The DYNAMITE! Files

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #191, 25.07.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light showers, 25C max, wind S 5mph; Sun, heavy showers, 26C max, wind SE 3mph +++
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DYNAM-EYE-TIE
+++ Italians treat DYNAMITE! as one of their own +++
Waiting in a starting pen among thousands of Italy’s brashest amateur cyclists is enough to make a humble Englishman feel quite insignificant – and DYNAMITE! felt even more anonymous than usual while standing in close proximity to an inquisitive RICHARD ‘AV IT’ HOULT moments before the Granfondo Pinarello got underway, chiefly because he was asking DAVID ‘GOLIATH’ ANDREWS: “Who’s the guy that writes the newsletter?” Altogether now, Dynamates: he’s behind you! The name of the person currently sitting at this keyboard was later incorrectly outed by ROB ‘LICENCE’ REID, who told PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT that he thought the author of Britain’s top Dynamatic update was fellow GF Pinny rider CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN. And there was further confusion when, on four separate occasions, we were forced to explain to surprised Italians speaking to us in their native tongue that we weren’t one of the locals. Was it the tan and good looks that confused them? Even if it was, how on earth could they overlook the word “London” emblazoned 13 times across the UK’s snazziest cycle kit? In a more curious case of mistaken identity, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY was listed as 173rd among the 1,433 finishers, despite not taking part – and the 3rd-best finisher of the 27 ‘Mos in Sunday’s sportive didn’t appear on the results at all. Conspiracy or cock-up? Come with us now as we investigate…

REID ROBBED
+++ Technological error blamed for Scot’s disappearance +++
Having taken up a sizable chunk of Da Pino restaurant’s outdoor seating area, dozens of famished Dynamos were tucking into their pre-sportive fuelling session on a balmy Saturday evening when RICHARD ‘AV IT’ HOULT turned up at Treviso’s main piazza looking worse for wear, having just done half of the 124-mile Pinarello course with his pal ANDREW ‘RECCE’ ELLIS – but the compact ball of Dyna-muscle made a sufficient recovery to post a sub-six hour time the following day, making him the fastest ‘Mo at the club’s 2008 sportive. Ravaged Rich arrived at the finish in a furious state after the riders in his select group forced him to do his turns and then gave him a verbal bashing when it became clear he was running on empty. The rotters! Fellow big-hitter GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL crossed the line just over a minute later nursing a bruise on his bottom, which came as a result of rashly trying to emulate the Italians’ Savoldelli-like descending skills on the other side of the first climb… http://tinyurl.com/5b3syq …although the pleasure of briefly riding with Mr Gino Pinarello himself must have helped ease the pain. The cheeky late booker nabbed ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY’s entry, which is why the injured ‘Mo’s name appears on the results instead of Guysie – and spare a thought for ROB ‘LICENCE’ REID, who completed the testing 122-mile course in 6hrs 5mins but was nowhere to be seen on the list of finishers due to his timing chip failing to work. Co-incidentally, the formerly unlicensed Scot had forgotten his laminated BCF card and had to ring the federation’s Manchester HQ to get the necessary paperwork sent to the granfondo’s organisers before he arrived at the starting pen, so let’s hope his omission from the list was not the revenge of a petty Italian bureaucrat rather then a technological gaffe. Stats-mad NICK ‘CRIKEY’ DOVE estimates that Dynamo would probably have been elevated from 6th to 5th in the team competition had Rob’s time been included – and as the former City analyst was astute enough to spot a minor error in the official course profile, who are we to argue? But at least the prize for 6th – an alu Opera frame and carbon fork – wasn’t too bad. Now it’s just a question of deciding who it should go to!

COULDN’T CARE LES
+++ Hemmant senior bosses dad +++
Treviso’s enthusiastic motorists certainly made their presence felt during the pre- and post-sportive rides lead by trip organiser SAM ‘EPIC’ WOODHOUSE, with ALEX ‘BUSTED’ BASTIN losing a spoke in his front Ksyrium and grazing his arm after the group braked sharply to avoid a car driving rather too close for comfort on Friday afternoon. Part of the problem was trying to find quiet roads – so hats off to human sat nav JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT, who took a small group out on a pleasant, sun-kissed, incident-free jaunt to the final climb on the granfondo route using only village names scribbled on his forearm as a guide. The progenitor of Joe and TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT was one of the riders on the brief trip – and his eldest son ordered him to “put your lid on, Les” as the helmet-free sixtysomething prepared to descend the Montello. Hemmant père’s weary response? “Yes, dad.” Joe and MARK ‘PACEY’ LACEY went on to ride the Pinny at a leisurely pace with the former physics teacher. For the sake of Mr Hemmant’s sanity, we hope his eldest was a little less bossy!

A NAZI BUSINESS
+++ Check out Treviso’s unusual sights +++
Returning briefly to the Da Pino, a few ‘Mos were intrigued to see that the restaurant’s “English menu” included a pizza called the “Inglesina”, topped with that quintessentially British combination of roast beef and tomato sauce. Why didn’t they just slap curry and chips on top as well? Sadly, nobody ordered it, and we omitted to take a photograph of this unusual entry on the bill of fare. There was, however, plenty of curious sights in Treviso captured on the DYNAMITE! box brownie, including a poster advertising a human-sized kebab, a shop specialising in massive serial-killer knives, and an outlet offering Nazi memorabilia a stone’s throw from the two hotels where the Dynamo crew were staying. Plus (how could we forget?) there’s a graphic photo of GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL wielding a creamy treat. Take a look at our gallery… http://tinyurl.com/6nbvdm …if you think you can stomach it!

ARE YOU GUINEA COME?
+++ Last call for Summer Social +++
On a final note regarding the hugely successful Pinny trip, the dozens of Dynamates who went on the group outing will no doubt want to raise a glass to hard-working SAM ‘EPIC’ WOODHOUSE for his sterling organisation of this year’s Dynamo sportive, which was his last as sportivist-in-chief before he jets off to Switzerland to start a new job. And there’s no better place to drink to his future than the Guinea pub near Green Park Tube… http://tinyurl.com/5fwlg9 …which plays host to the Dynamo Summer Social on Thursday. Event organiser PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT has revealed that the committee has arranged for a tab behind the bar, so leave a post on his thread… http://tinyurl.com/6hpmm6 …to confirm that you’re coming. The evening starts at 6pm with a king-sized table booked for pizzas at 8.30. We’ll see you there!

MAIDEN VICTORY
+++ Beaumont takes first win +++
Swedish sensation TORKEL ‘REDTOP’ DOHMERS clinched 4th at the 3/4 Terry Cronin race on Saturday, while CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN, REBECCA ‘WHIRLIGIG’ CURLEY, CLAIRE BEAUMONT and debut competitor ANTONIA DE BARTON-WATSON dominated the women’s event on the Hillingdon circuit by taking 1st, 2nd, 5th and 8th respectively…. Charlie and Rebecca beat Olympic-bound triathlete Emma Davis… http://tinyurl.com/5ads7b …and Claire’s placing came a week after her victory in the Chertsey MoD women’s race, which saw her attack with four laps to go before dropping back and capitalizing on a gap to the right on the finishing straight. Blocked-in MELISSA GILLIAN took 7th – and Claire says of her first-ever victory: “As I sprinted clear I was too nervous to sit up and cheer, so I just kept going until I saw the line pass under me. I wasn’t wearing Dynamo kit because I missed the last sale, but after the race Charlie handed me a jersey and shorts so I can now be a proper Dynamo.” Just make sure you show off your new top by giving the classic two-handed salute next time you’re 1st!

CIAO, BELLA
We’ve reached the ultimo chilometro, which means there is just time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we scoff the last slice of treacle tart from the well-stocked feeding zone. Always remember we would be an empty piazza if it wasn’t for you, our gathering throng. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we head for the pasta party in the finishers’ enclosure, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
8.30am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps
split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a wavy fork.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

THE SMALL PRINT
Granfondo Pinarello, Treviso, Italy, Sunday 20 July, 124 miles: 152 Richard Hoult, 05:58:44; 173 Guy Powdrill, 05:59:49; 228 Rob Reid, 06:05:00; 339 Edwin Datson, 06:16:39; 367 David Andrews, 06:20:37; 410 Chris Chapman, 06:22:23; 485 Paul Drake, 06:32:03; 519 Nick Dove 06:34:33; 569 Elliott Katz, 06:41:12; 573 Martin Haenlein, 06:41:13; 615 Paul Harknett, 06:42:19; 638 Andrew Ellis 06:47:35; 661 Jamie Jenkins, 06:50:57; 699 Piers Constable, 06:51:48; 706 Alex Bastin, 06:51:48; 841 Robin Osborne, 07:07:39; 853 Chris Campbell, 07:07:49; 948 Charlie Pearch, 07:15:51; 1085 Nick Franzini, 07:29:05; 1123 Ralph Carter, 07:37:19; 1144 Andrew Davis, 07:37:28; 1196 Terry Bishop, 07:43:44; 1245 Sam Woodhouse, 07:51:03; 1346 Peta McSharry, 08:19:32; 1404 Joe Hemmant 08:51:20; 1405 Mark Lacey 08:51:21; 1406 Mark Irvine 08:51:21.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #192, 01.08.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, heavy showers, 22C max, wind SW 17mph; Sun, light showers, 23C max, wind SW 12mph +++
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KRAUT OF CONTROL
+++ Germans lose it on- and off-road +++
Stumbling into our famous soundproof bunker at three in the morning and compromising this publication’s editorial integrity by sitting at the keyboard half-cut is a tempting proposition, yet it is one that DYNAMITE! is admirably resisting as we create this foreshortened issue mere hours before the booze at the annual Dynamo Summer Social turns our Vic-20 supercomputer into a hazy swirl. With any luck, some of you will be nursing sore heads as you read this, so remember to thank PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT for laying on the shindig, which no doubt saw LUCY ‘LOVELY’ DOVE, WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT and MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON regale fellow ‘Mos with tales of how they survived more than 72,000 feet of climbing during the rain-battered Transalp MTB stage race. The awesome foursome nearly missed out on the amazing 413-mile adventure altogether when they were almost tail-ended on an autobahn en route to the start in Bavaria – and the Germans also proved to be rubbish on two wheels when they walked down a rooty piece of single track with the mighty ‘Mos whizzing past them during the third stage from Ischgl to Scuol. Full details of quartet’s eight-day trek from Germany to Italy via Switzerland and Austria are available on the forum… http://tinyurl.com/5n3jcs. And one day after the knobbly-tyre brigade’s adventure ended, Dynamettes CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN and REBECCA ‘WHIRLIGIG’ CURLEY extended their Surrey League squad’s lead in the women’s team series by taking 3rd and 13th respectively at the 52-mile Duncan Murray Wines event in Naseby, Northants… http://tinyurl.com/5qdrzy. Merely hoping to grab a few points at Sunday’s race, Charlie was the first to attack on the tough finishing climb of Prince Rupert hill, so she was quite surprised when only two people got past her. You should have waited for them to go first, love! But right now DYNAMITE! is in a rush to get its party gear on, which means there’s just time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we are forced to choose between the wacky purple afro wig and the deely-boppers. Always remember we are a non-stop bash, but we would be nothing without you, our 24-hour party people. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we plump for a small, brightly-coloured conical hat instead, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
8.30am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a tab for the bar.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #193, 08.08.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light showers, 20C max, wind SW 16mph; Sun, heavy rain, 20C max, wind SW 15mph +++
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OLYM-PACKED GAMES
+++ Beijing bigwig fills suitcase a week before flight +++
The words “commitment” and “committee” have long been synonymous for the dedicated crew that governs Britain’s hardest-working cycling club – but jet-setting Dynamo captain TONY ‘PEEETEEER’ SMEDLEY went even further beyond the call of duty than usual when he flew back from New York on Thursday just so he could stand in a cobbled Mayfair street with a pint glass in hand,
chatting about stem lengths, the 11-speed Super Record groupset, and why on earth MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT is on the verge of possessing Colnago’s ludicrously-named Extreme Power. That’s right, Dynamates – the allure of a free bar in a small, delightfully secluded boozer near Grosvenor Square proved irresistible for the Dynamo top dog, not to mention the dozens of ‘Mos who turned up at the Guinea in Bruton Street for PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT’s latest bash, which many agreed was the best Dynamatic get-together thus far. In what could have been interpreted as a move to show Tony who has the most air miles, ever-competitive Olympic official ALEX ‘BALFIE’ BALFOUR trundled a suitcase packed with gear from the office that the Beijing-bound big lad needed for his imminent trip, while pseudo-pro GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL provoked envy and astonishment with details of his hectic riding schedule since taking gardening leave. Guysie’s former colleague DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE managed to tear himself away from the Ikea shelving unit he was constructing and get to the Pizza Express where the rowdy, hungry throng had decamped for the second part of the evening – and the baby-faced bopper ensured there was a third stage by going for a dance at a nearby bar with TOBY ‘IS IT ‘COS I IS’ BLACKMAN, REBECCA ‘WHIRLIGIG’ CURLEY, DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER, STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES and Balfie. Non-drinker Rebecca stuck to Diet Cokes, although she was later spotted with a slice of lemon stuck in her gob like a boxer’s mouthguard mere seconds after Dave Gardner bought a round of tequilas. What a remarkable coincidence! Streuley left relatively early, perhaps saving his energy for a clandestine competition organized by the rowing fraternity – so come with us now for a little-known time trial near a familiar café. Let’s see who’s first to the bridge…

IT’S ALL GONE TO POTS
+++ Time trialling claims another ‘Mo +++
From the moment he rolled up his sleeves to do the washing up at a Dynamo Beginners’ Series race, it became clear that CHARLES ‘POTS’ PEACH was a thoroughly nice and sociable chap – but now, many years after his impromptu pan-diving at the old Hillingdon club hut, it appears his sunny disposition could soon be blighted forever as he becomes sucked into the misery-inducing milieu of the pointy hat brigade. It has emerged that cheery Charlie pulled a respectable 34:20 on the 26-mile Staplefield course on Saturday – and his namesake, having been unable to get to the Surrey League event, got her TT fix on Tuesday instead with her oar-tugging chums from Vesta. Ex-rower CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN came 4th at the little-known boaters’ event in Richmond Park, posting a time of 8:04 on the out-and-back course from the bridge to the Star and Garter roundabout. Former paddle-wielder DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE beat her by a mere second, while guest non-rower RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON claimed the No.15 spot on his fixed. The fastest time was posted by a Krankie, although the results do not reveal if it was wee Jimmy or “his” husband… http://tinyurl.com/5sbac4. Fandabidozi!

CAN’T HOULT ‘EM BACK
+++ Two Dynamo victories in three days +++
In a valiant effort to take TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT’s crown for modesty, self-effacing RICHARD ‘AV IT’ HOULT has falsely attributed his stellar performance on the Benenden circuit to the ingestion of seven pre-race espressos, a Viper bar, and a patch of diesel which caused a crash in the bunch just as he bridged across to a promising lead group – but the truth is it was sheer, raw, unbridled Dynamo power that drove the compact ball of Dyna-muscle to victory on Sunday after he and Rapha’s Matt Seaton dropped the rest of the break prior to being joined by Dulwich Paragon big-hitter Dan Felstead, who completed the podium line-up. Two days after his win at the 1/2/3 event in Rolvenden, Kent, the City wonderboy was toiling away at Hillingdon helping PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY, TORKEL ‘REDTOP’ DOHMERS, DYLAN ‘GORDON-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, ROBIN ‘OSSIE’ OSBORNE, GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN and Tom pull back a break of three containing dangerman Rob Enslin, only for a touch of wheels on the last lap to end Rich’s race. He escaped with only his shoes damaged – so it was left to Paul to bag the second Dynamo win of the week as he activated his trademark jump for the sprint, while Gav nabbed 6th place. Lovely teamwork, fellas!

THE ANDREWS SCISSORS
+++ Unkindest cut for Rapha man’s big plan +++
News has reached our famous soundproof bunker that Dynamo founding father Guy Andrews has been in negotiations to publish (we kid you not) a daily cycling-based newspaper for a limited period – but he faced a setback this week after the powers-that-be got cold feet about his ambitious idea. By a strange coincidence, Mrs Dynamite snapped an intriguing-looking shop in Hounslow which appeared to indicate that the frustrated Rouleur editor has now chosen to ditch the world of bicycles altogether, although the antiquated phone number in the top right hand corner indicates the business has been a going concern for quite some time… http://tinyurl.com/6ngl9r. But there’s no doubting what would be the follically-challenged hardman’s signature cut: it’s a short back and sides, and bald on top!

CHEERIO, SAM
+++ Woodhouse heads for Switzerland +++
On a final note, DYNAMITE! would like to wish SAM ‘EPIC’ WOODHOUSE a safe journey as he prepares to up sticks for Geneva next week. The East Molesey man will be motoring through France in a Luton van with removal helpers ROBIN ‘OSSIE’ OSBORNE, who is taking over from Sam as the committee’s sportive organiser, and DAVID ‘GOLIATH’ ANDREWS. Get him there in one piece, chaps – and the same goes for his full carbon ‘cross bike!

ZIP UP
Like ALEX ‘BALFIE’ BALFOUR’s suitcase, this edition has now been filled to bursting point – which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we sit on the lid and try to zip it up. Always remember would be an empty case without you to provide the contents, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the zipper jams, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
8.30am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and hand luggage (weight limit 10kg).

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #195, 22.08.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 21C max, wind SW 10mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 21C max, wind SW 10mph +++
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MEAT YOUR MATCH
+++ Powdrill’s 5-Day food deficit +++
Having developed a long-running obsession with a certain upmarket West Ken kebab joint, it’s no surprise that GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL should spend many an hour contemplating what he would like to shove in his greedy gob – and now the food-mad lad has claimed that his painful ordeal at the Surrey League Revolutions 5-Day was exacerbated by not eating enough during the arduous 440-mile stage race. The platter of meaty treats that filled his fevered imagination no doubt made it harder for him to finish the arduous 1/2/3 event, although the bottom-kicking he endured was, of course, mainly down to the Halfords Bikehut squad, which included none other than current British road champion Rob Hayles. Guysie actually finished a few seconds ahead of the Robster on the first day – but it was the lanky lad’s chum RICHARD ‘AV IT’ HOULT who really showed the orange-and-black boys a bit of Dyna-magic by reaping 8th place… http://tinyurl.com/6ofaq5 …after slipping into the break that went on the first ascent of the Staplefield climb. On the following stage Rich claimed 14th by coming in with the second group, just under three minutes down on the first two finishers – and the third day provided a boost for Guy as he took 12th in the 2.4-mile time trial before doing three laps of Goodwood as a two-up during the afternoon’s road stage, which lifted him into the top half of the GC. We’ll draw a polite veil over Monday’s awfulness, which involved horrific wind and Hayles unleashing fury on a section of draggy A-road – but around a third of the field had already abandoned by the time the remaining competitors set off from Wivelsfield, East Sussex, so hats off to Rich and Guy for bagging 11th and 23rd respectively on the final GC… http://tinyurl.com/65cag5. There was, of course, a slightly more high-profile series of cycling events taking place at the same time which the general population has, for some reason, decided to pay more attention – so come with us now as we reveal how the sight of Britain’s finest fixed-gear gang prompted this publication to recall a little-known film of a rare ‘Mo track outing. It’s time for a visit to YouTube…

CLIP A-HOY!
+++ Manchester drubbing unearthed +++
Wearing what looks like a huge splosh of Aquafresh toothpaste on his bonce, the magnificent Chris Hoy graced the DYNAMITE! TV screen as he thundered to his first gold of this year’s Olympics with team sprinters Jason Kenny and Jamie Staff, which prompted us to ask PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN if he was aware that footage exists of Dynamo pasting the Manchester Wheelers at the northerners’ local velodrome. Despite being one of the ‘Mos who handed out last year’s drubbing, the club’s founding father had never witnessed the Mancunians’ helmet-cam clip, so here it is for his and your delight… http://tinyurl.com/6pysrv. There’s also footage of the Italian pursuit, which was the only event of the day that the Wheelers won… http://tinyurl.com/6aj2mr. But ever the gentlemen, TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT was still able to muster a gracious smile!

FINAL CUT
We’ve reached the end credits where we thank those who contributed to this issue. Always remember we are a short film which would be nothing without you, our cast and crew, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the lights come up and the cleaners come in to sweep up the popcorn, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
8.30am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a clapperboard.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #196, 29.08.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 27C max, wind SE 8mph; Sun, thundery showers, 25C max, wind SW 8mph +++
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AUSTIN POWERS TO VICTORY
+++ Delight for mentor Delahunty +++
Like his political bike-riding namesake, well-spoken newcomer CAMERON ‘STEVE’ AUSTIN is poised for the inevitable Dyna-moment when he takes centre stage in the near future – and the promising lad’s spin doctor PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY was sporting a Mandelsonian grin on Saturday when the crafty Kiwi’s white-jerseyed protégé soloed to victory at the Hillingdon 4th cat event, which happened to be the talented 21-year-old’s very first race. Not content with masterminding rainbow-banded Cam’s victory, multitasking Paul also worked as domestique for his tag team pal TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT and GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN, dragging them to the break which allowed them to claim 3rd and 5th respectively in the E/1/2/3 race. Their chasing group chums RICHARD ‘AV IT’ HOULT and SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON took 6th and 9th… http://tinyurl.com/5gju53 …before the bunch was lead home by Delahunty, who was probably relieved that his mobile didn’t ring during the 70-minute-plus-five-laps race as it would have indicated that his pregnant wife was about to bring Monty junior into the world. It may be the onset of fatherhood and the limited racing schedule it will entail that prompted Paul to grab the remaining points needed to attain his elite licence around 24 hours later – so come with us now to Outwood in Surrey to discover the unfortunate incidents that he managed to avoid during his path to glory. Let’s keep an eye out for the street furniture…

CHAIN REACTION
+++ Garratt sparks run of bad luck before win +++
Having stuffed himself full on Sunday, peeved pasta-gobbler MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT was left wondering why he had bothered after he became the first of three ‘Mos to bow out of the 1/2/3 Surrey League race on the daunting Bletchingley circuit, thanks to his chain snapping halfway up the first climb into the eponymous village. Kingmaker PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY later watched his 8am Sunday ride protégé CAMERON ‘STEVE’ AUSTIN move clear of the bunch, only for the newly-upgraded 3rd cat to slam straight into a traffic island and somersault metres into the air before landing head-first and bruising both his arms. Ow! Plucky Cam, who was otherwise unscathed, had every intention of getting back into the race until a resolute marshal banished the idea by pointing to a huge crack in the downtube of his red Madone – and France-bound ‘Mo SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON made a swift exit a short while later when two spokes pinged from his rear wheel. As they say in his adoptive home country, zut alors! That left TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT and RICHARD ‘AV IT’ HOULT to prevent any further moves by keeping the pace high, which gave PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY the chance to unleash his trademark sprint and win the 68-mile race by several bike lengths before his domestiques took the last two places in the top 10… http://tinyurl.com/5mloas. Great teamwork and an emphatic victory – what a brilliant way to get your elite licence, pal!

LADY OF THE NIGHT
+++ Dynamette takes gong in near-darkness +++
The sun quite literally set on racing at Crystal Palace for the foreseeable future as CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN picked up a somewhat masculine-looking figurine for Best Lady at the Tuesday night series’ dusky awards ceremony this week. The tough Classics buff, whose Surrey League team are poised to take the Women’s Series, had calmed down after a Twickenham lady mistakenly bumped her in the sprint for the line, while TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT and STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES took unconfirmed top 10 places in the men’s E/1/2 race. Chuffed Stu was delighted when the organisers presented him with an envelope containing £50 for an early-season placing in the 3rd cat race and a couple of other minor results. The lusty Saffa will no doubt be returning to some of south-west London’s more glamorous nightspots to blow that half-ton. Women of Wimbledon, watch out!

PARTY’S OVER
We’ve come to the end of another party conference, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff for this issue before the stage-managed standing ovation “spontaneously” erupts. Always remember we are a hoodie in need of a hug, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we look forward to a more compassionate right-wing agenda, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
8.30am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps
split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a quiet man who is turning up the volume… http://tinyurl.com/5gq8ad.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #197, 05.09.08
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light showers, 19C max, wind SW 17mph; Sun, light showers, 18C max, wind W 16mph +++
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PRIX-RACE TACTICS
+++ Sneaky Delahunty drops out of crit +++
Perhaps it was the emergence of our washed-out summer’s last rays of sunshine that prompted him to enjoy the simple pleasure of lazing on the grass by the side of Hillingdon’s fabled tarmac, or maybe he pulled out to watch two of his Dynamates reap top 10 places – but whatever the explanation, it seems unlikely that PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY has lost 20 per cent of his peak fitness level, which was the reason the newly-upgraded elite star gave for opting to watch the end of the E/1/2/3 race on Saturday afternoon. And, of course, there is always the possibility that the crafty Kiwi doesn’t want any rival to know his true current form in case he becomes a marked man at the highly-anticipated London Grand Prix, which has been the subject of much tactical talk among the ‘Mos who will be lining up at the starting line in Westminster on Sunday. When pressed to disclose what the squad had decided during a flurry of emails over the past few weeks, loose-lipped TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT revealed that the plan was to sit in and wait to see how the race develops, which seems sensible given the size of the quality field, although the straightforwardness of the decision doesn’t seem to merit the sheer size of correspondence that brought it about. Whatever happens, the penultimate race in the Elite Circuit Series is bound to be the high point of what has shaped up to be a mini-criterium season for Dynamo at the tail end of the racing calendar – so come with us now as we round up the week’s results reaped on traffic-free courses. Here comes the crit-ical list…

HOW A-BOAT THAT!
+++ Ex-rower’s oar-some comeback +++
Former oarsman ANGUS ‘PADDLER’ MACALISTER seems to have barely dipped into the choppy waters of road racing this year, with the Smithfield Nocturne support race in June being his last recorded appearance – so it surprised DYNAMITE! to learn that the strapping lad had not only raced this week, but had actually bagged himself a win. The ex-rower was victorious at the 3/4 crit at Betteshanger, Kent, on Saturday… http://tinyurl.com/5colck …which will no doubt lead to calls for him to haul his sizable frame to Hillingdon, where RICHARD ‘AV IT’ HOULT and TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT took 3rd and 4th respectively on Saturday… http://tinyurl.com/63lc7d …after the fast-paced E/1/2/3 race split into three groups. At around the same time in Ilford, Essex, adoptive Frenchman SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON braved the much talked-about climb at the recently-opened Hog Hill circuit to claim 9th place… http://tinyurl.com/6nkat6. What a nice way to end your stay in Blighty!

WOOD YOU BELIEVE IT?
+++ ‘Mo on his lonesome again +++
On a final note, this publication couldn’t help noticing that STEVE ‘LONESOME PINE’ WOOD has once again missed out on making some new Dynamates after his announcement on the forum regarding the Tour Of The Cornfields failed to attract any responses prior to his participation in the off-road sportive in Royston, Herts, on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/6f9l92. The lonely ‘Mo, who previously managed to complete the Tour of Flanders sportive without meeting a single member, completed the 58-mile course in 4hrs 20mins to claim a top 20 place among the 175 listed starters… http://tinyurl.com/6o2v5q. He reveals: “It’s a bit like Paris-Roubaix and is a must for anyone who likes getting away from traffic and the big city.” And it also seems great for avoiding Dynamos!

HAUL OVER
We hope you have enjoyed lolling around like PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY at the side of the circuit, but the time has come for us to leave, so we must thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we haul ourselves up off the grass. Always remember we are a lazy sojourn, but we would be nothing without your chat, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we consider lazing around for just a few more minutes, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
8.30am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps
split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a picnic blanket.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #198, 12.09.08
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 21C max, wind NW 7mph; Sun, light rain, 20C max, wind NE 6mph +++
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WHERE THERE’S A WILL
+++ Hayter’s high ambition +++
A noted player on the world stage once remarked that “this is not a time for soundbites, but I feel the hand of history upon our shoulders” – and in a week when Lance Armstrong announced his shock comeback prior to the first protons being fired through the Large Hadron Collider, historically-minded WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER has been making plans for an event that will prove to be even more out-of-this-world for London Dynamo than Big Tex and the Big Bang combined. Having spoken to the Surrey League for advice, the committee’s MTB man and his chum TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT have intimated that they are aiming to run the club’s first-ever hill climb championship, which is mooted to take place in mid-November at the same location as an already-established uphill gathering. This publication is throwing its considerable backing behind the duo’s grand plan in the hope that Dynamo’s bigwigs rubber-stamp the scheme – but, of course, a Dyna-momentous event has already been written in the club’s history book this week, so come with us now to the capital’s newest circuit for a champion ride. It’s time to go the whole Hog…

WHERE’S THAT GUY?
+++ Dynamo founding father absent for protégé’s victory +++
She’s done it, Dynamates! The 13th win of the season proved for to be lucky for CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN as her victory at rain-drenched Hog Hill provided the remaining points that she required to exit 1st cat while also earning her the title of women’s London criterium champion… http://tinyurl.com/5va3e2. The newly-upgraded elite got off to an inauspicious start on Saturday, with teammate CLAIRE ‘BILLY’ BEAUMONT having to pace her back to the bunch after she failed to clip in to her pedals. The race split on the second lap, and Charlington later dropped none other than national MTB champion Jenny Copnall before hurtling up the daunting hill for the last time to finish around half a minute ahead of the bunch. Sadly, her mentor and Dynamo founding father Guy Andrews didn’t get to witness his protégé’s triumph as he was scratching his bald pate while staring at a map in the pouring rain as he attempted to locate the newly-opened circuit. Even more annoyed than usual, the soaked-through Rouleur editor congratulated Charlie on his mobile before abandoning his trek to Ilford, Essex – and there was more confusion the following day at the much-anticipated London GP as the commissaires adjusted the length of 55-minute-plus-five-lap race. The crack Dynamo E/1/2 squad, which included PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY, subsequently had to settle for a bunch finish on the Embankment circuit after failing to notice they were on the bell lap. Poor old TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT crashed but is thankfully in one piece, and IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE succumbed to a puncture with five laps to go – but at least STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES had his brief moment of glory off the front… http://tinyurl.com/5h2h2m. Just remember to look at the camera next time, pal!

TOO MUCH TO USK
+++ Simmonds narrowly misses out on second win +++
He’s back! After many weeks away from the racing scene, RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS made an impressive return, clocking 21:13 at the Cardiff 100 CC ’10’ to win the event in Resolven, Glamorgan, on Saturday. Staying in Wales, the cycling coach headed to Usk in Mommouthshire the next day for the Hirwaun Wheelers ’25’ on what is meant to be the fastest course of its distance in the UK. Rich reveals: “Even with a lousy crosswind, I did the first 10 miles in 19:18. But it went downhill from there – not literally, unfortunately – and I ended up with a 51:22.” Beaten into 2nd place… http://tinyurl.com/3j3qug …by just six seconds, Dynamates! Dynamo’s biggest perfectionist plans to return with JENNY J-LLOYD JONES and PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN in a couple of weeks, so expect him to get his revenge!

BLACK OUT
The matter of fact has once again collided with the anti-matter of gossip, which means there’s just enough time to thank everyone who sent stuff in for this issue before we are sucked into a black hole of news. Always remember we are the mysterious Higgs boson, and we would certainly not exist were it not for you, our mighty atoms. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as particles move between our world and unseen realms, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
8.30am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and proof of six extra dimensions.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #199, 19.09.08
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 19C max, wind E 8mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 18C max, wind E 13mph +++
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ELLIS’ HIGH LAND
+++ Part-time ‘Mo sets climbing tempo at Cutmill +++
Keen Vuelta fan NICK ‘CRIKEY’ DOVE was in Spain this week watching nose-taped Alberto Contador displaying the serene composure of a person having relaxation therapy while the rest of the pack appeared to be taking part in a Yorkshire gurning competition – but he was more surprised to bump into his granfondo Pinarello chum ELLIOTT ‘SWIRLY’ KATZ as he caught the action on the slopes of the mighty Angliru. This publication had a slightly similar experience when we recently stumbled across ANDREW ‘TURNCOAT’ ELLIS, another veteran of the GF Pinny jaunt who notably recced most of the course with his UBS colleague RICHARD ‘AV IT’ HOULT, although our pleasure at seeing him months after Dynamo’s highly successful Italian jaunt soon dissipated when we noticed he had forsaken the blue, black and orange livery of Britain’s best cycling club for the yellow jersey of a certain Croydon-based outfit. It turns out that Dynamo has been relegated to Andy’s second-claim club because the Addiscombe crew operates closer to his home – but that didn’t stop the north London lad teaming up with TORKEL ‘REDTOP’ DOHMERS at Cutmill’s 3rd cat race on Sunday as they set the tempo on the climbs and chased down numerous attempts to bridge across to the two-man break, which contained none other than PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY’s protégé CAMERON ‘STEVE’ AUSTIN. The duo established a lead of almost two minutes on what is widely regarded as the Surrey League’s toughest course before Addiscombe’s breakaway man fell back to the bunch on the penultimate lap, leaving the young ‘Mo stranded until he was swept up by the pack just two miles from the chequered flag. Three riders finished ahead of bunch, and Andy nabbed 3rd in the sprint to take 6th overall while Torkel settled for 9th. Exhausted Cam collapsed on the road soon after crossing the line in 27th place… http://tinyurl.com/3z7bzo …but Andy predicts: “It’s only a matter of time before he’s playing with the big boys.” You said it, pal! Around an hour after the race finished, DYNAMITE! found ourselves stuck in our beautiful Fiat 500 a little longer than expected due to a long queue of traffic along Roehampton Lane – so come with us now as we take a look at the sporting event that caused masses of vehicles to divert their route. Let’s head to those shut-off roads…

KNOBBLY-TYRED AND EMOTIONAL
+++ Dynamette yells to avoid MTB pile-up +++
With its roads closed to motor vehicles for the day, triathlete ANTONIA DE BARTON-WATSON probably enjoyed sun-kissed Richmond Park as its creators intended, even though her race at the London Duathlon was nearly scuppered by another nefarious means of transport known as the mountain bike. “I’ve nothing against them,” she said after shouting at a quartet of MTBers on a collision course, “but not in a race on tarmac!” Having endured a string of injuries this year, the graduate of CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN’s skills sessions managed to knock nearly 10 minutes off her personal best during the two run stages, which totaled nine miles and were interposed by a six-mile bike leg that saw Antonia suppressing the need to chunder at the top of Broomfield Hill. She finished in 2:07:52 and says: “Thanks to those who cheered me on – the ‘Mo photographer and someone else who ran past. It really did help me finish.” Singular ‘Mo STEVE ‘LONESOME PINE’ WOOD finished in 1:56:05, which he reveals with his trademark brevity is a minute faster than his time last year. And he probably maintained his season-long track record of not seeing another ‘Mo along the way!

MAKING HIS MARK
+++ Drayton’s ordeal on South Downs +++
Southern Sportive competitors RALPH ‘GET’ CARTER, PAUL ‘QUACKERS’ DRAKE, MARK ‘NO WAITING’ DRAYTON and NICK ‘BORED’ FRANZINI achieved gold status by recording times within the five-and-a-half hour mark over the full 96-mile route on Sunday. Having already been sent on a detour for several miles and held up by a crash, Mark suffered what he described as his “bonkiest bonk ever” prior to being picked up by a chain gang just over a mile from the finish which swept him to 21st place overall in the South Downs event… http://tinyurl.com/3t4zp2. He vows: “Next year I will be top five, although I might have said that last year, too.” Never say die, pal!

YOU BETTER BE-LEITH IT
+++ Details of hill climb champs unveiled +++
Mere hours after DYNAMITE! exclusively revealed the club is hosting its inaugural hill climb championship at the close of the season, organiser WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER wrote on the forum that the event will take place at 10am on Saturday 15 November. The venue is the fearsome Leith Hill, and you can enter by replying to Will’s thread… http://tinyurl.com/3phqhp. You might also want to talk up your chances at the Freemasons at Wandsworth Common Northside… http://tinyurl.com/398sbx …where Will is hosting the latest Dyna-monthly drinks evening this Thursday from 6:30pm. This could be your chance to out-psyche your competition, Dynamates!

PLANNING AHEAD
The time has come for us to say goodbye and start thinking about what the blinking hell we’re going to put in our next issue to celebrate 200 issues of Britain’s favourite Dynamatic update. Always remember we wouldn’t have got as far as issue one without readers like you, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the editorial team heads to the ideas room, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
8.30am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps
split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and unforgettable memories of issues 57 to 135.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #200, 26.09.08
————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny, 20C max, wind E 6mph; Sun, sunny, 19C max, wind E 3mph +++
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TWO HUNDRED NOT OUT
+++ It’s our double century! +++
During any other week, this publication would have made a right song-and-dance about RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT’s stylish revamp of http://www.londondynamo.co.uk, which was launched yesterday. We would have gone on to highlight TORKEL ‘REDTOP’ DOHMERS coming within one point of his 2nd cat licence after he narrowly missed winning the Alfold 3rd cat race on Sunday… http://tinyurl.com/539k3y. There would have been praise for CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN and her crew of Dynamettes winning the Women’s Team Series in the white-and-black outfits of the Surrey League following Sunday’s final round in Griffydam, Leics, where rider-manager Charlington took both primes… http://tinyurl.com/43fjn9. And there might well have been a prominent mention for RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON and GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, who ventured to the Normandy market town of Marigny to complete the 34-mile Duo Normand two-up time trial in 1:16:52, giving them 4th place in the Regionaux 1 category… http://tinyurl.com/44jwdy. But this edition isn’t about them. It’s not about you, either. It’s about us. So come now as we wind our way through the twisting lanes of Dynamo’s illustrious past to celebrate four years, five months, two weeks and six days of Britain’s very best Dynamatic update – or, to put it more concisely, 200 issues of pure DYNAMITE! exemplified by a wholly subjective selection of issues unearthed from the vaults and attached to this edition. Here come ten of the very best…

#1 – WE’RE OFF!
On a sunny spring Sunday in 2004, when membership numbers were gradually creeping towards 50 (yes, Dynamates, 50!) and the first consignment of Dynamo kit was languishing in an eastern European warehouse, club co-founder PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN asked a certain 4th cat during a club ride to Windsor if he wouldn’t mind overseeing the production of a weekly newsletter. Having had experience in at least one questionable publication, the eager chap naturally accepted the offer and dutifully produced the first edition the following Friday, quite unaware of the phenomenon he had unleashed. Dyna-monikers had yet to make an appearance (‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY was the first to get his, which wasn’t until #5) and TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT was only a lowly 3rd cat, but the now-familiar DYNAMITE! elements of good-natured ribbing and a light-hearted gossipy tone were already in place. The London Dynamo Newsletter was born!

#19 – THUNDERBIRDS ARE ‘MO!
The newsletter’s inbox was flooded with messages of praise soon after the first edition trundled its way out of our trusty Vic-20, but a number of the editorial team, fearing the novelty would soon wear off, decided to run the Small Print results service at the foot of each issue – so if the readership tired of whimsical wordplay, at least they would now have a useful round-up of all the week’s main Dynamo placings. Meanwhile, some of the newsletter’s more ambitious wordsmiths set themselves the difficult task of having 100 different themes for the first hundred issues – an uncompromising approach which produced this totally unique edition featuring a Thunderbirds-style countdown incorporated into one continuous piece of prose. Technically accomplished, conceptually brilliant, and, like all works of art, utterly pointless. In other words, a newsletter classic!

#51 – FISHING FOR PUNS
The business of churning out puns can be a tough one, but anyone involved in it will know that the subject of fish is one of the most prodigious verbal oceans you can possibly trawl. This bouillabaisse of an issue is the proof. Enjoy the feast!

#64 – AN UNMEMORABLE EXPERIENCE
Perusing the leather-bound volumes containing our collective output triggered happy memories of a few notable former ‘Mos, including Sunday ride stalwart ED ‘CHALET’ RAYNARD, jet-setting triathlete DOMINIC ‘I WANT IT ALL’ PAUL, and Granfondo Pinarello regular TOM ‘TUFTY’ DAVIES, whose personalities and presence helped make Dynamo the friendly, inclusive club it is today. But we stumbled across just as many obscure names, including ROBERT ‘THE VAGUE’ PRITCHARD, who gave this classic non-account of the 2005 Etape which deserves a bigger mention in the annals of London Dynamo. Having a total memory blackout after a sportive should henceforth be known as “doing a Pritchard”. What a great way to remember the guy!

#77 – OUT OF GAS
By now, the London Dynamo Newsletter had changed its name to the much snappier DYNAMITE! and was flying faster than a Richmond Park speed skater heading downhill with the squits. Britain’s top Dynamatic news update had created a cult figure in the form of KEN ‘MASCOT’ BUIST, the enigmatic New Zealander who was being closely monitored by eagle-eyed readers for the hugely popular Ken Watch feature, and the reams of brilliant results spewing out of our famous ticker tape machine provided many a gripping read. It seemed DYNAMITE! could do no wrong – and indeed it couldn’t, as this issue turned out to be a hit even though it had bugger all in it. There’s no accounting for taste!

#100 – THAT’S 99 DOWN…
At this point, even the most dedicated DYNAMITE! fan may feel that our exhaustive retrospective is taking up too much time in their usual Friday morning light-read-and-a-latte schedule – but if you happen to be a relative newcomer to the Dynamo family, or you just have a very short memory, then issue 100 really is the one that you must read. All the Dynamo history you need to know, and lots more that you didn’t, including the obscure origin of some of the more intriguing Dyna-monikers. It’s all here, Dynamates!

#111 – BACK FROM THE SMED
In terms of the sheer breadth of different activities that were going on, the summer of 2006 was a turning point for the club, which had started out chiefly as a road racing outfit and was now branching out into all kinds of other areas. Knobbly-tyre merchant STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES won at Beastway, ROBIN ‘OSSIE’ OSBORNE took his Ventoux Velo Vets to the Giant of Provence, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY almost had the fastest time at the Dragon Ride, and big-hearted JOHN KIPPS rode from Lands End to John O’ Groats for charity. The inaugural London Dynamo Road Race had also been pulled off to great acclaim in Handcross, West Sussex, with many competitors expressing how impressed they were by DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE giving the time gaps on a whiteboard while mounted on GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY’s motorbike. And let us not forget that high-achiever RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS set a Dynamo record by rising from 4th to 1st cat in just 16 weeks and one day. Naturally, DYNAMITE! kept on punning throughout all of these incredible events, bringing you all the news that mattered and an awful lot more besides, including IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE’s technicolour yawn on the Crystal Palace circuit and Gordon’s now-infamous gatecrashing of a French wedding reception to blag a can of sugar-replenishing Coke so he could finish the Trophee De L’Epervier. In other news, a little-known former 1st cat, now in his late 30s, had arrived on the Dynamo scene, determined to get back into racing. That man was none other than TONY ‘PEETEER’ SMEDLEY – and little did the chirpy Mancunian know that he would one day become the boss of Britain’s best cycling club!

#134 – COVER YOUR EARS!
“OK, we admit it,” wrote incoming General Secretary NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK on the eve of Dynamo’s 2005 AGM, “we’ve been crap at attracting and keeping women members.” But the blonde bombshell’s fear that the committee’s “dashing good looks and limitless charm” had scared the ladies off proved to be ill-founded as PETA ‘RUBS’ McSHARRY’s appointment as Women’s Secretary in early 2006 began the gradual process of attracting non-male members to the UK’s most gender-friendly cycle squad. Today Dynamo can boast of having a woman member who has gone under the hour for a ’25’ in the form of JENNY ‘J-LLOYD’ JONES, not to mention her fellow Dynamettes NAOMI ‘JUDGE’ ANDERSON, CLAIRE ‘BILLY’ BEAUMONT, REBECCA ‘WHIRLIGIG’ CURLEY and SUSANNAH ‘GUNDOLA’ OSBOURNE helping propel their Surrey League squad to victory in the Women’s Team Series. The SL team was, of course, co-ordinated by rider-manager CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN – and here she in typically outspoken form before she became one of the few lady elites in the country. What a gob she’s got on her!

#139 – HERE COME THE HOT STEPPERS
One really cannot overestimate the contribution of the Solna Avenue contingent to Dynamo’s early years – indeed, without TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT’s rapid rise to 1st cat along with his eagerness to shine a light on the achievements of his old school chums CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN and RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY, the incipient newsletter would have been considerably less interesting. Way back in issue #65, we revealed the story of how the crew from Crewe along with Tom’s girlfriend LUCY ‘LOVELY’ DOVE moved into a house in Putney to create the highest concentration of ‘Mos in one location – and here they are again, celebrating Chris getting hitched to his university sweetheart Nicola. Sadly, Tom took issue with the description of his dancing abilities, but time is a great healer, so he might now have a similar reaction to his elder sibling JOE ‘BLOW’ HEMMANT, who laughed his head off as soon as he read it.

#184 – TOILET TROUBLE
We’d have loved to end this retrospective with a bang rather than a parp, but this story of PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY’s bottom misadventure really is too good to pass up. Toilet humour, but tastefully done – would you expect anything less from us?

MANY THANKS
Well, that’s your lot. The DYNAMITE! team now officially has 200 issues under its belt – and it’s been OK so far, don’t you think? Many thanks to PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN for asking us to do a newsletter in the first place, and we’re grateful to original club president Guy Andrews along with committee members past and present for encouraging this weekly folly. But, of course, we would never have got as far as issue #1 without your contributions, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we reset the Vic-20 for issue #201, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
8.30am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and ideas for the next 200 editions.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #201, 03.10.08
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail race reports, news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Have a peek at our pics -http://tinyurl.com/k34tf +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web -http://tinyurl.com/36xkay +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, heavy rain, 13C max, wind SW 13mph; Sun, light showers, 16C max, wind W 7mph +++
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A RASHER DECISION
+++ Dynamettes swap Box Hill for butties +++
The sound of slapped palms resonated around this publication’s famous soundproof bunker last week – and messages of praise for the landmark issue #200 came flooding in not long after the editorial team had completed its orgy of celebratory high fives. The hugely-impressed DAVID ‘GOLIATH’ ANDREWS hailed the double century as “a superb achievement”, while MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON said: “Bloody well done – many thanks for all those Friday mornings.” Their thoughts were echoed by JASON ‘WILLS’ GREEN, who wrote: “Thanks for the Beano Annual-style DYNAMITE! retrospective. I’ve done bugger all this morning as a result.” And there were further congratulations from PETA ‘RUBS’ McSHARRY and PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY over on the forum… http://tinyurl.com/45qxj3. Our organ, as Peta rightly pointed out, is a modest one which would not dream of throwing a huge party to celebrate our historic 200th edition – so we would like to thank DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE for doing the job for us, as he put the champers on ice in the packed-out basement of Aragon House on Saturday night to mark the 30th birthday of himself and his girlfriend Anna ‘Banana’ Barkensjo. The bubbly-quaffers raising a glass to the baby-faced boy wonder’s cheating of Old Father Time included TOBY ‘IS IT COS I IS’ BLACKMAN, DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER, GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN, STUART ‘EASY’ SPIES and our old pal Martin, who is apparently considered to be the best-looking ‘Mo by the hostess herself. He didn’t get that Dyna-moniker for nothing, luv! Merry CHARLIE ‘VICI’ BLACKMAN also made it to the upmarket Parsons Green boozer, where she admitted to having legs of jelly earlier that day when she cycled to Box Hill for the Surrey Legs Of Steel and promptly ducked out of the mini-sportive in favour of a yummy bacon butty at the Roehampton Gate café with fellow hill-avoider Peta. Their young ride companion CAMERON ‘STEVE’ AUSTIN went on to post the second-fastest time, clocking 2:40:59 for the challenging 50-mile route, while JAMES ‘DONE IN’ DUNSBIER came 12th and laid-back Canadian ALEX ‘CALL ME AL’ ARAUJO nabbed the No.16 spot among the 361 finishers. The mist that shrouded the event soon made way for a gloriously sunny day, mirroring a certain time trialist’s experience the previous weekend – so come with us now as try to increase visibility. It’s time to peer through the gloom…

HIT AND MIST
+++ Good news for Callinan after he storms off +++
The fabled tarmac of the H25/8 course is an old friend of PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, which is why the short-tempered tester was so annoyed after posting what he thought was a substandard time at the Hounslow and District Wheelers ’25’ in Bentley, Hants, the Sunday before last. The Kingston killer stormed off in a huff – but it later transpired his 55:11 made him the 3rd-fastest competitor among the 61 finishers… http://tinyurl.com/4dftp3. Paul adds: “They were going to change the start time due to fog, but the sun came out when I started to warm up and it turned into a beautiful summer’s day. As the time keeper said, the sun shines on the righteous.” You said it, pal!

THREE AND EASY
+++ Simple way to sign up for end-of-season events +++
We would be failing as Britain’s main source of Dynamatic news if we didn’t remind you about the club’s three events in November to mark the end of the racing year, so head over to the forum if you want to sign up for the Club Champs on the 1st… http://tinyurl.com/4u5k5p …the inaugural Hill Climb Championship on the 15th… http://tinyurl.com/3phqhp …or the end-of-season Surrey Hills ride on the 30th… http://tinyurl.com/3jcchq. We’ll see you there!

FOG OFF
The mist of vagueness has once again lifted from the ground of fact, which means that there is just enough time to thank everyone who sent in stuff for this issue before the sun breaks through the clouds. Always remember that we need you to help shift that low stratus cloud, so please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we wipe the moisture from our glasses, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
8.30am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, south side, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and fog lights.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.