hammersmith humdinger’s sudden appearance at the front of the pack for the sprint during last week’s 3rd cat race at MoD Chertsey was worthy of the current green jersey wearer himself. So we’re not apologising for that one, buddy!

CRASH AND GRAB
+++ Kimbers nabs points to go up after tumble +++
Finally, DYNAMITE! was pleased to hear that Dynamette KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF was back on her bike following her crash at the Parkride – and the Dyna-masseuse nicked two points at the women’s race at Hillingdon last Wednesday, giving her a 3rd cat licence. Nice one!

STOP AND EJECT
The ‘play’ button on the Walkman has shot up with a clunk, which means it’s time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue before we turn over our best of Howard Jones C90 mixtape. Always remember we are a spiky-haired, keyboard-plinking vegetarian, but we would be nothing without you, our bald, miming Jed. So don’t crack up, bend your brain, see both sides, throw off your mental chains and keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘LIKE TO GET TO KNOW YOU WELL’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. Any stories from the Etape or the Marmotte would be greatly appreciated as we haven’t yet received any. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we wonder what is lo-o-o-o-o-ove anyway, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a Betamax recorder.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #109, 21.07.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/ppkxg +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 29C max, wind NE 6mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 30C max, wind NW 12mph +++
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SUNNY DELIGHT
+++ Editorial team makes a break from the bunker +++
Wading through the reams of brilliant Dynamo results spewing from the DYNAMITE! ticker tape machine and reading the piles of Dyna-mails sent to our trusty Vic-20 are the two most enjoyable aspects of being part of this publication’s editorial team – but by the time you read this, we will have forsaken the simple pleasures of our famous soundproof bunker for the charms of the Great British seaside. That’s right, sun-worshippers – Mrs Dynamite has thrown a few beach towels, her “kiss-me-quick” hat and a tub of industrial-strength sunblock into the Dynamobile for a trip to the coast. This heatwave isn’t going to last forever, Dynamates, and we’re determined to enjoy it while we can! As a consequence of this change to the newsletter’s writing schedule, this edition of your favourite Dynamatic update will try to be even briefer than DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE’s shorts on the training camp – so without further ado, it’s time to climb into a pair of improbably tight Speedos and discover how the baby-faced boy wonder himself proved the recent rigours of the Marmotte had little effect on his racing prowess at the weekend. Let’s dip that big toe into the sea of news…

A WHOLE ‘MOTTE MORE
+++ Crazy quintet do Alpe D’Huez twice +++
In true Parkride style, a recovery pootle the day after the Marmotte turned into a full-on race for CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT, GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN and DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE as they traversed Alpe D’Huez for the second time in as many days. What a bunch of nutters! Daring Dave rode away from his four pals at an early part of the climb but graciously waited halfway so they could all do the second half together – and the fearsome Fulhamite put in another show of strength eight days later by taking 11th at the Drinkwater Marriner Reg A race in Owslebury, Hampshire… http://tinyurl.com/fhyaq. His Mar-mate Van Chadders also took part in Sunday’s 58-mile 2/3 race and was disgruntled that his sterling work in the searing heat only reaped him 17th place amid the fragmented pack. To add to his misery, his name was cruelly omitted from the results of last Thursday’s Surrey League handicap at Kitsmead Lane… http://tinyurl.com/llhbv …even though he swears blind to being “definitely either 9th or 10th”. Take it up with Keith Butler, pal – and when you do, ask why CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL is listed as 28th when he wasn’t even there! But at least the ginger lad’s participation in the 35-miler gave him a chance to watch awesome JUSTIN ‘IT’S HIM’ SIMS in action. Chadders reveals: “He’s crazy strong at the moment and drove the through-and-off train in the 2nd cats. We went so fast we caught the 3rds half way and the 4ths with a lap to go.” Sprint sensation Justin says: “The elites caught us on the last lap and I foolishly got stuck on the front towing everyone down the back straight. Fortunately, I kept a bit in reserve and managed to get 2nd after Agiskoviner’s Anders Christensen gave his team-mate Paul Pickup the lead out for the sprint.” Fantastic stuff!

MARSHAL MORE
+++ One more request for help +++
Honorary club president PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN has slipped a note under the door of our famous soundproof bunker asking us to remind the Dyna-membership that he is looking for marshals. The Kingston killer is looking for two kind volunteers to help out with the Southern Counties Road Race next Sunday – so send a Dyna-mail to paul.callinan@londondynamo.co.uk if you can offer your assistance. Remember, Dynamates, that the club must do its fair share of marshalling to ensure that race organisers continue to let members enter races. It really is that simple!

WHEELY WELL DONE
+++ Snapped spoke fails to halt ‘Mo on Etape +++
Pausing only to congratulate IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE and DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE for coming 6th and 10th respectively at Crystal Palace’s E/1/2 race on Tuesday… http://tinyurl.com/n4gpy …we end this week’s slightly shorter Dyna-missive with a couple of more notes on the French sportives. PHIL McCUBBINS was forced to remove his rear brake after a spoke snapped on the final climb of the Etape – but with the help of a helpful Spanish spectator and his girlfriend, the plucky ‘Mo managed to angle his bent back wheel slightly to the right of centre which, amazingly, allowed him to reach the finish. Phil reveals: “The wheel still rubbed the frame with any effort strong enough to flex the frame, but I only wore through rubber.” Meanwhile, Dyna-Marmottist DAVID SAMUELS dropped us a note to give us a tip on taking photos on a sportive, based on his experience this year. He advises: “On a hot day, it probably isn’t a good idea to stow your camera down your shorts. It lessens the picture quality and goes ‘click’ on its own. The results are only of interest to Proctologists’ Gazette.” Have you been perusing GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL’s magazine rack, pal?

IT SHORE IS OVER
Mrs. Dynamite is honking the Dynamobile’s horn, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue before we drive down to the coast. We’ll be back next week looking as red as the Saeco team kit, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘DONKEY RIDE’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the First Lady of the newsletter unfolds the Collins road atlas, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a toffee apple.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #110, 28.07.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/ppkxg +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 27C max, wind S 12mph; Sun, light rain, 25C max, wind SW 12mph +++
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WRITE STUFF
+++ Dyna-moto with whiteboard gets thumbs up at SE series +++
Having introduced a much-needed dash of style to the capital’s gaudy racing scene and established a reasonably amusing weekly Dyna-mail newsletter, it would be easy for Britain’s most innovative cycling crew to rest on its laurels – but on Sunday the club managed to impress the peloton at the latest round of the prestigious South East Series by unveiling yet another great idea. The inaugural London Dynamo Summer Road Race in Handcross, West Sussex, was treated to its very own ardoisier – the chap displaying time checks on a board while riding pillion on a motorbike – in the form of marker-pen man DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE, who was scribbling away as GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY kept a firm hand on the throttle. Marshalling co-ordinator MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT reveals: “Immediately after the race I had several comments from the riders on how safe they felt – and they couldn’t get enough of the white board.” Nice work, fellas! The Dyna-marvellous moto duo put in a sterling performance keeping track of the time gaps during the 85-mile event after the full field of E/1/2 riders split to pieces on the challenging Staplefields course. The regional ‘A’ event was won by Rob Hurd of Chocalatier Isabelle/Felt Bicycles, who left with £200 in prize money and a bottle of bubbly courtesy of London Dynamo. Enjoy, buddy! Feisty IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE managed to nab a bit of glory for Dynamo by finishing in the points with 14th place… http://tinyurl.com/s5l4r …but the real heroes of the day were race helpers ALEX ‘BUSTED’ BASTIN, PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES, PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON, STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS, KIMBERLEY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF, PETA McSHARRY, NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, JUSTIN ‘THAT’S HIM!’ SIMS, WARWICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE, RUSSELL TURNER and SAM ‘EPIC’ WOODHOUSE, plus, of course, David, Gordon and Martin. Well done, everyone! Their efforts were even described as “excellent” by Dynamo turncoat Guy Andrews – and the irascible Rapha vet doesn’t use that word every day. But we can’t bask in the glow of praise for ever – the next news item has just chipped off the front, so we’d better get the stopwatch out as our trusty moto man takes us zooming ahead. Here comes the first time gap…

RUBBISH EXCUSE
+++ Paine blames bin for denying him Palace top spot +++
Nothing in the typical racing cyclist’s repertoire is as valuable as a list of handy excuses – and crit killer IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE has pulled out a cracker to explain why he didn’t win the E/1/2 race at Crystal Palace on Tuesday. In a purely unintentional yet characteristic move, Columbian Diego Garavito drifted to the right on the finishing straight as the first cat fireball began to accelerate past him. Ian says: “As all Palace regulars know, on the right hand side with around 120 metres to go there is a solid-looking litter bin, so squeezing past on the grass is not really an option.” That meant Ian had to brake hard and go round on the left – but the loss of momentum allowed Paul Mill from Edwardes to get past for the win… http://tinyurl.com/pks57. Coming 2nd is better than nothing, pal! Cyclefit sensation WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE took 9th while his former Covent Garden colleague SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON finished three places behind him – and there was more Dyn-amazing action in the 3/4 event which saw DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDENER nab 5th after his break of nine held off the pack. With only one place left in the top 10, feisty ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY went hell-for-leather at the bottom of the hill on the final lap – only for cheeky team-mate ANDREW ‘COALFACE’ STRONGE to pass him on the final corner and snatch the only point left from the bottom of the BCF bucket. Get in there! Amazingly, puffed-out Andrew had been riding tempo on the front earlier on as part of his usual domestique duties for Rob after the hirsute hero got into one of his trademark early breaks – so the long-haired lad has nothing to complain about!

KIPPS’ TRIP
+++ Dynamate does end-to-ender +++
Finally, DYNAMITE! would like to point its readership in the direction of JOHN KIPPS’ blog, in which he details his adventures during his recent epic solo journey from Land’s End to John O’Groats in Dynamo livery. Click here… http://tinyurl.com/j8k2s …to find out how he set a brisk pace to Bristol and pressed on through Preston’s heavy traffic – only to consider scotching it in Scotland when his inflamed Achilles tendon left him feeling done in at Dumfries. But he ploughed on to his goal, fuelled by sheer determination and hearty roadside cafe breakfasts. It will make you look at Little Chefs in a whole new light!

SCRAWL OVER
The pack have caught the break, which means our services as official time checker are no longer required. Always remember that this publication is like a portable blackboard and it would be nothing without you, our trusty, dusty chalk. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘INDECIPHERABLE SCRAWL’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the yellow motorbike goes back in the garage, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and Michel Bationo’s yellow helmet.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #111, 04.08.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics – http://tinyurl.com/ppkxg +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click the “newsletter” link +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 26C max, wind NW 5mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 26C max, wind W 7mph +++
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SWEET CHILD OF ‘MO
+++ Stegers rocks out on eve of race +++
Charismatic yet reclusive, constantly rumoured to be on the verge of making a comeback, TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY could be described as Dynamo’s very own version of Axl Rose, who has hidden himself away in numerous recording studios since 1996 trying to complete the recording of his masterpiece. It was around the same time that the cycling scene bade farewell to Tony – and his rock ‘n’ roll return to racing at the end of last April was thwarted by the squares of the Surrey League declaring the results of the Norwood Hill 3rd cat event null and void due to supposedly dangerous riding. He finished 4th as well! But like the tenacious Guns N’ Roses frontman, the Hammersmith hard nut showed he had a lot of Patience and was knock, knock Knockin’ On Hillingdon’s Door first thing on Sunday morning to take part in the National Masters 2/3/4 support race. Welcome back To The Jungle, pal! Also on the starting line was hard-livin’ youngster JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS, who was pumping his fist in the air until 1.30am as GNR belted out their hits at Wembley Arena – and mere hours after getting the Nightrain home, the knackered rocker proved he was One In A Million by shooting out of the bunch in the dying moments of the race to claim 8th. Now that’s what we call an Appetite For self-Destruction! With two groups containing a total of seven riders ahead of Joe, Tony put in a Dyna-massive effort to secure 2nd in the sprint, thereby nabbing the last place in the top 10 and securing his first point of the season… http://tinyurl.com/gchjd. Confident Tony insists: “That elusive elite licence is only months away.” That’s what Axl said about his as-yet-unreleased album in 2002! With so much racing going on, this edition of your favourite bandana-wearing, down-and-dirty Dynamatic update is going to be an epic of November Rain proportions, so let’s perch the top hat on our mess of curly hair, allow the cigarette to droop from our bottom lip and prepare to Slash our way through the week’s news. Here comes the 10-minute guitar solo…

SECOND ALPINGS
+++ Spies returns for eight-day MTB race +++
He’s done it again! For the second year running, knobbly-tyred nutcase STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES has covered 400 off-road miles through Austria, Germany, Switzerland and Italy to complete the epic eight-stage Transalp challenge, which finished on July 22nd… http://tinyurl.com/gjco6. The Bupa trooper and partner in grime Shawn Blakey were in the top 50 before Stu was forced to ride alone for the final two days after his pal came down with a serious case of dodgy guts. Nasty! With their two-man team dramatically halved, the stern German organisers refused to give the Mad Engine men an official position on the final GC – but DYNAMITE! can reveal Stu came 170th on the list of 580 individual finishers. Well done, fella! Having tackled the Alps and the Dolomites, intrepid Spies plans on heading to the jungle for Costa Rica’s La Ruta in November… http://tinyurl.com/ka6re. He enthuses: “I just know the other off-road ‘Mos will be keen.” Don’t bank on it, pal!

THREES’ FAME
+++ Trio of 3rd cat Dynamates in Palace top 10 +++
After many weeks of being overshadowed by the E/1/2 race, the 3rd cat ‘Mos got to enjoy their best Crystal Palace result of the season so far with no less than three top 10 places on Tuesday. Nice one, fellas! Soon after shooting away with five laps to go, plucky DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDENER found himself joined by a quintet which included JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY and ANDREW ‘COALFACE’ STRONGE – but sensing the danger of four mighty ‘Mos in a break, the pack sensibly closed down the gap. Undeterred, Joe attacked again and stayed away for one and a half laps of the kilometre-long circuit before blowing up by leading everyone up the climb. Bad luck, buddy! Andrew reveals: “Quentin Tring from Brixton Cycles, who is on flying form, led out a long line of us in the the finishing straight, making a nice easy job for the judges.” How kind of him! David finished 2nd, Andrew was 4th and Rob nabbed the No.9 spot… http://tinyurl.com/lfwbu. We’ll be expecting this level of success every week from now on, chaps!

FOURS’ COMPANY
+++ ‘Mo teams become rivals at team time trial +++
It’s unusual to find any Dyn-animosity between Dynamates – but the editorial team detected a note of rancour in STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES’ account of the Surrey League 4-up Team Time Trial Championship which saw all of Dynamo’s three well-drilled units finish in the top third of the 21-squad race. Mounted on PIERS ‘PRESSURE’ STANSFIELD’s blinging Planet X TT machine, the usually affable Saffa rode the 35.5-mile course with fellow 2nd cats GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN and DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE to finish 20secs down on VC Meudon’s fastest time of 1:17:48. The ‘B’ team’s efforts were enough to secure an impressive 3rd place – but the ‘C’ squad came 2nd, prompting fuming Stu to point out to them that his foursome had to contend with a car pulling out into their path. “That’s half a minute right there,” he whinged, vowing: “Next time, buddies!” Even-handed DYNAMITE! feels compelled to note that 30 seconds wouldn’t have made any difference as Stu’s crew finished 1:38 behind the winning time, making them 1:17 slower than the ‘C’ guys who averaged an incredible 27mph. Sorry, fellas! Meanwhile, first cat fireball RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS, who rode with IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE in the 2nd-placed team, reveals that GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL “whined like a baby” on the starting line about how hard it was going to be. He’d probably just realised that it wasn’t the sort of 4-up that a Premiership footballer might enjoy in a hotel room with three of his team-mates and a quartet of glamour models! Nevertheless, the pervy powerhouse turned out to be super-strong, with Richard readily admitting: “It was a bloody nightmare holding onto his wheel in the last few miles.” The pace was so high that TT master PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN was forced to drop off – and Rich adds: “I was gutted for him. He was riding really strongly and I’m certain we would have won with him.” There’s always next year, pal! At least Paul made it to the start of the race on the Kirdfold/Alfold circuit, unlike SIMON ‘RIGHT REVEREND’ WRIGHT whose back wheel collapsed after a spoke buckled, leaving JASON ‘B.A.’ BARAN, DAVID ‘HANNIBAL’ GARDENER and ADAM ‘FACE’ STONE to soldier on as the ‘A’ team. That was one plan that didn’t quite come together! Nevertheless, the trio still managed to finish 7th… http://tinyurl.com/zjhmy …and despite riding normal road bikes, they passed their four-minute team who were all on TT machines. Bet that made the poor buggers feel good about getting caught!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Fully-recovered RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS avoids getting into another crash and takes 9th at the Southern Counties Cycling Union Championship in Edenbridge, Kent on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/oscwd +++ STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES 3rd in Masters category at last Wednesday’s Beastway… http://tinyurl.com/h8x2z …giving him 2nd overall for the series +++ For the third time in four weeks, IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE finishes 2nd at Palace’s E/1/2 race… http://tinyurl.com/lfwbu …while DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE bags 6th and GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN takes 9th +++

WE’RE GUNNER GO
The grinding, high-decibel riffs have probably brought you to your sha-na-na-na-na-na-knees, which means it’s time to end the show before we have one of our notorious on-stage bust-ups. Always remember we are a Duff McKagan and we would be nothing without you, our cymbal-smashing Steven Adler. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘IZZY’ BUIST to the address in the “from” field of this message – or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we wonder where do we go, where do we go now, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a bootleg copy of Chinese Democracy.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team