The DYNAMITE! Files

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #169, 22.02.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 13C max, wind SW 10mph; Sun, cloudy, 13C max, wind SW 7mph +++
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LLUC OUT!
+++ Streule’s bike collapses on Mallorcan group ride +++
The lengthy, arduous process of Dynamo decision-making demands that each committee member possesses an incredibly robust constitution to go the distance – so it is a shock to discover that not one but three Dyna-main men have recently been laid low within days of each other. Venturing to Mallorca with CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN, squits-riddled NICK ‘EX-CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK became the first to succumb, followed by his successor and travel companion TONY ‘PETER’ SMEDLEY, who ran into the back of DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE in rain-spattered Lluc after the baby-faced boy wonder’s fork inexplicably snapped at the crown. Ouch! Recuperating at his sprawling Barnes HQ, the club’s new leader says of his extensive road rash: “It hurts like hell on a jet ski. But I’ve been licked before. I’ve just got to stop being Nancy.” And as the normally-chucklesome northerner tried to cheer himself up by watching his favourite BBC sketch show on t’internet… http://tinyurl.com/29thu4 …honourary club president PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN was nursing the mother of all colds, which he’d picked up by standing in a drafty Norbiton warehouse sorting out clothing for last Saturday’s kit sale. In between sniffles, the bunged-up Kingston killer revealed that many ‘Mos have neglected to renew their membership, so his fellow committee member PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT will be taking a register at the start of the Parkride tomorrow. Anyone who hasn’t paid up will be turned away, barred from the forum and taken off the mailing list for Britain’s top Dynamatic update. You have been warned, Dynamates! So come with us now as we deliver the final newsletter that some ‘Mos might ever get to read, unless they pay up sharpish… http://tinyurl.com/2yylbn. This could be your last one, reader…

NEVER MIND THE BIALOBLOCKIS…
+++ …here’s how Dynamo dominated the other races at Chertsey +++
With remarkable prescience, training mode ‘Mos SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and RUNE ‘SIZZLER’ SANBECK declined to join the decisive break at the E/1/2/3 handicap at MoD Chertsey on Sunday, thereby avoiding ex-pro Marcin Bialoblocki’s diabolical move which brought down Sigma Sport’s Andrew Bye yards from the line… http://tinyurl.com/2qtz88 …and relegated the Pole to 8th place in the process. The antics of the criminally-attired Sport Beans nudge merchant have sparked discussion on the Dynamo forum… http://tinyurl.com/2fbsmd …and beyond… http://tinyurl.com/2hzqsw … although the only subject of conversation in this publication’s famous soundproof bunker is how Britain’s best cycling club grabbed the lion’s share of the points on offer at the other two Beginners’ Series races held at the chilly Qinetic circuit earlier that same sunny day. The traditional 4th cat mass stampede for the line ended with NICHOLAS ‘ACTION’ JACKSON, ROB ‘WHAT LICENCE?’ REID, FREYSEN ‘CHASE HIM’ MARITZ, MILES ‘AHEAD’ STUART and CHRISTIAN ‘HARDCASTLE’ CORMACK taking 4th, 6th, 7th, 9th and 10th respectively. A short while later, REBECCA CURLEY, NAOMI ANDERSON and KIMBERLEY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF took the podium places in the women’s race, with PETA McSHARRY completing the Dynamettes’ domination with 9th place… http://tinyurl.com/ysme2o. Good work, ladies and gents – lets see more of that at the final Beginners’ Series race on Sunday!

SPRING INTO ACTION
+++ Williamson loving it at Gorrick +++
Some of those plucky riders who made their racing debut at the weekend will no doubt have honed their form on the Parkride, which STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES reckons is more action-packed these days than “that Surrey League nonsense”. His words, Dynamates, not ours! Having enjoyed his fill of what he refers to as “kill DAVID ‘GOLIATH’ ANDREWS sessions” in Richmond Park, the sunny saffa leapt like a Springbok into the Gorrick Spring MTB Series on Sunday, putting what bedazzled eyewitness MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON called a “chuffing quick lap” on the Tunnel Hill circuit in Farnborough, Hants, before falling victim to the dreaded puncture fairy. Oh you cruel, cruel sprite! Martin, meanwhile, had a cracking time on the dry, fast and twisty circuit, describing the race as “grin inducing” despite having mechanical issues with his singlespeed conversion. The multisport marvel, who is off to Mallorca this week with TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, Dave Andrews and his triathlon chum Tom Langley, came 6th in the Sport category, while RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT took 12th in the Super-Masters and JAMES DUNSBIER earned the No.22 spot on the Masters finishing list. Depending on who you talk to, the reason behind WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER’s appearance at 53 on the Sport category results sheet… http://tinyurl.com/24l2wu …is either because he had a technical issue or left his race head at home – and more mystery surrounds the identity of another ‘Mo who was spotted at the race. Stu says: “I’ve never seen him before, so I think he may have just discovered the missing Sportful shipment.” If his shorts were as indecently brief as the ones that never made it Dynamo Towers, then he’s welcome to them!

COMMON PASTIME
+++ Wandsworth venue for drinks bash +++
Finally, we’d like to issue a warning that next week’s edition of DYNAMITE! may well make less sense than usual because deadline night coincides with WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER’s inaugural Dyna-monthly drinks evening, which kicks off at 6.30pm. All roads lead to the Freemasons on Wandsworth Common Northside this Thursday… http://tinyurl.com/398sbx …so make sure you bring your reflective armbands for what is sure to be a very wobbly ride home. And it’s a G and T, if you’re asking. Cheers!

TICKING OFF
The register is being churned out by the Dynamo supercomputer ready for tomorrow’s Parkride, which means there is just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before the printer spits out the last name. Always remember that we are a never-ending roll call of honour but we would be nothing without each of you, our magnificent entries. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT reaches for the red pen, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a fully paid-up membership.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #170, 29.02.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 11C max, wind NW 18mph; Sun, light rain, 12C max, wind W 17mph +++
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DON’T DRINK AND TYPE
+++ Editorial team take the sensible option +++
Putting together Britain’s finest Dynamatic update is a meticulous process in which literally several puns are lovingly crafted by hand before they are carefully welded to the brilliant results chugging out of the DYNAMITE! ticker tape machine – which is why, contrary to what was suggested in last week’s edition, the conscientious editorial team has decided not to construct this entire issue while blotto. That’s not to say we won’t be propping up the bar at the Freemasons on Wandsworth Common Northside – but as WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER’s inaugural Dyna-monthly drinks evening coincides with this publication’s deadline night, we’ve decided to construct this issue ahead of time so it’s not riddled with drink-induced errors. And as speed is of the essence, this week’s edition will be more of a crit than the usual stage race – so come with us now as we take a whiz through the week…

SLEW ARE YA?
+++ MoD newcomer denied Dyna-moment of glory +++
A Dyna-minnow who gets a top five place this early in the season may think they are on their way to making their name known among the ranks of the Dyna-many – so SIMON ‘GARBLED’ GRANSHAW must have been miffed when he appeared as “Grarslew” in the results for Sunday’s 4th cat race in the final Beginners’ Series event. And he’s not listed as a Dynamo either! Pausing only to accurately describe this publication as a “great newsletter”, Simon tells us he came 3rd, not 4th as listed, although teammate MILES ‘AHEAD’ STUART may have a thing or two to say about that as he currently occupies the No.3 spot on the official finishing sheet. The stomach-churning mass stampede for the line at the Chertsey MoD circuit also reaped a second top 10 place in as many weeks for 8th-placed ROBERT ‘LICENCED’ REID, while the super-fast E/1/2/3 handicap later that day saw none other than tail-ender PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY do a convincing impersonation of a dying man in the last five laps before making a magical, McEwen-esque appearance in 3rd place as he crossed the line. That’s the kind of form you get racing with some of New Zealand’s finest in the Trust House Classic stage race while the northern hemisphere languishes in its off-season!

PODIUM GIRL
+++ Anderson’s top three double +++
Earlier, in the women’s race, newbie NAOMI ‘JUDGE’ ANDERSON followed up last week’s podium place by taking 3rd ahead of 8th-placed Cyclefitter KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF, while time trialing marvel JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES rued her initial tactic of trying to escape into a headwind as she crossed the line in 10th place… http://tinyurl.com/2emhyf. The previous day saw JLJ reap best lady and the prime in the a3crg Hard Riders 10-mile TT with a time of 27:04, and she reports that her ever-competitive fella RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS was unsatisfied with 4th place after covering the hilly, windswept course in Rake, West Sussex, in 23:45… http://tinyurl.com/3y3z86. That guy’s never happy unless he’s living up to his Dyna-moniker!

LAST ORDERS
We’ve put on the Rapha softshell and given Mrs Dynamite a peck on the cheek, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we pedal off to meet WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER and the gang for a drink or three. Always remember we are a friendly pub, but we would be nothing without you, our select clientele. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk, or simply hit your reply button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as a G and T is presented to us, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps
split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and ice. And a slice.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #171, 07.03.08
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+++Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light rain, 10C max, wind SW 18mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 10C max, wind W 12mph +++
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PAMPLONA FUN
+++ ‘Mo joins Olympic champ in bull run city +++
The sleek, stylish design of the nation’s nattiest cycle outfit has caught the attention of many envious riders over the years – and this week Dynamo’s dashing uniform even managed to look eye-catching when deprived of its usual blue, black and orange hues by the dulling power of monochrome newsprint. The editorial team of Britain’s top Dynamatic update was delighted to see a photograph on page 79 of Wednesday’s Daily Express (the self-styled “World’s Greatest Newspaper”) which showed sports hack PATRICK McKENDRY wearing his Dynamo kit in the famous bull run capital of Pamplona while having a chinwag with none other than James Cracknell. Lucky Pat joined the double Olympic gold medalist for a sun-kissed 60-mile ride as part of the rowing champ’s Sport Relief challenge to reach Africa in the fastest time possible by rowing, cycling and swimming… http://tinyurl.com/3a4x8u. The wide-ranging subjects of their long chat encompassed rugby, Spanish hotel names and “the environmental unfriendliness of cattle”, which Cracknell’s backup team must have found interesting as they cruised behind the pair in a 4×4 – but the sports hack omits to mention if smooth-legged James also gave him a friendly talking-to about his hirsute pins. Mercifully, those legs don’t look too DAVID ‘GOLIATH’ ANDREWS-like in our smudged photocopy… http://tinyurl.com/387ddb …and are entirely absent from the online version of the article… http://tinyurl.com/2kf5pk. Just remember to pack your travel razor next time, buddy! As Patrick jetted home, another ‘Mo was celebrating his first step on the road back to 2nd cat, which he hopes to reach by the time racing starts at his beloved Crystal Palace circuit – so come with us now to Hillingdon as a driving headwind reveals a true test of character. It’s time to witness a bunch of blowhards…

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
+++ Spies and Reid take on college kiddos +++
The intelligence of those who attend Britain’s most prestigious seats of learning is, of course, beyond question – which is why the group of ‘Mos who raced against the Cambridge Uni squad were baffled by the green and black boys’ unwise tactics at the Finchley RT 3/4 crit on Saturday. Volubly announcing their strategies to each other, the intensely serious college kids took turns launching themselves into the 20mph headwind on the back straight in the vain hope of getting away – and one rider attempted to block off the pack by practically riding sideways across the circuit. Pure genius! Much to the annoyance of 3rd-placed STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES, CU rider Tom Morris still managed to get the win, but with 4th cat Hillingdon debutant ROB ‘LICENCE’ REID nicking the last point on offer, the blue train could at least console themselves with having more riders in the top 10 then any other club. Winter series stalwart ANDREW ‘COALFACE’ STRONGE should be listed as 11th when the official results finally surface – but spare a thought for CHARLIE ‘HARDY’ PEARCH, who hit the deck after the twitchy 60-strong field hurtled along the straight and produced the inevitable crash on the final lap. Hope you’re healing up, pal!

STAR PERFORMANCE
+++ Top 5 place for Hayter in Banbury TT +++
Not one of the select few who attended the first Dyna-monthly drinks evening at the Freemasons in Wandsworth last Thursday would have predicted that laid-back event organiser WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER was to spring into action three days later with 5th place in a prestigious time trial – but that’s exactly what the red-hatted rascal did when he completed the 23-mile Banbury Star hardriders event in 58:01. Winner Dave Dent of Wightlink, who had also won the previous week’s Redhill sporting TT, put 02:29 into Will… http://tinyurl.com/37c8cd …as he powered along the tough Warwickshire course which includes half a mile of climbing at around 13 per cent. That daunting ascent is none other than Edge Hill, scene of the first first battle in the English Civil War – and our historically-minded ‘Mo admits: “Given my normal preference for climbing on a 34-25, I had my very own personal battle just keeping 39-21 turning over.” But unlike Charles I, focused Will won’t lose his head later in the season – and the same can safely be said of ever-reliable 1st cat SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON, who has followed up his top 15 performance at the season-opening Perfs Pedal race by bagging 15th place at the Wally Gimber in Tenterden, Kent, on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/2eeawf. Keep an eye on these two, Dynamates!

ROWING, GOING, GONE
Like the coast of North Africa looming into James Cracknell’s field of vision, the end of this journey is almost upon us – which means there’s just time to thank everyone who sent stuff in before we swim the final few metres. Always remember that DYNAMITE! is an act of charity, but we would be nothing without you, our willing donors, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we finish jangling the bucket of coins, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a list of sponsors.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #172, 14.03.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light rain, 12C max, wind S 9mph; Sun, heavy showers, 10C max, wind NW 9mph +++
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UP FOR TEE-BATE
+++ Top-level talks on Dynamo casual wear +++
Steeling himself for a ride that would bag 6th place and take him to joint 3rd overall in the Gorrick Spring Series, battle-mode mountain biker MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON ignored the hailstones pinging off his gladiatorial torso as he waited impassively on the starting line in Crowthrone Wood, Berks, on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/22ruag …and in a similar fashion to the Sport category crackerjack, the club’s venerable committee members have proved themselves to be unconcerned by the weather’s current inclemency as they draw up plans for Dynamo-branded summer wear. Having been sent to his easel by club co-founder PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, creative executive RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT returned last Thursday with a T-shirt design of Rapha-like understatement, and another, brasher version which features the club’s name proudly emblazoned across the front in large letters. Rusty is gunning for the former while club captain TONY ‘PETER’ SMEDLEY appears to prefer the latter, so expect the upper floors of Dynamo Towers to resonate with a full and frank exchange of views as they decide which one will go into production. In the meantime, another couple provided a certain skin-suited ‘Mo with a few much-needed chuckles as he hung around to see if his impressive time would be bettered – so come with us now as we share in his anxiety. Here comes a nervous 50-minute wait…

BLACKMAN MOOD
+++ Dynamette dismayed at being “beaten” by hubby +++
Dark clouds hovered over CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN on Sunday as the harrumphing Dynamette stewed over being beaten by none other than TOBY ‘HUBBY’ BLACKMAN – until she realized her time at the East Surrey RC hardriders TT was actually more than two minutes faster than her long-suffering other half’s, which prompted her to jump up and down with glee while unashamedly laughing her head off. Their pal RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS, who witnessed the 51st-placed schoolteacher go from bad winner to bad loser in the blink of an eye, commented: “I think they might be converts to the dark side, given time – pointy hats, dual carriageways, the lot.” And the pair couldn’t have a better mentor than the powerhouse personal trainer, who bolted out of Leigh to complete the 30-mile course in 01:07:54 – almost seven minutes quicker than what had been the fastest time. The following 49 competitors, including 12th-placed PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, were unable to better Rich’s effort – so hats off to Matt Bottrill of De Rosa RT, who ended up winning by 29 seconds and set a course record in the process… http://tinyurl.com/33ch9b. Rich concedes: “He did finish top 10 in the national 10, 25, and 50 last year, so he’s a class rider. But I’m definitely a lot stronger than last year and starting to feel fast.” That first top spot of the season will be his soon, Dynamates!

STORM IN A THAME CUP
+++ Hemmant terrified by weather, Delahunty in top 15 +++
Easing himself back into racing following his form-building week in Mallorca, the ever-cautious TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT headed to Charndon, Bucks on Saturday for the E/1/2/3 Roy Thame Cup, which he wisely treated as a training event due to the wet and super-windy conditions. Dynamo’s quiet man admits: “I was scared on the first lap but got into it and followed the wheel in front to get round the corners. It was blind faith!” Terrified Tom finished 19th after getting into an unsuccessful chasing group, while his fellow chaser PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY ended up nabbing 13th place… http://tinyurl.com/2yghe5. Nice one, fella! The following day saw MATT ‘IRON’ BRIDGE sagely sitting in the bunch at the 2/3 Surrey League race in Kirdford, which set him up for 9th place after the bunch caught breakaway boy RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT and four others. Doughty Dutchman TORKEL ‘RED’ DOHMERS and JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT added to the Dynamo points tally with 13th and 14th respectively… http://tinyurl.com/2atgxu. Lovely work, chaps!

TESTING TIME
+++ Free cycling assessments at uni +++
Finally, any ‘Mos looking to get their VO2 max, power outputs and lactic threshold tested might be interested in heading to Roehampton University, which is carrying out cycling performance assessments as part of an MSc sports science thesis. The lab tests, which last three to four hours, will take place for two weeks from 7th April. Volunteers must be male and aged 18 to 35. Call Lloyd Hooper on 07814 473 234 or e-mail lloydhooper@hotmail.com. And tell him we sent you!

GOOD DYE TO YOU ALL
The screen printing press has been filled with dye to decorate the first batch of Dynamo T-shirts, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before production begins. Always remember we are an oversize ’80s white T, but we would be nothing without you, our Frankie Says logo. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as it becomes apparent that the stencil for the design says “London Dymano”, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a “wife-beater” top.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #173, 21.03.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, cloudy, 6C max, wind N 22mph; Sun, heavy snow, 7C max, wind W 12mph +++
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NEW HORIZON
+++ Sneak preview of dramatic website redesign +++
Having created preliminary sketches for the eagerly-anticipated batch of Dynamo T-shirts, designer-in-chief RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT could have rested his graphical powers this week as he readies himself for the inclemency of the Easter 3-Day – but on the eve of a celebration commonly associated with rebirth, it is fitting that the industrious tiddler surprised the committee members by presenting them with four alternatives for the website’s front page which will form the basis of the club’s online revamp. The design apparently rubber-stamped by the ‘Mos-in-chief, and enthusiastically endorsed by this publication, features a skyline of the capital partially constructed from bicycle parts (it looks much better than it sounds, believe us) with a quartet of Dynamos riding out of its shadow. Inspired by Rusty’s Dyna-magnificent work, the editorial team has decided to put in an eggs-tra special effort to get this edition out half a day early so our readership can enjoy Britain’s top Dynamatic update before the long weekend renders many work e-mail inboxes inaccessible, or at least appealingly avoidable. So without any more clucking around, let’s turn our attention to an old school ‘Mo who has hatched out for a new lease of racing life. Shell we begin? It’s time to get cracking…

WHERE THERE’S A WILLIAMS…
+++ Top 10 place with almost no training +++
The filthy weather couldn’t stop steely New Zealander PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY grabbing 17th at the 87-mile E/1/2/3 Hounslow Spring RR in Chobham, Surrey, on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/2qtlyx …while over in Dunsfold, 14th-placed JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT nipped into the points after more than half of the frozen, rain-sodden field failed to finish – but the performance of the wet weekend took place on the same crit-like road circuit earlier that day when DAVID ‘PROFESSOR’ WILLIAMS made a welcome return to racing by claiming 8th in the 52-mile 3rd cat Surrey League event. Riding a brand-new “budget” carbon fibre Pinnacle, the action-hungry academic claimed that his entire winter training consisted of just one three-hour ride, which makes his performance on the testing off-course finishing climb all the more impressive. Spare a thought, however, for muck-covered ‘Mos ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY and STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES and who got a good break going on the final lap with three other riders only to get caught and end up with 11th and 12th respectively… http://tinyurl.com/33uknx. Water disaster!

A-PAUL-ING CONDITIONS
+++ Cannonball questions his sanity +++
With DYNAMITE! making so many mentions of the wet stuff, you could probably fill up your bidon by printing out this issue and giving the paper a squeeze – so at the risk of flooding your senses with diluvial news, we’ll leave you with the image of poor old PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN wrapped in a blanket, shivering uncontrollably by a heater and nursing a cup of tea as he ponders the unanswerable question: “Why did I go out there in just a skinsuit?” The club’s crazy co-founder had overridden the rational part of his mind on Sunday to face driving rain, winds and waterlogged roads at the Maidenhead and District CC time trial in Frieth, Bucks, where he covered the hilly 30-mile course in 1:15:21 to claim a well-earned 4th place… http://tinyurl.com/3bnej9. Paul, who was one of only 18 competitors out of 41 to get to the starting line, points out: “They’re repeating the event in August – so if you think you’re hard enough, sign on, because it’s tough.” Form an orderly queue, Dyna-masochists!

CHOCS AWAY
An eggs-travaganza of confectionary awaits us, which means there’s just time to wish everyone a happy Easter and thank those who sent stuff in for this issue before we tuck in to a sweet feast 56 hours before the big day. Always remember we are the disappointing free plastic toy, and we would be nothing without you, our yummy Kinder casing, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we unwrap the silver foil, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps
split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a bunny.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #174, 28.03.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light showers, 11C max, wind SW 21mph; Sun, light showers, 12C max, wind SW 17mph +++
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TRUNK AND DISORDERLY
+++ Hemmant senior attacks amid tree chaos +++
It was, in the words of wide-eyed RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, a day when “the gods chucked everything down, including a tree” – but despite the rain, hail, snow and wind of the Easter 3-Day resembling the fury of an offended deity, there is probably be a less supernatural explanation for the unbe-leaf-able obstruction which brought the first stage of the 1/2/3 race to an early close on Saturday. While not wanting to cast aspersions on the diligence of the Surrey League’s hard-working officials, the thought of spending hours standing in freezing temperatures with nothing but a luminous tabard for protection must surely have tempted at least one flag-holder to pack a saw in the car before heading to the Milland Hill course and creating their very own “act of God” for the sake of a quick getaway to the nearest radiator. The editorial team of this publication has, of course, absolutely no evidence to back up this wholly plausible theory, although we can state with absolute authority that unfazed JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT attacked in typically uncompromising fashion by squeezing past the fallen tree with a handful of others, briefly giving him a few seconds as the rest of the pack stared dumbfounded at their narrow escape from the bark-covered barrier which had thumped down on the tarmac before their very eyes. Meanwhile, Joe’s younger sibling TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT was in a break with Trust House Classic podium finisher Matt Talbot – and the 68-mile stage was foreshortened around the 50-mile mark, just as the supposedly exhausted ex-Rapha Condor man found the reserves to rip away from the leading group and take the win. Tom finished 5th with a deficit of seven seconds – but he hatched a plan to claw back just one second to get him into the top three. So come with us now as we head to Dunsfold Park for a feat of Dynamo co-ordination on the pan-flat strip of the former aerodrome that would have made the Red Arrows proud. The snow has cleared, and it’s time for take-off…

PAUL OR NOTHING
+++ Delahunty reduced to one cleat at vital moment +++
According to a rumour from a reliable source, no-nonsense New Zealander PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY had given his Dynamo buddies specific domestique duties for the 3-Day – so full credit to him for working on behalf of TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT instead after stage one showed the ever-quiet St Margaret’s man would make a bigger impression in the general classification. The keen-as-mustard Kiwi gave it full beans to provide Tom’s lead-out in the final 500 metres of the second stage at Dunsfold Park on Sunday – and, amazingly, he still managed to remain upright when his cleat broke. His incredible one-legged effort was the culmination of an otherwise flawlessly executed strategy which involved IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and Tom’s elder bro Joe keeping the pace up in the last lap while SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON sheltered Hemmant junior, who finished as planned with a gap on the bunch. It should have been job done for the cracking quartet, whose efforts had allowed their man to gain at least one second which they thought would give him 3rd place overall – but the race officials gave 8th-placed Tom the same time as the bunch and awarded bonuses to the top three finishers on the previous day. Oh Festina, capricious goddess of time, how you toyed with these mere Dyna-mortals’ dreams! With Monday’s final stage at Lingfield cancelled due to snow, Tom retained 5th place overall, 37 seconds behind winner Matt Talbot, or less than seven if you exclude the time bonuses… http://tinyurl.com/3yqoho …and he narrowly missed out on the points jersey after getting 1st and 2nd in the primes. The stoical big-hitter says: “It was crappy weather, but good racing. The boys sacrificed their own chances for me, which was pretty impressive.” Let’s see more of the same, Dynamates!

RICH PICKINGS
+++ Hoult takes 2nd +++
We couldn’t leave our coverage of the 3-Day without mentioning the 3rd cat event, which saw open road race debutant JASON ‘KEEP IT CLEAN’ GREEN making his presence felt at the front as the 25 per cent climb of Milland Hill split the riders into four groups – and the cyclo-crosser’s concern that he wouldn’t last longer than an hour proved ill-founded when he finished the opening stage in 9th place… http://tinyurl.com/3chbjy. The following day’s racing at Dunsfold Park was cancelled due to – you guessed it – a liberal sprinkling of the white stuff, giving RICHARD HOULT 24 hours to rest his legs before Lingfield, where he grabbed 2nd place after instigating an early break that caught the bunch napping… http://tinyurl.com/2uuu2y. Well done, fellas!

A WORK OF FRICTION
+++ Simmonds beats gearing troubles +++
Like the chirrup of heart rate monitors outside the Richmond Park cafe, or the sweet odour of WD40 wafting through Cyclefit, any event where RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS lives up to his Dyna-moniker is a sure sign that everything is right with the world – so it pleases this publication no end to report that the relentless high-achiever secured his first victory of the season after venturing to Meon, Hants, on Monday for Alton CC’s 31-mile time trial. The indomitable personal trainer says: “It was only just above freezing and I struggled to get my heart rate up to anything approaching race effort. On top of that, a 55 big ring I had fitted two days before threw the gearing out, so I had to switch to friction shifting for most of the race. Took me back 20 years! So all in all, pretty grim. But who cares? I finished first!” Jubilant Rich’s pointy-hatted pal GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL was 3rd, which might have eased the pain of what he considered to be an under-par performance at the Hounslow Wheelers 25-mile TT in Hawthorn Hill, Berks, on Friday, even though he was one of three ‘Mos in the top five. Guy rode the lumpy course in 1:01:38, while PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN did 59.59 to take third, and MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON was 54 seconds down on winner Wouter Sybrandy, giving him 2nd place… http://tinyurl.com/ytrofv. The trio had been told they could enter the club event on the line but only got a slot because the weather had kept a number of pre-entrants snuggled up in bed. What a stroke of luck!

SUN SCREEN
+++ Golden rays pumped down a wire +++
With clouds hovering yet again over the Surrey League’s racing calendar, we leave you with details of how you can deliver a dose of much-needed UV rays to your dulled retinas, via the very screen displaying this informative message. Simply log onto http://tiredandtested.com/blog/ where international man of leisure CHRIS ‘HOSPITAL’ WARD and his iSporty co-founder ‘BUFFALO’ BILL GILBERT will be bringing the sun and sweat of South Africa to life as they set out this morning on the grueling nine-day Cape Epic mountain bike race. Good luck, buddies! The type of weather the duo will have to endure is also graphically illustrated by blue-clad NICK ‘CRIKEY’ DOVE tackling the Cape Argus Pick ‘n’ Pay Cycle Tour three weeks ago in a photograph which he has only recently got back from Snappy Snaps… http://tinyurl.com/36alcb. Nick says: “It sets a great example of aerodynamic positioning and cornering.” We couldn’t agree more!

CEDAR LATER
We’ve had a tree-ly great time, but you might have twigged that it’s time fir us to bid yew all goodbye. Always remember we are a forest of news, but we wooden be much use without your acorns of fact, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we belatedly notice that this overgrown issue could do with some pruning, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a chainsaw.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #175, 04.04.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light showers, 12C max, wind NW 14mph; Sun, heavy showers, 8C max, wind N 20mph +++
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CAUGHT BY THE FUZZ
+++ ‘Cop’ stops Hayter and co +++
He has spent years nurturing a reputation as a courteous, responsible, mild-mannered ‘Mo – so you can imagine our surprise when WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER was labeled a miscreant along with 34 other disqualified competitors at Henfold Hill on Saturday, thanks to an over-enthusiastic community support officer continuing the police’s tradition of deciding the outcome of any cycle race that begins in Leigh, Surrey. Apparently disagreeing with the majority’s opinion that the standard of riding was perfectly respectable, the narked lawman turned on his flashing blue lights, overtook on a blind bend, and pulled up on a corner before stopping the bunch with one lap of eight to go, thereby scuppering their chances of catching the seemingly unassailable leading group. As if that wasn’t enough, the commissaire waded in and gave everyone a mouthful. What a palaver! Miffed Will, noting that the results sheet consists of the break and those who finished a lap down, complains: “How can you possibly justify disqualifying a whole group? It shows that commissaries should take some sort of sensible approach to maintaining group discipline, such as pulling out white-line offenders rather than just honking their horns impotently and then letting the whole group get stopped.” You tell ’em, pal! Thankfully, the kerfuffle failed to affect breakaway boys RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, who claimed 11th and 12th place respectively in the 71-mile 2/3 race… http://tinyurl.com/2uvf89 …but it was business as usual the following day as that unforgiving lady Mother Nature again played a factor in two events – so come with us now for a splashing time. It’s time to wade through a crank-deep puddle…

TAKING A BATHCOMBE
+++ No wash-out for Hoult and Jeffroy +++
The term “early bath” was doubly applicable for the hapless 3rds who tackled the daunting gradients of Barcombe on Sunday, with almost half of the field deciding to bow out rather then endure eight soakings in a mucky “paddling pool” created on the narrow, pothole-strewn circuit by overnight rain – but bucketfuls of brown water could not prevent RICHARD ‘HAVE IT’ HOULT and ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY taking 3rd and 7th respectively in the 53-mile floodfest in East Sussex… http://tinyurl.com/ypeq6n. You cleaned up there, fellas! Meanwhile, over in Deepcut, Surrey, mad-for-it mountain biker STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES buried the memory of his poorly-secured rear wheel forcing him to pull out at Henfold Hill the previous day as he took 6th place at the hideously muddy 4th round of the Gorrick Spring Series. His Super Master team-mate WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER had put in too many race miles at Saturday’s Surrey League fixture, so he was pleased just to reach the chequered flag – unlike singlespeed Sport category masochist MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON, who battled valiantly before bailing in the penultimate lap of the Frith Hill circuit. Tenacious tiddler RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT underestimated the time needed for his warm-up lap, which meant he missed the start by five minutes – but he somehow managed to take 11th in the same category as Stu… http://tinyurl.com/38rffr. That must have been quite a warm-up, pal!

DOING BRILL-IANTLY
+++ Victory and top 10 place in Bucks for TT duo +++
Having been sidelined for a month by illness and snowed-off races, the ever-determined JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES stepped out of her car in Brill, Bucks, with a sense of purpose on Saturday, only to get immediately walloped by a brutish, ungentlemanly gust that almost knocked her feminine frame to the ground. But the high-speed winds that had turned out for the Oxonian CC time trial couldn’t hold back the duathlon age group champ from completing the hilly 29-mile course in 1:32:27, beating the two women’s three-up teams by almost half an hour and all but four of the male trios. Jenny was also faster than three seeded riders – and the only person to pass her was the chap who won the event by a margin of 2mins 12secs. And who was that blue, black and orange blur? Why, none other than TT titan and Jenny’s fella RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS claiming his second victory of the season just five days after the first! The full-time cycling coach, who posted a time of 1:19:46, says: “It was by far the scariest experience I’ve ever had on the bike. The wind was so bad I couldn’t even hold the tri bars, and there were stretches where I was too scared to change gear. Mind you, the guy who finished second rode a disc, so hats off to him.” William Girvan… http://tinyurl.com/2mvsa2 …we salute you!

IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN…
+++ Help needed for SERRL race +++
Finally, a brief reminder that race secretary MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT is looking for ‘Mos and ‘Mettes to help out at the SERRL 1/2/3 race in Brenchley, Kent, next Sunday, so send a Dyna-mail to martingarratt@yahoo.com if you can lend a hand. It’s the club’s only commitment to SERRL this year, so do your bit by chipping in!

COP OUT
The siren is blaring, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before a burly PC throws us into his meat wagon. Always remember that we are a shameless recidivist drawn weekly to this criminal newsletter, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we get out collar felt, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps
split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a truncheon.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #176, 11.04.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, heavy showers, 12C max, wind SW 14mph; Sun, heavy showers, 12C max, wind SW 3mph +++
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CAN’T SEE STEVE WOOD FOR THE FREEZE
+++ Club mate not spotted in chilly Flanders +++
Nothing tugs at this publication’s heartstrings quite like a tale of a lone ‘Mo gamely tackling a sportive without any Dynamates for support or a diverting conversation about, for instance, the merits of carbon bottle cages – so you can imagine our distress at hearing how STEVE ‘LONESOME PINE’ WOOD completed all 172 miles of the Ronde Van Vlaanderen route without realising that nine fellow members were also juddering over the sportive’s uneven road surfaces in the freezing cold. But Steve needn’t feel he missed out on the inimitable banter of Britain’s most Dyna-marvelous cycling club, because DYNAMITE! is going to relive what the participants reckon was one of the best Dynamo foreign excursions yet – so come with us now as we give you the lowdown on the lowlands. It’s time to go through the Eurotunnel…

KOPP A LOAD OF THAT!
+++ Dynamos’ ringside seat for pros’ suffering +++
Proudly waving the famed yellow flag emblazoned with the Lion of Flanders emblem, hotdog-munching pals ALEX ‘NO KIT’ BREWER, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT, SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, RORY ‘GLORY, GLORY’ PARK, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, MIKE ‘LUNGER’ SNEYD, STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT whooped with delight as they watched dazed Erik Zabel crawl by inches from their clapping hands as the veteran sprinter struggled up the Koppenberg’s 22 per cent gradient at the Tour of Flanders. The gang’s prime spot among Sunday’s spectatorship capped a mayhem-packed two days which began when Stuart recreated his typical Surrey League race prep – meaning he punctured, changed clothes six times, and rammed a load of bananas down his neck, all before reaching the starting line of the Ronde Van Vlaanderen sportive. Minor drama over, the blue train rolled effortlessly along for the first 25 miles of the 87-mile half-distance route before encountering an omen of the obstructions to come in the form of a rather unique recumbent. Stu reveals: “There were no pedals for this chap – oh, no. What better way to move forward than kick your legs out like you’ve just sat on a hedgehog and pull the handlebars towards yourself in what can best be described as an offence to nature?” Dear oh dear! But it was the web designer’s first taste of cobbles, in the form of the hump-like Molenberg, that gave him greater grief. He admits: “There is no way to ride these things comfortably. You hover over the saddle, you feel like an army is marching over your crotch. You sit down, the vibration runs through your hands like little electric shocks. No matter what gear you are in, it’s the wrong one. All you can do is relax and point the bike straight, hoping the Gatorskins can sniff out some grip, because the ground looks damn hard!” And one of his buddies almost found that out the hard way…

MARTY CAINED IT
+++ Potty-mouthed Garratt avoids getting splattered +++
Onward to the Paterberg, where annoyed Guysie got walloped by a wobbly Belgian with enough force to break his rhythm at the foot of the 360-metre climb. To avoid such argy-bargy among the thousands of riders tackling the 13 per cent gradient, smart Mart cleared a path to the top by unleashing a torrent of abuse, prompting a less-than-amused Brit to quip: “Oh look – here comes Tom bloody Boonen.” Stu retorts: “Oh well, buddy, we’re still pedaling, you’re walking.” If only he had thought of saying that at the time!

THE LION OF FLAUNTERS
+++ Poser roars and takes off +++
The persistent rain began to make its presence felt as the Dynamo brigade hit the 50-mile mark, although cheeky Rusty had a smile on his little face thanks to the sight of Stu getting a major case of the shivers. The usually-sunny Saffa thawed out at a coffee stop where Martin ate his umpteenth squashed sandwich and Alex wondered why he had ever left Australia – but the brief repose enabled the rejuvenated rascals to tackle the Koppenberg with renewed vigour before admiring the awesome beauty of the Muur. Then came the 980-metre ramp averaging at 11 per cent known as the Bosberg, which Stu describes as “the Mecca Bingo of collarbone-crushing devils”. Having suffered at the hands of the merciless African on the Kopp, and done his damnedest to keep up with Sam throughout the day, foppish Guy drew even more attention to himself than usual by emitting a loud roar which announced his attack at the bottom of the climb. Martin was the only one who managed to catch him, and the duo two-upped it home as the remaining Dynamo riders eased themselves into the relative calm of the final section to the accompanying screech of Alex’s non-existent brake blocks. Well done all of you!

PARK RIDDLE
+++ Where was Rory? +++
We end our exhaustive coverage of the Belgian sportive with commiserations for Mike, who bowed out shortly after the Paterberg due to his rear mech committing suicide by getting into his spokes, and Rory made a premature departure reportedly because of a broken cleat. Quizzed about when exactly the Dynamo bookkeeper called it a day, baffled Stu responded: “I’m not entirely sure. Look, I was in the second stage of hypothermia, my brain was merely directing blood to vital organs. Was Rory even there?” Well, he’s in this photo… http://tinyurl.com/647gla …and this one… http://tinyurl.com/56v5xh …although they could have been Photoshopped by the Johannesburg web wizard himself. Get in touch if you’ve seen Mr. Park, Dynamates!

THE WHITE PITS OF ANDOVER
+++ Duo miffed as motor circuit is snowed off +++
Finally, we bring this Flanders-obsessed edition to a close with news of the domestic racing scene, which saw Sunday’s events at Thruxton cancelled after the snow fairy paid a munificent visit to the Andover motor circuit. Their trip to Hampshire thus thwarted, Easter 3-Day double act TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT and PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY headed for Hillingdon on Tuesday to fulfill their unquenched desire for crit action – but Dynamo’s quite man failed to get away and then found himself going backwards in the sprint, while his Kiwi pal got boxed in near the finish. Official results for the first night of the 2008 Tuesday series have yet to be released, but Tom reckons MIKE ‘LUNGER’ SNEYD was “up there” in the E/1/2/3 race, and TOBY ‘HUBBY’ BLACKMAN was 8th in the 4th cat event. Toby’s other half CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN did the Hounslow and District Wheelers ’10’ last night, posting a time of 26:57 despite taking a wrong turn – and TT was won by none other than PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, who completed the Chertsey circuit in 24:08. Excellent work, sir!

DEVOLDER AND OUT
Like Stijn Devolder powering away for the final 15 miles, this edition is coming to a glorious close, which means there’s just time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we point out the Quick Step logo on our national champion’s jersey. Always remember we are a load of old cobbles, and it is only the mud, dirt, blood and sweat of our readership’s efforts that binds us together. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we brush over the rumours of slipstreaming behind Belgian television motorbikes, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps
split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a snow plough.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #177, 18.04.08
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, heavy rain, 8C max, wind NE 15mph; Sun, cloudy, 13C max, wind NE 10mph +++
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SUGAR DAFFY
+++ Gang go crazy for SERRL look-a-like +++
As a high-performing subsidiary of the Dynamo conglomerate, this publication has never had to worry about the committee selling us off to a lesser-known cycling empire – but this week we feared a future chronicling the ups and downs of Prestatyn Wheelers or Hunstanton CC when a message was slipped under the door of our famous soundproof bunker which read: “You’re fired!” Thankfully, it became apparent upon reading the rest of the note that it was merely MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT reliving the jollity of Sunday’s outing to Brenchley, where the band of amused ‘Mos helping out at the 56-mile 1/2/3 race in Kent noticed that Preston Anderson, the commandingly-named chief commissaire and SERRL organiser, is a dead ringer for reality TV’s short-tempered boardroom Barnum Sir Alan Sugar. The chortling gang exchanged many Apprentice-style quips as they re-fuelled in the kitchen of the village’s social club – but it was behind the wheel of the neutral service vehicle that IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE and RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON behaved like a couple of bolshy CEOs balling out their underlings as seven puncture-hit riders sought wheel replacements. No-nonsense Ian responded to a Norwood Paragon rider’s demand for a Ksyrium by telling him: “You want to see the bunch again? Then you’ll take what you want NOW, sunshine!” And when an irate competitor asked for the Shimano wheel he had handed in, oily-fingered Rich replied: “It’s neutral service, mate. You should have punctured earlier.” You tell him, pal! Bringing calm to the high-testosterone proceedings, somewhat in the manner of Sirrallun’s level-headed a grand dame Margaret Mountford, the ever-resourceful CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN put on what Martin described as “the best spread yet seen at any of the SE events” – but it’s not just her cakes and sandwiches that have been of interest this week, as you will discover by coming with us now to the badlands of Essex. Let’s get ready for a Rumble…

DONE TO A TEE
+++ Blackman executes coach’s plan for victory +++
The advice of Dynamo founding father Guy Andrews is seldom misjudged – so when the wily Rouleur editor told his protégé CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN to “rip it up from the start”, she knew exactly what had to be done at Saturday’s hour-long women’s race in Laindon, Essex, which was part of the Team Economic Energy Spring Rumble. Having turned on the gas at Ford’s Dunton test track, the Barnes schoolteacher instigated the break and made it stick before going early for the sprint, which enabled her to beat fast finishers Nikki Wheeler and TEE’s Anna Grundy to the top spot by a pleasing distance… http://tinyurl.com/69hwt3. Excellent work, Charlington! Victorious Charlie and TOBY ‘HUBBY’ BLACKMAN cycled back to the station just as it began to hail, which must have been roughly the same time as the sizeable band of ‘Mos racing in Chertsey started cursing the tiny icy balls stinging their bodies. The 1/2/3 race on the MoD circuit saw PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY power away from his four breakaway partners on the final lap before getting caught and then holding on for 5th, while chasing group pals IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE and GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL took 9th and 16th respectively… http://tinyurl.com/6hvaxx. In a change from tradition, the big boys’ event never caught the 3rds race, which was mainly because of the driving pace set by the yo-yoing break in the latter – and the small group containing STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES finally managed to keep a gap for the final sprint, thus allowing the on-form South African to claim an impressive 4th place… http://tinyurl.com/5qpx7y. But mystery still surrounds how Richard Meinesz could hit the deck after the Dulwich Paragonner won the 4th cat race earlier the same day. Could 2nd-placed CRAIG McCLEAN and CHRISTIAN ‘HARDCASTLE’ CORMACK… http://tinyurl.com/6zf6c7 …be able to shed light on the unexplained drop? We await news with interest!

THET’S ENTERTAINMENT
+++ Duo’s two visits to forest +++
Ever-keen to lure Dynamates towards the way of the knobbly tyre, mud-plugging evangelist WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER is hoping that next year will see crit men such as MIKE ‘LUNGER’ SNEYD make their debut Thetford Forest, which was where the lanky lad spent Saturday hurtling along the flat, twisty, off-road circuit to take 16th in the Sport category at the MTB National Points Series event. Also present in the wilds of the Suffolk-Norfolk border was MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON, who took on the serious class of the Masters category to achieve 44th… http://tinyurl.com/584mpw. And the mad-for-it pair returned to Thetford the very next day for the Whyte Enduro Series, where they unwisely opted for the full 62-mile distance and suffered accordingly after Saturday’s exertions. Will reveals: “I came 33rd in the end. Sadly, I wasn’t quick enough to avoid the downpour of rain and hail on the last lap. Before that, we had sunshine the whole weekend.” Sunshine? On a mountain bike? Where’s the fun in that?

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Get well soon to DERMOT CAMPBELL, who T-boned a car on Holland Park Avenue while out training +++ Time trialing officially more popular than ever among ‘Mos, as no fewer than nine – yes, nine – Dynamates prepare for the Farnham CC 25 tomorrow in Bentley, Hants +++ TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT and PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY listed as DNF on belated results for last week’s Hillingdon E/1/2/3 race, while self-styled “old git” ROBIN ‘OSSIE’ OSBORNE gets 19th… http://tinyurl.com/6jx3bp. Surely some mistakes? +++

DRIVEN AWAY
Francis the receptionist has announced that our cab has arrived, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in before we are whisked off from Surallan’s waiting room back into non-entityland. Always remember we are a preening Raef… http://tinyurl.com/4539jo …and we would be nothing without you, our hard-working Renaissance team. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we bitch in the back of the taxi about how we were stitched up in the boardroom, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps
split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and an Amstrad CPC.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #178, 25.04.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 19C max, wind SW 12mph; Sun, light rain, 17C max, wind SW 10mph +++
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WINNER’S DINNER
+++ Wager pays off for Kingston killer +++
It’s not often that DYNAMITE! witnesses a series of cruel blows delivered in a public car park – so you can imagine this sensitive organ’s distress at seeing ‘Mo after heartless ‘Mo approach defenseless GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL on Sunday, utter the seemingly innocent phrase “one second”, and then shake their heads disapprovingly before walking off, leaving the delicate fop totally destroyed in the shadow of Alfold Crossways village hall shortly before the start of the fast-paced E/1/2 Dunsfold race. The taunts were a reference to the manner in which he lost a bet the previous day at the Farnborough and Camberley CC ’25’ where he rashly vowed to beat PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN but ended up posting a time one sixtieth of a minute slower, thereby obliging him to buy dinner for the Kingston killer and his wife Clare. Oh, Guysie! The out-of-pocket poseur blames his faltering cycle computer for the humiliation, as he stopped pedaling at one point to nudge the speed sensor closer to his front wheel – but he put the critical error behind him at Dunsfold, where he got into the late-forming winning move and took 11th, one place behind RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON… http://tinyurl.com/3weaot. The sizable Dynamo contingent who had been mocking poor Guy were also animated by news of CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN’s victory earlier that day in Nottinghamshire, which we will be covering as soon as we have justly celebrated eight days in which unprecedented numbers of Dynamates joined the Goldman Sachs machine in the shadowy world of time trialing. So come with us now to the realm of the stopwatch and the tri-spoke as we reveal how the race against the clock is, believe it or not, rapidly becoming a “normal” pursuit. Let’s delve into the dark arts…

TIME FOR A CHANGE
+++ New recruits spearhead TT boom +++
He spent three months in Chicago, where he had to deal with 54 inches of snow along with temperatures plummeting to minus 30 degrees – so hats off to MARK ‘DISCOUNT’ LACEY, who somehow stuck with his training and made his competitive debut at the Kingston Phoenix 10-mile time trial in North Holmwood, Surrey, just one year after taking up cycling. The determined lad completed the course in 28:33 on a standard road bike, although his pal JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT reveals: “He’s arranging a deal with A Certain Hampton Wick Retailer whereby he’ll pay twice the recommended retail price on some slippery kit to help shave off a few seconds.” Cheeky Joe recorded a time of 23:54 at the wet and windy event in North Holmwood, Surrey, which took place on Saturday 12th April… http://tinyurl.com/5ab778 …and the following day saw RICHARD ‘DOCTOR’ LEGGE – another recent addition to the Dynamo stable – take 3rd at the Redmon CC ’25’ in Broadbridge Heath, West Sussex, with a time of 55:48… http://tinyurl.com/5soccv. Wily TT master PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, who pulled 56:58 to take 8th, accompanied former Planet X rider SUSANNAH OSBOURNE and new Dynamette JULIA WARREN last Thursday at the Hounslow Wheelers ’10’, where he was miffed to be beaten by a time of 24 minutes dead after completing the lumpy Chertsey course in 24:09. But it was at the Farnborough and Camberley CC ’25’ where the honorary club president’s heart really soared as he witnessed WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON, MATT ‘J’ PATEMAN, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS and MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON turn out at the chilly drag strip course in Bentley, Hants, to form the biggest Dynamo contingent yet seen at a time trial. True to form, sizzling Simmonds was the fastest of the nine-strong group, coming 2nd with 54:28… http://tinyurl.com/5dludu …and the orgy of breathless pointy-hatted action finally ended on Sunday with Will and Martin clocking in at around 58 minutes, giving them 9th and 10th respectively at a 25 run by Addiscombe. It should be noted, however, that Will foolishly over-extended himself by also racing at the final round of the Gorrick MTB series in Deepcut, Surrey, on Sunday, taking 7th in the Sport category amongst a small field after going increasingly slower in the second half of the race on the Porridgepot Hill circuit… http://tinyurl.com/5axq25. You silly boy!

HIGHER STANDARD
+++ Blackman’s seven-second victory +++
This publication would like to add its congratulations to the clamour of praise… http://tinyurl.com/5s8nzu …for CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN’s victory in the opening round of the Women’s Series, which saw her break away on her own with less than two miles to go and hold off the bunch by a margin of seven seconds – and that was after she had made her first solo attack on the second lap of the 53-mile Sid Standard race in Sutton Bonington, Notts. Brilliant stuff, Charlington! Her fellow Dynamette SUSANNAH OSBOURNE also deserves applause for taking 6th… http://tinyurl.com/5pmmmg …and the duo went on to compete at the season’s first evening of racing at Crystal Palace on Tuesday, where Charlie won her third event in just ten days. Dynamettes dominated the inaugural women’s race on the super-fast South London crit circuit, with Susannah taking 2nd, REBECCA CURLEY 4th and CLAIRE BEAUMONT 8th, while the E/1/2 race saw TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT and GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL take 3rd and 5th respectively. Up-and-coming ‘Mo RICHARD ‘HOLD ON’ HOULT took the No.3 spot in the 3rds race, while 2nd-placed STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES is narked at two riders from Citihub and Dulwich Paragon disputing the official results, claiming they should be listed in the top two places… http://tinyurl.com/6jtpq7. The South African vows: “I’ll win next week just to make sure there’s no doubt.” We’ll hold you to that, pal!

FINISHED? YOU BET
Like a croupier scooping up an inveterate gambler’s remaining chips, the inevitable moment has come for us to part company with you, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent in stuff for this issue before GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL bets his last quid on black. Always remember we are a glitzy casino, but we would be nothing without you, our high rollers, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the roulette wheel of Dynamo-related news carries on spinning, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps
split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a hot tip.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.