The DYNAMITE! Files

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #92, 24.03.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, showers, 13C max, wind SW 16mph; Sun, cloudy, 14C max, wind SW 14mph +++
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Exclusive deals for London Dynamo members at CycleFit, including:
5 per cent off Serotta, Elite TT and Glider frames
10 per cent off all parts, shoes and accessories (including Sidi, Rocket 7, Polar)
20 per cent off all CycleFitting, Cardio/Fitness Testing and Sidas Custom Footbeds
E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk for details or see http://www.cyclefit.co.uk
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PLOT’S GOING ON?
+++ Disturbing ‘co-incidences’ take trio out of Dunsfold race +++
As a level-headed seeker of truth, your favourite fact-based Dyna-matic update has always scoffed at the more outlandish theories surrounding famous historical events – but in light of the strange occurrences in Dunsfold on Sunday, DYNAMITE! is beginning to believe that the Moon landings really were rigged up in Keith Butler’s back garden. It is surely no co-incidence that London Dynamo had a much larger turnout than any other club in the 3rds race and also ended up with more flat tyres than the rest of the field. It’s a conspiracy, Dynamates! Cheesed-off ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK and MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON all punctured almost simultaneously on the same bend, forcing them to retire on the first lap. Look closely on the tarmac and you’d probably find red, white and blue drawing pins scattered around bearing the name of A Certain Hampton Wick Retailer! Another disturbing move took place after the race when mid-bunch finisher CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL was cruelly omitted from the results sheet – but not even the shadowy puppet-masters of the Surrey League could deny the barmy blue, black and orange army’s domination of the top 10…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/9_dunsfold.html

Marking himself out once again as a name to watch, the indomitable RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS caught a late four-man break as they turned into the off-circuit finishing climb, bagging him 2nd place behind Army CU’s Pete Connelly. The bunch followed 20 seconds later, with PAUL DELAHUNTY, MICHAEL SNEYD and JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS taking 6th, 7th and 8th respectively. Awesome stuff! We’ve got a few more startling tales ready to hurl themselves towards you faster than a plastic plate spinning its way towards a sneaky photographer Roswell, New Mexico, so come with us we reveal what Nostradamus could never have predicted. Here comes the truth the authorities didn’t want you to know…

NOTTA LOTTA BOTTLE
+++ Hurry – Dynamo bidons going fast +++
The DYNAMITE! gallery’s exclusive picture of a Dynamo-branded water bottle generated a record number of hits within 24 hours of its appearance…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=211&sid=dd55646e77c78c7247bf0438aa9d539d

…so it came as no surprise that the picnic benches outside Roehampton Gate’s café resembled Nine Elms Market as genial barrow boy NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK flogged dozens of the dazzling bidons to eager buyers on Saturday. Supplies have dipped almost to halfway point, so make sure you stick around after the Parkride tomorrow to grab a few of the limited-edition blue-capped bottles at the bargain price of £6 for two or four for a tenner. They won’t be around for long!

RAIN IN SPAIN FALLS MAINLY ON THE PAINED
+++ Hayter and Spies go at it for 24 hours +++
Knobbly-tyred nutters STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES and WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER proved once again that Dynamo is the big tortilla in endurance events by taking part in Spain’s first-ever 24-hour mountain bike race. Will says of the Giant Internacional 24 Horas de MTB, which took place at the weekend near Coin in southern Spain: “We signed up with visions of sunshine and dusty trails, only to arrive in the middle of a three-day torrential downpour. It turned the course into a quagmire, covered our glamorous blue, black and orange attire in a thick layer of browny-red mud and soaked us to the skin on most laps.” Bad luck, chaps! Undeterred by the conditions, the Dynamo-ic duo battled against the field of Spanish and British teams to take 2nd in the men’s pairs event behind the 24-hour experts from energy bar outfit Team Torq. Nice work, fellas! Their gloriously tacky trophy certainly raised a smile…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=215

… and if they’re as puerile as this publication, Dynamo’s MTB representatives may have had a titter at the “Moist And Chewy” advertising slogan plastered across the winning team’s bottoms. That’s one outfit you don’t want to be wearing down Old Compton Street!

IT’S CHEST NOT FAIR
+++ Asthma attack scuppers Callinan’s chance of victory +++
A recent bout of bronchitis failed to stop PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN from entering the Maidenhead and District CC 30-mile hilly time trial on Sunday – and incredibly, the recovering Kingston killer was the fastest at the split with a time of 59:00. An asthma attack at the foot of the two-mile climb to the line meant he finished 02:03 behind the winning time of 01:13:39 posted by Chris Stocks of Team Orca UK – but 4th-placed Paul said of his impressive split: “It’s a good omen for the rest of the season when I recover.” He’ll probably be the breath by far!

KNOWING ‘MO, KNOWING YOU
+++ Cheeky City chap features in our get-to-Mo-you-better section +++
This week’s entrant in our ongoing bid to showcase lesser-known ‘Mos warns that some of his answers “contain an attempt at humour”, which sounds like our kind of Dynamate. Let the chuckles commence!

NAME: Jason Baran
AGE: 26
OCCUPATION: Generic City type
LOCATION: Tower of London
RACING CATEGORY: 4th
BIKE: A Lancey-likey Madone 5.9 SL
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RIDING? Since November
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN A MEMBER? Since the end of January
WHY DID YOU JOIN THE CLUB? Nice website, nice kit, and a reputation for going fast!
WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS THIS SEASON? Move to as high a cat as possible, day-job permitting
WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR BEST-EVER EXPERIENCE ON A BIKE? Anytime the weather is sunny and travelling back through Clapham after the Saturday ride… guaranteed to be full of fine young fillies!
WHICH DYNAMATE’S BIKE DO YOU MOST ENVY AND WHY? A rather lovely red steel De Rosa. Dunno whose it is as it was parked by the café when I last saw it
WHICH DYNAMATE’S LEGS DO YOU MOST ENVY AND WHY? Think we need to get more women in the club before I can make a judgement
IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN DYNA-MONIKER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? “Crotch-Rocket”
HAS FORMER CLUB PRESIDENT GUY ANDREWS EVER SHOUTED AT YOU ON THE
PARKRIDE? IF SO, DID YOU FIND IS INSPIRING OR IRRITATING? Slighty irritating in that he was telling half the fast group on the Saturday ride to… not go fast
SEROTTA: HOTTER OR ROT? Hot – as in, if I ever managed to have one, it would probably be stolen.
LANCE OR TOM (BOONEN, NOT HEMMANT)? Lance, obviously!
GO BAR OR POWERBAR? No idea as I usually munch on Alpen bars and malt
loaves (or “energy bricks” as I like to call them)
FAVOURITE AND LEAST FAVOURITE PART OF THE NEWSLETTER? Favourite – the wild and crazy theme that runs through each letter. Least favourite – well it’s all good really! (i.e. when do I get my supply of energy stuff?)
FINALLY, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO KEN BUIST IF YOU MET HIM? Hello

Cheers, buddy! As Jason indicates, club sponsors Cyclefit are offering a month’s supply of Maximuscle energy and recovery drink to the best Knowing ‘Mo, Knowing You entry of the year, as judged by this publication’s editorial team – so remember to send back your completed questionnaire if you have been plucked from the DYNAMITE! Bucket of Luck (TM). You don’t need to be as blatant as Mr Barans to win!

THINGS CAN ONLY GET PETA
+++ McSharry is club’s very first Ladies’ Secretary +++
Following last week’s bid to encourage more female participation, Membership Co-ordinator DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS has confirmed that PETA McSHARRY will take up the post of Ladies’ Secretary. Any Dynamettes who want to contact her can send a Dyna-mail to peta@sportsmassagezone.co.uk. Welcome aboard, pal!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Third place for ADAM STONE at SERRL’s 4th cat race at Eastway – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/serrl_1_4.html +++ GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY 13th at Dunsfold 2/3 race – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/8_dunsfold.html +++ Dynamo caps and spring gilets have been ordered – watch this space… +++

THERE’S KNOLL LEFT
The convoluted trail linking Princess Diana’s death to 9/11 and the grassy knoll at the scene of JFK’s assassination has left us tied up in knots, which means there’s just time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue before we begin untangling ourselves. Please remember that we are the best-selling Da Vinci Code, but we would be nothing without you, our lesser-known Holy Blood, Holy Grail. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘MAN IN BLACK’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, for one week only, is TUESDAY afternoon for Friday’s edition. This change is due to the editorial team jetting off to Mallorca on Thursday with the Dyna-management to prepare for the club’s highly-anticipated training camp. It is definitely not part of a grand conspiracy orchestrated on the upper floors of Dynamo Towers – honest! And now, as a svelte Elvis leaves the building alive and well, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and incontrovertible evidence of the Illuminati’s existence.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #93, 31.03.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light showers, 13C max, wind SW 15mph; Sun, sunny, 14C max, wind SW 17mph +++
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Exclusive deals for London Dynamo members at CycleFit, including: 5 per cent off Serotta, Elite TT and Glider frames 10 per cent off all parts, shoes and accessories (including Sidi, Rocket 7, Polar)
20 per cent off all CycleFitting, Cardio/Fitness Testing and Sidas Custom Footbeds E-mail info@cyclefit.co.uk for details or see http://www.cyclefit.co.uk
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ILL AND RACE
+++ Sickness hits Dynamo ranks +++
Since its inception, this publication has been an unashamed cheerleader for each and every Dynamate, particularly those who slug it out against rival clubs in races throughout the season – so you can imagine the guilt that has wracked the editorial team this week as it prepares to jet off to a sun-kissed Mallorcan resort for the club’s training camp…

http://www.clubpollentia.com/

…just as a number of notable ‘Mos have either taken to their sickbed, had their legs torn off, or been involved in a crash. Contrary to what our last edition stated, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY retired from the 3rd cat race at Dunsfold due to a dicky tummy rather than a puncture – and genial Gen Sec NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK fell prey to a stomach bug on Wednesday which ruled him out of Barcombe. Rising star RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS also skipped Sunday’s lumpy 62-miler after catching a death of cold the day before at Eastway – more of which later – and leather lover HUW ‘AITCH’ WATKINS scuffed his Rapha retro mitts after the bunch squeezed past an oncoming car, causing him to come off in the final lap of the wet West Sussex event. It never rains but it pours! The mud-spattered race was won by Martin Markowski of Bayeux Landscapes, and Dynamo’s up-and-coming Aussie MICHAEL ‘LORD BE PRAISED’ SNEYD managed to salvage some glory for the club when he took 9th…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/10_barcombe.html

…while Rob narrowly missed out on the points by finishing two places behind him in the strung-out threes contest. Unlucky, pal! At roughly the same time in Yoxhall, Staffs, shagged-out GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL mysteriously ran out of gas at the frenetic 1/2/3 Royal Sutton RR – and now you have the opportunity to come with us to Valley End, Surrey, as we reveal how another Dynamo big-hitter suffered woes of his own. Get ready to feel as sick as a parrot…

SHORTS AND GIRLY
+++ Dynamette comes to Paine’s aid in clothing crisis +++
Master of understatement IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE admits that “things did not exactly go to plan” at the Hounslow Spring RR on Sunday after he turned up to enter on the line and realised his shorts weren’t in his kit bag. Doh! The 1st cat fireball, who scraped a place on the starting line as the 11th of eleven reserves, was forced to sit around in his boxers while kind Dynamette LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE drove back home to get him a spare pair and returned minutes before the race began. Then, at barely five miles into the E/1/2 race, Ian punctured. He revealed: “It was a very slow change, but nothing that three miles at 45mph courtesy of a helping hand from the PCA team car’s window couldn’t sort out!” His day of distress drew to a close when he missed the main split with about 30 miles to go, leaving him to roll in at the back of the bunch with Lucy’s fella TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT. Better luck next time, pal!

RICH PICKINGS
+++ Eastway sees another placing for Simmonds +++
He’s done it again! Ascendant Dynamo star RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS racked up more points at the weekend by coming 6th at the second South East RR League event at Eastway…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/serrl_2.html

The feisty rider, who jumped across to the winning seven-man break with about eight laps gone, says: “God knows how we managed to stay away. As a unit we seemed about as effective as a UN peacekeeping force. I actually had a sore throat from the amount of shouting I was doing trying to get the group to work. Scary when you think they’re 2nd cats!” The circuit turned slippery once the heavens opened with 15 miles to go, and the bunch had the breakaway in their sights – so Rich attacked on the hill, only to get caught and lead out the sprint to the finish of the 2/3/4 race which was won by Rapha/Condor ‘s Dominic Gabelini. “All in all,” Richard says, “I was pretty happy with 6th place.” But once over the line, he began shivering uncontrollably. He reveals: “A couple of hours later I was wrapped up in a fleece in bed feeling like I had flu.” Somehow, we don’t think he’s going to be out of action for long!

KEN WATCH!
+++ Buist sweats it out +++
Spring has sprung – and the slight increase in temperature has caught out Dynamo’s favourite slippery Kiwi KEN ‘LEGGINGS’ BUIST. Eagle-eyed MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT spotted the reclusive ‘Mo ferociously powering down Bagley’s Lane in Fulham wearing a full blue Assos jumpsuit. Martin comments: “Over-layered and over-angry – that’s our Ken!” You can say that again!

CRAIG’S CRASH
+++ He’s out of danger +++
Finally, PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT has reported that CRAIG LEIPER is on the mend and has been back on his bike following a nasty crash on Wednesday 22nd – but sadly he won’t be coming on the training camp. We wish him a speedy recovery…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=692&highlight=

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Watch out rival 2nd cats – speedy DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE showed off his super-fast carbon Time machine outside the café after the Parkride on Saturday +++ Famous British architect rumoured to have joined Dynamo – more news as we get it +++ Unlucky JAMES ‘CURSES’ KINMONT punctures… while on his turbo +++

MEDICINE’S GONE DOWN
We hope we have delivered just the tonic to get you through the week, which means there’s just time to thank everyone for their contributions this week before we shut up the pharmacy. Always remember we are the medicine but you are the spoonful of sugar, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BENYLIN’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. As DYNAMITE! is currently in Mallorca for the training camp, the next newsletter will be greatly reduced and the deadline has been moved to Wednesday 5th April for the edition after next. And now, as the Tixylix trickles down your throat, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a dose of Dextromethorphan.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #94, 07.04.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321
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WE’RE AWAY…
…at Dynamo’s training camp in Mallorca, but please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘ABSENT’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition, which will include details of all, none, or some of the following events from the camp:
– What happened after GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL put the power down on a climb en route to Bunyola and heard a horrible “ping” coming from his rear wheel.
– How boyish DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE was forced to wear an unusually tight pair of shorts due to his luggage failing to arrive at Palma airport.
– The astonishment generated by PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT’s brand new Seven when he pointed out the frame isn’t in his trademark colour.
And now, as Mrs Dynamite kindly sends this missive on our behalf, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and directions to Pollencia.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #95, 14.04.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to news@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 14C max, wind SE 8mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 17C max, wind N 10mph +++
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BAGS OF FUN
+++ Luggage delay fails to dampen training campers’ spirits +++
They arrived at Palma airport for their flight home, each with around 500 arduous training miles in their legs. They waited an eternity while hopeless British Midland staff gradually began to comprehend that they had already paid to have their bikes put on the plane. They boarded their flight more than an hour late due to a security alert. And when they finally got to Heathrow, it looked like half of them were going to walk away empty-handed from the barren luggage carousels before baggage staff eventually pulled their fingers out. But none of these setbacks, or even the torrential downpour that greeted them as they headed down the M4, could dampen the spirits of the tanned 18-strong party which returned from Dynamo’s annual foreign jaunt on Sunday – because for the preceding seven days they had experienced what many old hands agreed was the best training camp since Cyclefit’s PHIL ‘NO-NONSENSE’ CAVELL and JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL began taking groups to Mallorca five years ago. For the first week in April 2006, the island became Dyna-Mallorca as the barmy blue, black and orange army barelled through the north of the Balearic isle in a two-line formation which was tighter than DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE’s kiddie-sized shorts – and the pace was more blistering than DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDENER’s sunburn. It doesn’t get any hotter than that! The warm weather certainly made the San Miguels taste sweeter as the campers bantered about the day’s riding by the pool – so pack your bags as we return to the Club Pollentia resort to reveal what GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS, PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN, CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL, CARLOS ‘THE JACKAL’ CONCEICAO, KEVIN ‘FULLA S***’ FITZPATRICK, PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT, STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY, GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON, NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY, STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES, SIMON ‘RIGHT REVEREND’ WRIGHT, DAVID ‘GOLIATH’ ANDREWS, and the two other abovementioned Davids were cracking jokes about. Let’s unzip that bulging suitcase of anecdotes…

IT’S A KIT TIGHT
+++ Streule’s shorts story +++
The Mallorcan senoritas got quite an eyeful on the second day of the camp when boyish DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE emerged from his hotel room wearing a snug-fitting pair of blue shorts for the ride to San Salvador. Baggage handlers had misplaced all of his luggage, including his trusty Cannondale, forcing the lanky lad to rent a bike and buy some temporary kit from a local shop run by a helpful friend of GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY. Thankfully, all of David’s gear eventually turned up – and PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT witnessed the locals giving him a round of applause on the rest day when the show-off cycled up a flight of stairs in the town square. All those years spent mountain biking in his youth finally paid off!

A WHEEL SHAME
+++ Powdrill misses out on hallowed climb due to mechanical +++
During the week-long team competition, the head-to-head battle for points between 1st cat fireball GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL and 2nd cat sensation STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES provided most of the drama at the top of each arduous ascent – but sadly, the twin-piston powerhouse ruled himself out of contention on Thursday, leaving the rest of the group to tackle what has traditionally been the camp’s most testing climb. Guy put the power down on a steep switchback en route to the day’s first cafe stop in Bunyola, snapping not one, not two, but THREE whole spokes on his treasured Cosmic carbons. Unlucky, buddy! Thankfully, Dyna-manager RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT had decided to take the team car due to his knee causing problems the previous day, so the miffed ‘Mo was able to throw his newly-repainted glittery-red carbon Trek in the back of the Fiat and join Rusty on the drive to the top of fearsome Puig ‘Pug’ Major. He would have had a 30-mile walk home otherwise! From his vantage point in the rear passenger seat, Guy was able to witness one of the most determined rides of the trip as perennial “bobber” STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS rocked like a bronco on his For Goodness Shakes-branded Colnago trying to stay with the fast-paced lead group, only to get dropped, fight his way back on, and then get cruelly dropped again. Incredible stuff! The other Stuart beat Guy into 2nd place at Arta the next day and repeated the result the day after on the final climb at Randa, which DYNAMITE! captured on its box Brownie…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=227&sid=8075d114f9f914ee52721b73529ef623

But the chirpy property broker, who won the inaugural retro time trial on Wednesday, refused to let the double defeat get him down – and with a little help from GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY’s camera trickery, he proved he still loves himself as much as ever…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=222&sid=8075d114f9f914ee52721b73529ef623

The cheek of the man!

MAKING HISS-TORY
+++ Carlos sets new record for punctures +++
The near-flawless navigation from the front of the pack by Dyna-managers RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK and PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN was part of the reason why 2006 was the most enjoyable training camp to date – but unlucky CARLOS ‘THE JACKAL’ CONCEICAO was probably more grateful for official puncture repair boy CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL riding at the back with a handy Zefal pump strapped to his shiny new unpainted titanium steed. The silver souffle, who was always around at those unpredictable moments of deflation, spent an entertaining hour at a deserted English-themed pub near Alcudia on Friday with PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT, DAVID ‘GOLIATH’ ANDREWS and Carlos after they stopped in the midst of the only downpour of the week to help the hairy-legged rider with his third puncture. That’s a training camp record which they got to witness first-hand!

WEARING A DIFFERENT GUYS
+++ Turncoat Andrews walks off with team prize +++
Despite NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK adjusting the scorecard with a hefty penalty for DAVID ‘GOLIATH’ ANDREWS’ failure to wear retro kit on the 2.7 mile time trial, the four-man team led by former Dynamo president GUY ‘MAINWARING’ ANDREWS still managed to win the week-long points competition by a country mile, mainly thanks to STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES effortlessly finishing either 1st or 2nd on each climb. Curses! To make matters worse, style-obsessed Guy continually wore Rapha Condor kit on every single ride before jetting off on Thursday. We don’t care if you’re racing for another team this season – rules is frigging rules on the camp, pal! Happily, the RoadCyclingUK editor partially redeemed himself on Wednesday by raising a chuckle with his special TT machine, which you can view in our gallery…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321

…and DYNAMITE! is looking forward to seeing more great pictures of Dynamates taken by his amiable photographer Gerard ‘Neddy’ Brown during the trip. The club has never looked so good!

DID WE SEA YOU?
+++ Mystery ‘Mo spotted along coast +++
Our last item on the training camp agenda is a plea for an unknown ‘Mo to come forward. A chap in Dynamo kit was twice spotted wheeling along the coast past the hotel in a group of about a dozen riders, each of whom appeared to be wearing various pro-team replica outfits. Was this you? Dyna-mail news@londondynamo.co.uk to put us out of our misery!

ED TIRED
+++ McKinley gives his all at Ironman +++
It wasn’t just the training campers who were getting a tan – because over in the States, ED ‘THE MAN’ McKINLEY was sweating it out in 90-degree heat as he pushed himself to the limit at the Arizona Ironman. The affable American says: “The bike was the worst leg. It was a flat course and my back was good for 20 of the 112 miles in a tuck position. The mantra of the Cyclefit guys – ‘stretching makes you faster’ – couldn’t be more true.” It’s time to start touching your toes, buddy! Ed clocked a time of 11 hours 27 minutes, giving him an impressive 8th place in the 50-54 age group and 300th overall on the 2000-strong list of finishers. And no-one was more surprised than DYNAMITE! when Ed told minor ‘Mo CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL that their long winter rides together had contributed to his success. He revealed: “They were the core of my conditioning and I was singing your praises as I started that marathon, knowing that only the conditioning could get me through the next 26 miles.” So the West Ken lad has some use after all!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Elite Dynamate TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT took 4th on Saturday at the Westerley CC E/1/2 race at Hillingdon, while a six-man sprint in the 3rd cat event saw WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER take the No.3 spot with JIM ‘CLARK’ KENT finishing 9th – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/westerley_crits2.html http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/westerley_crits.html +++ Hardy JUSTIN ‘ON A WHIM’ SIMS dragged the bunch around at Ninfield’s 2/3 race on Sunday, reducing the main group to just over a dozen riders before he took 7th with CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN finishing one place behind – http://www.surreyleague.co.uk/results/results2006/apr2006/apr9pm.htm +++

BAG IT UP
The name tag has been filled in and the combination lock has clicked shut, which means there’s just enough time to wheel this edition to the check-in desk before we thank everyone who has contributed to this issue. Please remember that we are a sturdy Samsonite case but we would be nothing without you, our toiletries bag, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘RUCKSACK’ BUIST to news@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we discover our suitcase has exceeded the weight limit, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a trunk.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #96, 21.04.06
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+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at
http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 17C max, wind E 5mph; Sun, light showers, 18C max, wind N 6mph +++
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CRASH SPAM WALLOPED
+++ Update your address book – Dyna-mail address has changed +++
Thanks to its unique blend of hand-crafted puns, bike-related news from across the south-east and KEN BUIST, this publication has attracted enormous attention from far beyond the cycling community – but like the proverbial rhinestone cowboy, the editorial team is constantly surprised by the sheer volume of Dyna-mails shoved in its inbox every day by people we don’t even know. There’s a generous Nigerian businessman, for example, who is begging to put £4million in our bank account in exchange for a one-off “goodwill” payment of £10,000, or the ever-helpful Zak571 who sends constant reminders to buy Microsoft Office for a knock-down price. And, of course, there are dozens of medical outlets offering to make this organ bigger, all of whom have never spoken to the perfectly-satisfied Mrs Dynamite. During the past two years, legions of such pen pals had stumbled across our contact details on the club’s website – but that address bit the dust this week when the Dynamo system crashed. Sadly, our replacement address will not be appearing on the web page, which means we will probably no longer receive around three-dozen flippin’ messages a day that have nothing whatsoever to do with Dynamo. We don’t know how we’ll cope! To complicate matters slightly, the system has crashed AGAIN, which is why this edition is a few hours late, and the address you have received this message from is an emergency replacement – so PLEASE DO NOT REPLY to this e-mail. Instead, send stuff to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk which should be up and running as soon as our new web hosts sort out the problem. Right then – back in the real world, many intrepid Dynamates put in an eggs-tra special effort at the weekend to make sure the club had a successful Easter – so come with us now as we reveal how one event in particular was “spammed” with more ‘Mos than any other race. Let’s turn on the junk filter…

STAPLE GUNNED
+++ Battalion of ‘Mos shoot down opposition in Surrey League showdown +++
The Dynamo Easter campaign got off to a cracking start on Saturday with diligent domestique DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE chasing down every break at the Milland Hill 2/3 event before finishing shattered at the back of the bunch. His efforts reaped dividends in the 60-mile race, which was won by Louis Charity of Team Corridori, as RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON took 5th, JUSTIN ‘ON A WHIM’ SIMS 6th, GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN 7th, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT 10th, GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY 12th and DAVID ‘PROFESSOR’ WILLIAMS 17th…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/13_milland.html

…although 2nd cat sensation STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES was left to chase the bunch in vain after a visit from the puncture fairy in the neutralised zone. Curses! The deflated South African blagged a front wheel off a spectator and sat coughing behind her van’s diesel smoke-cloud as she motor-paced him – but he made up for the disappointment by taking 5th at Staplefield on Bank Holiday Monday as part of the most well-organised Dynamo turnout so far this season. With a huge 11-man squad comprising CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS, MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON, and the Milland Hill ‘Mos, the pressure was on to come up with the goods – and Stu’s attempt at a chase less than 10 miles into the 60-miler turned into a two-man break with four others bridging across to the duo, including Justin. Baby-faced Streule once again played the role of blocker, this time aided by killer Kiwi Mason. Their efforts allowed the break to stay away and the race was won by Matthew Holmes of Artic-Shorter Rochford while Justin nabbed 3rd place. Nice one! Meanwhile, rising Dynamo star Simmonds admits he was feeling “a touch flat” after moving to 2nd cat the day before at the 1/2/3 SERRL race at Brenchley by taking 5th…

http://www.serrl.org.uk/SERRL%20Event%205%2006.htm

…but the super-strong fella still managed to clip off towards the end of Staplefield for a three-up with Gavin and Gordon. The finishing list is a testament to the group’s superb efforts, with seven of the top 15 places occupied by Dynamo…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/15_staplefeild.html

…and grateful Stu says: “I can’t thank the boys in blue, black and orange enough. They really controlled the race like champions and we really felt we rode the race as a team.” You’re an inspiration to us all, fellas!

ENGINE TROUBLE
+++ Powdrill hits deck at 3-Day +++
It wasn’t just the support events where Dynamo made its presence felt – compact mechanic SAM ‘THUMPER’ HUMPHESON finished a respectable 26th in the 58-strong general classification of the Surrey League 3-Day itself, mainly thanks to his 8th place in the opening race at Milland Hill…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/easter3_1.html

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/easter3_r.html

…and eager IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE started the early winning break featuring stage winner Colin Roshier of Team Quest, only to get dropped two laps later on the course with the infamous short, sharp, shocking climb. Unlucky, pal! But it was GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL who suffered a greater misfortune during the next day’s stage at Dunsfold Aerodrome when he momentarily overlapped the wheel in front at the moment when the rider ahead decided to switch, causing the twin-piston powerhouse to hit the tarmac at 35mph. Ouch! The poor lad only had around 20 minutes of the race to go – and Ian reveals: “He has some pretty significant road rash and bruising but is basically OK.” Sam will no doubt be clamping Guy’s Omega to the jig in his Hampton Wick workshop fairly soon!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
+++ Cycelfit’s WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE debuted the firm’s Eastway bike at the Lea Valley circuit on Monday, taking 6th at the Bill Temme Memorial E/1/2 race – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/bill_t.html – and then won Hillingdon on Tuesday – http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/glider_eastway.htm +++ Dynamo PAUL DELAINNTI came 8th in 3/4 race at Eastway – see link above +++ Links to the DYNAMITE! gallery in our last edition didn’t work due to the site crashing – the pics will be back up soon! +++

LIMP TO THE FINISH
We’re off to empty out our Dyna-mail trash, which is packed with sneaky opportunities to buy something called “vaigra” or “v-i-a-g-a-r”, which means there is just enough time to give a firm thank-you to everyone who sent in stuff for this issue. We’ll be back next week, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘CIALLIS’ BUIST to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk – but PLEASE DO NOT hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we mourn the loss of more “cheap meds” offers, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a spambot.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #97, 28.04.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at
http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 14C max, wind N 7mph; Sun, light showers, 14C max, wind NW 12mph +++
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CRYSTAL CLEAR
+++ Newsletter’s signal switched back on in time for Palace +++
Since its inception more than two years ago, this publication has been a model of calmness and professionalism – but the newsletter’s famous soundproof bunker descended into a scene of utter panic last week when our Dyna-mail system went down, leaving the editorial team with no means of sending Britain’s favourite Dyna-matic update to its ever-growing army of loyal readers. Despite his best efforts to rewire our trusty Vic-20, chief technician RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT failed to solve the problem with his trusty soldering gun, which meant DYNAMITE! had to rig up three emergency e-mail addresses in the early hours of Friday. Unfortunately, Yahoo! only allows 15 recipients a time, so mailing 250 members through multiple messages was about as easy as pushing mighty Magnus Backstedt’s legs through Rusty’s tiddly legwarmers. The difficulty of the task explains why some of you didn’t get issue #96 until the early hours of Saturday morning – and if you were one of the unlucky sods who got nothing at all, then hit your “reply” button to let us know so we can send it to you. We wouldn’t want anyone to miss out! Thankfully, our transmission from Dynamo Towers has now resumed normal service – which is appropriate, as Dynamo was sending a clear signal to its rivals on Tuesday under the shadow of south London’s iconic telecommunications transmitter, where IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE and STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES took 6th and 7th respectively after helping to bring back a four-man break in the first Crystal Palace crit of the season…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/cp1.html

Stu’s top 10 position in the E/1/2 event – won by Scott Budgen of Pearson Cycles – came after he was involved in a stack at the ESL Spring Rumble at Eastway on Saturday which took his brand new tubular tyres off their rims. You don’t need ’em, pal! Later on, we’ll tilt our antennae towards the Dynamo committee to pick up what they’ve been up to during the past seven days – but first, lets tune in to some fashion news that’s bound to be on everyone’s wavelength. Let’s keep this frequency clear…

A LITTLE KIT MORE
+++ Make space in your wardrobe – spring gilets are now available +++
Aussie duo PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY and MICHAEL ‘WELL PLAYED’ SNEYD braved the bunch sprint at Chertsey’s 30-mile 3rd cat race on Saturday to finish 6th and 7th…

http://www.surreyleague.co.uk/results/results2006/apr2006/apr22-3.htm

…but even more thrillingly, they were among the lucky Dynamates who witnessed snappily-dressed Gen Sec NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK modelling the brand new Dynamo spring gilet in the car park next to the MoD circuit. It’s certainly an improvement on the boil-in-the-bag winter version! The stylish lightweight garments, which blend seamlessly with Cyclefit’s logo on the shoulder of the club’s jerseys, are available now for £40 from the Covent Garden HQ of our club sponsors…

http://www.cyclefit.co.uk/contact.htm

…and please remember you MUST pay by cheque made out to London Dynamo or cash. You don’t want to anger JULIAN ‘WONDER’ WALL when he’s on till duty!

THIN ALL-BLUE LINE
+++ Harknett chats to Richmond Park coppers +++
Social secretary PAUL ‘ALL-BLUE’ HARKNETT fulfilled an enjoyable engagement on Tuesday evening when he met Sgt Chris Duke for tea and biscuits at Holly Lodge in Richmond Park. The getting-to-know-you session was set up by the local constabulary to help them gain a better appreciation of Park matters affecting cyclists. You couldn’t have chosen a nicer club to speak to, fellas! As a result of Tuesday’s amiable chat, the police will now consult London Dynamo on issues relating to road cycling and safety in the park. In the meantime, please remember that groups on the Parkride should be two abreast with a maximum of 10 riders, and you should not overtake vehicles observing the speed limit. Also take care when passing other cyclists – and, of course, don’t be abusive to pedestrians or other road users. We’ve a reputation to uphold, Dynamates! And talking of safety, there will be a change to the Wednesday night ride this summer. See “This Week’s Rides” for more details…

HITTING THE LIMIT
+++ That’s it! Membership is now closed +++
The club passed yet another glorious milestone this week when the number of members hit 250 – and after an earnest discussion in the boardroom of Dynamo Towers, the committee has decided not accept any more membership applications for the time being. Just make sure those hankies are at the ready when you break the news to your clubless chums!

…AND A FEW ‘MO THINGS…
In-form fireball RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS finishes 3rd at the 56-mile 1/2/3 event at Chilham in Kent after bridging to the early break midway through the race – http://www.serrl.org.uk/SERRL%20Event%206%2006.htm +++ Training camper DAVID ‘PINKY’ GARDNER shows what a week slogging it out in Mallorca can do for your form by taking the No.6 spot at the 4th cat race at Eastway on Saturday – http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/esl_rumb_2_4.html +++ Fully-recovered ALEX ‘BUSTED’ BASTIN finishes 25th among the 347-strong field at California’s Mulholland Challenge, which included 12,500 feet of climbing along Sunday’s 111-mile route +++

LONGWAVE GOODBYE
It’s time for Mrs Dynamite to pick up her chalk, blackboard and cuddly toy as we put up the test card for another week. We’ll be broadcasting again next Friday – and in the meantime, try to remember that we are a strong analogue signal but we would be nothing without you, out clear digital picture of the future. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘U.H.F.’ BUIST to our new address, which you can find at the top of the page if you are reading this on e-mail – or simply hit your “reply” button. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we apologise for the loss of sound, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a timetable for digital switchover.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles. In the interests of safety, and because there is plenty of opportunity to ride at race pace at Hillingdon, Palace and Eelmore during the week, the Wednesday night ride will NOT switch to the park during the summer as it has in previous years.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

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DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #98, 05.05.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, heavy rain, 16C max, wind NW 6mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 18C max, wind SW 7mph +++
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WON HELL OF A WEEK
+++ Four amazing wins, one nasty crash and a run-in with the law +++
This publication always aims to come up with an attention-grabbing opening paragraph to entice our excitable readership – but the editorial team could not have invented anything quite as dramatic as a certain race official’s announcement following the 3rd cat event at Norwood Hill on Sunday. The riders’ post-race chatter was silenced as the no-nonsense commisaire strode purposefully into Leigh Village Hall, smiled knowingly, and said: “You are probably all wondering why your licences… are IN MY HAND.” Having raised his voice to heighten the tension, he then upped the stakes by slowly lifting his left arm above his head to prove that he really was brandishing 50-odd laminated cards in his grip. No-one present had ever seen anything like it before and you could have cut the atmosphere with a pair of cable cutters. Clearly some wrongdoing had occurred – but were TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY, ROB ‘THE SAINT’ JEFFROY or any of the other assembled ‘Mos involved? And why was the fuming official flanked by police constable? It was like being in a detective novel, where the sleuth gathers all the suspects together in one room to reveal whodunnit before the bobby dutifully handcuffs the felon – and in keeping with a well-worn literary cliche of the genre, we’re going to keep you in suspense for a little longer as we turn our attention to no fewer than four classy wins by a trio of notable ‘Mos, taking in a crash at Hillingdon along the way. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s sift through the evidence…

ON TOT FORM
+++ Unstoppable Simmonds steps up yet another level with stage victory +++
It may seem hard to believe, but it was only a few months ago that RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS won a 4th cat race at Eastway – and after shooting through the ranks, the rising Dynamo star has once again proved the appropriateness of his Dyna-moniker by winning his first 1/2/3 race. Incredible stuff! The former “useful junior”, who only returned to racing this season, won the third and final stage of the Totnes-Vire two-day in Devon on Sunday…

http://www.britishcycling.org.uk/web/site/BC/roa/EventReports2006/20060430_Totnes.asp

Richard – pictured doing a magnificent victory salute in the above link – says: “I jumped off the front with a few others about five miles from the line and then dropped them up the finishing climb. Nice!” In addition to getting sunburnt, his win on the 100km stage propelled him to 4th place in the final GC, 28 seconds behind overall winner Ben Luckwell of Team GWR – and his efforts didn’t go unnoticed by Dyna-masseuse KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF, who reveals that Dicky boy offers himself up for her massage practise more than any other ‘Mo. So that’s the secret of his success!

CHIN AND BEAR IT
+++ Paine carries on after crash +++
Plucky IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE was another Dynamate who lived up to his nickname this week when he came down on Sunday near the end of the first stage of the Chas Messenger race. Ian avoided the messy pile-up at Hillingdon by veering onto the grass, only for a rider to knock him face-first onto the gravel path. He says: “I finished the race before pedalling off to Hillingdon A&E to get seven stitches in my chin to cover my jaw bone back up.” Ow-wow-ow, fella!

GLIDER AWAY!
+++ Triumph for Warrick at super-fast Palace race +++
Crit-loving Ian managed to recover in time for his weekly fix of Crystal Palace action – but his misfortune continued when he developed a slow puncture while trying to bridge across to WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE in the E/1/2 event. Unlucky, pal! Cyclefit sensation Warrick held off the rapidly-gaining pack on Tuesday to win by seven seconds…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/cp2.html

…and his solo breakaway was all the more remarkable given that the 28-lap race was the fastest held on the park’s circuit in recent memory. It was also his second victory on Cyclefit’s new Glider Eastway bike. Just watch those orders flood in to Dynamo’s club sponsors from wannabe Warricks everywhere!

ONE-MINUTE WONDER
+++ Callinan wins TT by 60 seconds – then does it again +++
The DYNAMITE! team gave itself a pat on the back when last week’s edition was mailed out a few hours earlier than usual – but we held our head in our hands when PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN sent some astonishing late news shortly afterwards which would have gone in under normal circumstances. Damn our unusually efficient behaviour! It turns out the Kingston killer arrived at the Hounslow Wheelers time trial in Chertsey last Thursday and “felt like a bag of spanners going down a staircase” riding the shortened 7.6 mile course. Paul posted a time of 17:53 – and he reveals: “I thought I hadn’t done very well so I started to pack and head home. As I was leaving someone went, ‘That guy won by a minute!’ He was pointing at me!” The chap was right, you know…

http://www.hounslowanddistrictwheelers.co.uk/results/06/c_10_2.html

Incredibly, Paul returned last night and won by a minute AGAIN by finishing 14 seconds faster than the previous week. Keep it up and you’ll be travelling back in time by the end of the season, pal!

NORWOOD YOU BELIEVE IT
+++ Copper plays unusual role in sprint finish +++
Time, now, to return to the nail-biting cliff-hanger set up by our introduction, which readers with long memories may remember involved a Surrey League race official on the verge of issuing a stern ticking-off to the 3rd cat riders who had just taken part in the morning event at Norwood Hill. The commisaire complained that the competitors had repeatedly ignored the police outrider’s orders to stop going over the white lines, which means there may never be another event held on the circuit ever again. Minutes earlier, the safety-conscious bobby had briefly slowed the bunch sprint to a crawl before letting it briefly pick up towards the narrow finish – and puncture-hit PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY, who was watching from the line, was surprised to see the officer come 5th with his horn blaring. That’s not a fair cop! The results from the race have not yet surfaced, raising fears that the event has been declared null and void by BCF officials, which would be a shame for TONY ‘CHUCKLES’ SMEDLEY who came 4th in his first race for a decade. There’s no justice! The 2/3 race saw a repeat of the post-race lecture with an added 20-minute talk at the start, and poor MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT is thankful he hasn’t gone deaf from the constant scream of the siren. We’ll reveal which three ‘Mos made the top 10 if the results eventually appear…

‘MOTTE OF WORK TO DO
+++ Sportive sorts urged to get training on North Downs +++
Eager JOHN WITTS wants to get as many Marmotte-bound ‘Mos as possible on the south face of the North Downs to train for the French sportive event, which takes place in eight weeks – and he’s got quite a few hints for the legions of Dynamates taking part. Take it away, John! “Thanks, pal. The three-mile descent to Valois and the feed station is followed by the big one up the Galibier – and don’t be fooled by the crest in the distance that looks like the top. Wait until you have got there and can see what you have got to do through the ‘snowfield’ which can take a good 45 minutes. Bear in mind that the first time I did the event it was sleeting when I went over the top of the Galibier. Relief at getting to this summit at 2,600m is soon tempered by the very difficult descent down to the main road. Forget heroics – just do it safely as the consequences of even one second’s lack of concentration are too serious to think of. You can floor it once you’ve got to the main road, as long as the wind is not howling up the valley and you are having to little-ring it all the way down to Bourg. At this point you will know if you have made the biggest mistake of your cycling life and got to the bottom of Alp D’Huez with 100 miles on the clock and nothing in the tank. If you have, you will not be alone and will have to force every single pedal stroke all the way to the top. If you are on a good day, expect to feel a tiny bit better, but not much, particularly as the bottom 4 ramps are the hardest thing you will do on a bike this year.” It’s exhausting just reading about it!

JUST NOT FAIR
+++ Let’s sort out last week’s errors +++
Finally, just a brief note to say JUSTIN ‘ON A WHIM’ SIMS pulled out one of his trademark powerhouse sprints at the 3rd cat race in Chertsey to take 2nd on the Saturday before last…

http://www.surreyleague.co.uk/results/results2006/apr2006/apr22-3.htm

We overlooked his impressive result at the MoD circuit in our previous edition. Sorry, Just! And apologies to PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY. He’s a Kiwi, not an Aussie!

CASE CLOSED
We’ve solved the mystery of who killed the beautiful heiress, which means that there’s just enough time to thank everyone who contributed to this issue. We’ll be back next week, so please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BUTLER DID IT’ BUIST to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the guilty man is lead away, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a magnifying glass.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #99, 12.05.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, light showers, 19C max, wind SW 16mph; Sun, light showers, 18C max, wind W 13mph +++
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GOT ‘EM LICKED
+++ Ice-cool duo lead results haul +++
For many child-like Dynamates, the weekly arrival of this periodical creates a similar level of excitement to hearing the tinkling tune of an ice cream van echoing from the end of the street on a warm summer’s day – and this week’s first scoop from the tub of news reveals how IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE licked the opposition at Palace on Thursday. Ice-cool RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS will add the tasty flake to issue 99 with a couple of top ten finishes, so cone with us as we detail many other Magnum-ificent results. Let’s Whippy up a storm…

SPOKE THE TRUTH
+++ Honest Hemmant refuses to blame DNF on mechanical +++
His gentlemanly nature has been a feature of DYNAMITE! since its inception – so it comes as no surprise to hear TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT admit that he decided to pull out of the second round of the South East Series five minutes AFTER snapping a spoke. And modest as ever, the elite lad is happy to shine the spotlight on his 1st cat team-mate IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE, who won a prime and earned a few points by finishing 16th in the National B-ranked event on Sunday…

http://tinyurl.com/mjsba

The Balham blammer instigated a breakaway with former pro Rob Hurd on the first lap of the 77-mile E/1/2 race in Edenbridge, Kent – and Tom muses: “I reckon that he could have done even better but he was in a break with just one other rider, so I guess he was a little jaded by the time the finish came.” Not on Tuesday he wasn’t! Ian admits he was “a little surprised” to win the E/1/2 race at Palace, which marked the return of Agiskoviner fastman Brett Perez…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/cp3.html

…who partnered Ian in his early two-man break before they were joined by Apollo’s Julian Clark – and a drop in their pace during the final 6km saw Guy Pearson of Pearson Cycles bridge across with a lap to go. The pack finished a mere 5secs behind with STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES taking 7th overall. Lovely stuff, fellas! But what’s this late breaking news being spewed out of the newsletter’s ticker tape machine? Why, it seems Ian just has won the Surrey League handicap at South Nutfield. More details next week!

CRAN HE KICK IT?
+++ Yes he can! Simmonds scores at Andy Morrison memorial +++
High-achieving RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS missed the break at the Andy Morrison memorial at Cranfield, Bedfordshire, on Saturday yet still managed to get off the front near the end to take 5th in the 2/3/4 40-miler…

http://tinyurl.com/pgo8h

There’s no stopping him! He reveals: “My heart sank when I saw it was a two-mile road circuit and that we were due to do half a million laps, but it was actually a really cool course. I’d recommend anyone to do it next year.” Richard kept up the pressure the next day at Cutmill, which he says has a “great climb” – a word not used too often by the numerous Dynamates who have suffered on the infamous hill to the finish! The former useful junior tried many times to escape during the 63-mile event before getting away with two laps to go. “The trouble was,” he reveals, “I was with two guys that were harder than coffin nails. Third place there, then!” From his vantage point on the line, Richard watched his namesake RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON take fourth in the Surrey League 2/3 race – and he says it was “worth the entry money alone” to see the ginger Kiwi cream the bunch. Awesome stuff! In a Dyna-monster haul for the club, the barmy blue, black and orange army nabbed more than a third of the top 16 places…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/17_cutmill_2.html

…with GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN taking 9th, MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT 11th, GORDON ‘KEN-A-LIKE’ KENNEWAY 14th and RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT 16th. As if that wasn’t enough, feisty New Zealander PAUL ‘MONTY’ DELAHUNTY came 4th in the 3rd cat race with JIM ‘CLARK’ KENT finishing four places behind…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006_sl/17_cutmill_3.html

The most daunting Surrey League course didn’t intimidate any of these fellas!

COW’S ABOUT THAT!
+++ Williamson makes top 10 in Welsh stage race +++
Meanwhile, over in Cowbridge, Glamorgan, Dynamo hunk MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON was sprinkling a bit of Dyna-magic over the Welsh valleys at the prestigious L’Etape De La Defonce three-stage race. The chiselled chap came 8th in the opening stage and 15th in the final stage, giving him 7th place overall in the 105-mile 3rd cat event…

http://tinyurl.com/lydrs

Dynamo Gen Sec NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK, who took part in the race with Martin, JOE ‘CHEEKY BEGGAR’ STEGERS and TOBY BLACKMAN, writes in the Dynamo forum: “This was, make no mistake, a bloody hard race – a 3/4 that was harder than a Surrey League 2/3. But it was also very well organised, marshalled and motorbiked – essentially a rolling road closure by eight motorcycle outriders which was very cool.” You lucky sods!

YOU CANUCK BE SERIOUS
+++ Gold medal win stuns Kimbers +++
Dynamette KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF reveals she “broke out in giggles” last week when she saw her name listed as one of the club’s national points scorers on the BCF website. She says: “I am truly not worthy to be amongst such illustrious company!” The Dyna-masseuse earned her five points at the ECCA Festival women’s race at Eastway a fortnight ago…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/ecca_circuits.html

…and she got a bigger surprise after returning to the East London circuit on Saturday. Kimberley finished 7th, making her the highest-placed eastern region resident in the sparsely-attended race – so she was given a gold British Cycling medal for winning the area’s division championship…

http://www.londoncyclesport.com/reports_2006/essex_w.html

Way to go, champ! Kimbers comments: “To all the women who think, ‘I coulda beat her,’ I say you’ve got to be in it to win it. See you at the start line next year!”

TIME TO STRAWBERRY SPLIT
We’ve run out of choc ices, which means there’s just time to thank everyone for their contributions before we drive off in our van and leave the disappointed children weeping by the side of the road. Always remember that we are Mr Softee Top, but we would be nothing without you, our Senor Whippy. So please keep Dyna-mailing your news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘CORNETTO’ BUIST to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as the sticky scoop of vanilla trickles down to your fingers, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and a Solero.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #100, 19.05.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/foru /album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, sunny intervals, 17C max, wind W 18mph; Sun, sunny intervals, 16C max, wind W 18mph +++
——————————————————————————–

OUR NUMBER’S UP
+++ Prepare for a decline in quality as we pass the triple-figure milestone +++
The batsman who has scored a century can’t keep walloping sixes for ever, a grandmother in receipt of a telegram from the Queen surely knows she is not long for this world, and history tells us that every era succumbs to a mood of cultural decline as it passes from the nineties to the noughties – so it is with a feeling of fin-de-siècle ennui that this publication reaches its 100th issue. It’s all downhill from here, Dynamates! Our best puns, if that’s the correct adjective, are already behind us! But rather than wallow in the gloom, the editorial team is determined to celebrate some of the greatest moments since your favourite Dynamatic publication was first Dyna-mailed from our famous soundproof bunker in the bowels of Dynamo Towers two years, one month, one week and two days ago. There’ll be a selection of the best headlines ever to appear in DYNAMITE! and an exposé of the controversial origins behind certain members’ memorable Dyna-monikers – plus, of course, we have all of the week’s racing news. So without further ado, let’s roll back the pages of history as we begin this bumper-sized, gilt-edged, non-individually-numbered collectors’ edition with…

SEVEN DAYS THAT SHOOK THE NEWSLETTER
+++ The dramatic events that turned this periodical into an institution +++
DAY ONE
WHEN: 23rd April, 2004
WHAT: The first sighting of KEN BUIST is published
HOW: Hunched over his blue Dolan one minute and then suddenly disappearing for weeks on end, enigmatic New Zealander Ken had fascinated many ‘Mos for months before we suggested in issue #3 that readers might like to send in sightings of the man himself for a regular feature. That casual request has resulted in a consistently enthusiastic response which has turned the Buister into the most frequently-mentioned Dynamate in this publication – and it was lanky property broker GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL who got the ball rolling by spotting Ken in A Certain Gray’s Inn Road Bicycle Emporium. He said in issue #4: “Ken was wearing a blue overcoat and had been meeting a client in the Holborn area. He looked smart but casual. The time must have been circa 4pm – what better time to peruse one of London’s premier cycling retailers? Ken spotted me while I was admiring some Assos knee-warmers. We chatted briefly about – you guessed it – stems. I bought the knee warmers and then left. The last time I saw Ken was downstairs discussing frames with a staff member. We parted with a tearful wave. The entire incident couldn’t have lasted more than six minutes.” This, of course, was when the club had a mere 50 or so members – and now it’s five times that size, Ken has become something of a mascot, uniting dozens of disparate Dynamates by the mere mention of his name. It’s also a fact – as Buist’s namesakes Shuttleworth, Campbell and Dodd can testify – that the name “Ken” is pure comedy gold, in whatever context it’s used, which is a huge help when you’re trying to put together a reasonably humorous weekly news update.

DAY TWO
WHEN: 14th May, 2004
WHAT: I’ll sue!
HOW: Sonia Sutcliffe took on Private Eye, the Daily Mirror had Naomi Campbell as its nemesis – and unknown to its legions of loyal readers, a modest weekly cycling-based e-mail newsletter was getting prepared to join the major league of libel battles less than two months after its inception. Thankfully the threat of legal action was averted by apologies from the Dyna-management – and on strict orders from our lawyers, we’re not going to reveal the name of the member who took exception to a small news item. But if you happen to have the first seven issues, and you look closely enough, you may be able to spot the offending article…

DAY THREE
WHEN: 26th April, 2004
WHAT: The kit finally arrives
HOW: How? Goodness knows how – but after months of delays, the first shipment of Dynamo’s now-famous blue, black and orange outfits finally appeared at Cyclefit’s WC2 HQ on a gloriously sunny Monday morning. It’s difficult to overstate the significance of this Dyna-moment, because the kit not only consigned the black and green Bikepark livery to the laundry bin of history once and for all, it also became the dazzling blue flame that helped to attract many new members during the next two years. Not that anyone would have seen the country’s best-looking kit on its first outing – plucky PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN wore it at the Goodwood handicap the following night and it was almost invisible through the heavy downpour. At least it proved RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT’s design doesn’t fade in the wash!

DAY FOUR
WHEN: 24th September, 2004
WHAT: Number of members hits 100
HOW: Despite the kit’s popularity – and, of course, the club’s friendly, well-attended weekly rides – the small band of ‘Mos who formed London Dynamo in PAUL ‘CANNONBALL’ CALLINAN’s kitchen at the end of 2003 were nevertheless amazed by the number of applications filling up their inbox, particularly as the founding fathers were told by some of cycling’s elder statesmen that they would be lucky to get more than a few dozen members. The 100th enroller had signed up by issue #26 – and we wrote at the time: “It’s going to be a very long time until we hit 200.” In fact, it took less than a year…

DAY FIVE
WHEN: 28th January, 2005
WHAT: The London Dynamo Newsletter is dead – long live DYNAMITE!
HOW: This periodical has made a major contribution to the light-hearted language of Dynamo by coining the term “Dynamate” and popularising DAVID ‘PROFESSOR’ WILLIAMS’ use of “‘Mo” – words now widely used by members to refer to other Dynamos – but there are plenty more entries in the club’s very own lexicon of laughs. Female members are Dynamettes, little-known Dynamos are Dyna-minnows while nicknames, of course, are Dyna-monikers. There has also been a healthy selection of adjectives, including Dynamoid and Dynamatic to describe things that relate to the capital’s finest cycle squad. So it was inevitable that the London Dynamo Newsletter, as it was known for the first 38 editions, would give itself a Dynamesque name – and that moment came when the publication reappeared as DYNAMITE! last year following an extended Christmas break. Our reason for the latest piece of wordplay was explained as follows in issue #39: “We planned to change our name as a way of repositioning ourselves as the market’s leading Dynamo news source once rival companies decided to launch inferior publications aimed at capturing that highly sought-after London and Surrey-based cycling enthusiast market. Obviously that didn’t happen, but we decided to go ahead with the relaunch anyway, chiefly because the new name enables us to refer to Mrs Newsletter as Mrs Dynamite.” It really was that simple!

DAY SIX
WHEN: 4th February 2005
WHAT: London Dynamo appears on telly
HOW: The recent crash that momentarily messed up the Dynamo computer system also managed to erase the photograph of WARRICK ‘SPEEDY’ SPENCE’s gentleman’s area that appeared on the archived internet version of issue #40 – but thankfully we had a backup…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=257

Incredibly, several Sky One viewers witnessed this revealing thermal image when the Cyclefit technician appeared on So You Think You’re Safe, which looked at the “danger” of becoming infertile through cycling. Fellow TV stars MARTIN ‘BRAVEHEART’ BUDDEN, CHRIS ‘CALAMITY’ CAMPBELL, ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY, NICK ‘BOMBSHELL’ PEACOCK, RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT, STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES, MIKE ‘SCAMP’ WALLACH and ANDY ‘LISTEN UP’ STEVENSON watched as Warrick had a large thermometer shoved up his bib shorts by a medical expert in the Old Deer Park. What a humiliation!

DAY SEVEN
WHEN: 27th January 2006
WHAT: Revealed – Ken Buist gets dumped
HOW: It wasn’t our fault! In an unwitting display of how powerful this once-humble periodical has become, Ken’s straight-laced girlfriend Heather gave him the old heave-ho after she read about his exploits in our internet edition. In issue #84 we revealed how she told him: “I can’t see you anymore because I feel I don’t know who you really are. I thought I did until I did a search for your name on Google and found out all sorts of things – things which made me question what kind of man I’d got involved with. And you can’t deny any of it, Ken, because it’s all there in blue and white on the ‘Newsletter’ section of the London Dynamo website. How you spent an evening at one of those horrible nightclubs chatting up a girl. How you swore at a woman while you were out riding because she cut you up in her car. I can’t condone that kind of behaviour, Ken. I’m sorry, but it’s over.” We’ll make it up to you somehow, pal!

HERE ARE YOUR MAIN HEADLINES
+++ Just some of the puns that raised a chuckle during the past 99 editions +++
HAIR TODAY, ALMOST GONE TOMORROW – Hirsute TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT tries to shave his pins the day before the start of the L’Etape De La Defonce in Cowbridge, Glamorgan – but it takes so long he only manages to get the job half-done. He turns up at the start of the team time trial with one leg hairy and the other smooth (issue #9, 28.05.04).

BANGERS AND CRASH – Another TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT tale. The marauding meat-eater tucks into a feast of sausages at a barbecue and then comes off at the three-up national time trial championship in Clarendon, Leics, the next day (issue #15, 9th July, 2004).

HE’S THAT TAPER GUY – In the run-up to Ironman Switzerland, GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL enters the tapering stage of his training (issue #17, 23rd July, 2004).

COMICAL TALLY – Dynamo notches up three mentions in the Christmas edition of Cycling Weekly, which, of course, is known as The Comic (issue #39, 28th January, 2005).

RIM AND BEAR IT – Unlucky GUY ‘THE ENGINE’ POWDRILL punctures at the end of stage one in the Surrey League three-day in Leigh – but rides on his rim to take 2nd (issue #57, 3rd June, 2005).

SO SOLID CREWE – The Solna Avenue Story. On the eve of their departure from the legendary Putney address, we told the full story of how Crewe school chums CHRIS ‘VAN CHADDERS’ CHAPMAN, RICHARD ‘BOY RACER’ DOLBY and TOM ‘HUMBLE’ HEMMANT, plus Tom’s girlfriend LUCY ‘DEMURE’ DOVE, made a notable contribution to Dynamo (issue #65, 29th July, 2005).

SAY HELLO, WAVE DUBAI – Popular Parkrider DAVID COURTNEY ‘SHEIKER’ HATCHER drops us a line after relocating to the UAE (issue #74, 30th October, 2005).

NOM DE PLUMAGE – Following his election, DYNAMITE! gives General Secretary NICK ‘CAPTAIN’ PEACOCK a new Dyna-moniker (issue #82, 25th November, 2005).

OMEN WAHAY! – Auspicious nickname propels RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS to second victory on his 3rd cat debut at Thruxton (issue #89, 3rd March, 2006).

RAIN IN SPAIN FALLS MAINLY ON THE PAINED – Drenched STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES and WILL ‘SEE YA’ HAYTER dig deep at rain-soaked 24-hour race in southern Spain (issue #92, 24th March, 2006).

NAMED AND FAMED
+++ A chart run-down of the best Dyna-monikers – and what they all mean +++
NO.10
WHO: Stuart ‘Postal’ Jeffreys
WHY: A pretty straightforward one, this. Before the advent of The Kit (see above), Dynamo’s sports drink guru could often be seen in the familiar blue togs of Lance Armstrong’s former team. He occasionally fishes the well-worn US Postal jersey and shorts out of the wardrobe on laundry days.

NO.9
WHO: Ian ‘King Of’ Paine
WHY: “I have stood here before inside the pouring rain/ With the world turning circles running ’round my brain/ I guess I’m always hoping that you’ll end this reign/ But it’s my destiny to be the king of pain.” Never has the notion of a bicycle being an unyielding mistress been expressed so eloquently, although technically it’s impossible to be “inside” rain. Reports that hard man Ian owns a copy of Synchronicity, the final album by Sting’s old band The Police from which this song is taken, have yet to be confirmed.

NO.8
WHO: Tom ‘Tufty’ Davies
WHY: It’s all about the hair. Whenever Tom dons a helmet, it sticks out of the vents in tufts. Simple but effective.

NO.7
WHO: Kevin ‘Fulla S*it’ Fitzpatrick
WHY: This, on the other hand, has a convoluted history and would have been further up the list if, quite frankly, it hadn’t turned out to be such a major disappointment. There are dozens of self-imposed and often obscure editorial guidelines that DYNAMO! adheres to for quality control purposes, the most important being that there is never a single rude word in any edition. But there’s no fun in having rules if you don’t occasionally break them – so the editorial team decided it would only contravene the decision to keep it clean by regularly using the potty-mouthed Dyna-moniker of Cyclefit’s “fifth Beatle”. Sadly, the hard-working accountant has barely been in contact with this publication since its inception, so his naughty nickname has remained largely absent from these pages. We’d swear in anger if we could remember how! For the record, the cheeky raconteur earned his Dyna-moniker for a hilarious tale involving a misjudged remark at a tense dinner party thrown by another member, which culminated in the under-pressure host yelling: “Kev – you’re fulla s*it!” Further details have been censored on legal advice.

NO.6
WHO: Chris ‘Van Chadders’ Chapman
WHY: The “Chadders” part originates from a spelling cock-up on a Hillingdon results sheet in July 2004 where Chris was listed as “C. Chadman”. The following April, then-president Guy ‘Mainwaring’ Andrews angrily ripped off the bespectacled boy wonder’s helmet visor in Mallorca and threw it off Sa Colobra, telling him that the plastic attachment has no place outside of mountain biking. To stop him turning as red as the paint on his Cannondale, firm-but-fair Guy gave the fair-skinned fellow a Liquigas cap, commenting that it made ginger Chris “look like a Dutch pro”. Thus “Van” was added and a legend was born.

NO.5
WHO: Sam ‘Slam Dunk’ Humpheson
WHY: Uniquely for the nicknames on this list, this one alludes to a quality that the vertically-challenged recipient does not possess. He’s a dab hand with a spanner and is able to unleash a devastating sprint, but compact mechanic Sam is unlikely to trouble the giants of the basketball court.

NO.4
WHO: Rob ‘The Saint’ Jeffroy
WHY: There’s a mistaken belief that the hirsute hero’s beatific Dyna-moniker stems from his softly-spoken nature. In fact, it refers to his fondness for double-breasted jackets and pleated slacks, which ageing gogglebox fan PHIL ‘NO-NONSENSE’ CAVELL noted makes Rob look a bit like TV detective The Saint. Having never owned a black-and-white telly, we’ve had to take him on his word on this one.

NO.3
WHO: Robert ‘Waaaahhhhnnhundreeeerrrrd!’ Gibson
WHY: This rundown wouldn’t be complete without mentioning the 100th person to join the club – and the now long-exceeded milestone is marked with the longest nickname in Dynamo history. Fact.

NO.2
WHO: ‘Incredible’ Ian Jenkinson
WHY: Eagle-eyed ‘MEDICAL’ MIKE DEBNEY was the first to notice that the straight-talking northener’s bulldog-like physique when combined with his trademark red leggings made him a dead ringer for Mr Incredible – and he lived up to his superhero credentials by coming off virtually unscathed after making a big impression on a German tourist’s car during an ill-fated descent on the Mallorca training camp in March last year. Some campers still wince at the memory!

NO.1
WHO: Andy ‘Listen Up’ Stevenson
WHY: No wholly subjective list is complete without a controversial entry, and there are a few reasons why the straight-talking former Sunday ride “organiser” doesn’t deserve to be anywhere in this rundown, let alone in the top spot. For a start, he’s no longer a member – and there was much gnashing of teeth in Dynamo circles when he brought down RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON at the Crawley Crits last May before unfairly blaming the ginger Kiwi for the crash. But out of the dozens of Dyna-monikers conjured up by the editorial team, this has been the one that most members have told us is the best – so we’re bowing to popular opinion by making it No.1. The nickname originates from Andy’s often-controversial guidelines issued on Hampton Court bridge, each of which would begin: “Awight, everyone – listen up”. Which, of course, nobody did.

TRAVELLING MILBURYS
+++ Intrepid ‘Mos head to Hampshire for stage race – and Simmonds wins it! +++
There’s barely room to squeeze in this week’s racing news – but we couldn’t leave without mentioning RICHARD ‘WIN ‘EM’ SIMMONDS’ stunning victory at the Tour of the Milburys 2/3 stage race in Meonstoke, Hants on Saturday. The fast-rising Dynamo star came 1st in the final general classification after taking 6th in the opening two-mile time trial and finishing 2nd in the 68-mile road stage. Dynamo had a bigger presence in the two-stage event’s top 15 than any other club, with GAVIN ‘NO LYIN’ RYAN in 8th place, RICHARD ‘PLACING’ MASON 13th and DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE 15th…

http://tinyurl.com/hstsx

You can’t argue with that, fellas! David also nabbed 15th at the SERRL 2/3/4 race at Lamberhurst, Kent, the following day, while over in Liphook, Hants, IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE finished 13th in the E/1/2 Cycle Kingdom Spring Classic….

http://tinyurl.com/oyaob
http://tinyurl.com/n8q76

The Balham wham-blammer, who also bridged across and then out-sprinted Sigma’s Gary Dodd the previous Thursday to win the Surrey League Handicap in South Nutfield, says of Sunday’s 62-mile race: “I missed the break and ended up in a small chase group 40 seconds behind. I think I’m getting a bit lazy after my midweek wins because I really didn’t feel like flogging myself up the finishing hill just to try to come 9th.” Don’t blame you, buddy! Ian went on to point out that SAM ‘SLAM DUNK’ HUMPHESON came a respectable 48th among the 125 quality competitors in the Rutland-Melton premier calendar event in Leicestershire…

http://tinyurl.com/oatmh

…despite falling off in a muddy field somewhere along the arduous 99.5-mile route. That messy little grease monkey just can’t resist a bit of dirt! Finally, in the relatively more sedate world of time trialling, MARTIN ‘PIN-UP’ WILLIAMSON took 6th on the H25/8 in Bentley, Hants, on Saturday, clocking a time of 57.05 in windy conditions on the 25-mile course. He did the same distance the following day on the G25/53 in Horsham, Sussex, nabbing 10th place with a time of 58.00…

http://www.cyclingtimetrials.org.uk/results.asp?Yr=2006&Mnth=05&ID=51001
http://www.cyclingtimetrials.org.uk/results.asp?Yr=2006&Mnth=05&ID=51006

He says: “The winner on both days was Laurence Harding, who always wins.” You’ll get your chance one day, pal!

END OF THE FIRST CYCLE
Lord only knows what the next 100 issues of DYNAMITE! have in store, but let’s hope they will be as much of a blast as ones that preceded them. Many thanks to absolutely everyone who has contributed stuff during the past two years or so – we really could not have done it without you. So please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘MASCOT’ BUIST to the address at the top of the page – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we try to think of another 100 different themes for each issue, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and hundreds and thousands.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.

————————————————————–
DYNAMITE! The OFFICIAL London Dynamo Newsletter #101, 26.05.06
——————————————————————————–
+++ Having a blast every Friday +++ Dyna-mail news, views, and gossip to dynamite@londondynamo.co.uk +++ Check out DYNAMITE! on the web – go to http://www.londondynamo.co.uk and click “newsletter” +++ Have a peek at our pics at http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_personal.php?user_id=321 +++ WEEKEND WEATHER: Sat, cloudy, 18C max, wind W 12mph; Sun, cloudy, 18C max, wind NW 10mph +++
——————————————————————————–

OLD ONES ARE THE BEST
+++ Veterans return from inspirational trip +++
Remembering all those great newsletter moments from yesteryear for our retrospective 100th issue left the exhausted editorial team feeling quite old last week – but a few days later we received an inspiring tale from a silver-haired squad of Dynamates which made us decide against swapping our titanium frame for a Zimmer frame. Boasting a combined age greater than that of STUART ‘POSTAL’ JEFFREYS’ Cougar, mature ‘Mos STEVE ‘LE PATRON’ ALLOTT, TERRY ‘SHIRTY’ BISHOP, VINCE ‘SNEAKY’ HEANEY and ‘RUBBIN’ ROBIN OSBORNE decided they would oldly go where many younger men fear to tread – the terrifying slopes of Mont Ventoux. Aided by STEVE ‘DS’ COOPER in their support car, there were to be no cramps for these gramps as they tackled the legendary Giant of Provence on the inaugural Veterans’ Ventoux Velo trip – and the fashionable fivesome even wore their own Dynamo-blue polo shirts designed by Terry when they arrived at Steve’s palatial pad in Eygalieres. Just don’t tell Designer-mo RUSSELL ‘RUSTY’ SHORT that you tinkered with his logo, fellas…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=261

The three-day weekend excursion, which took place a fortnight ago, began with a warm-up ride before the big climb the following day. Each Dynamate set out at intervals from the car park in Bedoin, with Vince finishing in two hours exactly while Terry and Robin clocked a few minutes less. Steve, the only one in the group to have tackled the climb before, was north of the two-hour mark but took a massive 15 minutes off his personal best. Well done, sir! Vince reveals: “Justifiably proud, the team posed for a group photo certain in the knowledge that this was the first ascent of Ventoux in Dynamo summer gilets and caps. A Dynamo bottle also made a stylish addition to the Tom Simpson memorial.” He’s right, you know…

http://www.londondynamo.co.uk/forum/album_pic.php?pic_id=262

The day-glo-wearing Frenchies got a lesson in cycling style when the snazzy quintet showed off their Dynamo livery on the final day’s ride, which coincided with the local club’s Sunday morning run. They didn’t know what Brit ’em! This publication hopes the older ‘Mos trip will become as much of a Dynamo tradition as the Summer Social, which that other senior member PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT has been organising this week. Let’s find out what the venerable Social Secretary has in store for the young ‘uns…

GUINEA PIG-OUT
+++ Come along for a pint and a pizza +++
It’s that time of year again, readers! The club’s annual summertime drinking session is always a cause for eager anticipation, and this year’s bash on Thursday 29th June is no exception. The crack team being put together for the Surrey League 5-Day will have completed the arduous stage race two days before the shindig, so come along to welcome them back from their world of pain. Just don’t give them too much to drink – given the condition of their legs by that point, the lads will have trouble standing as it is! The fun begins at 6.15pm at the Guinea in Bruton Place off the north-west corner of Berkley Square, between Bond Street and Green Park Tube…

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The welcoming watering hole is situated in a quiet mews, making it ideal for supping outdoors if the sun comes out. Event organiser PAUL ‘ALL BLUE’ HARKNETT is reserving tables for 8pm at the Pizza Express opposite the pub, so send us your RSVP with “Summer Social” in the subject heading and we’ll pass it on to him. Let’s make it a record turnout!

BRIGHT IDEA
+++ Reminder to make yourself seen in Richmond Park +++
Paul, incidentally, helped strengthen Dynamo’s links with the Richmond Park community last week when he was invited to a meeting in Holly Lodge chaired by Senior Inspector Simon Broughton, chief of the Royal Parks police. Richmond Park’s manager Simon Richards was among the dozen or so attendees at the two-hour pow-wow, which was the equivalent of a neighbourhood watch gathering, and there were only a few cycling-related areas that needed to be addressed. Paul reveals: “Apparently the park is shut to all traffic, including cyclists, after dark. I didn’t know that! Insp Richards said he chose not to ask the police to enforce this rule, but he was concerned about a number of cyclists not using lights at night and he may be forced to push for action.” So consider this a reminder to get your lights on! Parkriders should also try to keep the entrance areas to the Roehampton Gate car park clear after Saturday’s ride and our knobbly-tyred chums should adhere to the 10mph speed limit on the shared path on the perimeter. Them’s the rules!

WRINGING THE CHANGES
+++ Spies swaps slicks for knobblies as Palace is rained off +++
Talking of mountain biking, mud-loving STUART ‘EASY PEASY’ SPIES was forced to return to his roots on Wednesday after the previous night’s racing at Crystal Palace was cancelled again due to the inclement weather. The South African sensation says: “At least at Beastway they won’t let a little downpour stop proceedings!” The heavens opened early on the mucky Lea Valley circuit and slip-sliding Stu ended up on his bottom before moving from fourth to third in the final lap. He reveals: “I had the fourth-placed chap nipping at my heels but with my erratic wiggling all over the course I think he decided risking a bar end in the knee just wasn’t worth it, so I got me a third.” Or did he? The official results seem to indicate that Stu didn’t see two other riders ahead of him…

http://www.beastway.com/series2006/wk1.html

…which wouldn’t be a surprise as Stu says he got “about a kilo of mud” in his eyes during the five-lap race. He adds: “I also got my Dynamo shorts shredded by brambles.” Ouch!

BEYOND A SOAK
+++ Trio get an utter drenching at South East championships +++
Earlier in the week, Chelsea challenger MARTIN ‘COMEBACK’ GARRATT made a bid for glory at another rain-drenched event – but the lanky lad retired from the wind-lashed South East Championships at Goodwood after getting into an early break just to keep warm and spending two-and-a-quarter hours off the front. Unlucky, pal! Plagued by a sore throat, IAN ‘KING OF’ PAINE did an abrupt U-turn after he was dropped from the chase group, leaving DAVID ‘DORIAN’ STREULE as the trio’s sole finisher in Sunday’s 84-mile E/1/2/3 event – and what a result he managed to pull off. Ian reveals: “Dave did a great ride, getting into the chase group and eventually coming 13th in this National B race.” And just look at the high quality of the field…

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The threesome feasted on KIMBERLY ‘CANUCK’ KABATOFF’s delicious dried fig flapjacks, which the race marshal had made herself – but there was no such post-race solace for poor old Whitewebbs competitor JIM ‘CLARK’ KENT, who braved the hell of the North Hertfordshire 3/4 race only to miss out on the points by a whisker…

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The unluckily-placed 13th finisher cramped up with cold and went backwards in the final hundred metres of the 68-mile event. Jim says: “Perhaps my sprint performance was due to some Kryptonite in the rain water. It felt like it, anyway! Thanks for a great newsletter and keep up the good work.” Cheers, pal!

FROM A SMILER TO A FROWN
+++ Sad day for committee as Norris steps down +++
Finally, this publication and the Dyna-management would like to thank DAVID ‘SMILER’ NORRIS for his superb work in dealing with the biggest influx of membership applications since the club began. A spell of illness and a second baby on the way has forced the Teddington titan to step down from the post of Assistant Membership Secretary, but his technological know-how has left the system of online enrolments in a much better state than it was before he joined the committee. Cheers, buddy!

IT’S COCOA-VER
The nurse has come along to give us our nightly cup of cocoa, which means there’s just time to switch off the hearing aid and thank everyone for sending in stuff. Please keep Dyna-mailing your race reports, news, gossip, and further sightings of the elusive KEN ‘BUS PASS’ BUIST to the address at the top of the page – or simply hit your reply button if you are reading this on e-mail. The deadline, as ever, is Wednesday afternoon for Friday’s edition. And now, as we shuffle to the bedroom using a track pump as a walking stick, it only remains for us to remind you about…

THIS WEEK’S RIDES

SATURDAY
9am: The Parkride. Richmond Park, roundabout by Sheen Gate. Four laps split into fast, intermediate and steady groups.

SUNDAY
8am: Kingston Gate, Richmond Park. Non-stop ride through Surrey Hills.

9am: Hampton Court bridge, Surrey Hills ride. Fifty-ish miles at a steady pace. Stop at Box Hill for tea and cake. Bring a pump, inner tubes, drink, and Grecian 2000.

WEDNESDAY
7.30pm: Richmond Gate, Richmond Park. Steady ride to Chertsey, back via Weybridge, 28 miles.

So until next week, Dynamates, goodbye and happy riding.

The DYNAMITE! team.